^d  Frederic  Hamilton 


■■JUUiiHiiiiaiHiSaiiaitiiiiiJiiuiuuij'iiiiiuahiiiiiiiaiiiaiiUiiiiiiHiniUiihi--^ 


^ 


THE  VANISHED   POMPS   OF 
YESTERDAY 


By 

Lord  Frederic  Hamilton 

THE  VANISHED  POMPS 
OF  YESTERDAY 

THE  DAYS  BEFORE 
YESTERDAY 

HERE,  THERE  AND 
EVERYWHERE 

George  H.  Doran  Company 
New  York 


/THE  VANISHED  POMPS 
OF  YESTERDAY 


BEING 


Some  Random  Reminiscences  of  a 
British  Diplomat 


BY 
LORD   FREDERIC  HAMILTON 

Author  of  "Here,  There  and  Everywhere,"  "The  Days 
Before  Yesterday,"  etc.,  etc. 


A  New  and  Revised  Edition 


NEW  "^Sjy  YORK 
GEORGE  H.  DORAN  COMPANY 


/\Aft 


COPYRIGHT,  1921 
BY  GEORGE  H.  DORAN  COMPANY 


PRINTED  IN  THE  UNITED  STATES  OF  AMERICA 


TO 

EMILY  LADY  AMPTHILL 

MY    FIRST    CHEEESSE 

WITH    EVER-GRATEFUL    RECOLLECTIONS 

OF  HER  KINDNESS 


FOREWORD 

TO    THE    SECOND    EDITION 

The  account  of  the  boating  accident  at  Potsdam 
on  page  75,  differs  in  several  particulars  from  the 
story  as  given  in  the  original  edition.  These  altera- 
tions have  been  made  at  the  special  request  of  the 
lady  concerned,  who  tells  me  that  my  recollections 
of  her  story  were  at  fault  as  regards  several  im- 
portant details.  There  are  also  a  few  verbal  altera- 
tions  in  the  present  edition. 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  I 


PAGE 


Special  Mission  to  Rome — Berlin  in  process  of  trans- 
formation— Causes  of  Prussian  militarism — Lord  and 
Lady  Ampthill — Berlin  Society — Music-lovers — Eve- 
nings with  Wagner — Aristocratic  Waitresses — Rubin- 
stein's rag-time — Liszt's  opinions — Bismarck — Bis- 
marck's classification  of  nationalities — Bismarck's 
sons — Gustav  Ricliter — The  Austrian  diplomat — The 
old  Emperor — His  defective  articulation — Other 
Royalties — Beauty  of  Berlin  Palace — Description  of 
interior — The  Luxembourg — "Napoleon  III" — Three 
Court  beauties — The  pugnacious  Pages — "Making 
the  Circle" — Conversational  difficulties — An  eccle- 
siastical gourmet — The  Maharajah's  mother      .         .  13 

CHAPTER  II 

Easy-going  Austria — Vienna — Charm  of  town — A  little 
piece  of  history — International  families — Family 
pride — "Schliissel-Geld" — Excellence  of  Vienna  res- 
taurants— The  origin  of  "Croissants" — Good  looks  of 
Viennese  women — Strauss's  operettas — A  ball  in  an 
old  Vienna  house — Court  entertainments — The  Em- 
press Elisabeth — Delightful  environs  of  Vienna — 
The  Berlin  Congress  of  1878 — Lord  Beaconsfield — 
M.  de  Blowitz — Treaty  telegraphed  to  London — En- 
virons of  Berlin — Potsdam  and  its  lakes — The  bow- 
oar  of  the  Embassy  "four" — Narrow  escape  of  ex- 
Kaiser — The  Potsdam  palaces — Transfer  to  Petro- 
grad — Glamour  of  Russia — An  evening  with  the 
Crown  Prince  at  Potsdam 48 

CHAPTER  III 

The  Russian  frontier — Frontier  police — Disappointment 
at  aspect  of  Petrograd — Lord  and  Lady  Dufferin — 
The  British  Embassy — St.  Isaac's  Cathedral — 
Beauty  of  Russian  Church-music  —  The  Russian 
language — The  delightful  "Blue-stockings"  of  Petro- 
grad— Princess  Chateau — Pleasant  Russian  Society 
—  The     Secret     Police  —  The     Countess's     hurried 

ix 


CONTENTS 


PAGE 


journey — The  Yacht  Club — Russians  really  Orien- 
tals— Their  limitations — The  "Intelligenzia" — My 
Nihilist  friends — Their  lack  of  constructive  power — 
Easter  Mass  at  St.  Isaac's — Two  comical  incidents — 
The  Easter  supper — The  red-bearded  young  Priest — 
An  Empire  built  on  shifting  sand        .        .        .        .  81 

CHAPTER  IV 

The  Winter  Palace — Its  interior — Alexander  II — A 
Russian  Court  Ball— The  "Bals  des  Palmiers"— 
The  Empress — The  blessing  of  the  Neva — Some 
curiosities  of  the  Winter  Palace — The  great  Orloff 
diamond — My  friend  the  Lady-in-Waiting — Sugared 
Compensations — The  attempt  on  the  Emperor's  life 
of  1880 — Some  unexpected  finds  in  the  Palace — A 
most  hilarious  funeral — Sporting  expeditions — Night 
drives  through  the  forest  in  mid-winter — Wolves — 
A  typical  Russian  village — A  peasant's  house — "Deaf 
and  dumb  people" — The  inquisitive  peasant  youth — 
Curiosity  about  strangers — An  embarrassing  situa- 
tion— A  still  more  awkward  one — Food  difficulties — 
A  bear  hunt — My  first  bear — Alcoholic  consequences 
— My  liking  for  the  Russian  peasant — The  beneficent 
india-rubber  Ikon — Two  curious  sporting  incidents — 
Village  habits — The  great  gulf  between  Russian 
nobility  and  peasants     .        .        .        .        .        .        .        114 

CHAPTER  V 

The  Russian  Gipsies — Midnight  drives — Gipsy  singing 
— Its  fascination — The  consequences  of  a  late  night 
— An  unconventional  luncheon — Lord  Dufferin's 
methods — Assassination  of  Alexander  II — Stiirmer — 
Pathetic  incidents  in  connection  with  the  murder  of 
the  Emperor — The  funeral  procession  and  service — 
Details  concerning  —  The  Votive  Church  —  The 
Order  of  the  Garter — Unusual  incidents  at  the  In- 
vestiture— Precautions  taken  for  Emperor's  safety — 
The  Imperial  train — Finland — Exciting  salmon-fish- 
ing there — Harraka  Niska — Koltesha — Excellent 
shooting  there — Ski-running — "Ringing  the  game 
in" — A  wolf-shooting  party — The  obese  General — 
Some  incidents — A  novel  form  of  sport — Black  game 
and  capercailzie — At  dawn  in  a  Finnish  forest — 
Immense  charm  of  it — Ice-hilling  or  "Montagues 
Russes" — Ice-boating  on  the  Gulf  of  Finland    .        .        149 


CONTENTS  xi 

CHAPTER  VI 

PAGE 

Love  of  Russians  for  children's  games — Peculiarities  of 
Petrograd  balls — Some  famous  beauties  of  Petrograd 
Society — Tht  varying  garb  of  hired  waiters — Moscow 
— Its  wonderful  beauty — The  forest  of  domes — The 
Kremlin — The  three  famous  "Cathedrals" — The 
Imperial  Treasury — The  Sacristy — The  Palace — Its 
splendour — The  Terem — A  Gargantuan  Russian 
dinner — An  unusual  episode  at  the  French  Ambassa- 
dor's ball — Bombs — Tsarskoe  Selo — Its  interior — 
Extraordinary  collection  of  curiosities  in  Tsarskoe 
Park — Origin  of  term  "Vauxhall"  for  railway  station 
in  Russia — Peterhof — Charm  of  park  there — Two 
Russian  illusions — A  young  man  of  twenty-five 
delivers  an  Ultimatum  to  Russia — How  it  came  about 
— M.  de  Giers — Other  Foreign  Ministers — Paraguay 
— The  polite  Japanese  dentist — A  visit  to  Gatchina — 
Description  of  the  Palace — Delights  of  the  children's 
playroom  there 177 

CHAPTER  VII 

Lisbon — The  two  Kings  of  Portugal,  and  of  Barataria — 
King  Fernando  and  the  Coimtess — A  Lisbon  bull- 
fight— The  "hat-trick" — Courtship  window-parade — 
The  spurred  youth  of  Lisbon — Portuguese  politeness 
— The  De  Reszke  family — The  Opera — Terrible  per- 
sonal experiences  in  a  circus — The  bounding  Bishop — 
Ecclesiastical  possibilities  —  Portuguese  coinage  — 
Beauty  of  Lisbon — Visits  of  the  British  Fleet — Mis- 
guided midshipman — The  Legation  Whale-boat — 
"Good  wine  needs  no  bush" — A  delightful  orange- 
farm — Cintra — Contrast  between  the  Past  and 
Present  of  Portugal 211 

CHAPTER  VIII 

Brazil — Contrast  between  Portuguese  and  Spanish  South 
America — Moorish  traditions — Amazing  beauty  of 
Rio  de  Janeiro — Yellow  fever — The  commercial 
Court  Chamberlain — The  Emperor  Pedro — The 
Botanical  Gardens  of  Rio — The  quaint  diversions  of 
Petropolis  —  The  liveried  young  entomologist — 
Buenos  Ayres — The  charm  of  the  "Camp" — Water 
throwing — A  British  Minister  in  Carnival-time — 
Some   Buenos   Ayres   peculiarities — Masked   balls — 


xii  CONTENTS 


PAGE 


Climatic  conditions — Theatres — Restaurants — Won- 
derful bird-life  of  the  "Camp" — Estancia  Negrete 
— Duck-shooting — My  one  flamingo — An  exploring 
expedition  in  the  Gran  Chaco — Hardships — Alliga- 
tors and  fish — Currency  difficulties      ....        238 

CHAPTER  IX 
Paraguay — Journey  up  the  river — A  primitive  Capital — 
Dick  the  Australian — His  polychrome  garb — A  Para- 
guayan Race  Meeting — Beautiful  figures  of  native 
women — The  "Falcon"  adventurers — A  quaint  rail- 
way— Patino  Cue — An  extraordinary  household — 
The  capable  Australian  boy — Wild  life  in  the  swamps 
— "Bushed" — A  literary  evening — A  railway  record 
— The  Tigre  midnight  swims — Canada — Maddening 
flies — A  grand  salmon-river — The  Canadian  back- 
woods— Skunks  and  bears — Different  views  as  to 
industrial  progress  . 276 

CHAPTER  X 

Former  colleagues  who  have  risen  to  eminence — Kiderlin- 
Waechter — Aehrenthal — Colonel  Klepsch — The  dis- 
comfiture of  an  inquisitive  journalist — Origin  of  cer- 
tain Russian  scares — Tokyo — Dulness  of  Geisha 
dinners — Japanese  culinary  curiosities — "Musical 
Chairs" — Lack  of  colour  in  Japan — The  Tokugawa 
dynasty — Japanese  Gardens — The  transplanted  sub- 
urban Embassy  house — Cherry-blossom — Japanese 
politeness — An  unfortunate  incident  in  Rome — East- 
ern courtesy — The  country  in  Japan — An  Imperial 
duck-catching  party — An  up-to-date  Tokyo  house — 
A  Shinto  Temple — Linguistic  difficulties  at  a  dinner- 
party— The  economical  colleague — Japan  defaced  by 
advertisements 305 

CHAPTER  XI 

Fetrograd    through     middle-aged     eyes — Russians     very 

constant  friends Russia  an  Empire  of  shams — 

Over-centralisation  in  administration — The  system 
hopeless — A  complete  change  of  scene — The  West 
Indies — Trinidad — Personal  character  of  Nicholas 
II — The  weak  point  in  an  Autocracy — The  Empress 
— An  opportunity  missed — The  Great  Collapse — 
Terrible  stories — Love  of  human  beings  for  cere- 
monial— Some  personal  apologies — Conclusion  .        .        340 

Index 356 


THE   VANISHED    POMPS   OF 
YESTERDAY 


"Lo,  all  our  Pomp  of  Yesterday 
Is  one  with  Ninevah  and  Tyre!" 

— RuDYARD  Kipling 


THE   VANISHED   POMPS 
OF  YESTERDAY 

CHAPTER  I 

Special  Mission  to  Rome — Berlin  in  process  of  transformation — 
Causes  of  Prussian  militarism — Lord  and  Lady  Ampthill — • 
Berlin  Society — Music-lovers — Evenings  with  Wagner — 
Aristocratic  Waitresses — Rubinstein's  rag-time — Liszt's  opin- 
ions— Bismarck — Bismarck's  classification  of  nationalists 
— Bismarck's  sons — Gustav  Richter — The  Austrian  diplomat 
— The  old  Emperor — His  defective  articulation — Other 
Royalties — Beauty  of  Berlin  Palace — Description  of  in- 
terior— The  Luxembourg — "  Napoleon  III  " — Three  Court 
beauties — The  pugnacious  Pages — "  Making  the  Circle  " — 
Conversational  difficulties — An  ecclesiastical  gourmet — The 
Maharajah's  mother. 

The  tremendous  series  of  events  which  has  changed 
the  face  of  Europe  since  1914  is  so  vast  in  its  future 
possibilities,  that  certain  minor  consequences  of  the 
great  upheaval  have  received  but  scant  notice. 

Amongst  these  minor  consequences  must  be  in- 
cluded the  disappearance  of  the  Courts  of  the  three 
Empires  of  Eastern  Europe,  Russia,  Germany,  and 
Austria,  with  all  their  glitter  and  pageantry,  their 
pomp  and  brilliant  mise-en-scene.  I  will  hazard 
no  opinion  as  to  whether  the  world  is  the  better 
for  their  loss  or  not;  I  cannot,  though,  help  expe- 

13 


14     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

riencing  a  feeling  of  regret  that  this  prosaic,  drab- 
coloured  twentieth  century  should  have  definitely 
lost  so  strong  an  element  of  the  picturesque,  and 
should  have  permanently  severed  a  link  which  bound 
it  to  the  traditions  of  the  mediaeval  days  of  chivalry 
and  romance,  with  their  glowing  colour,  their  splen- 
did spectacular  displays,  and  the  feeling  of  conti- 
nuity with  a  vanished  past  which  they  inspired. 

A  tweed  suit  and  a  bowler  hat  are  doubtless 
more  practical  for  everyday  wear  than  a  doublet 
and  trunk-hose.  They  are,  however,  possibly  less 
picturesque. 

Since,  owing  to  various  circumstances,  I  happen 
from  my  very  early  days  to  have  seen  more  of 
this  brave  show  than  has  fallen  to  the  lot  of  most 
people,  some  extracts  from  my  diaries,  and  a  few 
.  personal  reminiscences  of  the  three  great  Courts 
of  Eastern  Europe,  may  prove  of  interest. 

Up  to  my  twentieth  year  I  was  familiar  only 
with  our  own  Court.  I  was  then  sent  to  Rome 
with  a  Special  Mission.  As  King  Victor  Emmanuel 
had  but  recently  died,  there  were  naturally  no 
Court  entertainments. 

The  Quirinal  is  a  fine  palace  with  great  stately 
rooms,  but  it  struck  me  then,  no  doubt  erroneously, 
that  the  Italian  Court  did  not  yet  seem  quite  at 
home  in  their  new  surroundings,  and  that  there 
was  a  subtle  feeling  in  the  air  of  a  lack  of  conti- 
nuity somewhere.  In  the  "  'seventies  "  the  House 
of  Savoy  had  only  been  established  for  a  very  few 
years  in  their  new  capital.    The  conditions  in  Rome 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  15 

had  changed  radically,  and  somehow  one  felt  con- 
scious of  this. 

Some  ten  months  later,  the  ordeal  of  a  competi- 
tive examination  being  successfully  surmounted,  I 
was  sent  to  Berlin  as  Attache,  at  the  age  of  twenty. 

The  Berlin  of  the  "  'seventies  "  was  still  in  a  state 
of  transition.  The  well-built,  prim,  dull  and  some- 
what provincial  Residenz  was  endeavouring  with 
feverish  energy  to  transform  itself  into  a  World- 
City,  a  Welt-Stadt.  The  people  were  still  flushed 
and  intoxicated  with  victory  after  victory.  In  the 
seven  years  between  1864  and  1871  Prussia  had 
waged  three  successful  campaigns.  The  first,  in  con- 
junction with  Austria,  against  unhappy  little  Den- 
mark in  1864;  then  followed,  in  1866,  the  "  Seven 
Weeks'  War,"  in  which  Austria  was  speedily 
brought  to  her  knees  by  the  crushing  defeat  of 
Koniggratz,  or  Sadowa,  as  it  is  variously  called,  by 
which  Prussia  not  only  wrested  the  hegemony  of 
the  German  Confederation  from  her  hundred-year- 
old  rival,  but  definitely  excluded  Austria  from  the 
Confederation  itself.  The  HohenzoUerns  had  at 
length  supplanted  the  proud  House  of  Hapsburg. 
Prussia  had  further  virtually  conquered  France  in 
the  first  six  weeks  of  the  1870  campaign,  and  on 
the  conclusion  of  peace  found  herself  the  richer  by 
Alsace,  half  of  Lorraine,  and  the  gigantic  war  in- 
demnity wrung  from  France.  As  a  climax  the  King 
of  Prussia  had,  with  the  consent  of  the  feudatory 
princes,  been  proclaimed  German  Emperor  at  Ver- 
sailles on  January  18,  1871,  for  Bismarck,  with  all 


16     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

his  diplomacy,  was  unable  to  persuade  the  feuda- 
tory kings  and  princes  to  acquiesce  in  the  title  of 
Emperor  of  Germany  for  the  Prussian  King. 

The  new  Emperor  was  nominally  only  primus 
Inter  Pares;  he  was  not  to  be  over-lord.  Theoreti- 
cally the  crown  of  Charlemagne  was  merely  re- 
vived, but  the  result  was  that  henceforth  Prussia 
would  dominate  Germany.  This  was  a  sufficient 
rise  for  the  little  State  which  had  started  so  modest- 
ly in  the  sandy  Mark  of  Brandenburg  (the  "  sand- 
box," as  South  Germans  contemptuously  termed  it) 
in  the  fifteenth  century.  To  understand  the  men- 
tality of  Prussians,  one  must  realise  that  Prussia 
is  the  only  country  that  always  made  war  pay. 
She  had  risen  with  marvellous  rapidity  from  her 
humble  beginnings  entirely  by  the  power  of  the 
sword.  Every  campaign  had  increased  her  terri- 
tory, her  wealth,  and  her  influence,  and  the  entire 
energies  of  the  Hohenzollern  dynasty  had  been  cen- 
tred on  increasing  the  might  of  her  army.  The 
Teutonic  Knights  had  wrested  East  Prussia  from 
the  Wends  by  the  Power  of  the  sword  only.  They 
had  converted  the  Wends  to  Christianity  by  anni- 
hilating them,  and  the  Prussians  inherited  the  tra- 
ditions of  the  Teutonic  Knights.  Napoleon,  it  is 
true,  had  crushed  Prussia  at  Jena,  but  the  latter 
half  of  the  nineteenth  century  was  one  uninterrupt- 
ed triumphal  progress  for  her.  No  wonder  then 
that  every  Prussian  looked  upon  warfare  as  a  busi- 
ness proposition,  and  an  exceedingly  paying  one 
at  that.    Everything  about  them  had  been  carefully 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  17 

arranged  to  foster  the  same  idea.  All  the  monu- 
ments in  the  Berlin  streets  were  to  military  he- 
roes. The  marble  groups  on  the  Schloss-Briicke 
represented  episodes  in  the  life  of  a  warrior.  The 
very  songs  taught  the  children  in  the  schools  were 
all  mihtarist  in  tone:  "  The  Good  Comrade,"  "  The 
Soldier,"  "The  Young  Recruit,"  "The  Prayer 
during  Battle,"  all  familiar  to  every  German  child. 
When  William  II,  ex-Emperor,  found  the  stately 
"  White  Hall  "  of  the  Palace  insufficiently  gorgeous 
to  accord  with  his  megalomania,  he  called  in  the 
architect  Ihne,  and  gave  directions  for  a  new  frieze 
round  the  hall  representing  "  victorious  warfare 
fostering  art,  science,  trade  and  industry."  I  im- 
agine that  William  in  his  Dutch  retreat  at  Ameron- 
gen  may  occasionally  reflect  on  the  consequences 
of  warfare  when  it  is  not  victorious.  Trained  in 
such  an  atmosphere  from  their  childhood,  drinking 
in  militarism  with  their  earliest  breath,  can  it  be 
wondered  at  that  Prussians  worshipped  brute-force, 
and  brute-force  alone? 

Such  a  nation  of  heroes  must  clearly  have  a 
capital  worthy  of  them,  a  capital  second  to  none,  a 
capital  echpsing  Paris  and  Vienna.  Berliners  had 
always  been  jealous  of  Vienna,  the  traditional  "  Kai- 
ser-Stadt."  Now  Berlin  was  also  a  "  Kaiser-Stadt," 
and  by  the  magnificence  of  its  buildings  must  throw 
its  older  rival  completely  into  the  shade.  Paris, 
too,  was  the  acknowledged  centre  of  European  art, 
literature,  and  fashion.  Why?  The  French  had 
proved  themselves   a  nation   of  decadents,   utterly 


18     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

unable  to  cope  with  German  might.  The  sceptre 
of  Paris  should  be  transferred  to  Berlin.  So  build- 
ing and  renovation  began  at  a  feverish  rate. 

The  open  drains  which  formerly  ran  down  every 
street  in  Berlin,  screaming  aloud  to  Heaven  during 
the  summer  months,  were  abolished,  and  an  admir- 
able system  of  main  drainage  inaugurated.  The 
appalling  rough  cobble-stones,  which  made  it  pain- 
ful even  to  cross  a  Berlin  street,  were  torn  up  and 
hastily  replaced  with  asphalte.  A  French  colleague 
of  mine  used  to  pretend  that  the  cobble-stones  had 
been  designedly  chosen  as  pavement.  Berhners 
were  somewhat  touchy  about  the  very  sparse  traffic 
in  their  wide  streets.  Now  one  soUtary  droschke, 
rumbling  heavily  over  these  cobble-stones,  produced 
such  a  deafening  din  that  the  foreigner  was  deluded 
into  thinking  that  the  Berlin  traffic  rivalled  that  of 
London  or  Paris  in  its  density. 

Berlin  is  of  too  recent  growth  to  have  any  ele- 
ments of  the  picturesque  about  it.  It  stands  on 
perfectly  flat  ground,  and  its  long,  straight  streets 
are  terribly  wearisome  to  the  eye.  Miles  and  miles 
of  ornate  stucco  are  apt  to  become  monotonous,  even 
if  decorated  with  porcelain  plaques,  glass  mosaics, 
and  other  incongruous  details  dear  to  the  garish 
soul  of  the  Berliner.  In  their  rage  for  modernity, 
the  Municipality  destroyed  the  one  architectural 
feature  of  the  town.  Some  remaining  eighteenth 
century  houses  had  a  local  pecuHarity.  The  front 
doors  were  on  the  first  floor,  and  were  approached 
by  two  steeply  inclined  planes,  locally  known  as  die 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  19 

Bampe,  A  carriage  (with,  I  imagine,  infinite  dis- 
comfort to  the  horses)  could  just  struggle  up  one 
of  these  Rampe,  deposit  its  load,  and  crawl  down 
again  to  the  street-level.  These  inclined  planes  were 
nearly  all  swept  away.  The  Bampe  may  have  been 
inconvenient,  but  they  were  individual,  local  and 
picturesque. 

I  arrived  at  the  age  of  twenty  at  this  Berlin  in 
active  process  of  ultra-modernising  itself,  and  in 
one  respect  I  was  most  fortunate. 

The  then  British  Ambassador,  one  of  the  very 
ablest  men  the  English  Diplomatic  Service  has 
ever  possessed,  and  his  wife.  Lady  Ampthill,  occu- 
pied a  quite  exceptional  position.  Lord  Ampthill 
was  a  really  close  and  trusted  friend  of  Bismarck, 
tional  charm  and  quick  intelligence,  with  the  social 
who  had  great  faith  in  his  prescience  and  in  his 
abihty  to  gauge  the  probable  trend  of  events,  and 
he  was  also  immensely  liked  by  the  old  Emperor 
William,  who  had  implicit  confidence  in  him.  Under 
a  light  and  debonair  manner  the  Ambassador  con- 
cealed a  tremendous  reserve  of  dignity.  He  was  a 
man,  too,  of  quick  decisions  and  great  strength  of 
character.  Lady  AmpthiU  was  a  woman  of  excep- 
gift  developed  to  its  highest  point  in  her.  Both  the 
Ambassador  and  his  wife  spoke  French,  German, 
and  Italian  as  easily  and  as  correctly  as  they  did 
English.  The  Ambassador  was  the  doyen,  or  senior 
member,  of  the  Diplomatic  Body,  and  Lady  Ampt- 
hiU was  the  most  intimate  friend  of  the  Crown  Prin- 
cess, afterwards  the  Empress  Frederick. 


20     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

From  these  varied  circumstances,  and  also  from 
sheer  force  of  character,  Lady  Ampthill  had  be- 
come the  unchallenged  social  arbitress  of  Berlin, 
a  position  never  before  conceded  to  any  foreigner. 
As  the  French  phrase  runs,  '^  Elle  faisait  la  pluie 
et  le  beau  temps  a  Berlin" 

To  a  boy  of  twenty  life  is  very  pleasant,  and 
the  novel  surroundings  and  new  faces  amused  me. 
People  were  most  kind  to  me,  but  I  soon  made  the 
discovery  that  many  others  had  made  before  me, 
that  at  the  end  of  two  years  one  knows  Prussians 
no  better  than  one  did  at  the  end  of  the  first  fort- 
night; that  there  was  some  indefinable,  intangible 
barrier  between  them  and  the  foreigner  that  noth- 
ing could  surmount.  It  was  not  long,  too,  before 
I  became  conscious  of  the  under-current  of  intense 
hostility  to  my  own  country  prevailing  amongst  the 
"  Court  Party,"  or  what  would  now  be  termed  the 
*'  Junker  "  Party.  These  people  looked  upon  Rus- 
sia as  their  ideal  of  a  Monarchy.  The  Emperor  of 
Russia  was  an  acknowledged  autocrat;  the  British 
Sovereign  a  constitutional  monarch,  or,  if  the  term 
be  preferred,  more  or  less  a  figure-head.  Temper- 
ing their  admiration  of  Russia  was  a  barely-con- 
cealed dread  of  the  potential  resources  of  that 
mighty  Empire,  whose  military  power  was  at  that 
period  absurdly  overestimated.  England  did  not 
claim  to  be  a  military  State,  and  in  the  "  'seventies  " 
the  vital  importance  of  sea-power  was  not  yet 
understood.  British  statesmen,  too,  had  an  unfor- 
tunate habit  of  indulging  in  sloppy  sentimentalities 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  21 

in  their  speeches,  and  the  convinced  believers  in 
"  Practical  Politics  "  (Real  Politik)  had  a  profound 
contempt  (I  guard  myself  from  saying  an  un- 
founded one)  for  sloppiness  as  well  as  for  sen- 
timentality. 

The  Berliners  of  the  "  'seventies  "  had  not  acquired 
what  the  French  term  Fart  de  vivre.  Prussia,  during 
her  rapid  evolution  from  an  insignificant  sandy  lit- 
tle principality  into  the  leading  military  State  of 
Europe,  had  to  practise  the  most  rigid  economy. 
From  the  Royal  Family  downwards,  everyone  had 
perforce  to  live  with  the  greatest  frugality,  and  the 
traces  of  this  remained.  The  "  art  of  living "  as 
practised  in  France,  England,  and  even  in  Austria 
during  the  seventeenth  and  eighteenth  centuries  was 
impossible  in  Prussia  under  the  straitened  condi- 
tions prevaihng  there,  and  it  is  not  an  art  to  be 
learnt  in  a  day.  The  small  dinner-party,  the  gath- 
ering together  of  a  few  congenial  friends,  was  un- 
known in  Berlin.  Local  magnates  gave  occasionally 
great  dinner-parties  of  thirty  guests  or  so,  at  the 
grotesque  hour  of  5  p.m.  It  seemed  aknost  immoral 
to  array  oneself  in  a  white  tie  and  swallow-tail 
coat  at  four  in  the  afternoon.  The  dinners  on  these 
occasions  were  all  sent  in  from  the  big  restaurants, 
and  there  was  no  display  of  plate,  and  never  a 
single  flower.  As  a  German  friend  (probably  a 
fervent  believer  in  "  Practical  Politics  ")  said  to 
me,  "  The  best  ornament  of  a  dinner-table  is  also 
good  food";  nor  did  the  conversation  atone  by  its 
briUiancy  for  the  lack  of  the  dainty  trimmings  which 


22     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

the  taste  of  Western  Europe  expects  on  these  oc- 
casions. A  never-faihng  topic  of  conversation  was 
to  guess  the  particular  restaurant  which  had  fur- 
nished the  banquet.  One  connoisseur  would  pre- 
tend to  detect  "  Hiller  "  in  the  soup ;  another  was 
convinced  that  the  fish  could  only  have  been  dressed 
by  "  Poppenberg."  As  soon  as  we  had  swallowed 
our  coffee,  we  were  expected  to  make  our  bows  and 
take  our  leave  without  any  post-prandial  conver- 
sation whatever,  and  at  7  p.m.  too! 

Thirty  people  were  gathered  together  to  eat, 
welter  nichts,  and,  to  do  them  justice,  most  of 
them  fulfilled  admirably  the  object  with  which  they 
had  been  invited.  The  houses,  too,  were  so  ugly. 
No  objets  d'artj  no  personal  belongings  whatever, 
and  no  flowers.  The  rooms  might  have  been  in  an 
hotel,  and  the  occupant  of  the  rooms  might  have 
arrived  overnight  with  one  small  modest  suit-case 
as  his,  or  her,  sole  baggage.  There  was  no  indi- 
viduahty  whatever  about  the  ordinary  Berlin  house, 
or  appartement. 

I  can  never  remember  having  heard  literature 
discussed  in  any  form  whatever  at  Berlin.  For 
some  reason  the  novelist  has  never  taken  root  in 
Germany.  The  number  of  good  German  novelists 
could  be  counted  on  the  fingers  of  both  hands,  and 
no  one  seemed  interested  in  literary  topics.  It 
was  otherwise  with  music.  Every  German  is  a 
genuine  music-lover,  and  the  greatest  music-lover 
of  them  all  was  Baroness  von  Schleinitz,  wife  of 
the  Minister  of  the  Royal  Household.     Hers  was 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  23 

a  charming  house,  the  stately  eighteenth  century 
Haus-Ministerium,  with  its  ornate  rococo  Fest-Saal. 
In  that  somewhat  over-decorated  hall  every  great 
musician  in  Europe  must  have  played  at  some  time 
or  other.  Baron  von  Schleinitz  was,  I  think,  the 
handsomest  old  man  I  have  ever  seen,  with  delight- 
ful old-world  manners.  It  was  a  priWlege  to  be 
asked  to  Madame  de  Schleinitz's  musical  evenings. 
She  seldom  asked  more  than  forty  people,  and 
the  most  rigid  silence  was  insisted  upon;  still  every 
noted  musician  passing  through  Berlin  went  to  her 
house  as  a  matter  of  course.  At  the  time  of  my  ar- 
rival from  England,  Madame  de  Schleinitz  had 
struck  up  a  great  alliance  with  Wagner,  and  gave 
two  musical  evenings  a  week  as  a  sort  of  propa- 
ganda, in  order  to  familiarise  Berlin  amateurs  with 
the  music  of  the  "  Ring."  At  that  time  the  stupen- 
dous Tetralogy  had  only  been  given  at  Bayreuth 
and  in  Munich;  indeed  I  am  not  sure  that  it  had 
then  been  performed  in  its  entirety  in  the  Bavarian 
capital. 

In  the  Fest-Saal,  with  its  involved  and  tortured 
rococo  curves,  two  grand  pianos  were  placed  side 
by  side,  a  point  Wagner  insisted  upon,  and  here  the 
Master  played  us  his  gigantic  work.  The  way  Wag- 
ner managed  to  make  the  piano  suggest  brass, 
strings,  or  wood-wind  at  will  was  really  wonderful. 
I  think  that  we  were  all  a  little  puzzled  by  the 
music  of  the  "Ring";  possibly  our  ears  had  not 
then  been  sufficiently  trained  to  grasp  the  amazing 
beauty  of  such  a  subtle  web  of  harmonies.     His 


24     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

playing  finished,  a  small,  very  plainly-appointed 
supper-table  was  placed  in  the  middle  of  the  Fest- 
Saaly  at  which  Wagner  seated  himself  alone  in  state. 
Then  the  long-wished-for  moment  began  for  his 
feminine  adorers.  The  great  ladies  of  Berlin  would 
allow  no  one  to  wait  on  the  Master  but  themselves, 
and  the  bearers  of  the  oldest  and  proudest  names 
in  Prussia  bustled  about  with  prodigious  fussing, 
carrying  plates  of  sauerkraut,  liver  sausage,  black 
puddings,  and  herring-salad,  colliding  with  each 
other,  but  in  spite  of  that  managing  to  heap  the 
supper-table  with  more  Teutonic  delicacies  than  even 
Wagner's  very  ample  appetite  could  assimilate. 

I  fear  that  not  one  of  these  great  ladies  would 
have  found  it  easy  to  obtain  a  permanent  engage- 
ment as  waitress  in  a  restaurant,  for  their  skill  in 
handling  dishes  and  plates  was  hardly  commensurate 
with  their  zeal.  In  justice  it  must  be  added  that 
the  professional  waitress  would  not  be  encumbered 
with  the  long  and  heavy  train  of  evening  dresses 
in  the  "  'seventies."  These  great  ladies,  anxious  to 
display  their  intimate  knowledge  of  the  Master's 
tastes,  bickered  considerably  amongst  themselves. 
*'  Surely,  dear  Countess,  you  know  by  now  that 
the  Master  never  touches  white  bread." 

"  Dearest  Princess,  Limburger  cheese  is  the  only 
sort  the  Master  cares  for.  You  had  better  take 
that  Gruyere  cheese  away";  whilst  an  extremely 
attractive  little  Countess,  the  bearer  of  a  great  Ger- 
man name,  would  trip  vaguely  about,  announcing 
to  the  world  that  *'  The  Master  thinks  that  he  could 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  25 

eat  two  more  black  puddings.  Where  do  you  im- 
agine that  I  could  find  them?  " 

Meanwhile  from  another  quarter  one  would  hear 
an  eager  "  Dearest  Princess,  could  you  manage  to 
get  some  raw  ham?  The  Master  thinks  that  he 
would  like  some,  or  else  some  raw  smoked  goose- 
breast."  "  Aber,  allerliebste  Grdjin,  wissen  Sie  niclit 
dass  der  Meister  trinht  nur  dunkles  Bier?  "  would 
come  as  a  pathetic  protest  from  some  slighted  wor- 
shipper who  had  been  herself  reproved  for  ignorance 
of  the  Master's  gastronomic  tastes. 

It  must  regretfully  be  confessed  that  these  tastes 
were  rather  gross.  Meanwhile  Wagner,  dressed  in 
a  frock-coat  and  trousers  of  shiny  black  cloth,  his 
head  covered  with  his  invariable  black  velvet  skuU- 
cap,  would  munch  steadily  away,  taking  no  notice 
whatever  of  those  around  him. 

The  rest  of  us  stood  at  a  respectful  distance, 
watching  with  a  certain  awe  this  marvellous  weaver 
of  harmonies  assimilating  copious  nourishment.  For 
us  it  was  a  sort  of  Barmecide's  feast,  for  beyond 
the  sight  of  Wagner  at  supper,  we  had  no  refresh- 
ments of  any  sort  offered  to  us. 

Soon  afterwards  Rubinstein,  on  his  way  to  St. 
Petersburg,  played  at  Madame  de  Schleinitz's 
house.  Having  learnt  that  Wagner  always  made 
a  point  of  having  two  grand  pianos  side  by  side 
when  he  played,  Rubinstein  also  insisted  on  having 
two.  To  my  mind,  Rubinstein  absolutely  ruined 
the  effect  of  all  his  own  compositions  by  the  tre- 
mendous pace  at  which  he  played  them.     It  was  as 


26     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

though  he  were  longing  to  be  through  with  the 
whole  thing.  His  "  Melody  in  F,"  familiar  to  every 
school-girl,  he  took  at  such  a  pace  that  I  really 
believe  the  virulent  germ  which  forty  years  after- 
wards was  to  develop  into  Rag-time,  and  to  conquer 
the  whole  world  with  its  maddening  syncopated 
strains,  came  into  being  that  very  night,  and  was 
evoked  by  Rubinstein  himself  out  of  his  own  long- 
suffering  "Melody  in  F." 

Our  Ambassador,  himself  an  excellent  musi- 
cian, was  an  almost  lifelong  friend  of  Liszt.  Wag- 
ner's wife,  by  the  way,  was  Lizst's  daughter,  and 
had  been  previously  married  to  Hans  von  Bulow, 
the  pianist.  Liszt,  when  passing  through  Berlin, 
always  dined  at  our  Embassy  and  played  to  us 
afterwards.  I  remember  well  Lord  Ampthill  ask- 
ing Liszt  where  he  placed  Rubinstein  as  a  pianist. 
"  Rubinstein  is,  without  any  question  whatever, 
the  first  pianist  in  the  world,"  answered  Liszt  with- 
out hesitation.  "But  you  are  forgetting  yourself. 
Abbe,"  suggested  the  Ambassador.  "  Ich,"  said 
Liszt,  striking  his  chest,  "  Ich  bin  der  einzige  Pian- 
ist der  Welt"  ("I;  I  am  the  only  pianist  in  the 
world").  There  was  a  superb  arrogance  about 
this  perfectly  justifiable  assertion  which  pleased 
me  enormously  at  the  time,  and  pleases  me  still 
after  the  lapse  of  so  many  years. 

Bismarck  was  a  frequent  visitor  at  our  Embassy, 
and  was  fond  of  dropping  in  informally  in  the 
evening.  Apart  from  his  liking  for  our  Ambassa- 
dor, he  had   a  great  belief  in  his  judgment   and 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  27 

discretion.  Lady  Ampthill,  too,  was  one  of  the 
few  women  Bismarck  respected  and  really  liked. 
I  think  he  had  a  great  admiration  for  her  intellec- 
tual powers  and  quick  sense  of  intuition. 

It  is  perhaps  superfluous  to  state  that  no  man 
living  now  occupies  the  position  Bismarck  filled 
in  the  '*  'seventies."  The  maker  of  Modern  Ger- 
many was  the  unchallenged  dictator  of  Europe. 
He  was  always  very  civil  to  the  junior  members  of 
the  Embassy.  I  think  it  pleased  him  that  we  all 
spoke  German  fluently,  for  the  acknowledged  su- 
premacy of  the  French  language  as  a  means  of  com- 
munication between  educated  persons  of  different 
nationalities  was  always  a  very  sore  point  with 
him.  It  must  be  remembered  that  Prussia  herself 
had  only  comparatively  recently  been  released  from 
the  thraldom  of  the  French  language.  Frederick 
the  Great  always  addressed  his  entourage  in  French. 
After  1870-71,  Bismarck  ordered  the  German  For- 
eign Office  to  reply  in  the  German  language  to  all 
communications  from  the  French  Embassy.  He 
followed  the  same  procedure  with  the  Russian  Em- 
bassy; whereupon  the  Russian  Ambassador  coun- 
tered with  a  long  despatch  written  in  Russian  to 
the  Wilhelmstrasse.  He  received  no  reply  to  this, 
and  mentioned  that  fact  to  Bismarck  about  a  fort- 
might  later.  "Ah!"  said  Bismarck  reflectively, 
"  now  that  your  Excellency  mentions  it,  I  think  we 
did  receive  a  despatch  in  some  unknown  tongue. 
I  ordered  it  to  be  put  carefully  away  until  we 
could  procure  the  services  of  an  expert  to  decipher 


28     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

it.  I  hope  to  be  able  to  find  such  an  expert  in 
the  course  of  the  next  three  or  four  months,  and 
can  only  trust  that  the  matter  was  not  a  very 
pressing  one." 

The  Ambassador  took  the  hint,  and  that  was  the 
last  note  in  Russian  that  reached  the  WiUielm- 
strasse. 

We  ourselves  always  wrote  in  EngHsh,  receiv- 
ing replies  in  German,  written  in  the  third  person, 
in  the  curiously  cumbrous  Prussian  official   style. 

Bismarck  was  very  fond  of  enlarging  on  his  fa- 
vourite theory  of  the  male  and  female  European 
nations.  The  Germans  themselves,  the  three  Scan- 
dinavian peoples,  the  Dutch,  the  English  proper, 
the  Scotch,  the  Hungarians  and  the  Turks,  he 
declared  to  be  essentially  male  races.  The  Russians, 
the  Poles,  the  Bohemians,  and  indeed  every  Slavonic 
people,  and  all  Celts,  he  maintained,  just  as  em- 
phatically, to  be  female  races.  A  female  race  he 
ungallantly  defined  as  one  given  to  immense  ver- 
bosity, to  fickleness,  and  to  lack  of  tenacity.  He 
conceded  to  these  feminine  races  some  of  the  ad- 
vantages of  their  sex,  and  acknowledged  that  they 
had  great  powers  of  attraction  and  charm,  when 
they  chose  to  exert  them,  and  also  a  fluency  of 
speech  denied  to  the  more  virile  nations.  He  main- 
tained stoutly  that  it  was  quite  useless  to  expect 
efficiency  in  any  form  from  one  of  the  female  races, 
and  he  was  full  of  contempt  for  the  Celt  and  the 
Slav.  He  contended  that  the  most  interesting  na- 
tions  were   the   epicene    ones,    partaking,    that   is, 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  29 

of  the  characteristics  of  both  sexes,  and  he  instanced 
France  and  Italy,  intensely  virile  in  the  North,  ab- 
solutely female  in  the  South;  maintaining  that  the 
Northern  French  had  saved  their  country  times  out 
of  number  from  the  follies  of  the  "  Meridionaux." 
He  attributed  the  efficiency  of  the  Frenchmen  of 
the  North  to  the  fact  that  they  had  so  large  a  pro- 
portion of  Frankish  and  Norman  blood  in  their 
veins,  the  Franks  being  a  Germanic  tribe,  and  the 
Normans,  as  their  name  implied,  Northmen  of  Scan- 
dinavian, therefore  also  of  Teutonic,  origin.  He 
declared  that  the  fair-haired  Piedmontese  were  the 
driving  power  of  Italy,  and  that  they  owed  their 
initiative  to  their  descent  from  the  Germanic  hordes 
who  invaded  Italy  under  Alaric  in  the  fifth  century. 
Bismarck  stoutly  maintained  that  efficiency,  wher- 
ever it  was  found,  was  due  to  Teutonic  blood;  a 
statement  with  which  I  will  not  quarrel. 

As  the  inventor  of  "  Practical  Politics  "  {Real- 
Politik),  Bismarck  had  a  supreme  contempt  for 
fluent  talkers  and  for  words,  saying  that  only  fools 
could  imagine  that  facts  could  be  talked  away.  He 
cynically  added  that  words  were  sometimes  useful 
for  "  papering  over  structural  cracks  "  when  they 
had  to  be  concealed  for  a  time. 

With  his  intensely  overbearing  disposition,  Bis- 
marck could  not  brook  the  smallest  contradiction, 
or  any  criticism  whatever.  I  have  often  watched 
him  in  the  Reichstag — then  housed  in  a  very  mod- 
est building — whilst  being  attacked,  especially  by 
Liebknecht  the  Socialist.    He  made  no  effort  to  con- 


30     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

ceal  his  anger,  and  would  stab  the  blotting-pad  be- 
fore him  viciously  with  a  metal  paper-cutter,  his 
face  purple  with  rage. 

Bismarck  himself  was  a  very  clear  and  forcible 
speaker,  with  a  happy  knack  of  coining  felicitous 
phrases. 

His  eldest  son,  Herbert  Bismarck,  inherited  all 
his  father's  arrogance  and  intensely  overweening 
disposition,  without  one  spark  of  his  father's  genius. 
He  was  not  a  popular  man. 

The  second  son,  William,  universally  known  as 
"  Bill,"  was  a  genial,  fair-headed  giant  of  a  man^ 
as  generally  popular  as  his  elder  brother  was  the 
reverse.  Bill  Bismarck  (the  juxtaposition  of  these 
two  names  always  struck  me  as  being  comically  in- 
congruous) drank  so  much  beer  that  his  hands  were 
always  wet  and  clamjny.  He  told  me  himself  that 
he  always  had  three  bottles  of  beer  placed  by  his 
bedside  lest  he  should  be  thirsty  in  the  night.  He 
did  not  live  long. 

Moltke,  the  silent,  clean-shaved,  spare  old  man 
with  the  sphinx-like  face,  who  had  himself  worked 
out  every  detail  of  the  Franco-Prussian  War  long 
before  it  materiaHsed,  was  an  occasional  visitor  at 
our  Embassy,  as  was  Gustav  Richter,  the  fashion- 
able Jewish  artist.  Richter's  paintings,  though  now 
sneered  at  as  Chocolade-Malerei  (chocolate-box 
painting) ,  had  an  enormous  vogue  in  the  "  'seven- 
ties," and  were  reproduced  by  the  hundred  thou- 
sand. His  picture  of  Queen  Louise  of  Prussia,  en- 
gravings of  which  are  scattered  all  over  the  world. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  31 

is  only  a  fancy  portrait,  as  Queen  Louise  had  died 
before  Richter  was  born.  He  had  Ranch's  beautiful 
effigy  of  the  Queen  in  the  mausoleum  at  Charlot- 
tenburg  to  guide  him,  but  the  actual  model  was,  I 
beheve,  a  member  of  the  corps  de  ballet  at  the 
Opera.  Madame  Richter  was  the  daughter  of  Men- 
delssohn the  composer,  and  there  was  much  specu- 
lation in  Berlin  as  to  the  wonderful  artistic  tem- 
I^erament  the  children  of  such  a  union  would  in- 
herit. As  a  matter  of  fact,  I  fancy  that  none  of 
the  young  Richters  showed  any  artistic  gifts  what- 
ever. 

Our  Embassy  was  a  very  fine  building.  The  Ger- 
man railway  magnate  Strousberg  had  erected  it 
as  his  own  residence,  but  as  he  most  tactfully  went 
bankrupt  just  as  the  house  was  completed,  the 
British  Government  was  able  to  buy  it  at  a  very  low 
figure  indeed,  and  to  convert  it  into  an  Embassy. 
Though  a  little  ornate,  it  was  admirably  adapted 
for  this  purpose,  having  nine  reception  rooms,  in- 
cluding a  huge  ball-room,  all  communicating  with 
each  other,  on  the  ground  floor.  The  "  Chancery," 
as  the  offices  of  an  Embassy  are  termed,  was  in 
another  building  on  the  Pariser  Platz.  This  was 
done  to  avoid  the  constant  stream  of  people  on  busi- 
ness, of  appHcants  of  various  sorts,  including  "  D. 
B.  S.'s  "  (Distressed  British  Subjects),  continual- 
ly passing  through  the  Embassy.  Immediately  op- 
posite our  "  Chancery,"  in  the  same  building,  and 
only  separated  from  it  by  a  porte-cochere,  was  the 
Chancery  of  the  Austro-Hungarian   Embassy. 


32     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

Count  W ,   the   Councillor   of  the   Austrian 

Embassy,  was  very  deaf,  and  had  entirely  lost 
the  power  of  regulating  his  voice.  He  habitually 
shouted  in  a  quarter-deck  voice,  audible  several 
hundred  yards  away. 

I  was  at  work  in  the  Chancery  one  day  when  I 
heard  a  stupendous  din  arising  from  the  Austrian 
Chancery.  "  The  Imperial  Chancellor  told  me," 
thundered  this  megaphone  voice  in  stentorian  Ger- 
man tones,  every  word  of  which  must  have  been 
distinctly  heard  in  the  street,  "  that  under  no  cir- 
cumstances whatever  would  Germany  consent  to 
this  arrangement.  If  the  proposal  is  pressed,  Ger- 
many will  resist  it  to  the  utmost,  if  necessary  by 
force  of  arms.  The  Chancellor,  in  giving  me 
this  information,"  went  on  the  strident  voice,  "  im- 
pressed upon  me  how  absolutely  secret  the  matter 
must  be  kept.  I  need  hardly  inform  your  Excel- 
lency that  this  telegram  is  confidential  to  the  high- 
est degree." 

"  What  is  that  appalling  noise  in  the  Austrian 
Chancery? "  I  asked  our  white-headed  old  Chan- 
cery servant. 

"  That  is  Count  W dictating  a  cypher  tele- 
gram to  Vienna,"  answered  the  old  man  with  a 
twinkle  in  his  shrewd  eyes. 

This  little  episode  has  always  seemed  to  me  cu- 
riously typical  of  Austro-Hungarian  methods. 

The  central  figure  of  BerUn  was  of  course  the 
old  Emperor  William.  This  splendid-looking  old 
man  may  not  have  been  an  intellectual  giant,  but  he 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  33 

certainly  looked  an  Emperor,  every  inch  of  him. 
There  was  something,  too,  very  taking  in  his  kindly 
old  face  and  genial  manner.  The  Crown  Princess, 
afterwards  the  Empress  Frederick,  being  a  British 
Princess,  we  were  what  is  known  in  diplomatic  par- 
lance as  "  une  ambassade  de  famille."  The  entire 
staff  of  the  Embassy  was  asked  to  dine  at  the  Pal- 
ace on  the  birthdays  both  of  Queen  Victoria  and  of 
the  Crown  t'rincess.  These  dinners  took  place  at 
the  unlioly  hour  of  5  p.m.,  in  full  uniform,  at  the 
Emperor's  ugly  palace  on  the  Linden,  the  Old 
Schloss  being  only  used  for  more  formal  entertain- 
ments. On  these  occasions  the  sole  table  decoration 
consisted,  quaintly  enough,  of  rows  of  gigantic  silver 
dish-covers,  each  surmounted  by  the  Prussian  eagle, 
with  nothing  under  them,  running  down  the  middle 
of  the  table.  The  old  Emperor  had  been  but  indif- 
ferently handled  by  his  dentist.  It  had  become 
necessary  to  supplement  Nature's  handiwork  by  art, 
but  so  unskilfully  had  these,  what  are  euphemis- 
tically termed,  additions  to  the  Emperor's  mouth 
been  contrived,  that  his  articulation  was  very  defec- 
tive. It  was  almost  impossible  to  hear  what  he  said, 
or  indeed  to  make  out  in  what  language  he  was  ad- 
dressing you.  When  the  Emperor  "  made  the  cir- 
cle," one  strained  one's  ears  to  the  utmost  to  ob- 
tain a  ghmmering  of  what  he  was  saying.  If  one 
detected  an  umnistakably  Teutonic  guttural,  one 
drew  a  bow  at  a  venture,  and  murmured  '' Zu 
Befelil  Majestdt/'  trusting  that  it  might  fit  in. 
Should  one  catch,  on  the  other  hand,  a  slight  sus- 


34     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

picion  of  a  nasal  "  n,"  one  imagined  that  the  lan- 
guage must  be  French,  and  interpolated  a  tentative 
"  Parfaitement,  Sire"  trusting  blindly  to  a  kind 
Providence.  Still  the  impression  remains  of  a  kind- 
ly and  very  dignified  old  gentleman,  filling  his  part 
admirably.  The  Empress  Augusta,  who  had  been 
beautiful  in  her  youth,  could  not  resign  herself  to 
growing  old  gracefully.  She  would  have  made  a 
most  charming  old  lady,  but  though  well  over 
seventy  then,  she  was  ill-advised  enough  to  attempt 
to  rejuvenate  herself  with  a  chestnut  wig  and  an 
elaborate  make-up,  with  deplorable  results.  The 
Empress,  in  addition,  was  afflicted  with  a  slight 
palsy  of  the  head. 

The  really  magnificent  figure  was  the  Crown 
Prince,  afterwards  the  Emperor  Frederick.  Im- 
mensely tall,  with  a  full  golden  beard,  he  looked  in 
his  white  Cuirassier  uniform  the  living  embodiment 
of  a  German  legendary  hero;  a  Lohengrin  in  real 
hfe. 

Princess  Frederick  Charles  of  Prussia  was  a  strik- 
ingly handsome  woman  too,  though  unfortunately 
nearly  stone  deaf. 

Though  the  palace  on  the  Linden  may  have 
been  commonplace  and  ugly,  the  Old  Schloss  has 
to  my  mind  the  finest  interior  in  Europe.  It  may 
lack  the  endless,  bare,  gigantic  halls  of  the  Winter 
Palace  in  Petrograd,  and  it  may  contain  fewer 
rooms  than  the  great  rambling  Hofburg  in  Vienna, 
but  I  maintain  that,  with  the  possible  exception 
of  the  Palace  in  Madrid,  no  building  in  Europe 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  35 

can  compare  internally  with  the  Old  Schloss  in 
Berlin.  I  think  the  effect  the  Berlin  palace  pro- 
duces on  the  stranger  is  due  to  the  series  of  rooms 
which  must  be  traversed  before  the  State  apart- 
ments proper  are  reached.  These  rooms,  of  mod- 
erate dimensions,  are  very  richly  decorated.  Their 
painted  ceilings,  encased  in  richly-gilt  "  coffered  " 
work  in  high  relief,  have  a  Venetian  effect,  recall- 
ing some  of  the  rooms  in  the  Doge's  Palace  in  the 
sea-girt  city  of  the  Adriatic.  Their  silk-hung  walls, 
their  pictures,  and  the  splendid  pieces  of  old  furni- 
ture they  contain,  redeem  these  rooms  from  the 
soulless,  impersonal  look  most  palaces  wear.  They 
recall  the  rooms  in  some  of  the  finer  English  or 
French  country-houses,  although  no  private  house 
would  have  them  in  the  same  number.  The  rooms 
that  dwell  in  my  memory  out  of  the  dozen  or  so 
that  formed  the  enfilade  are,  first,  the  "  Drap  d'Or 
Kammer,"  with  its  droll  hybrid  appellation,  the  walls 
of  which  were  hung,  as  its  name  implies,  with  cloth 
of  gold;  then  the  "Red  Eagle  Room,"  with  its 
furniture  and  mirrors  of  carved  wood,  covered  with 
thin  plates  of  beaten  silver,  producing  an  indescrib- 
ably rich  effect,  and  the  "  Red  Velvet  "  room.  This 
latter  had  its  walls  hung  with  red  velvet  bordered  by 
broad  bands  of  silver  lace,  and  contained  some  splen- 
did old  gilt  furniture. 

The  Throne  room  was  one  of  the  most  sumptuous 
in  the  world.  It  had  an  arched  painted  ceiling, 
from  which  depended  some  beautiful  old  chandehers 
of  cut  rock  crystal,  and  the  walls,  which  framed 


36     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

great  panels  of  Gobelin  tapestry  of  the  best  period, 
were  highly  decorated,  in  florid  rococo  style,  with 
pilasters  and  carved  groups  representing  the  four 
quarters  of  the  world.  The  whole  of  the  wall  sur- 
face was  gilded;  carvings,  mouldings,  and  pilasters 
forming  one  unbroken  sheet  of  gold.  We  were  al- 
ways told  that  the  musicians'  gallery  was  of  solid 
silver,  and  that  it  formed  part  of  Frederick  the 
Great's  war-chest.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  Frederick 
had  himself  melted  the  original  gallery  down  and 
converted  it  into  cash  for  one  of  his  campaigns.  By 
his  orders,  a  facsimile  gallery  was  carved  of  wood 
heavily  silvered  over.  The  effect  produced,  however, 
was  the  same,  as  we  were  hardly  in  a  position  to 
scrutinise  the  hall-mark.  The  room  contained  four 
semi-circular  buffets,  rising  in  diminishing  tiers, 
loaded  with  the  finest  specimens  the  Prussian  Crown 
possessed  of  old  German  silver-gilt  drinking-cups 
of  Nuremberg  and  Augsburg  workmanship  of  the 
sixteenth  and  seventeenth  centuries. 

When  the  Tlirone  room  was  lighted  up  at  night 
the  glowing  colours  of  the  Gobelin  tapestry  and 
the  sheen  of  the  great  expanses  of  gold  and  silver 
produced  an  effect  of  immense  splendour.  With  the 
possible  exception  of  the  Salle  des  Fetes  in  the  Lux- 
embourg Palace  in  Paris,  it  was  certainly  the  finest 
Throne  room  in  Europe. 

The  first  time  I  saw  the  Luxembourg  hall  was  as 
a  child  of  seven,  under  the  Second  Empire,  when 
I  was  absolutely  awe-struck  by  its  magnificence. 
It  then  contained  Napoleon  the  Third's  throne,  and 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  37 

was  known  as  the  "  Salle  du  Trone."  A  relation 
pointed  out  to  me  that  the  covering  and  curtains  of 
the  throne,  instead  of  being  of  the  stereotyped 
crimson  velvet,  were  of  purple  velvet,  all  spangled 
with  the  golden  bees  of  the  Bonapartes.  The  Lux- 
embourg hall  had  then  in  the  four  corners  of  the 
coved  ceiling  an  ornament  very  dear  to  the  mere- 
tricious but  effective  taste  of  the  Second  Empire. 
Four  immense  globes  of  sky-blue  enamel  supported 
four  huge  gilt  Napoleonic  eagles  with  outspread 
wings.  To  the  crude  taste  of  a  child  the  purple 
velvet  of  the  throne,  powdered  with  golden  bees, 
and  the  gilt  eagles  on  their  turquoise  globes,  ap- 
peared splendidly  sumptuous.  Of  course  after 
1870  all  traces  of  throne  and  eagles  were  removed, 
as  well  as  the  countless  "  N.  Ill's "  with  which 
the  walls  were  plentifully  besprinkled. 

What  an  astute  move  of  Louis  Napoleon's  it 
was  to  term  himself  the  '"  Third,"  counting  the 
poor  httle  "  Aiglon,"  the  King  of  Rome,  as  the 
second  of  the  line,  and  thus  giving  a  look  of  con- 
tinuity and  stability  to  a  brand-new  dynasty!  Some 
people  say  that  the  assumption  of  this  title  was 
due  to  an  accident,  arising  out  of  a  printer's  error. 
After  his  coup  d'etat^  Louis  Napoleon  issued  a 
proclamation  to  the  French  people,  ending  "  Vive 
Napoleon  !  !  !  "  The  printer,  mistaking  the  three 
notes  of  exclamation  for  the  numeral  III,  set  up 
"  Vive  Napoleon  III."  The  proclamation  appeared 
in  this  form,  and  Louis  Napoleon,  at  once  recognis- 
ing  the    advantages    of    it,    adhered   to   the    style. 


38     SOME  RANDOM  KEMINISCENCES 

Whether  this  is  true  or  not  I  cannot  say.  I  was  then 
too  young  to  be  able  to  judge  for  myself,  but  older 
people  have  told  me  that  the  mushroom  Court  of 
the  Tuileries  eclipsed  all  others  in  Europe  in  splen- 
dour. The  parvenu  dynasty  needed  all  the  aid  it 
could  derive  from  gorgeous  ceremonial  pomp  to 
maintain  its  position  successfully. 

To  return  to  Berlin,  beyond  the  Throne  room 
lay  the  fine  picture  gallery,  nearly  200  feet  long. 
At  Court  entertainments  all  the  German  officers 
gathered  in  this  picture  gallery  and  made  a  living 
hedge,  between  the  ranks  of  which  the  guests  passed 
on  their  way  to  the  famous  "  White  Hall."  These 
long  ranks  of  men  in  their  resplendent  Hofballanzug 
were  really  a  magnificent  sight,  and  whoever  first 
devised  this  most  effective  bit  of  stage-management 
deserves  great  credit. 

The  White  Hall  as  I  knew  it  was  a  splendidly 
dignified  room.  As  its  name  implies,  it  was  entirely 
white,  the  mouldings  all  being  silvered  instead  of 
gilt.  Both  Germans  and  Russians  are  fond  of  sub- 
stituting silvering  for  gilding.  Personally  I  think 
it  most  effective,  but  as  the  French  with  their  im- 
peccable good  taste  never  employ  silvering,  there 
must  be  some  sound  artistic  reason  against  its  use. 

It  must  be  reluctantly  confessed  that  the  show 
of  feminine  beauty  at  Berhn  was  hardly  on  a  level 
with  the  perfect  mise-en-scene.  There  were  three 
or  four  very  beautiful  women.  Countess  Karolyi, 
the  Austrian  Ambassadress,  herself  a  Hungarian, 
was  a  tall,  graceful  blonde  with  beautiful  hair;  she 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  39 

was  full  of  infinite  attraction.  Princess  William 
Radziwill,  a  Russian,  was,  I  think,  the  loveliest  hu- 
man being  I  have  ever  seen;  she  was,  however,  much 
dreaded  on  account  of  her  mordant  tongue.  Prin- 
cess Carolath-Beuthen,  a  Prussian,  had  first  seen 
the  light  some  years  earlier  than  these  two  ladies. 
She  was  still  a  very  beautiful  woman,  and  eventual- 
ly married  as  her  second  husband  Count  Herbert 
Bismarck,  the  Iron  Chancellor's  eldest  son. 

There  was,  unfortunately,  a  very  wide  gap  be- 
tween the  looks  of  these  "  stars  "  and  those  of  the 
rest  of  the  company. 

The  interior  of  the  Berlin  Schloss  put  Bucking- 
ham Palace  completely  in  the  shade.  The  London 
palace  was  unfortunately  decorated  in  the  "  'fif- 
ties," during  the  epoque  de  mauvais  gout,  as  the 
French  comprehensively  term  the  whole  period  be- 
tween 1820  and  1880,  and  it  bears  the  date  written 
on  every  unfortunate  detail  of  its  decoration.  It  is 
beyond  any  question  whatever  the  product  of  the 
"  period  of  bad  taste."  I  missed,  though,  in  Berlin 
the  wealth  of  flowers  which  turns  Buckingham  Pal- 
ace into  a  garden  on  Court  Ball  nights.  Civilians 
too  in  London  have  to  appear  at  Court  in  knee- 
breeches  and  stockings;  in  Berlin  trousers  were 
worn,  thus  destroying  the  habille  look.  As  regards 
the  display  of  jewels  and  the  beauty  of  the  women 
at  the  two  Courts,  Berlin  was  simply  nowhere.  Ger- 
man uniforms  were  of  every  colour  of  the  rainbow; 
with  us  there  is  an  undue  predominance  of  scarlet, 
so  that  the  kaleidoscopic  effect  of  Berlin  was  never 


40     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

attained  in  London,  added  to  which  too  much  scar- 
let and  gold  tends  to  kill  the  effect  of  the  ladies' 
dresses. 

At  the  Prussian  Court  on  these  State  occasions 
an  immense  number  of  pages  made  their  appear- 
ance. I  myself  had  been  a  Court  page  in  my  youth, 
but  whereas  in  England  little  boys  were  always 
chosen  for  this  part,  in  Berlin  the  tallest  and  big- 
gest lads  were  selected  from  the  Cadet  School  at 
Lichterfelde.  A  great  lanky  gawk  six  feet  high, 
with  an  incipient  moustache,  does  not  show  up  to 
advantage  in  lace  ruffles,  with  his  thin  spindle- 
shanks  encased  in  silk  stockings;  a  page's  trappings 
being  only  suitable  for  little  boys.  I  remember  well 
the  day  when  I  and  my  fellow-novice  were  sum- 
moned to  try  on  our  new  page's  uniforms.  Our 
white  satin  knee-breeches  and  gold-embroidered 
white  satin  waistcoats  left  us  quite  cold,  but  we  were 
both  enchanted  with  the  little  pages'  swords,  in 
their  white-enamelled  scabbards,  which  the  tailor 
had  brought  with  him.  We  had  neither  of  us  ever 
possessed  a  real  sword  of  our  own  before,  and  the 
steel  blades  were  of  the  most  inviting  sharpness. 
We  agreed  that  the  opportunity  was  too  good  a 
one  to  be  lost,  so  we  determined  to  slip  out  into 
the  garden  in  our  new  finery  and  there  engage  in 
a  deadly  duel.  It  was  further  agreed  to  thrust 
really  hard  with  the  keen  little  blades,  "  just  to  see 
what  would  happen."  Fortunately  for  us,  we  had 
been  overheard.  We  reached  the  garden,  and,  hav- 
ing found  a  conveniently  secluded   spot,  had  just 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  41 

commenced  to  make  those  vague  flourishes  with  our 
unaccustomed  weapons  which  our  experience,  de- 
rived from  pictures,  led  us  to  believe  formed  the 
orthodox  preliminaries  to  a  duel,  when  the  combat 
was  sternly  interrupted.  Otherwise  there  would 
probably  have  been  vacancies  for  one  if  not  two 
fresh  Pages  of  Honour  before  nightfall.  What  a 
pity  there  were  no  "  movies  "  in  those  days!  What 
a  splendid  flhn  could  have  been  made  of  two  small 
boys,  arrayed  in  all  the  bravery  of  silk  stockings, 
white  satin  breeches,  and  lace  ruffles,  their  red  tunics 
heavy  with  bulHon  embroidery,  engaged  in  a  furious 
duel  in  a  big  garden.  When  the  news  of  our  es- 
capade reached  the  ears  of  the  highest  quarters,  pre- 
emptory  orders  were  issued  to  have  the  steel  blades 
removed  from  our  swords  and  replaced  with  inno- 
cuous pieces  of  shaped  wood.  It  was  very  igno- 
minious; still  the  little  swords  made  a  brave  show, 
and  no  one  by  looking  at  them  could  guess  that 
the  white  scabbards  shielded  nothing  more  deadly 
than  an  inoffensive  piece  of  oak.  A  page's  sword, 
by  the  way,  is  not  worn  at  the  left  side  in  the  or- 
dinary manner,  but  is  passed  through  two  slits  in 
the  tunic,  and  is  carried  in  the  small  of  the  back, 
so  that  the  boy  can  keep  his  hands  entirely  free. 

The  "  White  Hall  "  has  a  splendid  inlaid  parquet 
floor,  with  a  crowned  Prussian  eagle  in  the  centre 
of  it.  This  eagle  was  a  source  of  immense  pride 
to  the  palace  attendants,  who  kept  it  in  a  high 
state  of  polish.  As  a  result  the  eagle  was  as  slip- 
pery as  ice,  and  woe  betide  the  unfortunate  dancer 


42     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

who  set  his  foot  on  it.  He  was  ahnost  certain  to 
fall;  and  to  fall  down  at  a  Berlin  State  ball  was  an 
unpardonable  offence.  If  a  German  officer,  the 
dehnquent  had  his  name  struck  off  the  list  of  those 
invited  for  a  whole  year.  If  a  member  of  the 
Corps  Diplomatique,  he  received  strong  hints  to 
avoid  dancing  again.  Certainly  the  diplomats  were 
sumptuously  entertained  at  supper  at  the  Berlin 
Palace;  whether  the  general  public  fared  as  well 
I  do  not  know. 

Urbain,  the  old  Emperor  William's  French  chef, 
who  was  responsible  for  these  admirable  suppers, 
had  published  several  cookery  books  in  French,  on 
the  title-page  of  which  he  described  himself  as  "  Ur- 
bain, premier  officier  de  bouche  de  S.M.  I'Empereur 
d'AUemagne."  This  quaint-sounding  title  was  his- 
torically quite  correct,  it  being  the  official  appella- 
tion of  the  head  cooks  of  the  old  French  kings.  A 
feature  of  the  Berlin  State  balls  was  the  stirrup-cup 
of  hot  punch  given  to  departing  guests.  Knowing 
people  hurried  to  the  grand  staircase  at  the  conclu- 
sion of  the  entertainment;  here  servants  proffered 
trays  of  this  delectable  compound.  It  was  concocted, 
I  believe,  of  equal  parts  of  arrack  and  rum,  with 
various  other  unknown  ingredients.  In  the  same 
way,  at  Buckingham  Palace  in  Queen  Victoria's 
time,  wise  persons  always  asked  for  hock  cup.  This 
was  compounded  of  very  old  hock  and  curious 
liqueurs,  from  a  hundred-year-old  recipe.  A  truly 
admirable  beverage!  Now,  alas!  since  Queen  Vic- 
toria's day,  only  a  memory. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  43 

The  Princesses  of  the  House  of  Prussia  had  one 
ordeal  to  face  should  they  become  betrothed  to  a 
member  of  the  Koyal  Family  of  any  other  coun- 
try. They  took  leave  formally  of  the  diplomats  at 
the  Palace,  "  making  the  circle  "  by  themselves.  I 
have  always  understood  that  Prussian  princesses 
were  trained  for  this  from  their  childhood  by  being 
placed  in  the  centre  of  a  circle  of  twenty  chairs,  and 
being  made  to  address  some  non-committal  remark 
to  each  chair  in  turn,  in  German,  French,  and  Eng- 
lish. I  remember  well  Princess  Louise  Margaret 
of  Prussia,  afterwards  our  own  Duchess  of  Con- 
naught,  who  was  to  become  so  extraordinarily  popu- 
lar not  only  in  England  but  in  India  and  Canada  as 
well,  making  her  farewell  at  Berlin  on  her  be- 
trothal. She  "  made  the  circle  "  of  some  forty  peo- 
ple, addressing  a  remark  or  two  to  each,  entirely 
alone,  save  for  two  of  the  great  long,  gawky  Prus- 
sian pages  in  attendance  on  her,  looking  in  their 
red  tunics  for  all  the  world  like  London-grown 
geraniums — all  stalk  and  no  leaves.  It  is  a  terrib- 
ly trying  ordeal  for  a  girl  of  eighteen,  and  the 
Duchess  once  told  me  that  she  nearly  fainted  from 
sheer  nervousness  at  the  time,  although  she  did  not 
show  it  in  the  least. 

If  I  may  be  permitted  a  somewhat  lengthy  di- 
gression, I  would  say  that  it  is  at  times  extremely 
difficult  to  find  topics  of  conversation.  Years  after- 
wards, when  I  was  stationed  at  our  Lisbon  Legation, 
the  Papal  Nuncio  was  very  tenacious  of  his  dignity. 
In  Catholic  countries  the  Nuncio  is  ex  officio  head 


44     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

of  the  Diplomatic  Body,  and  the  Nuncio  at  Lisbon 
expected  every  diplomat  to  call  on  him  at  least 
six  times  a  year.  On  his  reception  days  the  Nuncio 
always  arrayed  himself  in  his  purple  robes  and  a  lace 
cotta,  with  his  great  pectoral  emerald  cross  over 
it.  He  then  seated  himself  in  state  in  a  huge  carved 
chair,  with  a  young  priest  as  aide-de-camp,  standing 
motionless  behind  him.  It  was  always  my  ill-for- 
tune to  find  the  Nuncio  alone.  Now  what  possible 
topic  of  conversation  could  I,  a  Protestant,  find  with 
which  to  fill  the  necessary  ten  minutes  with  an  Ital- 
ian Archbishop  in  partibus.  We  could  not  well 
discuss  the  latest  fashions  in  copes,  or  any  impending 
changes  in  the  College  of  Cardinals.  Most  provi- 
dentally,  I  learnt  that  this  admirable  ecclesiastic, 
so  far  from  despising  the  pleasures  of  the  table, 
made  them  his  principal  interest  in  life.  I  know  no 
more  of  the  intricacies  of  the  Italian  cuisine  than 
Melchizedek  knew  about  frying  sausages,  but  I  had 
a  friend,  the  wife  of  an  Italian  colleague,  deeply 
versed  in  the  mysteries  of  Tuscan  cooking.  This 
kindly  lady  wrote  me  out  in  French  some  of  the 
choicest  recipes  in  her  extensive  repertoire^  and  I 
learnt  them  all  off  by  heart.  After  that  I  was  the 
Nuncio's  most  welcome  visitor.  We  argued  hotly 
over  the  respective  merits  of  risotto  alia  Milanese 
and  risotto  al  Salto.  We  discussed  gnocchi,  pasta 
asciutta,  and  novel  methods  of  preparing  minestra, 
I  trust  without  undue  partisan  heat,  until  the  excel- 
lent prelate's  eyes  gleamed  and  his  mouth  began  to 
water.    Donna  Maria,  my  Italian  friend,  proved  an 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  45 

inexhaustible  mine  of  recipes.  She  always  produced 
new  ones,  which  I  memorised,  and  occasionally  wrote 
out  for  the  Nuncio,  sometimes,  with  all  the  valour 
of  ignorance,  adding  a  fancy  ingredient  or  two  on 
my  own  account.  On  one  occasion,  after  I  had 
detailed  the  constituent  parts  of  an  extraordinarily 
succulent  composition  of  rice,  cheese,  oil,  mush- 
rooms, chestnuts,  and  tomatoes,  the  Nuncio  nearly 
burst  into  tears  with  emotion,  and  I  feel  convinced 
that,  heretic  though  I  might  be,  he  was  fully  intend- 
ing to  give  me  his  Apostolic  benediction,  had  not  the 
watchful  young  priest  checked  him.  I  felt  rewarded 
for  my  trouble  when  my  chief,  the  British  Minister, 
informed  me  that  the  Nuncio  considered  me  the  most 
intelUgent  young  man  he  knew.  He  added  further 
that  he  enjoyed  my  visits,  as  my  conversation  was 
so  interesting. 

The  other  occasion  on  which  I  experienced  great 
conversational  difficulties  was  in  Northern  India 
at  the  house  of  a  most  popular  and  sporting  Mahara- 
jah. His  mother,  the  old  Maharani,  having  just 
completed  her  seventy-first  year,  had  emerged  from 
the  seclusion  of  the  zenana,  where  she  had  spent 
fifty-five  years  of  her  life,  or,  in  Eastern  parlance, 
had  "  come  from  behind  the  cui-tain."  We  paid 
short  ceremonial  visits  at  intervals  to  the  old  lady, 
who  sat  amid  piles  of  cushions,  a  little  brown,  shriv- 
elled, mummy-like  figure,  so  swathed  in  brocades 
and  gold  tissue  as  to  be  almost  invisible.  The  Mahara- 
jah was  most  anxious  that  I  should  talk  to  his 
mother,  but  what  possible  subject  of  conversation 


46     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

could  I  find  with  an  old  lady  who  had  spent  fifty- 
five  years  in  the  pillared  (and  somewhat  uncleanly) 
seclusions  of  the  zenana?    Added  to  which  the  Ma- 
harani  knew  no  Urdu,  but  only  spoke  Bengali,  a 
language  of  which  I  am  ignorant.     This  entailed 
the  services  of  an  interpreter,  always  an  embarrass- 
ing appendage.     On  occasions  of  this  sort  Morier's 
delightful  book  Hadji  Baha  is  invaluable,  for  the 
author  gives  literal  English  translations  of  all  the 
most  flowery  Persian  compliments.     Had  the  Ma- 
harani  been  a  Mohammedan,  I  could  have  addressed 
her    as    "Oh    moon-faced    ravisher    of    hearts!      I 
trust  that  you  are  reposing  under  the  canopy  of  a 
sound  brain!  "    Being  a  Hindoo,  however,  she  would 
not  be  familiar  with  Persian  forms  of  politeness.   A 
few  remarks  on  lawn  tennis,  or  the  increasing  price 
of  polo  ponies,  would  obviously  fail  to  interest  her. 
You  could  not  well  discuss  fashions  with  an  old  lady 
who  had  found  one  single  garment  sufficient  for  her 
needs  all  her  days,  and  any  questions  as  to  details 
of  her  life  in  the  zenana,  or  that  of  the  other  in- 
mates of  that  retreat,  would  have  been  indecorous  in 
the  highest  degree.     Nothing  then  remained  but  to 
remark  that  the  Maharajah  was  looking  remarkably 
well,  but  that  he  had  unquestionably  put  on  a  great 
deal  of  weight  since  I  had  last  seen  him.    I  received 
the  startling  reply  from  the  interpreter    (delivered 
in  the  clipped,  staccato  tones  most  natives  of  India 
assume  when  they  speak  English) ,  "  Her  Highness 
says  that,  thanks  to  God,  and  to  his  mother's  cook- 
ing, her  son's  belly  is  increasing  indeed  to  vast  size." 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  47 

Bearing  in  mind  these  later  conversational  diffi- 
culties, I  cannot  but  admire  the  ease  with  which 
Royal  personages,  from  long  practice,  manage  to 
address  appropriate  and  varied  remarks  to  perhaps 
forty  people  of  different  nationalities,  whilst  "  mak- 
ing the  circle." 


CHAPTER  II 

Easy-going  Austria — Vienna — Charm  of  town — A  little  piece  of 
history — International  families — Family  pride — "  Schlussel- 
Geld  " — Excellence  of  Vienna  restaurants — The  origin  of 
"  Croissants  " — Good  looks  of  Viennese  women — Strauss's 
operettas — A  ball  in  an  old  Vienna  house — Court  entertain- 
ments— The  Empress  Elisabeth — Delightful  environs  of 
Vienna — The  Berlin  Congress  of  1878 — Lord  Beaconsfield 
— M.  de  Blowitz — Treaty  telegraphed  to  London — Environs 
of  Berlin — Potsdam  and  its  lakes — The  bow-oar  of  the 
Embassy  "  four  " — Narrow  escape  of  ex-Kaiser — The  Pots- 
dam palaces — Transfer  to  Petrograd — Glamour  of  Russia 
— An  evening  with  the  Crown  Prince  at  Potsdam. 

Our  Embassy  at  Vienna  was  greatly  overworked 
at  this  time,  owing  to  the  ilhiess  of  two  of  the  staff, 
and  some  fresh  developments  of  the  perennial 
"  Eastern  Question."  I  was  accordingly  "  lent  " 
to  the  Vienna  Embassy  for  as  long  as  was  neces- 
sary, and  left  at  once  for  the  Austrian  capital. 

At  the  frontier  station  of  Tetschen  the  transition 
from  cast-iron,  dictatorial,  overbearing  Prussian  ef- 
ficiency to  the  good-natured,  easy-going,  slipshod 
methods  of  the  "  ramshackle  Empire  "  was  immedi- 
ately apparent. 

The  change  from  Berhn  to  Vienna  was  refreshing. 
The  straight,  monotonous,  well-kept  streets  of  the 
Northern  capital  lacked  life  and  animation.  It  was 
a  very  fine  frame  enclosing  no  picture.    The  Vienna 

48 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  4<) 

streets  were  as  gay  as  those  of  Paris,  and  one  was 
conscious  of  being  in  a  city  with  centuries  of  tradi- 
tions. The  Inner  Town  of  Vienna  with  its  narrow 
winding  streets  is  extraordinarily  picturesque.  The 
demohsher  has  not  been  given  the  free  hand  he  has 
been  allowed  in  Paris,  and  the  fine  baroque  houses 
still  remaining  give  an  air  of  great  distinction  to 
this  part  of  the  town,  with  its  many  highly-decora- 
tive, if  somewhat  florid,  fountains  and  columns.  One 
was  no  longer  in  the  "  pushful "  atmosphere  of 
Prussia.  These  cheery,  easy-going  Viennese  loved 
music  and  dancing,  eating  and  drinking,  laughter 
and  fun.  They  were  quite  content  to  drift  lazily 
down  the  stream  of  life,  with  as  much  enjoyment 
and  as  little  trouble  as  possible.  They  might  be  a 
decadent  race,  but  they  were  essentially  gemuthliche 
Leute.  The  untranslatable  epithet  gemutlilicli  im- 
plies something  at  once  "  comfortable,"  "  sociable," 
"  cosy,"  and  "  pleasant." 

The  Austrian  aristocracy  were  most  charming 
people.  They  had  all  intermarried  for  centuries, 
and  if  they  did  not  trouble  their  intellect  much, 
there  may  have  been  physical  difficulties  connected 
with  the  process  for  which  they  were  not  respon- 
sible. The  degree  of  warmth  of  their  reception  of 
foreigners  was  largely  dependent  upon  whether  he, 
or  she,  could  show  the  indispensable  sechzelin  Ahnen 
(the  "sixteen  quarterings  " ) .  Once  satisfied  (or 
the  reverse)  as  to  this  point,  to  which  they  attach 
immense  importance,  the  situation  became  easier. 
As  the  whole  of  these  people  were  interrelated,  they 


50     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

were  all  on  Christian  names  terms,  and  the  various 
"Mitzis,"  "Kitzis,"  "  Fritzis,"  and  other  charac- 
teristically Austrian  abbreviations  were  a  little  dif- 
ficult to  place  at  times. 

It  was  impossible  not  to  realise  that  the  whole 
nation  was  living  on  the  traditions  of  their  splen- 
did past.  It  must  be  remembered  that  in  the  six- 
teenth century  the  Hapsburgs  ruled  the  whole  of 
Europe  with  the  exception  of  France,  England, 
Russia,  and  the  Scandinavian  countries.  For  cen- 
turies after  Charlemagne  assumed  the  Imperial 
Crown  there  had  been  only  one  Emperor  in  Europe, 
the  "  Holy  Roman  Emperor,"  the  *'Heiliger  Rom- 
ischer  Kaiser,"  the  fiction  being,  of  course,  that  he 
was  the  descendant  of  the  Cgesars.  The  word  "  Kai- 
ser "  is  only  the  German  variant  of  Csesar.  France 
and  England  had  always  consistently  refused  to  ac- 
knowledge the  overlordship  of  the  Emperor,  but 
the  prestige  of  the  title  in  German-speaking  lands 
was  immense,  though  the  Holy  Roman  Empire  it- 
self was  a  mere  simulacrum  of  power.  In  theory 
the  Emperor  was  elected;  in  practice  the  title  came 
to  be  a  hereditary  appanage  of  the  proud  Haps- 
burgs. It  was,  I  think,  Talleyrand  who  said  "  L'Au- 
trice  a  la  Facheuse  habitude  d'etre  tou jours  battue," 
and  this  was  absolutely  true.  Austria  was  defeated 
with  unfailing  regularity  in  almost  every  campaign, 
and  the  Hapsburgs  saw  their  immense  dominions 
gradually  slipping  from  their  grasp.  It  was  on 
May  14,  1804,  that  Napoleon  was  crowned  Emperor 
of  the  French  in  Paris,  and  Francis  II,  the  last  of 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  51 

the  Holy  Roman  Emperors,  was  fully  aware  that 
Napoleon's  next  move  would  be  to  supplant  him  and 
get  himself  elected  as  "  Roman  Emperor."  This 
Napoleon  would  have  been  able  to  achieve,  as  he  had 
bribed  the  Electors  of  Bavaria,  Wiirttemberg,  and 
Saxony  by  creating  them  kings.  For  once  a  Haps- 
burg  acted  with  promptitude.  On  August  11,  1804, 
Francis  proclaimed  himself  hereditary  Emperor 
of  Austria,  and  two  years  later  he  abolished  the  title 
of  Holy  Roman  Emperor.  The  Empire,  after  a 
thousand  years  of  existence,  flickered  out  inglorious- 
ly  in  1806.  The  pride  of  the  Hapsburgs  had  re- 
ceived a  hundred  years  previously  a  rude  shock. 
Peter  the  Great,  after  consolidating  Russia,  abol- 
ished the  title  of  Tsar  of  Muscovy,  and  proclaimed 
himself  Emperor  of  All  the  Russias;  purposely  us- 
ing the  same  term  "  Imperator  "  as  that  employed 
by  the  Roman  Emperor,  and  thus  putting  himself 
on  an  equahty  with  him. 

I  know  by  experience  that  it  is  impossible  to  din 
into  the  heads  of  those  unfamiliar  with  Russia  that 
since  Peter  the  Great's  time  there  has  never  been 
a  Tsar.  The  words  "  Tsar,"  "  Tsarina,"  "  Cesare- 
vitch,"  beloved  of  journalists,  exist  only  in  their 
imagination;  they  are  never  heard  in  Russia.  The 
Russians  termed  their  Emperor  "  Gosudar  Impera- 
tor," using  either  or  both  of  the  words.  Empress 
is  "  Imperatritza " ;  Heir  Apparent  "  Nadslyed- 
nik."  If  you  mentioned  the  words  "  Tsar "  or 
"  Tsarina "  to  any  ordinary  Russian  peasant,  I 
doubt  if  he  would  understand  you,  but  I  am  well 


52     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

aware  that  it  is  no  use  repeating  this,  the  other 
idea  is  too  firmly  ingrained.  The  Hapsburgs  had 
yet  another  bitter  pill  to  swallow.  Down  to  the 
middle  of  the  nineteenth  century  the  ancient  pres- 
tige of  the  title  Kaiser  and  the  glamour  attached  to 
it  were  maintained  throughout  the  Germanic  Con- 
federation, but  in  1871  a  second  brand-new  Kaiser 
arose  on  the  banks  of  the  Spree,  and  the  Hapsburgs 
were  shorn  of  their  long  monopoly. 

Franz  Josef  of  Austria  must  have  rued  the  day 
when  Sigismund  sold  the  sandy  Mark  of  Branden- 
burg to  Frederick  Count  of  HohenzoUern  in  1415, 
and  regretted  the  acquiescence  in  1701  of  his  direct 
ancestor,  the  Emperor  Leopold  I,  in  the  Elector 
of  Brandenburg's  request  that  he  might  assume  the 
title  of  King  of  Prussia.  The  HohenzoUerns  were 
ever  a  grasping  race.  I  think  that  it  was  Louis 
XIV  of  France  who,  whilst  officially  recognising 
the  new  King  of  Prussia,  refused  to  speak  of  him  as 
such,  and  always  alluded  to  him  as  "  Monsieur  le 
Marquis    de    Brandenbourg." 

No  wonder  that  the  feehng  of  bitterness  against 
Prussia  amongst  the  upper  classes  of  Austria  was 
very  acute  in  the  "  'seventies."  The  events  of  1866 
were  still  too  recent  to  have  been  forgotten.  In  my 
time  the  great  Austrian  ladies  affected  the  broadest 
Vienna  popular  dialect,  probably  to  emphasise  the 
fact  that  they  were  not  Prussians.  Thus  the  sen- 
tence "  ein  Glas  Wasser,  bitte,"  became,  written  in 
phonetic  Enghsh,  "a'  Glawss  Vawsser  beet."  I 
myself  was   much   rallied   on  my  pedantic   North- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  53 

German  pronunciation,  and  had  in  self-defence  to 
adopt  unfamiliar  Austrian  equivalents  for  many 
words. 

The  curious  international  families  which  seemed 
to  abound  in  Vienna  always  puzzled  me.  Thus  the 
princes  d'Aremberg  are  Belgians,  but  there  was  one 
Prince  d'Aremberg  in  the  Austrian  service,  whilst 
his  brother  was  in  the  Prussian  Diplomatic  Service, 
the  remainder  of  the  family  being  Belgians.  There 
were,  in  the  same  way,  many  German-speaking 
Pourtales  in  Berhn  in  the  German  service,  and 
more  French-speaking  ones  in  Paris  in  the  French 
service.  The  Due  de  Croy  was  both  a  Belgian  and 
an  Austrian  subject.  The  Croys  are  one  of  the 
oldest  families  in  Europe,  and  are  ehenhilrtig 
("born  on  an  equahty")  with  all  the  German 
Royalties.  They  therefore  show  no  signs  of  respect 
to  Archdukes  and  Archduchesses  when  they  meet 
them.  Although  I  cannot  vouch  personally  for 
them,  never  having  myself  seen  them,  I  am  told 
that  there  are  two  pictures  in  the  Croy  Palace  at 
Brussels  which  reach  the  apogee  of  family  pride. 
The  first  depicts  Noah  embarking  on  his  ark.  Al- 
though presumably  anxious  about  the  comfort  of  the 
extensive  live-stock  he  has  on  board,  Noah  finds 
time  to  give  a  few  parting  instructions  to  his  sons. 
On  what  is  technically  called  a  "  bladder  "  issuing 
from  his  mouth  are  the  words,  "  And  whatever  you 
do,  don't  forget  to  bring  with  you  the  family  papers 
of  the  Croys."  ("  Et  surtout  ayez  soin  de  ne  pas 
oublier  les  papiers  de  la  Maison  de  Croy!  ")    The 


54     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

other  picture  represents  the  Madonna  and  Child, 
with  the  then  Duke  of  Croy  kneeling  in  adoration 
before  them.  Out  of  the  Virgin  Mary's  mouth 
comes  a  "  bladder "  with  the  words  "  But  please 
put  on  your  hat,  dear  cousin."  ("  Mais  couvrez  vous 
done,  cher  cousin.") 

The  whole  of  Viennese  life  is  regulated  by  one 
exceedingly  tiresome  custom.  After  10  or  10.15 
p.m.  the  hall  porter  (known  in  Vienna  as  the 
"  House-master  ")  of  every  house  in  the  city  has 
the  right  of  levying  a  small  toll  of  threepence  on 
each  person  entering  or  leaving  the  house.  The 
whole  life  of  the  Vienna  bourgeois  is  spent  in 
trying  to  escape  this  tax,  known  as  "  Schliissel- 
Geld."  The  theatres  commence  accordingly  at 
6  p.m.  or  6.30,  which  entails  dining  about  5  p.m. 
A  typical  Viennese  middle-class  family  will  hurry 
out  in  the  middle  of  the  last  act  and  scurry  home 
breathlessly,  as  the  fatal  hour  approaches.  Arrived 
safely  in  their  flat,  in  the  last  stages  of  exhaustion, 
they  say  triumphantly  to  each  other.  "  We  have 
missed  the  end  of  the  play,  and  we  are  rather  out 
of  breath,  but  never  mind,  we  have  escaped  the 
*  Schliissel-Geld,'  and  as  we  are  four,  that  makes 
a  whole  shilling  saved!" 

An  equally  irritating  custom  is  the  one  that 
ordains  that  in  restaurants  three  waiters  must  be 
tipped  in  certain  fixed  proportions.  The  "  Pic- 
colo," who  brings  the  wine  and  bread,  receives 
one  quarter  of  the  tip ;  the  "  Speisetrager,"  who 
brings  the  actual  food,  gets  one  half;  the  "  Zahl- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  55 

kellner,"  who  brings  the  bill,  gets  one  quarter. 
All  these  must  be  given  separately,  so  not  only 
does  it  entail  a  hideous  amount  of  mental  arith- 
metic, but  it  also  necessitates  the  perpetual 
carrying  about  of  pocketfuls  of  small  change. 

The  Vienna  restaurants  were  quite  excellent, 
with  a  local  cuisine  of  extraordinary  succulence, 
and  more  extraordinary  names.  A  universal 
Austrian  custom,  not  only  in  restaurants  but  in 
private  houses  as  well,  is  to  serve  a  glass  of  the 
dehcious  light  Vienna  beer  with  the  soup.  Even 
at  State  dinners  at  the  Hof-Burg,  a  glass  of  beer 
was  always  offered  with  the  soup.  The  red  wine, 
Voslauer,  grown  in  the  immediate  vicinity  of  the 
city,  is  so  good,  and  has  such  a  distinctive  flavour, 
that  I  wonder  it  has  never  been  exported.  The 
restaurants  naturalty  suggest  the  matchless  Vien- 
nese orchestras.  They  were  a  source  of  never- 
ending  delight  to  me.  The  distinction  they 
manage  to  give  to  quite  commonplace  little  airs 
is  extraordinary.  The  popular  songs,  "  Wiener- 
Couplets,"  melodious,  airy  nothings,  Httle  light 
soap-bubbles  of  tunes,  are  one  of  the  distinctive 
features  of  Vienna.  Played  by  an  Austrian  band 
as  only  an  Austrian  band  can  play  them,  with 
astonishing  vim  and  fire,  and  supremely  dainty 
execution,  these  little  fragile  melodies  are  quite 
charming  and  irresistibly  attractive.  We  live  in 
a  progressive  age.  In  the  place  of  these  Austrian 
bands  with  their  finished  execution  and  consum- 
mately  musicianly   feeling,    the    twentieth   century 


56     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

has  invented  the  Jazz  band  with  its  ear-spHtting, 
chaotic  din. 

There  is  a  place  in  Vienna  known  as  the 
Heiden-Schuss,  or  "  Shooting  of  the  heathens." 
The  origin  of  this  is  quite  interesting. 

In  1683  the  Turks  invaded  Hungary,  and, 
completely  overrunning  the  country,  reached 
Vienna,  to  which  they  laid  siege,  for  the  second 
time  in  its  history.  Incidentally,  they  nearly  suc- 
ceeded in  capturing  it.  During  the  siege  bakers'  ap- 
prentices were  at  work  one  night  in  underground 
bakehouses,  preparing  the  bread  for  next  day's  con- 
sumption. The  lads  heard  a  rhythmic  "thump, 
thump,  thump,"  and  were  much  puzzled  by  it.  Two 
of  the  apprentices,  more  intelligent  than  the  rest, 
guessed  that  the  Turks  were  driving  a  mine,  and 
ran  off  to  the  Commandant  of  Vienna  with  their 
news.  They  saw  the  principal  engineer  officer  and 
told  him  of  their  discovery.  He  accompanied  them 
back  to  the  underground  bakehouse,  and  at  once 
determined  that  the  boys  were  right.  Having  got 
the  direction  from  the  sound,  the  Austrians  drove  a 
second  tunnel,  and  exploded  a  powerful  counter- 
mine. Great  numbers  of  Turks  were  killed,  and 
the  siege  was  temporarily  raised.  On  September  12 
of  the  same  year  (1683)  John  Sobieski,  King  of 
Poland,  utterly  routed  the  Turks,  drove  them 
back  into  their  own  country,  and  Vienna  was 
saved.  As  a  reward  for  the  intelligence  shown  by 
the  baker-boys,  they  were  granted  the  privilege 
of  making  and  selling  a  rich  kind  of  roll  (into  the 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  57 

composition  of  which  butter  entered  largely)  in 
the  shape  of  the  Turkish  emblem,  the  crescent. 
These  rolls  became  enormously  popular  amongst 
the  Viennese,  who  called  them  Kipfeln.  When 
Marie  Antoinette  married  Louis  XVI  of  France, 
she  missed  her  Kipfel,  and  sent  to  Vienna  for  an 
Austrian  baker  to  teach  his  Paris  confreres  the 
art  of  making  them.  These  rolls,  which  retained 
their  original  shape,  became  as  popular  in  Paris 
as  they  had  been  in  Vienna,  and  were  known  as 
Croissants,  and  that  is  the  reason  why  one  of  the 
rolls  which  are  brought  you  with  your  morning 
coffee  in  Paris  will  be  baked  in  the  form  of  a 
crescent. 

The  extraordinary  number  of  good-looking 
women,  of  all  classes  to  be  seen  in  the  streets  of 
Vienna  was  most  striking,  especially  after  Berlin, 
where  a  lower  standard  of  feminine  beauty 
prevailed.  Particularly  noticeable  were  the  admir- 
able figures  with  which  most  Austrian  women  are 
endowed.  In  the  far-off  "  'seventies "  ladies  did 
not  huddle  themselves  into  a  shapeless  mass  of 
abbreviated  oddments  of  material — they  dressed, 
and  their  clothes  fitted  them;  and  a  woman  on 
whom  Nature  (or  Art)  had  bestowed  a  good  figure 
was  able  to  display  her  gifts  to  the  world.  In 
the  same  way,  Fashion  did  not  compel  a  pretty 
girl  to  smother  up  her  features  in  unbecoming 
tangles  of  tortured  hair.  The  usual  fault  of 
Austrian  faces  is  their  breadth  across  the  cheek- 
bones; the  Viennese  too  have  a  decided  tendency 


58     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

to  embonpointj  but  in  youth  these  defects  are  not 
accentuated.  Amongst  the  Austrian  aristocracy 
the  great  beauty  of  the  girls  was  very  noticeable, 
as  was  their  height,  in  marked  contrast  to  the 
short  stature  of  most  of  the  men.  I  have  always 
heard  that  one  of  the  first  outward  signs  of  the 
decadence  of  a  race  is  that  the  girls  grow  taller, 
whilst  the  men  get  shorter. 

The  Vienna  theatres  are  justly  celebrated.  At 
the  Hof-Burg  Theatre  may  be  seen  the  most 
finished  acting  on  the  German  stage.  The  Burg 
varied  its  programme  almost  nightly,  and  it  was 
an  amusing  sight  to  see  the  troops  of  hveried 
footmen  inquiring  at  the  box-office,  on  behalf  of 
their  mistresses,  whether  the  play  to  be  given 
that  night  was  or  was  not  a  Comtessen-Stilck,  i.e.^ 
a  play  fit  for  young  girls  to  see.  The  box-keeper 
always  gave  a  plain  "  Yes "  or  "  No "  in  reply. 
After  Charles  Garnier's  super-ornate  pile  in  Paris, 
the  Vienna  Opera-house  is  the  finest  in  Europe, 
and  the  musical  standard  reaches  the  highest 
possible  level,  completely  eclipsing  Paris  in  that 
respect.  In  the  "  'seventies "  Johann  Strauss's 
delightful  comic  operas  still  retained  their  vogue. 
Bubbling  over  with  merriment,  full  of  delicious 
ear-tickhng  melodies,  and  with  a  "  go "  and  an 
irresistible  intoxication  about  them  that  no 
French  composer  has  ever  succeeded  in  emulating, 
these  operettas,  "Die  Fledermaus,"  "  Prinz 
Methusalem,"  and  "La  Reine  Indigo,"  would 
well    stand    revival.       When    the    "  Fledermaus " 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  59 

was  revived  in  London  some  ten  years  ago  it  ran, 
if  my  memory  serves  me  right,  for  nearly  a  year. 
Occasionally  Strauss  himself  conducted  one  of  his 
own  operettas;  then  the  orchestra,  responding  to 
his  magical  baton,  played  like  very  demons. 
Strauss  had  one  peculiarity.  Should  he  be  dis- 
satisfied with  the  vim  the  orchestra  put  into  one 
of  his  favourite  numbers,  he  would  snatch  the 
instrument  from  the  first  violin  and  play  it  him- 
self. Then  the  orchestra  answered  like  one  man,  and 
one  left  the  theatre  with  the  entrancing  strains  still 
tingling  in  one's  ears. 

The  family  houses  of  most  of  the  Austrian  nobil- 
ity were  in  the  Inner  Town,  the  old  walled  city, 
where  space  was  very  limited.  These  fine  old 
houses,  built  for  the  greater  part  in  the  Italian 
baroque  style,  though  splendid  for  entertaining, 
were  almost  pitch  dark  and  very  airless  in  the 
daytime.  Judging,  too,  from  the  awful  smells  in 
them,  they  must  have  been  singularly  insanitary 
dwellings.  The  Lobkowitz  Palace,  afterwards  the 
French  Embassy,  was  so  dark  by  day  that  artifi- 
cial light  had  always  to  be  used.  In  the  great 
seventeenth  century  ball-room  of  the  Lobkowitz 
Palace  there  was  a  railed  off  oak-panelled  alcove 
containing  a  bust  of  Beethoven,  an  oak  table,  and 
three  chairs.  It  was  in  that  alcove,  and  at  that 
table,  that  Beethoven,  when  librarian  to  Prince 
Lobkowitz,  composed  some  of  his  greatest 
works. 

Our  own  Embassy  in  the  Metternichgasse,  built 


60     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

by  the  British  Government,  was  rather  cramped 
and  could  in  no  way  compare  with  the  Berlin 
house. 

I  remember  well  a  ball  given  by  Prince  S , 

head  of  one  of  the  greatest  Austrian  families,  in 
his   fine   but   extremely  dark   house   in   the    Inner 

Town.      It   was   Prince    S 's   custom   on  these 

occasions  to  have  three  hundred  young  peasants 
sent  up  from  his  country  estates,  and  to  have 
them  all  thrust  into  the  family  livery.  These 
bucolic  youths,  looking  very  sheepish  in  their  un- 
familiar plush  breeches  and  stockings,  with  their 
unkempt  heads  powdered,  and  with  swords  at 
their  sides,  stood  motionless  on  every  step  of  the 
staircase.  I  counted  one  hundred  of  these  rustic 
retainers  on  the  staircase  alone.  They  would  have 
looked  better  had  their  liveries  occasionally  fitted 

them.     The  ball-room  at  Prince  S 's  was  hung 

with  splendid  Brussels  seventeenth  century  tapestry 
framed  in  mahogany  panels,  heavily  carved  and 
gilt.  I  have  never  seen  this  combination  of  ma- 
hogany, gilding,  and  tapestry  anywhere  else.  It 
was  wonderfully  decorative,  and  with  the  elaborate 
painted  ceiling  made  a  fine  setting  for  an  enter- 
tainment. It  was  a  real  pleasure  to  see  how  whole- 
heartedly the  Austrians  threw  themselves  into  the 
dancing.  I  think  they  all  managed  to  retain  a 
child's  power  of  enjoyment,  and  they  never  de- 
tracted from  this  by  any  unnecessary  brainwork. 
Still  they  were  dehghtfuUy  friendly,  easy-going 
people.    A  distinctive  feature  of  every  Vienna  ball 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  61 

was  the  "  Comtessen-Zimmer,"  or  room  reserved  for 
girls.  At  the  end  of  every  dance  they  all  trooped 
in  there,  giggling  and  gossiping,  and  remained 
there  till  the  music  for  the  next  dance  struck  up. 
No  married  woman  dared  intrude  into  the  "  Com- 
tessen-Zimmer," and  I  shudder  to  think  of  what 
would  have  befallen  the  rash  male  who  ventured 
to  cross  that  jealously-guarded  threshold.  I  imag- 
ine that  the  charming  and  beautifully-dressed  Aus- 
trian married  women  welcomed  this  custom,  for 
between  the  dances  at  all  events  they  could  still 
hold  the  field,  free  from  the  competition  of  a 
younger  and  fresher  generation. 

At  Prince  S 's,  at  midnight,  armies  of  rustic 

retainers,  in  their  temporary  disguise,  brought  bat- 
talions of  supper  tables  into  the  ball-room,  and 
all  the  guests  sat  down  to  a  hot  supper  at  the 
same  time.  As  an  instance  of  how  Austrians 
blended  simplicity  with  a  great  love  of  externals, 
I  see  from  my  diary  that  the  supper  consisted  of 
bouillon,  of  plain-boiled  carp  with  horse-radish, 
of  thick  slices  of  hot  roast  beef,  and  a  lemon  ice 
— and  nothing  else  whatever.  A  sufficiently  sub- 
stantial repast,  but  hardly  in  accordance  with  mod- 
ern ideas  as  to  what  a  ball-supper  should  consist 
of.  The  young  peasants,  considering  that  it  was 
their  first  attempt  at  waiting,  did  not  break  an 
undue  number  of  plates;  they  tripped  at  times, 
though,  over  their  unaccustomed  swords,  and  gaped 
vacantly,  or  would  get  hitched  up  with  each  other, 
when  more  dishes  crashed  to  their  doom. 


62     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

In  Vienna  there  was  a  great  distinction  drawn 
between  a  "Court  Ball"  (Hof-Ball)  and  a  "Ball 
at  the  Court"  (Ball  bei  Hof).  To  the  former 
everyone  on  the  Palace  list  was  invited,  to  the 
latter  only  a  few  people;  and  the  one  was  just 
as  crowded  and  disagreeable  as  the  other  was  the 
reverse.  The  great  rambling  pile  of  the  Hof-Burg 
contains  some  very  fine  rooms  and  a  marvellous 
collection  of  works  of  art,  and  the  so-called  "  Cere- 
monial Apartments "  are  of  quite  Imperial  mag- 
nificence, but  the  general  effect  was  far  less  striking 
than  in  Berlin. 

In  spite  of  the  beauty  of  the  women,  the  coup 
d'ceil  was  spoilt  by  the  ugly  Austrian  uniforms. 
After  the  disastrous  campaign  of  1866,  the  tra- 
ditional white  of  the  Austrian  Army  was  abolished, 
and  the  uniforms  were  shorn  of  all  unnecessary 
trappings.  The  military  tailors  had  evolved  hide- 
ous garments,  ugly  in  colour,  unbecoming  in  cut. 
One  can  only  trust  that  they  proved  very  econom- 
ical, but  the  contrast  with  the  splendid  and  ad- 
mirably made  uniforms  of  the  Prussian  Army  was 
very  marked.  The  Hungarian  magnates  in  their 
traditional  family  costumes  (from  which  all  Hus- 
sar uniforms  are  derived)  added  a  note  of  gor- 
geous colour,  with  their  gold-laced  tunics  and  their 
many-hued  velvet  slung- jackets.  I  remember,  on 
the  occasion  of  Queen  Victoria's  Jubilee  in  1887, 
the  astonishment  caused  by  a  youthful  and  ex- 
ceedingly good-looking  Hungarian  who  appeared 
at  Buckingham  Palace  in  skin-tight  blue  breeches 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  63 

lavishly  embroidered  with  gold  over  the  thighs, 
entirely  gilt  Hessian  boots  to  the  knee,  and  a  tight- 
fitting  tunic  cut  out  of  a  real  tiger-skin,  fastened 
with  some  two  dozen  turquoise  buttons  the  size  of 
fiive-shilhng  pieces.  When  this  resplendent  youth 
reappeared  in  London  ten  years  later  at  the  Dia- 
mond Jubilee,  it  was  with  a  tonsured  head,  and 
he  was  wearing  the  violet  robes  of  a  prelate  of  the 
Roman  Church. 

As  an  instance  of  the  inflexibility  of  the  cast- 
iron  rules  of  the  Hapsburg  Court:  I  may  mention 
that  the  beautiful  Countess  Karolyi,  Austrian  Am- 
bassadress in  Berlin,  was  never  asked  to  Court  in 
Vienna,  as  she  lacked  the  necessary  "  sixteen  quar- 
terings."  To  a  non-Austrian  mind  it  seems  illogi- 
cal that  the  lovely  lady  representing  Austria  in 
Berlin  should  have  been  thought  unfitted  for  an 
invitation   from  her  own   Sovereign. 

The  immense  deference  paid  to  the  Austrian 
Archdukes  and  Archduchesses  was  very  striking 
after  the  comparatively  unceremonious  fashion  in 
which  minor  German  royalties  (always  excepting 
the  Emperor  and  the  Crown  Prince)  were  treated 
in  Berlin.  The  Archduchesses  especially  were  very 
tenacious  of  their  privileges.  They  never  could 
forget  that  they  were  Hapsburgs,  and  exacted  all 
the  traditional  signs  of  respect. 

The  unfortunate  Empress  Elisabeth,  destined 
years  after  to  fall  under  the  dagger  of  an  assassin 
at  Geneva,  made  but  seldom  a  public  appearance 
in  her  husband's  dominions.      She  had   an  almost 


64     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

morbid  horror  of  fulfilling  any  of  the  duties  of 
her  position.  During  my  stay  in  the  Austrian 
capital  I  only  caught  one  glimpse  of  her,  driving 
through  the  streets.  She  was  astonishingly  hand- 
some, with  coiled  masses  of  dark  hair,  and  a  very 
youthful  and  graceful  figure,  but  the  face  was  so 
impassive  that  it  produced  the  effect  of  a  beautiful, 
listless  mask.  The  Empress  was  a  superb  horse- 
woman, and  every  single  time  she  rode  she  was 
literally  sewn  into  her  habit  by  a  tailor,  in  order 
to  ensure  a  perfect  fit. 

The  innumerable  cafes  of  Vienna  were  crowded 
from  morning  to  night.  Seeing  them  crammed 
with  men  in  the  forenoon,  one  naturally  wondered 
how  the  business  of  the  city  was  transacted.  Prob- 
ably, in  typical  Austrian  fashion,  these  worthy 
Viennese  left  their  businesses  to  take  care  of  them- 
selves whilst  they  enjoyed  themselves  in  the  cafes. 
The  super-excellence  of  the  Vienna  coffee  would 
afford  a  more  or  less  legitimate  excuse  for  this. 
Nowhere  in  the  world  is  such  coffee  made,  and  a 
"  Capuziner,"  or  a  "  Melange,"  the  latter  with 
thick  whipped  cream  on  the  top  of  it,  were  indeed 
things  of  joy. 

Few  capitals  are  more  fortunate  in  their  en- 
virons than  Vienna.  The  beautiful  gardens  and 
park  of  Schonbrunn  Palace  have  a  sort  of  intimate 
charm  which  is  wholly  lacking  at  Versailles.  They 
are  stately,  yet  do  not  overwhelm  you  with 
a  sense  of  vast  spaces.  They  are  crowned 
by    a    sort    of    temple,    known    as    the    Gloriette, 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  65 

from  which  a  splendid  view  is  obtained. 
In  less  than  three  hours  from  the  capital,  the 
railway  climbs  3,000  feet  to  the  Semmering,  where 
the  mountain  scenery  is  really  grand.  During 
the  summer  months  the  whole  of  Vienna  empties 
itself  on  to  the  Semmering  and  the  innumerable 
other  hill-resorts  within  easy  distance  from  the 
city. 

When  the  time  came  for  my  departure,  I  felt 
genuinely  sorry  at  leaving  this  merry,  careless, 
music  and  laughter-loving  town,  and  these  genial, 
friendly,  hospitable  incompetents.  I  feel  some  com- 
punction in  using  this  word,  as  people  had  been 
very  good  to  me.  I  cannot  help  feeling,  though, 
that  it  is  amply  warranted.  A  bracing  climate  is 
doubtless  wholesome;  but  a  relaxing  one  can  be 
very  pleasant  for  a  time.  I  went  back  to  Berlin 
feeling  like  a  boy  returning  to  school  after  his 
holidays. 

The  Viennese  had  but  little  love  for  their  upstart 
rival  on  the  Spree.  They  had  invented  the  name 
"  Parvenupopolis  "  for  Berlin,  and  a  little  popular 
song,  which  I  may  be  forgiven  for  quoting  in  the 
original  German,  expressed  their  sentiments  fairly 
accurately : 

Es  gibt  nur  eine  Kaiserstadt, 
Es  gibt  nur  ein  Wien; 
Es  gibt  nur  ein  Raubernest, 
Und  das  heisst  Berlin. 

I  had  a  Bavarian  friend  in  Berlin.  We  talked 
over  the  amazing  difference  in  temperament  there 


66     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

was  between  the  Austrians  and  the  Prussians,  and 
the  curious  charm  there  was  about  the  former, 
lacking  in  intellect  though  they  might  be,  a  charm 
wholly  lacking  in  the  pushful,  practical  Prussians. 
My  friend  agreed,  but  claimed  the  same  attractive 
qualities  for  his  own  beloved  Bavarians;  "but," 
he  added  impressively,  "  mark  my  words,  in  twenty 
years  from  now  the  whole  of  Germany  will  be 
Prussianised!  "  {"Ganz  Deutschland  wird  verpreus- 
sert  werden/')  Events  have  shown  how  absolutely 
correct  my  Bavarian  friend  was  in  his  forecast. 

In  June,  1878,  the  great  Congress  for  the  set- 
tlement of  the  terms  of  peace  between  Russia  and 
Turkey  assembled  in  Berlin.  It  was  an  extraor- 
dinarily interesting  occasion,  for  almost  every  sin- 
gle European  notability  was  to  be  seen  in  the 
German  capital.  The  Russian  plenipotentiaries 
were  the  veteran  Prince  Gortchakoff  and  Count 
Peter  Schouvaloff ,  that  most  genial  faux-honhomme ; 
the  Turks  were  championed  by  Ali  Pasha  and  by 
Katheodory  Pasha.  Great  Britain  was  represented 
by  Lords  Beaconsfield  and  Salisbury;  Austria  by 
Count  Andrassy,  the  Prime  Minister;  France  by 
M.  Waddington.  In  spite  of  the  very  large  staff 
brought  out  from  London  by  the  British  plenipo- 
tentiaries, an  enormous  amount  of  work  fell  upon 
us  at  the  Embassy. 

To  a  youngster  there  is  something  very  fasci- 
nating in  being  regarded  as  so  worthy  of  confi- 
dence that  the  most  secret  details  of  the  great 
game  of  diplomacy  were  all  known  to  him  from 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  67 

day  to  day.  A  boy  of  twenty-one  feels  very  proud 
of  the  trust  reposed  in  him,  and  at  being  the  re- 
pository of  such  weighty  and  important  secrets. 
That  is  the  traditional  method  of  the  British  Dip- 
lomatic  Service. 

As  all  the  Embassies  gave  receptions  in  honour 
of  their  own  plenipotentiaries,  we  met  almost  nightly 
all  the  great  men  of  Europe,  and  had  occasional 
opportunities  for  a  few  words  with  them.  Prince 
Gortchakoff,  who  fancied  himself  Bismarck's  only 
rival,  was  a  little,  short,  tubby  man  in  spectacles; 
wholly  undistinguished  in  appearance,  and  looking 
for  all  the  world  like  an  average  French  provincial 
notaire.  Count  Andrassy,  the  Hungarian,  was  a 
tall,  strikingly  handsome  man,  with  an  immense 
head  of  hair.  To  me,  he  always  recalled  the  leader 
of  a  "  Tzigane  "  orchestra.  M.  Waddington  talked 
English  like  an  Englishman,  and  was  so  typically 
British  in  appearance  that  it  was  almost  impos- 
sible to  realise  that  he  was  a  Frenchman.  Our 
admiration  for  him  was  increased  when  we  learnt 
that  he  had  rowed  in  the  Cambridge  Eight.  But 
without  any  question  whatever,  the  personality 
which  excited  the  greatest  interest  at  the  BerHn 
Congress  was  that  of  Lord  Beaconsfield,  the  Jew 
who  by  sheer  force  of  intellect  had  raised  himself 
from  nothing  into  his  present  commanding  posi- 
tion. His  peculiar,  colourless,  inscrutable  face, 
with  its  sphinx-like  impassiveness ;  the  air  of  mys- 
tery which  somehow  clung  about  him;  the  romantic 
story  of  his  career;   even  the  remnants  of  dandy- 


68     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

ism  which  he  still  retained  in  his  old  age — all  these 
seemed  to  whet  the  insatiable  public  curiosity  about 
him.  Some  enterprising  Berlin  tradesmen  had 
brought  out  fans,  with  leaves  composed  of  plain 
white  vellum,  designed  expressly  for  the  Congress. 
Armed  with  one  of  these  fans,  and  with  pen  and 
ink,  indefatigable  feminine  autograph-hunters 
moved  about  at  these  evening  receptions,  securing 
the  signatures  of  the  plenipotentiaries  on  the  white 
vellum  leaves.  INIany  of  those  fans  must  still  be 
in  existence,  and  should  prove  very  interesting  to- 
day. Bismarck  alone  invariably  refused  his  auto- 
graph. 

At  all  these  gatherings,  M.  de  Blowitz,  the  then 
Paris  correspondent  of  the  Times,  was  much  to 
the  fore.  In  the  "  'seventies  "  the  prestige  of  the 
Times  on  the  Continent  of  Europe  was  enormous. 
In  reality  the  influence  of  the  Times  was  very 
much  overrated,  since  all  Continentals  persisted  in 
regarding  it  as  the  inspired  mouthpiece  of  the 
British  Government.  Great  was  the  Times,  but 
greater  still  was  de  Blowitz,  its  prophet.  This  most 
remarkable  man  was  a  veritable  prince  of  news- 
paper correspondents.  There  was  no  move  on  the 
European  chess-board  of  which  he  was  not  cog- 
nisant, and  as  to  which  he  did  not  keep  his  paper 
well  informed,  and  his  information  was  always 
accurate.  De  Blowitz  knew  no  English,  and  his 
lengthy  daily  telegrams  to  the  Times  were  always 
written  in  French  and  were  translated  in  London. 
He  was  really  a  Bohemian  Jew  of  the  name  of 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  69 

Ojipen,  and  he  had  bestowed  the  higher-sounding 
name  of  de  Blowitz  on  himself.  He  was  a  very- 
short,  fat  httle  man,  with  inamensely  long  grey 
side-whiskers,  and  a  most  consequential  manner. 
He  was  a  very  great  personage  indeed  in  official 
circles.  De  Blowitz  has  in  his  Memoirs  given  a 
full  account  of  the  trick  by  which  he  learnt  of  the 
daily  proceedings  of  the  Congress  and  so  trans- 
mitted them  to  his  paper.  I  need  not,  therefore, 
go  into  details  about  this;  it  is  enough  to  say 
that  a  daily  exchange  of  hats,  in  the  lining  of  the 
second  of  which  a  summary  of  the  day's  delibera- 
tions was  concealed,  played  a  great  part  in  it. 

When  the  Treaty  had  been  drawn  up  in  French, 
Lord  Salisbury  rather  startled  us  by  saying  that 
he  wished  it  translated  into  EngHsh  and  cyphered 
to  London  that  very  evening  in  eoctenso.  This 
was  done  to  obviate  the  possibility  of  the  news- 
paper correspondents  getting  a  version  of  the 
Treaty  through  to  London  before  the  British  Gov- 
ernment had  received  the  actual  text.  As  the 
Treaty  was  w^hat  I,  in  the  light  of  later  experi- 
ences, would  now  describe  as  of  fifteen  thousand 
words  length,  this  was  a  sufficiently  formidable 
undertaking.  Fifteen  of  us  sat  down  to  the  task 
about  6  p.  m.,  and  by  working  at  high  pressure 
we  got  the  translation  finished  and  the  last  cyphered 
sheet  sent  off  to  the  telegraph  office  by  5  a.m.  The 
translation  done  at  such  breakneck  speed  was  pos- 
sibly a  little  crude  in  places.  One  clause  in  the 
Treaty  provided  that  ships  in  ballast  were  to  have 


70     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

free  passage  through  the  Dardanelles.  Now  the 
French  for  "  ships  in  ballast,"  is  "  navires  en  lest." 
The  person  translating  this  (who  was  not  a  mem- 
ber of  the  British  Diplomatic  Service)  rendered 
"  navires  en  lest "  as  "  ships  in  the  East,"  and  in 
this  form  it  was  cyphered  to  London.  As,  owing 
to  the  geographical  position  of  the  Dardanelles, 
any  ship  approaching  them  would  be,  in  one  sense 
of  the  term,  a  "  ship  in  the  East,"  there  was 
considerable  perturbation  in  Downing  Street  over 
this  clause,  until  the  mistake  was  discovered. 

Berlin  has  wonderful  natural  advantages,  con- 
sidering that  it  is  situated  in  a  featureless,  sandy 
plain.  In  my  day  it  was  quite  possible  to  walk 
from  the  Embassy  into  a  real,  wild  pine-forest, 
the  Griinewald.  The  Griinewald,  being  a  Royal 
forest,  was  unbuilt  on,  and  quite  unspoilt.  It 
extended  for  miles,  enclosing  many  pretty  little 
lakelets.  Now  I  understand  that  it  has  been  in- 
vaded by  "  villa  colonies,"  so  its  old  charm  of 
wildness  must  have  vanished.  The  Tiergarten,  too, 
the  park  of  Berlin,  retains  in  places  the  look  of  a 
real  country  wood.  It  is  inadvisable  to  venture 
into  the  Tiergarten  after  nightfall,  should  you 
wish  to  retain  possession  of  your  watch,  purse,  and 
other  portable  property.  The  sandy  nature  of  the 
soil  makes  it  excellent  for  riding.  Within  quite 
a  short  distance  of  the  city  you  can  find  tracts 
of  heathery  moor,  and  can  get  a  good  gallop  almost 
anywhere. 

There  is  quite  fair  partridge-shooting,  too,  within 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  71 

a  few  miles  of  Berlin,  in  the  immense  potato  fields, 
though  the  entire  absence  of  cover  in  this  hedgeless 
land  makes  it  very  difficult  at  times  to  approach 
the  birds.  It  is  pre-eminently  a  country  for  "  driv- 
ing "  partridges,  though  most  Germans  prefer  the 
comparatively  easy  shots  afforded  by  "  walking  the 
birds  up." 

Potsdam  has  had  but  scant  justice  done  it  by 
foreigners.  The  town  is  almost  surrounded  by  the 
river  Havel,  which  here  broadens  out  into  a  series 
of  winding,  wooded  lakes,  surrounded  by  tree-clad 
hills.  The  Potsdam  lakes  are  really  charmingly 
pretty,  and  afford  an  admirable  place  for  rowing 
or  sailing.  Neither  of  these  pursuits  seems  to 
make  the  least  appeal  to  Germans.  The  Embassy 
kept  a  small  yacht  at  Potsdam,  but  she  was  prac- 
tically the  only  craft  then  on  the  lakes.  As  on 
all  narrow  waters  enclosed  by  wooded  hills,  the 
sailing  was  very  tricky,  owing  to  the  constant 
shifting  of  the  wind.  Should  it  be  blowing  fresh, 
it  was  advisable  to  sail  under  very  light  canvas; 
and  it  was  always  dangerous  to  haul  up  the  centre- 
board, even  when  "  running,"  as  on  rounding  some 
wooded  point  you  would  get  "  taken  aback  "  to  a 
certainty.  Once  in  the  fine  open  stretch  of  water  be- 
tween Wansee  and  Spandau,  you  could  hoist  every 
stitch  of  canvas  available,  and  indulge  with  impunity 
in  the  most  complicated  nautical  manoeuvres.  Pos- 
sibly my  extreme  fondness  for  the  Potsdam  lakes 
may  be  due  to  their  extraordinary  resemblance  to  the 
lakes  at  my  own  Northern  country  home. 


72     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

The  Embassy  also  owned  a  light  Thames-built 
four-oar.  At  times  a  short,  thick-set  young  man 
of  nineteen  pulled  bow  in  our  four.  The  short 
young  man  had  a  withered  arm,  and  the  doctors 
hoped  that  the  exercise  of  rowing  might  put  some 
strength  into  it.  He  seemed  quite  a  commonplace 
young  man,  yet  this  short,  thick-set  youth  was 
destined  less  than  forty  years  after  to  plunge  the 
world  into  the  greatest  calamity  it  has  ever  known; 
to  sacrifice  millions  and  millions  of  human  lives 
to  his  own  inordinate  ambition;  and  to  descend  to 
posterity  as  one  of  the  most  sinister  characters  in 
the  pages  of  history. 

Moored  in  the  "  Jungfernsee,"  one  of  the  Pots- 
dam lakes,  lay  a  miniature  sailing  frigate,  a  com- 
plete model  of  a  larger  craft  down  to  the  smallest 
details.  This  toy  frigate  had  been  a  present  from 
King  William  IV  of  England  to  the  then  King 
of  Prussia.  The  little  frigate  had  been  built  in 
London,  and  though  of  only  30-tons  burden,  had 
been  sailed  down  the  Thames,  across  the  North 
Sea,  and  up  the  Elbe  and  Havel  to  Potsdam,  by 
a  British  naval  officer.  A  pretty  bit  of  seamanship ! 
I  have  always  heard  that  it  was  the  sight  of  this 
toy  frigate,  lying  on  the  placid  lake  at  Potsdam, 
that  first  inspired  William  of  HohenzoUern  with 
the  idea  of  building  a  gigantic  navy. 

The  whole  history  of  the  world  might  have  been 
changed  by  an  incident  which  occurred  on  these 
same  Potsdam  lakes  in  1880.  I  have  already  said 
that  WilHam   of   HohenzoUern,   then   only   Prince 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  73 

William,  pulled  at  times  in  our  Embassy  four,  in 
the  hope  that  it  might  strengthen  his  withered  arm. 
He  was  very  anxious  to  see  if  he  could  learn  to 
scull,  in  spite  of  his  physical  defect,  and  asked  the 
Ambassadress,  Lady  Ampthill,  whether  she  would 
herself  undertake  to  coach  him.  Lady  Ampthill 
consented,  and  met  Prince  Wilham  next  day  at 
the  landing-stage  with  a  light  Thames-built  skiff, 
belonging  to  the  Embassy.  Lady  Ampthill,  with 
the  caution  of  one  used  to  light  boats,  got  in  care- 
fully, made  her  way  aft,  and  grasped  the  yoke- 
lines.  She  then  explained  to  Prince  Wilham  that 
this  was  not  a  heavy  boat  such  as  he  had  been 
accustomed  to,  that  he  must  exercise  extreme  care, 
and  in  getting  in  must  tread  exactly  in  the  centre 
of  the  boat.  William  of  Hohenzollern,  who  had 
never  taken  advice  from  anyone  in  his  life,  and 
was  always  convinced  that  he  himself  knew  best, 
responded  by  jumping  into  the  boat  from  the 
landing-stage,  capsizing  it  immediately,  and  throw- 
ing himself  and  Lady  Ampthill  into  the  water. 
Prince  William,  owing  to  his  malformation,  was 
unable  to  swim  one  stroke,  but  help  was  at  hand. 
I'wo  of  the  Secretaries  of  the  British  Embassy  had 
witnessed  the  accident,  and  rushed  up  to  aid.  The 
so-called  "  Naval  Station "  was  close  by,  where 
the  Emperor's  Potsdam  yacht  lay,  a  most  singu- 
larly shabby  old  paddle-boat.  Some  German  sai- 
lors from  the  "  Naval  Post "  heard  the  shouting  and 
ran  up,  and  a  moist,  and  we  will  trust  a  chastened 
William  and  a  dripping  Ambassadress  were  event- 


74  SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 
ualiv  rescued  from  the  lake.  Otherwise  Wilham 
of  Hohenzollern  might  have  ended  his  life  in  the 
"  Jungfernsee  "  at  Potsdam  that  day,  and  milHons 
of  other  men  would  have  been  permitted  to  live 
out  their  allotted  span  of  existence. 

Potsdam  itself  is  quite  a  pleasing  town,  with  a 
half -Dutch,  half -Italian  physiognomy.  Both  were 
deliberately  borrowed;  the  first  by  Frederick  Wil- 
liam I,  who  constructed  the  tree-lined  canals  which 
give  Potsdam  its  half-Batavian  aspect;  the  second 
bv  Frederick  the  Great,  who  fronted  Teutonic 
dwellings  with  fa9ades  copied  from  Italy  to  add 
dignity  to  the  town.  It  must  in  justice  be  added 
that  both  are  quite  successful,  though  Potsdam, 
like  most  other  things  connected  with  the  Hohen- 
zoUerns,  has  only  a  couple  of  hundred  years'  tra- 
dition behind  it.  The  square  opposite  the  railway 
really  does  recall  Italy.  The  collection  of  palaces 
at  Potsdam  is  bewildering.  Of  these,  three  are  of 
the  first  rank:  the  Town  Palace,  Sans-souci,  and 
the  great  pile  of  the  "  New  Palace."  Either  Fred- 
erick the  Great  was  very  fortunate  in  his  architects, 
or  else  he  chose  them  with  great  discrimination. 
The  Town  Palace,  even  in  my  time  but  seldom  in- 
habited, is  very  fine  in  the  finished  details  of  its 
decoration.  Sans-souci  is  an  absolute  gem;  its  rococo 
style  may  be  a  little  over-elaborate,  but  it  produces 
the  effect  of  a  finished,  complete  whole,  in  the  most 
admirable  taste;  even  though  the  exuberant  imagi- 
nation of  the  eighteenth  century  has  been  allowed 
to  run  riot  in  it.     The  gardens  of  Sans-souci,  too, 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  75 

are  most  attractive.  The  immense  red-brick  build- 
ing of  the  New  Palace  was  erected  by  Frederick 
tlie  Great  during  the  Seven  Years'  War,  out  of 
sheer  bravado.  He  was  anxious  to  impress  on  his 
enemies  the  fact  that  his  financial  resources  were 
not  yet  exhausted.  Considering  that  he  already 
possessed  two  stately  palaces  within  a  mile  of  it, 
the  New  Palace  may  be  looked  upon  as  distinctly 
a  work  of  supererogation,  also  as  an  appalling 
waste  of  money.  As  a  piece  of  architecture,  it  is 
distinctly  a  success.  This  list  does  not,  however, 
nearly  exhaust  the  palatial  resources  of  Potsdam. 
The  eighteenth  century  had  contributed  its  suc- 
cesses; it  remained  for  the  nineteenth  to  add  its 
failures.  Babelsberg,  the  old  Emperor  William's 
favourite  residence,  was  an  awful  example  of  a 
ginger-bread  pseudo-Gothic  castle.  The  Marble 
Palace  on  the  so-called  "  Holy  Lake  "  was  a  dull, 
unimaginative  building;  and  the  "Red  Prince's" 
house  at  Glienicke  was  frankly  terrible.  The  main 
features  of  this  place  was  an  avenue  of  huge  cast- 
iron  gilded  lions.  These  golden  lions  were  such 
a  blot  on  an  otherwise  charming  landscape  that 
one  felt  relieved  by  recalling  that  the  apparently 
ineradicable  tendency  of  the  children  of  Israel  to 
erect  Golden  Calves  at  various  places  in  olden 
days  had  always  been  severely  discountenanced. 

In  spite  of  the  carpenter-Gothic  of  Babelsberg, 
and  of  the  pinchbeck  golden  lions  of  Glienicke, 
Potsdam  will  remain  in  my  mind,  to  the  end  of 
my  life,  associated  with  memories  of  fresh  breezes 


76     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

and  bellying  sails;  of  placid  lakes  and  swift-gliding 
keels  responding  to  the  straining  muscles  of  back 
and  legs;  a  place  of  verdant  hills  dipping  into 
clear  waters;  of  limbs  joyously  cleaving  those  clear 
waters  with  all  the  exultation  of  the  swimmer;  a 
place  of  rest  and  peace,  with  every  fibre  in  one's 
being  rejoicing  in  being  away,  for  the  time  being, 
from  crowded  cities  and  stifling  streets,  in  the  free 
air  amidst  woods,  waters,  and  gently-swelhng,  tree- 
clad  heights. 

A  year  later,  I  was  notified  that  I  was  trans- 
ferred to  Petrograd,  then  of  course  still  known  as 
St.  Petersburg.  This  was  in  accordance  with  the 
dearest  wish  of  my  heart.  Ever  since  my  child- 
hood's days  I  had  been  filled  with  an  intense 
desire  to  go  to  Russia.  Like  most  people  unac- 
quainted with  the  country,  I  had  formed  the  most 
grotesquely  incorrect  mental  pictures  of  Russia. 
I  imagined  it  a  vast  Empire  of  undreamed  of 
magnificence,  pleasantly  tempered  with  relics  of 
barbarism;  and  all  these  glittering  splendours  were 
enveloped  in  the  snow  and  ice  of  a  semi-Arctic 
climate,  which  gave  additional  piquancy  to  their 
glories.  I  pictured  huge  tractless  forests,  their 
dark  expanse  only  broken  by  the  shimmering  golden 
domes  of  the  Russian  churches,  I  fancied  this 
glamour-land  peopled  by  a  species  of  transported 
French,  full  of  culture,  and  all  of  them  polyglot, 
more  brilliant  and  infinitely  more  intellectual  than 
their  West  European  prototypes.  I  imagined  this 
hyperborean   paradise   served   by  a  race   of   super- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  77 

astute  diplomatists  and  officials,  with  whom  we  poor 
Westerners  could  not  hope  to  contend,  and  by- 
Generals  whom  no  one  could  withstand.  The  evi- 
dent awe  with  which  Germans  envisaged  their  East- 
ern neighbours  strengthened  this  idea,  and  both  in 
England  and  in  France  I  had  heard  quite  respon- 
sible persons  gloomily  predict,  after  contemplating 
the  map,  that  the  Northern  Colossus  was  fatally- 
destined  at  some  time  to  absorb  the  whole  of  the 
rest  of  Europe. 

Apart  then  from  its  own  intrinsic  attraction,  I 
used  to  gaze  at  the  map  of  Russia  with  some  such 
feelings  as,  I  imagine,  the  early  Christians  ex- 
perienced when,  on  their  Sunday  walks  in  Rome, 
they  went  to  look  at  the  lions  in  their  dens  in  the 
circus,  and  speculated  as  to  their  own  sensations 
when,  as  seemed  but  too  probable,  they  might  have 
to  meet  these  interesting  quadrupeds  on  the  floor 
of  the  arena,  in  a  brief,  exciting,  but  definitely  final 
encounter. 

Everything  I  had  seen  or  heard  about  this  mys- 
terious land  had  enhanced  its  glamour.  The  hair- 
raising  rumours  which  reached  Berlin  as  to  revo- 
lutionary plots  and  counter-plots;  the  appalling 
stories  one  heard  about  the  terrible  secret  police; 
the  atmosphere  of  intrigue  which  seemed  indigenous 
to  the  place — all  added  to  its  fascinations.  Even 
the  externals  were  attractive.  I  had  attended  wed- 
dings and  funeral  services  at  the  chapel  of  the 
Russian  Embassy.  Here  every  detail  was  exotic, 
and  utterly  dissimilar  to  anything  in  one's  previous 


78     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

experience.  The  absence  of  seats,  organ,  or  pulpit 
in  the  chapel  itself;  the  elaborate  Byzantine  decora- 
tions of  the  building;  the  exquisitely  beautiful  but 
quite  unfamiliar  singing;  the  long-bearded  priests 
in  their  archaic  vestments  of  unaccustomed  golden 
brocades — everything  struck  a  novel  note.  It  all 
came  from  a  world  apart,  centuries  removed  from 
the  prosaic  routine  of  Western  Europe. 

Even  quite  minor  details,  such  as  the  curiously 
sumptuous  Russian  national  dresses  of  the  ladies 
of  the  Embassy  at  Court  functions,  the  visits  to 
Berlin  of  the  Russian  ballets  and  troupes  of  Rus- 
sian singing  gipsies,  had  all  the  same  stamp  of 
strong  racial  individuality,  of  something  tempera- 
mentally different  from  all  we  had  been  accus- 
tomed to. 

I  was  overjoyed  at  the  prospect  of  seeing  for 
myself  at  last  this  land  of  mingled  splendour  and 
barbarism,  this  country  which  had  retained  its  tra- 
ditional racial  characteristics  in  spite  of  the  influ- 
ences of  nineteenth  century  drab  uniformity  of 
type. 

As  the  Petrograd  Embassy  was  short-handed  at 
the  time,  it  was  settled  that  I  should  postpone  my 
leave  for  some  months  and  proceed  to  Russia  with- 
out delay. 

The  Crown  Prince  and  Crown  Princess,  who  had 
been  exceedingly  kind  to  me  during  my  stay  in 
Berlin,  were  good  enough  to  ask  me  to  the  New 
Palace  at  Potsdam  for  one  night,  to  take  leave  of 
them. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  79 

I  had  never  before  had  an  opportunity  of  going 
all  over  the  New  Palace.  I  thought  it  wonderfully- 
fine,  though  quite  French  in  feeling.  The  rather 
faded  appearance  of  some  of  the  rooms  increased 
their  look  of  dignity.  It  was  not  of  yesterday. 
The  great  "  SheU  Hall,"  or  "  Muschel-Saal,"  much 
admired  of  Prussians,  is  frankly  horrible;  one  of 
the  unfortunate  aberrations  of  eighteenth  century 
taste  of  which  several  examples  occur  in  English 
country-houses  of  the  same  date. 

My  own  bedroom  was  charming;  of  the  purest 
Louis  XV,  with  apple-green  polished  panelling 
and  heavily  silvered  mouldings  and  mirrors. 

Nothing  could  be  more  delightful  than  the  Crown 
Prince's  manner  on  occasions  such  as  this.  The 
short-hved  Emperor  Frederick  had  the  knack  of 
blending  absolute  simplicity  with  great  dignity,  as 
had  the  Empress  Frederick.  For  the  curious  in 
such  matters,  and  as  an  instance  of  the  traditional 
frugality  of  the  Prussian  Court,  I  may  add  that 
supper  that  evening,  at  which  only  the  Crown 
Prince  and  Princess,  the  equerry  and  lady-in-wait- 
ing, and  myself  were  present,  consisted  solely  of 
curds  and  whey,  veal  cutlets,  and  a  rice  pudding. 
Nothing  else  whatever.  We  sat  afterwards  in  a 
very  stately,  lofty,  thoroughly  French  room.  The 
Crown  Prince,  the  equerry,  and  myself  drank  beer, 
whilst  the  Prince  smoked  his  long  pipe.  It  seemed 
incongruous  to  drink  beer  amid  such  absolutely 
French  surroundings.  I  noticed  that  the  Crown 
Princess  always  laid  down  her  needlework  to  refill 


80     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

her  husband's  pipe  and  to  bring  him  a  fresh  tank- 
ard of  beer.  The  "  Kronprinzhches  Paar,"  as  a 
German  would  have  described  them,  were  both  per- 
fectly charming  in  their  conversation  with  a  dull, 
uninteresting  youth  of  twenty-one.  They  each  had 
marvellous  memories,  and  recalled  many  trivial 
half-forgotten  details  about  my  own  family.  That 
evening  in  the  friendly  atmosphere  of  the  great, 
dimly-lit  room  in  the  New  Palace  at  Potsdam  will 
always  live  in  my  memory. 

Two  days  afterwards  I  drove  through  the  trim, 
prosaic,  well-ordered,  stuccoed  streets  of  Berlin 
to  the  Eastern  Station;  for  me,  the  gateway  to 
the  land  of  my  desires,  vast,  mysterious  Russia. 


CHAPTER  III 

Tlie  Russian  frontier — Frontier  police — Disappointment  at  as- 
pect of  Petrograd — Lord  and  Lady  Dufferin — The  British 
Embassy — St.  Isaac's  Cathedral  —  Beauty  of  Russian 
Church-music  —  The  Russian  language  —  The  delightful 
"  Blue-stockings  "  of  Petrograd — Princess  Chateau — Pleas- 
ant Russian  Society — The  Secret  Police — The  Countess's 
hurried  journey — "The  Yacht  Club — Russians  really  Ori- 
entals— 'Their  limitations — The  "  Intelligenzia  " — My  Nihil- 
ist friends — Their  lack  of  constructive  power — Easter  Mass 
at  St.  Isaac's — Two  comical  incidents — The  Easter  supper 
— The  red-bearded  young  priest — An  Empire  built  on 
shifting  sand. 

Petrograd  is  1,050  miles  from  Berlin,  and  forty 
years  ago  the  fastest  trains  took  forty-five  hours 
to  cover  the  distance  between  the  two  capitals.  In 
later  years  the  "  Nord-Express  "  accomplishing  the 
journey  in  twenty-nine  hours. 

Rolling  through  the  flat  fertile  plains  of  East 
Prussia,  with  their  neat,  prosperous  villages  and 
picturesque  black-and-white  farms,  the  surroundings 
had  such  a  commonplace  air  that  it  was  difficult  to 
realise  that  one  was  approaching  the  very  threshold 
of  the  great,  mysterious  Northern  Empire. 

Eydkuhnen,  the  last  Prussian  station,  was  as 
other  Prussian  stations,  built  of  trim  red  brick, 
neat,  practical,  and  very  ugly;  with  crowds  of  red- 
faced,  amply-paunched  officials,  buttoned  into  the 
tightest    of    uniforms,    perpetually    saluting    each 

other. 

81 


82     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

Wierjbolovo,  or  Wirballen  Station  as  the  Ger- 
mans call  it,  a  huge  white  building,  was  plainly 
visible  only  a  third  of  a  mile  away.  At  WirbaUen 
the  German  train  would  stop,  for  whereas  the 
German  railways  are  built  to  the  standard  Euro- 
pean gauge  of  4  feet  8^2  inches,  the  Russian  lines 
were  laid  to  a  gauge  of  5  feet  1  inch. 

This  gauge  had  been  deliberately  chosen  to  pre- 
vent the  invasion  of  Russia  by  her  Western  neigh- 
boiu'.  This  was  to  prove  an  absolutely  illusory 
safeguard,  for,  as  events  have  shown,  nothing  is 
easier  than  to  narrow  a  railway  track.  To  broaden 
it  is  often  quite  impossible.  The  cunning  little 
Japs  found  this  out  during  the  Russo-Japanese 
War.  They  narrowed  the  broad  Russian  lines  to 
their  own  gauge  of  3  feet  6  inches,  and  then  sawed 
off  the  ends  of  the  sleepers  with  portable  circular 
saws,  thus  making  it  impossible  for  the  Russians 
to  relay  the  rails  on  the  broad  gauge.  I  believe 
that  the  Germans  adopted  the  same  device  more 
recently. 

I  think  at  only  one  other  spot  in  the  world  does 
a  short  quarter  of  a  mile  result  in  such  amazing 
differences  in  externals  as  does  that  little  piece  of 
line  between  Eydkuhnen  and  Wirballen;  and  that 
is  at  Linea,  the  first  Spanish  village  out  of  Gib- 
raltar. 

Leaving  the  prim  and  starched  orderliness  of 
Gibraltar,  with  its  thick  coating  of  British  veneer, 
its  tidy  streets  and  buildings  enlivened  with  the 
scarlet  tunics  of  Mr.  Thomas  Atkins  and  his  breth- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  83 

ren,  you  traverse  the  "  Neutral  Ground "  to  an 
iron  railing,  and  literally  pass  into  Spain  through 
an  iron  gate.  The  contrast  is  extraordinary.  It 
would  be  unfair  to  select  Linea  as  a  typical  Span- 
ish village;  it  is  ugly,  and  lacks  the  picturesque 
features  of  the  ordinary  Andalusian  village;  it  is 
also  unquestionably  very  dirty,  and  very  tumble- 
down. Between  Eydkuhnen  and  Wirballen  the 
contrast  is  just  as  marked.  As  the  German  train 
stopped,  hosts  of  bearded,  shaggy-headed  individ- 
uals in  high  boots  and  long  white  aprons  (surely 
a  curious  article  of  equipment  for  a  railway  por- 
ter) swooped  down  upon  the  hand-baggage;  I 
handed  my  passport  to  a  gendarme  (a  term  con- 
fined in  Russia  to  frontier  and  railway  police)  and 
passed  through  an  iron  gate  into  Russia. 

Russia  in  this  case  was  represented  by  a  gigantic 
whitewashed  haU,  ambitious  originally  in  design  and 
decoration,  but,  like  most  things  in  Russia,  showing 
traces  of  neglect  and  lack  of  cleanliness.  The  first 
exotic  note  was  struck  by  a  full-length,  life-size  ikon 
of  the  Saviour,  in  a  solid  silver  frame,  at  the  end 
of  the  hall.  All  my  Russian  fellow-travellers  de- 
voutly crossed  themselves  before  this  ikon,  purchased 
candles  at  an  adjoining  stall,  and  fixed  them  in 
the  silver  holders  before  the  ikon. 

Behind  the  line  of  tables  serving  for  the  Cus- 
toms examinations  was  a  railed-off  space,  containing 
many  desks  under  green-shaded  lamps.  Here  some 
fifteen  green-coated  men  whispered  mysteriously  to 
each  other,  referring  continually  to  huge  registers. 


84     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

I  felt  a  thrill  creep  down  my  back;  here  I  found 
myself  at  last  face  to  face  with  the  omnipotent 
Russian  police.  The  bespectacled  green-coated  men 
scrutinised  passports  intently,  conferred  amongst 
themselves  in  whispers  under  the  green-shaded 
lamps,  and  hunted  ominously  through  the  big  regis- 
ters. For  the  first  time  I  became  unpleasantly 
conscious  of  the  existence  of  such  places  as  the 
Fortress  of  St.  Peter  and  St.  Paul,  and  of  a  coun- 
try called  Siberia.  I  speculated  as  to  whether  the 
drawbacks  of  the  Siberian  climate  had  not  been 
exaggerated,  should  one  be  compelled  to  make  a 
possibly  prolonged  sojourn  in  that  genial  land. 
Above  all,  I  was  immensely  impressed  with  the 
lynx-eyed  vigilance  and  feverish  activity  of  these 
green-coated  guardians  of  the  Russian  frontier. 
From  my  subsequent  knowledge  of  the  ways  of 
Russian  officials,  I  should  gather  that  all  this  fever- 
ish activity  began  one  minute  after  the  whistle  an- 
nounced the  approach  of  the  Berlin  train,  and 
ceased  precisely  one  minute  after  the  Petrograd 
train  had  pulled  out,  and  that  never,  by  any  chance, 
did  the  frontier  police  succeed  in  stopping  the 
entry  of  any  really  dangerous  conspirator. 

Diplomats  with  official  passports  are  exempt  from 
Customs  formalities,  so  I  passed  on  to  the  plat- 
form, thick  with  pungent  wood-smoke,  where  the 
huge  blue-painted  Russian  carriages  smoked  like 
volcanoes  from  their  heating  apparatus,  and  the 
gigantic  wood-burning  engine  (built  in  Germany) 
vomited  dense  clouds  from  its  funnel,  crowned  with 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  85 

a  spark-arrester  shaped  like  a  mammoth  tea  urn, 
or  a  giant's  soup  tureen.  Everji;hing  in  this  coun- 
try seemed  on  a  large  scale. 

In  the  gaunt,  bare,  whitewashed  restaurant  (these 
tJu'ee  epithets  are  appHcable  to  almost  every  public 
room  in  Russia)  with  its  great  porcelain  stove,  and 
red  lamps  burning  before  gilded  ikons,  I  first  made 
the  acquaintance  of  fresh  caviar  and  raw  herrings, 
of  the  national  cabbage  soup,  or  "  shtchee,"  of  roast 
ryabchiks  and  salted  cucumbers,  all  destined  to 
become  very  familiar.  Railway  restaurants  in  Rus- 
sia are  almost  invariably  quite  excellent. 

And  so  the  train  clanked  out  through  the  night, 
into  the  depths  of  this  myterious  glamour-land. 

The  railway  from  the  frontier  to  Petrograd  runs 
for  550  miles  through  an  unbroken  stretch  of  in- 
terminable dreary  swamp  and  forest,  such  as  would 
in  Canada  be  termed  "  muskag,"  with  here  and 
there  a  poor  attempt  at  cultivation  in  some  clear- 
ing, set  about  with  wretched  little  wooden  huts. 
After  a  twenty-four  hours'  run,  without  any  pre- 
liminary warning  whatever  in  the  shape  of  sub- 
urbs, the  train  emerges  from  the  forest  into  a 
huge  city,  with  tramcars  rolling  in  all  directions, 
and  the  great  golden  dome  of  St.  Isaac's  blazing 
like   a   sun  against   the   murky   sky. 

I  had  pictured  Petrograd  to  myself  as  a  second 
Paris;  a  city  glittering  with  light  and  colour,  but 
conceived  on  an  infinitely  more  grandiose  scale 
than  the  French  capital. 

We  emerged  from  the  station  into  an  immensely 


86     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

broad  street  bordered  by  shabbily-pretentious  build- 
ings all  showing  signs  of  neglect.  The  atrociously 
uneven  pavements,  the  general  untidiness,  the  broad 
thoroughfare  empty  except  for  a  lumbering  cart 
or  two,  the  absence  of  foot-passengers,  and  the  low 
cotton-wool  sky,  all  gave  an  effect  of  unutterable 
dreariness.  And  this  was  the  golden  city  of  my 
dreams !  this  place  of  leprous-fronted  houses,  of  vast 
open  spaces  full  of  drifting  snowflakes,  and  of  an 
immense  emptiness.  I  never  was  so  disappointed 
in  my  life.  The  gilt  and  coloured  domes  of  the 
Orthodox  churches,  the  sheepskin-clad,  red-shirted 
moujiks,  the  occasional  swift-trotting  Russian  car- 
riages, with  their  bearded  and  padded  coachmen, 
were  the  only  local  touches  that  redeemed  the  streets 
from  the  absolute  commonplace.  The  Russian  let- 
tering over  the  shops,  which  then  conveyed  nothing 
whatever  to  me,  suggested  that  the  alphabet,  having 
followed  the  national  custom  and  got  drunk,  had 
hastily  re-affixed  itself  to  the  houses  upside  down. 
Although  as  the  years  went  on  I  grew  quite  at- 
tached to  Petrograd,  I  could  never  rid  myself  of 
this  impression  of  its  immense  dreariness.  This 
was  due  to  several  causes.  There  are  hardly  any 
stone  buildings  in  the  city,  everything  is  of  brick 
plastered  over.  Owing  to  climatic  reasons  the  houses 
are  not  painted,  but  are  daubed  with  colour-wash. 
The  successive  coats  of  colour-wash  clog  all  the 
architectural  features,  and  give  the  buildings  a 
shabby  look,  added  to  which  the  wash  flakes  off 
under  the  winter  snows.    There  is  a  natural  craving 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  87 

in  human  nature  for  colour,  and  in  a  country 
wrapped  in  snow  for  at  least  four  months  in  the 
year  this  craving  finds  expression  in  painting  the 
roofs  red,  and  in  besmearing  the  houses  with  crude 
shades  of  red,  blue,  green,  and  yellow.  The  result 
is  not  a  happy  one.  Again,  owing  to  the  intense 
cold,  the  shop -windows  are  all  very  small,  and 
there  is  but  little  display  in  them.  Streets  and 
shops  were  alike  very  dimly  lighted  in  my  day,  and 
as  there  is  an  entire  absence  of  cafes  in  Petrograd, 
there  is  none  of  the  usual  glitter  and  glare  of  these 
places  to  brighten  up  the  streets.  The  theatres  make 
no  display  of  lights,  so  it  is  not  surprising  that  the 
general  effect  of  the  city  is  one  of  intense  gloom. 
The  very  low,  murky  winter  sky  added  to  this  ef- 
fect of  depression.  Peter  the  Great  had  planned 
his  new  capital  on  such  a  gigantic  scale  that  there 
were  not  enough  inhabitants  to  fill  its  vast  spaces. 
The  conceptions  were  magnificent;  the  results  dis- 
appointing. Nothing  grander  could  be  imagined 
than  the  design  of  the  immense  place  opposite  the 
Winter  Palace,  with  Alexander  I's  great  granite 
monolith  towering  in  the  midst  of  it,  and  the  im- 
posing semicircular  sweep  of  Government  Offices  of 
uniform  design  enclosing  it,  pierced  in  the  centre 
by  a  monumental  triumphal  arch  crowned  with  a 
bronze  quadriga.  The  whole  effect  of  this  was  spoilt 
by  the  hideous  crude  shade  of  red  with  which  the 
buildings  were  daubed,  by  the  general  untidiness, 
and  by  the  broken,  uneven  pavement ;  added  to  which 
this  huge  area  was  usually  untenanted,  except  by  a 


88     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

lumbering  cart  or  two,  by  a  solitary  stray  "  istvos- 
chik,"  and  an  occasional  muffled-up  pedestrian. 
The  Petrograd  of  reality  was  indeed  very  differ- 
ent from  the  sumptuous  city  of  my  dreams. 

For  the  second  time  I  was  extraordinarily  lucky 
in  my  Chief.  Our  relations  with  Russia  had,  dur- 
ing the  "  'seventies,"  been  strained  almost  to  the 
breaking  point.  War  had  on  several  occasions  seemed 
almost  inevitable  between  the  two  countries. 

Russians,  naturally  enough,  had  shown  their  feel- 
ings of  hostility  to  their  potential  enemies  by  prac- 
tically boycotting  the  entire  British  Embassy.  The 
English  Government  had  then  made  a  very  wise 
choice,  and  had  appointed  to  the  Petrograd  Embassy 
the  one  man  capable  of  smoothing  these  troubled 
relations.  The  late  Lord  Dufferin  was  not  then  a 
diplomat  by  profession.  He  had  just  completed  his 
term  of  office  as  Governor- General  of  Canada,  where, 
as  in  every  position  he  had  previously  occupied,  he 
had  been  extraordinarily  successful.  Lord  Dufferin 
had  an  inexhaustible  fund  of  patience,  blended  with 
the  most  perfect  tact;  he  had  a  charm  of  manner  no 
human  being  could  resist;  but  under  it  all  lay  an 
inflexible  will.  No  man  ever  understood  better  the 
use  of  the  iron  hand  under  the  velvet  glove,  and  in 
a  twelvemonth  from  the  date  of  his  arrival  in  Pet- 
rograd he  had  succeeded  not  only  in  gaining  the  con- 
fidence of  official  Russia,  but  also  in  re-establishing 
the  most  cordial  relations  with  Russian  society.  In 
this  he  was  very  ably  seconded  by  Lady  Dufferin, 
who    combined    a   perfectly    natural    manner    with 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  89 

quiet  dignity  and  a  curious  individual  charm.  Both 
Lord  and  Lady  Dufferin  enjoyed  dancing,  skating, 
and  tobagganing  as  wholeheartedly  as  though  they 
were  children. 

Our  Petrograd  Embassy  was  a  fine  old  house, 
with  a  pleasant  intimate  character  about  it  lacking 
in  the  more  ornate  building  at  Berlin.  It  contained 
a  really  beautiful  snow-white  ball-room,  and  all  the 
windows  fronted  the  broad,  swift-flowing  Neva,  with 
the  exquisitely  graceful  slender  gilded  spire  of  the 
Fortress  Church,  towering  three  hundred  feet  aloft, 
opposite  them.  We  had  a  very  fine  collection  of 
silver  plate  at  the  Embassy.  This  plate,  valued  at 
£30,000,  was  the  property  of  our  Government,  and 
had  been  sent  out  sixty  years  previously  by  George 
IV,  who  understood  the  importance  attached  by  Rus- 
sians to  externals.  We  had  also  a  small  set,  just 
sufficient  for  two  persons,  of  real  gold  plates.  These 
solid  gold  plates  were  only  used  by  the  Emperor 
and  Empress  on  the  very  rare  occasions  when  they 
honoured  the  Embassy  Mdth  their  presence.  I  won- 
der what  has  happened  to  that  gold  service  now! 

Owing  to  the  constant  tension  of  the  relations 
between  Great  Britain  and  Russia,  our  work  at  the 
Petrograd  Embassy  was  very  heavy  indeed  at  that 
time.  We  were  frequently  kept  up  till  2  a.m.  in 
the  Chancery,  cyphering  telegrams.  All  important 
■svritten  despatches  between  London  and  Petrograd 
either  way  were  sent  by  Queen's  Messenger  open  to 
Berlin,  "  under  Flying  Seal,"  as  it  is  termed.  The 
Berlin  Embassy  was  thus  kept  constantly  posted  as 


90     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

to  Russian  affairs.  After  reading  our  open  des- 
patches, both  to  and  from  London,  the  Berlin  Em- 
bassy would  seal  them  up  in  a  special  way.  We  also 
got  dupHcates,  in  cypher,  of  all  telegrams  received 
in  London  the  previous  day  from  the  Paris,  Vien- 
na, Berlin,  and  Constantinople  Embassies  which 
bore  in  any  way  on  Russia  or  the  Eastern  Question. 
This  gave  us  two  or  three  hours'  work  decyphering 
every  day.  Both  cyphering  and  decyphering  re- 
quire the  closest  concentration,  as  one  single  mistake 
may  make  nonsense  of  the  whole  thing;  it  is  con- 
sequently exhausting  work.  We  were  perfectly  well 
aware  that  the  Russian  Government  had  somehow 
obtained  possession  of  one  of  our  codes.  This  par- 
ticular "  compromised  code  "  was  only  used  by  us 
for  transmitting  intelligence  which  the  Russians 
were  intended  to  know.  They  could  hardly  blame 
us  should  they  derive  false  impressions  from  a  tele- 
gram of  ours  which  they  had  decyphered  with  a  stol- 
en code,  nor  could  they  well  admit  that  they  had 
done  this. 

As  winter  came  on,  I  understood  why  Russians 
are  so  fond  of  gilding  the  domes  and  spires  of  their 
churches.  It  must  be  remembered  that  Petrograd 
lies  on  parallel  60°  N.  In  December  it  only  gets 
four  hours  of  very  uncertain  daylight,  and  the  sun 
is  so  low  on  the  horizon  that  its  rays  do  not  reach 
the  streets  of  the  city.  It  is  then  that  the  gilded 
domes  flash  and  glitter,  as  they  catch  the  beams  of 
the  unseen  sun.  When  the  long  golden  needle 
of  the  Fortress  Church  blazed  like  a  flaming  torch 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  91 

or  a  gleaming  spear  of  fire  against  the  murky  sky, 
I  thought  it  a  splendid  sight,  as  was  the  great  gold- 
en dome  of  St.  Isaac's  scintillating  like  a  second 
sun  over  the  snow-clad  roofs  of  the  houses. 

Soon  after  my  arrival  I  went  to  the  vast  church 
under  the  gilded  dome  to  hear  the  singing  of  the 
far-famed  choir  of  St.  Isaac's. 

Here  were  none  of  the  accessories  to  which  I  had 
been  accustomed;  no  seats;  no  organ;  no  pulpit;  no 
side-chapels.  A  blue  haze  of  incense  drifted  through 
the  twilight  of  the  vague  spaces  of  the  great  build- 
ing; a  haze  glowing  rosily  where  the  red  lamps  burn- 
ing before  the  jewelled  ikons  gave  a  faint-dawn- 
like effect  in  the  semi-darkness.  Before  me  the  great 
screen  of  the  "  ikonostas  "  towered  to  the  roof,  with 
its  eight  malachite  columns  forty  feet  high,  and  its 
two  smaller  columns  of  precious  lapis  lazuli  flanking 
the  "  Royal  doors "  into  the  sanctuary.  Surely 
Montferrand,  the  Frenchman,  had  designedly  steep- 
ed the  cathedral  he  had  built  in  perpetual  twilight. 
In  broad  daylight  the  juxtaposition  of  these  costly 
materials,  with  their  discordant  colours,  would  have 
been  garish,  even  vulgar.  Now,  barely  visible  in  the 
shadows,  they,  the  rich  mosaics,  the  masses  of  heav- 
ily-gilt bronze  work  in  the  ikonostas,  gave  an  im- 
pression of  barbaric  magnificence  and  immense  splen- 
dour. The  jasper  and  polychrome  Siberian  marbles 
with  which  the  cathedral  was  lined,  the  gold  and 
silver  of  the  jewelled  ikons,  gleaming  faintly  in 
the  candle-light,  strengthened  this  impression  of 
sumptuous  opulence.     Then  the  choir,  standing  be- 


92     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

fore  the  ikonostas,  burst  into  song.  The  exquisite- 
ly beautiful  singing  of  the  Russian  Church  was  a 
perfect  revelation  to  me.  I  would  not  have  believed 
it  possible  that  unaccompanied  human  voices  could 
have  produced  so  entrancing  an  effect.  As  the 
"  Cherubic  Hymn "  died  away  in  softest  pianis- 
simo, its  echoes  floating  into  the  misty  vastness  of 
the  dome,  a  deacon  thundered  out  prayers  in  a  ring- 
ing bass,  four  tones  deeper  than  those  a  Western 
European  could  compass.  The  higher  clergy,  with 
their  long  flowing  white  beards,  jewelled  crowns, 
and  stiffly-archaic  vestments  of  cloth  of  gold  and 
silver,  seemed  to  have  stepped  bodily  out  of  the 
frame  of  an  ikon;  and  the  stately  ritual  of  the  East- 
ern Church  gave  me  an  impression  as  of  something 
of  immemorial  age,  something  separated  by  the  gap 
of  countless  centuries  from  our  own  prosaic  epoch; 
and  through  it  all  rose  again  and  again  the  plaintive 
response  of  the  choir,  "  Gospodi  pomiloi,"  "  Lord 
have  mercy,"  exquisitely  sung  with  all  the  tender- 
ness and  pathos  of  muted  strings. 

This  was  at  last  the  real  Russia  of  my  dreams.  It 
was  all  as  I  had  vaguely  pictured  it  to  myself;  the 
densely-packed  congregation,  with  sheepskin-clad 
peasant  and  sable-coated  noble  standing  side  by 
side,  all  ahke  joining  in  the  prescribed  genuflections 
and  prostrations  of  the  ritual;  the  singing-boys,  with 
their  close-cropped  heads  and  curious  long  blue 
dressing-gowns;  the  rolling  consonants  of  the  Old 
Slavonic  chanted  by  the  priests;  all  this  was  really 
Russia,   and  not  a  bastard  imitation  of  an  exotic 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  93 

Western  civilisation  like  the  pseudo-classic  city  out- 
side. 

Two  years  later,  Arthur  Sullivan,  the  composer, 
happened  to  be  in  Petrograd,  and  I  took  him  to 
the  practice  of  the  Emperor's  private  church  choir. 
Sullivan  was  passionately  devoted  to  unaccompanied 
part-singing,  and  those  familiar  with  his  delightful 
light  operas  will  remember  how  he  introduced  into 
almost  every  one  of  them  an  unaccompanied  mad- 
rigal, or  a  sextet.  Sullivan  told  me  that  he  would 
not  have  believed  it  possible  for  human  voices  to 
obtain  the  string-like  effect  of  these  Russian  choirs. 
He  added  that  although  six  English  singing-boys 
would  probably  evolve  a  greater  body  of  sound  than 
twelve  Russian  boys,  no  English  choir-boy  could 
achieve  the  silvery  tone  these  musical  little  Musco- 
vites produced. 

People  ignorant  of  the  country  have  a  foolish  idea 
that  all  Russians  can  speak  French.  That  may  be 
true  of  one  person  in  two  thousand  of  the  whole 
population.  The  remainder  only  speak  their  na- 
tive Russ.  Not  one  cabman  in  Petrograd  could 
understand  a  syllable  of  any  foreign  language,  and 
though  in  shops,  very  occasionally,  someone  with  a 
slight  knowledge  of  German  might  be  found,  it 
was  rare.  All  the  waiters  in  Petrograd  restaurants 
were  yellow-faced  little  Mohammedan  Tartars, 
speaking  only  Russian  and  their  own  language.  I 
determined  therefore  to  learn  Russian  at  once,  and 
was  fortunate  in  finding  a  very  clever  teacher.  All 
men  should  learn  a  foreign  language  from  a  lady. 


94     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

for  natural  courtesy  makes  one  listen  to  what  she 
is  saying;  whereas  with  a  male  teacher  one's  atten- 
tion is  apt  to  wander.    The  patient  elderly  lady  who 
taught   me   knew   neither   English   nor   French,    so 
we   used    German    as   a   means   of   communication. 
Thanks  to  Madame  Kumin's  intelligence,  and  a  con- 
siderable amount  of  hard  work  on  my  own  part,  I 
was  able  to  pass  an  examination  in  Russian  in  eleven 
months,  and  to  qualify  as  Interpreter  to  the  Em- 
bassy.    The  difficulties  of  the  Russian  language  are 
enormously  exaggerated.   The  pronunciation  is  hard, 
as  are  the  terminations;  and  the  appalling  length  of 
Russian  words  is  disconcerting.     In  Russian,  great 
emphasis  is  laid  on  one  syllable  of  a  word,  and  the 
rest  is  slurred  over.    It  is  therefore  vitally  important 
(should  you  wish  to  be  understood)  to  get  the  em- 
phasis on  the  right  syllable,  and  for  some  mysterious 
reason  no  foreigner,  even  by  accident,  ever  succeeds 
in  pronouncing  a  Russian  name  right.    It  is  Schouval- 
off,    not     Schouvaloff;     Brusil-off,    not    Briisiloff; 
Demid-off,  not  Demidoff.     The  charming  dancer's 
name  is  Pav-Lova,  not  Pavlova;  her  equally  fasci- 
nating rival  is  Karsav-ina,  not  Karsavina.     I  could 
continue  the  list  indefinitely.    Be  sure  of  one  thing; 
however  the  name  is  pronounced  by  a  foreigner,  it 
is  absolutely  certain  to  be  wrong  . 

What  a  wise  man  he  was  who  first  said  that  for 
every  fresh  language  you  learn  you  acquire  a  new 
pair  of  eyes  and  a  new  pair  of  ears;  I  felt  immensely 
elated  when  I  found  that  I  could  read  the  cabahstic 
signs  over  the  shops  as  easily  as  EngHsh  lettering. 


OF  A  BRITISPI  DIPLOMAT  95 

A  relation  of  mine  had  given  me  a  letter  of  in- 
troduction to  Princess  B .     Now  this  old  lady, 

though  she  but  seldom  left  her  own  house,  was  a 
very  great  power  indeed  in  Petrograd,  and  was  uni- 
versally known  as  the  "  Princesse  Chateau."  For 
some  reason  or  another,  I  was  lucky  enough  to  find 
favour  in  this  dignified  old  lady's  eyes.  She  asked 
me  to  call  on  her  again,  and  at  our  second  meeting 
invited  me  to  her  Sunday  evenings.  The  Princesse 
Chateau's  Sunday  evenings  were  a  thing  quite  apart. 
They  were  a  survival  in  Petrograd  of  the  French 
eighteenth  century  literary  *'  salons,"  but  devoid  of 
the  faintest  flavour  of  pedantry  or  priggism.  Never 
in  my  life,  before  or  since,  have  I  heard  such  won- 
derfully brilliant  conversation,  for,  with  the  one  ex- 
ception of  myself,  the  Princesse  Chateau  tolerated 
no  dull  people  at  her  Sundays.  She  belonged  to  a 
generation  that  always  spoke  French  amongst  them- 
selves, and  imported  their  entire  culture  from 
France.  Peter  the  Great  had  designed  St.  Peters- 
burg as  a  window  through  which  to  look  on  Europe, 
and  the  tradition  of  this  amongst  the  educated  class- 
es was  long  in  dying  out.  The  Princess  assembled 
some  thirty  people  every  Sunday,  all  Russians,  with 
the  exception  of  myself.  These  people  discussed  any 
and  every  subject — literature,  art,  music,  and  philos- 
ophy— with  sparkling  wit,  keen  critical  instinct,  and 
extraordinary  felicity  of  phrase,  usually  in  French, 
sometimes  in  English,  and  occasionally  in  Russian. 
Their  knowledge  seemed  encyclopedic,  and  they  ap- 
peared  equally  at  home   in  any  of  the  three  Ian- 


96     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

guages.  They  greatly  appreciated  a  neatly-turned 
epigram,  or  a  novel,  crisply-coined  definition.  Any 
topic,  however,  touching  directly  or  indirectly  on  the 
external  or  internal  policy  of  Russia  was  always 
tacitly  avoided.  My  role  was  perforce  reduced  to 
that  of  a  listener,  but  it  was  a  perfectly  delightful 
society.  Princesse  Chateau  had  a  very  fine  suite  of 
rooms  on  the  first  floor  of  her  house,  decorated  "  at 
the  period  "  in  Louis  XVI  style  by  imported  French 
artists;  these  rooms  still  retained  their  original  fur- 
niture and  fittings,  and  were  a  museum  of  works  of 
art;  but  her  Sunday  evenings  were  always  held  in 
the  charming  but  plainly-furnished  rooms  which  she 
herself  inhabited  on  the  ground  floor.  We  had  one 
distinct  advantage  over  the  old  French  salons,  for 
Princesse  Chateau  entertained  her  guests  every  Sun- 
day to  suppers  which  were  justly  celebrated  in  the 
gastronomic  world  of  Petrograd.  During  supper 
the  conversation  proceeded  just  as  brilliantly  as  be- 
fore. There  were  always  two  or  three  Grand  Duch- 
esses present,  for  to  attend  Princesse  Chateau's 
Sundays  was  a  sort  of  certificate  of  culture.  The 
Grand  Duchesses  were  treated  quite  unceremonious- 
ly, beyond  receiving  a  perfunctory  "  Madame  "  in 
each  sentence  addressed  to  them.  How  curious  that, 
both  in  English  and  French,  the  highest  title  of  re- 
spect should  be  plain  "  Madame  "I  As  the  Russian 
equivalent  is  "  Vashoe  Imperatorskoe  Vuisochestvo," 
a  considerable  expenditure  of  time  and  breath  was 
saved  by  using  the  terser  French  term.  And  through 
it  all  moved  the  mistress  of  the  house,  the  stately 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  97 

little  smiling  old  lady,  in  her  plain  black  woollen 
dress  and  lace  cap,  dropping  here  a  quaint  criticism, 
there  an  apt  bon-mot.  Perfectly  charming  people! 
The  relatives  and  friends  of  Princesse  Chateau 
whom  I  met  at  her  house,  when  they  discovered  that 
I  had  a  genuine  liking  for  their  country,  and  that 
I  did  not  criticise  details  of  Russian  administration, 
were  good  enough  to  open  their  houses  to  me  in  their 
turn.  Though  most  of  these  people  owned  large 
and  very  fine  houses,  they  opened  them  but  rarely 
to  foreigners.  They  gave,  very  occcasionally,  large 
entertainments  to  which  they  invited  half  Petrograd, 
including  the  Diplomatic  Body,  but  there  they 
stopped.  They  did  not  care,  as  a  rule,  to  invite 
foreigners  to  share  the  intimacy  of  their  family  life. 
I  was  very  fortunate  therefore  in  having  an  oppor- 
tunity of  seeing  a  phase  of  Russian  life  which  few 
foreigners  have  enjoyed.  Russians  seldom  do  things 
by  halves.  I  do  not  believe  that  in  any  other  coun- 
try in  the  world  could  a  stranger  have  been  made  to 
feel  himself  so  thoroughly  at  home  amongst  people 
of  a  different  nationality,  and  with  such  totally  dif- 
ferent racial  ideals;  or  have  been  treated  with  such 
constant  and  uniform  kindness.  There  was  no  cere- 
mony whatever  on  either  side,  and  on  the  Russian 
side,  at  times,  an  outspokenness  approaching  blunt- 
ness.  As  I  got  to  know  these  cultivated,  delightful 
people  well,  I  grew  very  fond  of  them.  They  formed 
a  clique,  possibly  a  narrow  clique,  amongst  them- 
selves, and  had  that  complete  disregard  for  outside 
criticism  which  is  often  found  associated  with  per- 


98     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

sons  of  established  position.  They  met  almost  night- 
ly at  each  others'  houses,  and  I  could  not  but  regret 
that  such  beautiful  and  vast  houses  should  be  seen 
by  so  few  people.  One  house,  in  particular,  con- 
tained a  staircase  an  exact  replica  of  a  Grecian 
temple  in  white  statuary  Carrara  marble,  a  thing 
of  exquisite  beauty.  In  their  perpetual  sets  of  in- 
tellectual lawn  tennis,  if  I  may  coin  the  term,  the 
superiority  of  the  feminine  over  the  male  intellects 
was  very  marked.  This  is,  I  believe,  a  characteris- 
tic of  all  Slavonic  countries,  and  I  recalled  Bis- 
marck's dictum  that  the  Slav  peoples  were  essen- 
tially feminine,  and  I  wondered  whether  there  could 
be  any  connection  between  the  two  points.  Living 
so  much  with  Russians,  it  was  impossible  not  to  fall 
into  the  Russian  custom  of  addressing  them  by  their 
Christian  names  and  patronymics;  such  as  "Maria 
Vladimirovna "  (Mary  daughter  of  Vladimir)  or 
"  Olga  Andreevna  "  (Olga  daughter  of  Andrew)  or 
"  Pavel  Alexandrovitch  "  (Paul  son  of  Alexander). 
I  myself  became  Feodor  Yakovlevitch,  (Frederic 
son  of  James,  those  being  the  nearest  Russian  equiv- 
alents). On  arriving  at  a  house,  the  proper  form  of 
inquiry  to  the  hall  porter  was,  "  Ask  Mary  daughter 
of  Vladimir  if  she  will  receive  Frederic  son  of 
James."  In  due  time  the  answer  came,  "  Mary 
daughter  of  Vladimir  begs  Frederic  son  of  James  to 
go  upstairs."  My  own  servants  always  addressed 
me  punctiliously  as  Feodor  Yakovlevitch.  On  giv- 
ing them  an  order  they  would  answer  in  Mosco- 
vite  fashion,  "  I  hear  you,  Frederic  son  of  James," 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  99 

the  equivalent  to  our  prosaic,  "  Very  good,  sir." 
Amongst  my  new  friends,  as  at  the  Prineesse 
Chateau's,  no  alkisions  whatever,  direct  or  indirect, 
were  made  to  internal  conditions  in  Russia.  Apart 
from  the  fact  that  one  of  these  new  friends  was 
himself  Minister  of  the  Interior  at  the  time,  it  would 
not  have  been  safe.  In  those  days  the  Secret  Po- 
lice, or  "  Third  Section,"  as  they  were  called,  were 
very  active,  and  their  ramifications  extended  every- 
where. One  night  at  a  supper  party  a  certain 
Countess  B criticised  in  very  open  and  most  un- 
flattering terms  a  lady  to  whom  the  Emperor  Al- 
exander II  was  known  to  be .  devotedly  attached. 
Next  morning  at  8  a.m.  the  Countess  was  awakened 
bj^  her  terrified  maid,  who  told  her  that  the  "  Third 
Section  "  were  there  and  demanded  instant  admit- 
tance. Two  men  came  into  the  Countess's  bedroom 
and  informed  her  that  their  orders  were  that  she 
was  to  take  the  12.30  train  to  Europe  that  morning. 
They  would  remain  with  her  till  then,  and  would 
accompany  her  to  the  frontier.  As  she  would  not 
be  allowed  to  return  to  Russia  for  twelve  months, 
they  begged  her  to  order  her  maid  to  pack  what 
was  necessary;  and  no  one  knew  better  than  Countess 

B how  useless  any  attempted  resistance  would 

be. 

This  episode  made  a  great  stir  at  the  time.  As 
the  words  complained  of  had  been  uttered  about  3 
a.m.,  the  police  action  had  been  remarkably  prompt. 
The  informant  must  have  driven  straight  from 
the  supper  party  to  the  "  Third  Section,"  and  every- 


100     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

one  in  Petrograd  had  a  very  distinct  idea  who  the 
informant  was.  Is  it  necessary  to  add  that  she 
was  a  lady? 

Some  of  my  new  friends  volunteered  to  propose 
and  second  me  for  the  Imperial  Yacht  Club.  This 
was  not  the  club  that  the  diplomats  usually  joined; 
it  was  a  purely  Russian  club,  and,  in  spite  of  its 
name,  had  no  connection  with  yachting.  It  had 
also  the  reputation  of  being  extremely  exclusive, 
but  thanks  to  my  Russian  sponsors,  I  got  duly 
elected  to  it.  This  was,  I  am  sure,  the  most  de- 
lightful club  in  Europe.  It  was  limited  to  150 
members  of  whom  only  two,  besides  myself,  were 
foreigners,  and  the  most  perfect  camaraderie  existed 
between  the  members.  The  atmosphere  of  the  place 
was  excessively  friendly  and  intimate,  and  the 
building  looked  more  like  a  private  house  than  a 
club,  as  deceased  members  had  bequeathed  to  it 
pictures,  a  fine  collection  of  old  engravings,  some 
splendid  old  Beauvais  tapestry,  and  a  great  deal 
of  Oriental  porcelain.  Above  all,  we  commanded 
the  services  of  the  great  Armand,  prince  of  French 
chefs.  Associating  so  much  with  Russians,  it  was 
possible  to  see  things  from  their  points  of  view. 
They  all  had  an  unshakable  belief  in  the  absolute 
invincibility  of  Russia,  and  in  her  complete  invul- 
nerability, for  it  must  not  be  forgotten  that  in 
1880  Russia  had  never  yet  been  defeated  in  any 
campaign,  except  partially  in  the  Crimean  War  of 
1854-56.  My  friends  did  not  hide  their  convictions 
that  it  was  Russia's  manifest  destiny  to  absorb  in 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         101 

time  the  whole  of  the  Asiatic  Continent,  including 
India,  China,  and  Turkey.  There  were  grounds 
for  this  article  of  faith,  for  in  1880  Russia's  blood- 
less absorption  of  vast  territories  in  Central  Asia 
had  been  astounding.  It  was  not  until  the  Russo- 
Japanese  War  of  1904-1905  that  the  friable  clay- 
feet  of  the  Northern  Colossus  were  revealed  to  the 
outside  world,  though  those  with  a  fairly  intimate 
knowledge  of  the  country  quite  realised  how  inse- 
cure were  the  foundations  on  which  the  stupendous 
structure  of  modern  Russia  had  been  erected. 

I  am  deeply  thankful  that  the  great  majority 
of  my  old  friends  had  passed  away  in  the  ordinary 
course  of  nature  before  the  Great  Catastrophe  over- 
whelmed the  mighty  Empire  in  which  they  took 
such  deep  pride;  and  that  they  were  spared  the 
sight  and  knowledge  of  the  awful  orgy  of  blood, 
murder,  and  spoliation  which  followed  the  ruin  of 
the  land  they  loved  so  well.  Were  they  not  now 
at  rest,  it  would  be  difficult  for  me  to  write  of 
those  old  days. 

To  grasp  the  Russian  mentality,  it  must  be  re- 
membered that  they  are  essentially  Orientals.  Rus- 
sia is  not  the  most  Eastern  outpost  of  Western 
civilisation;  it  is  the  most  Western  outpost  of  the 
East.  Russians  have  all  the  qualities  of  the  Ori- 
ental, his  fatalism,  his  inertness,  and,  I  fear,  his 
innate  pecuniary  corruption.  Their  fatalism  makes 
them  accept  their  destiny  blindly.  What  has  been 
ordained  from  the  beginning  of  things  is  useless 
to  fight  against;  it  must  be  accepted.     The  same 


102     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

inertness  characterises  every  Eastern  nation,  and 
the  habit  of  "baksheesh"  is  ingrained  in  the  Oriental 
blood.  If  the  truth  were  known,  we  should  prob- 
ably find  that  the  real  reason  why  Cain  killed 
Abel  was  that  the  latter  had  refused  him  a  com- 
mission on  some  transaction  or  other.  The  fatalism 
and  lack  of  initiative  are  not  the  only  Oriental 
traits  in  the  Russian  character.  In  a  hundred  little 
ways  they  show  their  origin:  in  their  love  of  uncut 
jewels;  in  their  lack  of  sense  of  time  (the  Russian 
for  "  at  once "  is  "  si  chas,"  which  means  "  this 
hour";  an  instructive  commentary);  in  the  reluct- 
ance South  Russians  show  in  introducing  strangers 
to  the  ladies  of  their  household,  the  Oriental  peeps 
out  everywhere.  Peter  the  Great  could  order  his 
Boyards  to  abandon  their  fur-trimmed  velvet  robes, 
to  shave  off  their  beards,  powder  their  heads,  and 
array  themselves  in  the  satins  and  brocades  of  Ver- 
sailles. He  could  not  alter  the  men  and  women 
inside  the  French  imported  finery.  He  could  aban- 
don his  old  capital,  matchless,  many-pinnacled  Mos- 
cow, vibrant  with  every  instinct  of  Russian  nation- 
ality; he  could  create  a  new  pseudo-Western,  sham- 
classical  city  in  the  frozen  marshes  of  the  Neva; 
but  even  the  Autocrat  could  not  change  the  souls 
of  his  people.  Easterns  they  were.  Easterns  they 
remained,  and  that  is  the  secret  of  Russia,  they 
are  not  Europeans.  Peter  himself  was  so  fully 
aware  of  the  racial  limitations  of  his  countrymen 
that  he  imported  numbers  of  foreigners  to  run  the 
country;  Germans  as  Civil  and  Military  administra- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  103 

tors;  Dutchmen  as  builders  and  town-planners;  and 
Englishmen  to  foster  its  budding  commerce.  To 
the  latter  he  granted  special  privileges,  and  even 
in  my  time  there  was  a  very  large  English  com- 
mercial community  in  Petrograd;  a  few  of  them 
descendants  of  Peter  the  Great's  pioneers;  the  ma- 
jority of  them  with  hereditary  business  connections 
with  Russia.  Their  special  privileges  had  gradually 
been  withdrawn,  but  the  official  name  of  the  English 
Church  in  Petrograd  was  still  "British  Factory  in 
St.  Petersburg,"  surely  a  curious  title  for  a  place 
of  worship.  The  various  German-Russian  families 
from  the  Baltic  Provinces,  the  Adlerbergs,  the 
Benckendorffs,  and  the  Stackelbergs,  had  served 
Russia  well.  Under  their  strong  guidance  she  be- 
came a  mighty  Power,  but  when  under  Alexander 
III  the  reins  of  government  were  confided  to  purely 
Russian  hands,  rapid  deterioration  set  in.  This 
dreamy  nation  lacks  driving  power.  In  my  time, 
the  very  able  Minister  for  Foreign  Affairs,  M.  de 
Giers,  was  of  German  origin,  and  his  real  name  was 
Hirsch.  His  extremely  wily  and  astute  second  in 
command,  Baron  Jomini,  was  a  Swiss.  Modern 
Russia  was  largely  the  creation  of  the  foreigner. 

I  saw  a  great  deal,  too,  of  a  totally  different 
stratum  of  Russian  society.  Mr.  X.,  the  head  of 
a  large  exporting  house,  was  of  British  origin,  the 
descendant  of  one  of  Peter's  commercial  pioneers. 
He  himself,  like  his  father  and  grandfather,  had 
been  born  in  Russia,  and  though  he  retained  his 
English  speech,  he  had  adopted   all  the  points  of 


104     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

view  of  the  country  of  his  birth.  Madame  X.  came 
of  a  family  of  the  so-called  "  Intelligenzia."  Most 
of  her  relatives  seemed  to  have  undertaken  compul- 
sory journeys  to  Siberia,  not  as  prisoners,  but  for 
a  given  term  of  exile.  Madame  X.'s  brother-in-law 
owned  and  edited  a  paper  of  advanced  views,  which 
was  being  continually  suppressed,  and  had  been 
the  cause  of  two  long  trips  eastward  for  its  editor 
and  proprietor.  Neither  Mr.  nor  Madame  X.  shared 
their  relatives'  extreme  views.  What  struck  me 
was  that  behind  the  floods  of  vehement  invective  of 

Madame  O (the  editor's  wife)  there  was  never 

the  smallest  practical  suggestion.  "  You  say, 
Madame  O ,"  I  would  hazard,  "that  the  exist- 
ing state  of  things  is  intolerable.  What  remedy 
do  you  suggest?  "     "  I  am  not  the  Government," 

would  retort  Madame  O with  great  heat.     "  It 

is  for  the  Government  to  make  suggestions.  I 
only  denounce  an  abominable  injustice."     "  Quite 

so,  Madame  O ,  but  how  can  these  conditions 

be  improved.  What  is  your  programme  of  re- 
form?"  *'We  have  nothing  to  do  with  reforms. 
Our  mission  is  to  destroy  utterly.  Out  of  the 
ruins  a  better  state  of  things  must  necessarily 
arise;  as  nothing  could  possibly  be  worse  than  pres- 
ent conditions."     And  so  we  travelled  round  and 

round  in  a  circle.     Mr.  O ,  when  appealed  to, 

would  blink  through  his  spectacles  with  his  kindly 
old  eyes,  and  emit  a  torrent  of  admirable  moral 
aphorisms,  which  might  serve  as  unimpeachable 
copy-book  headings,  but  had  no  bearing  whatever 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         105 

on  the  subject  we  were  discussing.  Never  once 
amidst  these  floods  of  bitter  invective  and  cataracts 
of  fierce  denunciation  did  I  hear  one  single  prac- 
tical suggestion  made  or  any  outline  traced  of  a 
scheme  to  better  existing  conditions.     "  We  must 

destroy,"   shouted   Madame   O ,   and   there   her 

ideas  stopped.  I  think  the  Slavonic  bent  of  mind, 
like  the  Celtic,  is  purely  ^^^tructive,  and  has  little 
or  no  constructive  power  in  it.  This  may  be  due 
to  the  ineradicable  element  of  the  child  in  both 
races.  They  are  "  Peter  Pans,"  and  a  child  loves 
destruction. 

Poor   dreamy,    emotional,   hopelessly   unpractical 

Russia!     Madame  O 's  theories  have  been  ])ut 

into  effect  now,  and  we  all  know  how  appalling 
the  result  has  been. 

These  conversations  were  always  carried  on  in 
French  for  greater  safety  in  order  that  the  servants 
might   not   overhear,   but   when  Mr.    and   Madame 

O found   difficulties   in  expressing  themselves 

in  that  language,  they  both  broke  into  torrents  of 
rapid  Russian,  to  poor  Madame  X.'s  unconcealed 

terror.    The  danger  was  a  real  one,  for  the  O 's 

were  well  known  in  police  circles  as  revolutionists, 
and  it  must  have  gone  hard  with  the  X.'s  had  their 
servants  reported  to  the  poHce  the  violent  opinions 
that  had  been  expressed  in  their  house. 

Many  of  the  Diplomatic  Body  were  in  the  habit 
of  attending  the  midnight  Mass  at  St.  Isaac's  on 
Easter  Day,  on  account  of  the  wonderfully  im- 
pressive character  of  the  service.     We  were  always 


106     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

requested  to  come  in  full  uniform,  with  decorations 
and  we  stood  inside  the  rails  of  the  ikonostas,  behind 
the  choir.  The  time  to  arrive  was  about  11.30  p.m., 
when  the  great  church,  packed  to  its  doors  by  a 
vast  throng,  was  wrapped  in  almost  total  darkness. 
Under  the  dome  stood  a  catafalque  bearing  a  gilt 
cofRn.  This  open  coffin  contained  a  strip  of  silk, 
on  which  was  painted  an  effigy  of  the  dead  Clirist, 
for  it  will  be  remembered  that  no  carved  or  graven 
image  is  allowed  in  a  church  of  the  Eastern  rite. 
There  was  an  arrangement  by  which  a  species  of 
blind  could  be  drawn  over  the  painted  figure,  thus 
concealing  it.  As  the  eye  grew  accustomed  to  the 
shadows,  tens  of  thousands  of  unlighted  candles, 
outlining  the  arches,  cornices,  and  other  architec- 
tural features  of  the  cathedral,  were  just  visible. 
These  candles  each  had  their  wick  touched  with 
kerosine  and  then  surrounded  with  a  thread  of  gun- 
cotton,  which  ran  continuously  from  candle  to  can- 
dle right  round  the  building.  When  the  hanging 
end  of  the  thread  of  gun-cotton  was  lighted,  the 
flame  ran  swiftly  round  the  church,  kindling  each 
candle  in  turn;  a  very  fascinating  sight.  At  half- 
past  eleven,  the  only  light  was  from  the  candles 
surrounding  the  bier,  where  black-robed  priests 
were  chanting  the  mournful  Russian  Office  for  the 
Dead.  At  about  twenty  minutes  to  twelve  the  blind 
was  drawn  over  the  dead  Christ,  and  the  priests, 
feigning  surprise,  advanced  to  the  rails  of  the  ikon- 
ostas, and  announced  to  an  Archimandrite  that  the 
coffin  was  empty.    The  Archimandrite  ordered  them 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  107 

to  search  round  the  church,  and  the  priests  peram- 
bulated the  church  with  gilt  lanterns,  during  which 
time  the  catafalque,  bier,  and  its  accessories  were 
all  removed.  The  priests  announced  to  the  Archi- 
mandrite that  their  search  had  been  unsuccessful, 
whereupon  he  ordered  them  to  make  a  further  search 
outside  the  church.  They  went  out,  and  so  timed 
their  return  as  to  arrive  before  the  ikonostas  at 
three  minutes  before  midnight.  They  again  re- 
ported that  they  had  been  unsuccessful;  when,  as 
the  first  stroke  of  midnight  pealed  from  the  great 
clock,  the  Metropolitan  of  Petrograd  announced 
in  a  loud  voice,  "Christ  is  risen!"  At  an  electric 
signal  given  from  the  cathedral,  the  great  guns 
of  the  fortress  boomed  out  in  a  salute  of  one  hundred 
and  one  guns;  the  gun-cotton  was  touched  off,  and 
the  swift  flash  kindled  the  tens  of  thousands  of 
candles  running  round  the  building;  the  enormous 
congregation  lit  the  tapers  they  carried;  the  "Royal 
doors  "  of  the  ikonostas  were  thrown  open,  and  the 
clergy  appeared  in  their  festival  vestments  of  cloth 
of  gold,  as  the  choir  burst  into  the  beautiful  Rus- 
sian Easter  anthem,  and  so  the  Easter  Mass  began. 
Nothing  more  poignantly  dramatic,  more  magnifi- 
cently impressive,  could  possibly  be  imagined  than 
this  almost  instantaneous  change  from  intense  gloom 
to  blazing  light;  from  the  plaintive  dirges  of  the 
Funeral  Service  to  the  jubilant  strains  of  the 
Easter  Mass.  I  never  tired  of  witnessing  this 
splendid  piece  of  symbolism. 

It   sounds   almost   irreverent  to  talk   of  comical 


108     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

incidents  in  connection  with  so  solemn  an  occasion, 
but  there  are  two  little  episodes  I  must  mention. 
About  1880  the  first  tentative  efforts  were  made 
by  France  to  establish  a  Franco-Russian  alliance. 
Ideas  on  the  subject  were  very  nebulous  at  first, 
but  slowly  they  began  to  crystallise  into  concrete 
shape.  A  new  French  Ambassador  was  appointed 
to  Petrograd  in  the  hope  of  fanning  the  faint  spark 
into  further  life.  He,  wishing  to  show  his  sym- 
pathy for  the  nation  amie,  attended  the  Easter  Mass 
at  St.  Isaac's,  but  unfortunately  he  was  quite  un- 
versed in  the  ritual  of  the  Orthodox  Church.  In 
every  ikonostas  there  are  two  ikons  on  either  side 
of  the  "  Royal  doors  " ;  the  Saviour  on  one  side, 
the  Madonna  and  Child  on  the  other.  The  new 
Ambassador  was  standing  in  front  of  the  ikon  of 
the  Saviour,  and  in  the  course  of  the  Mass  the  Met- 
ropolitan came  out,  and  made  the  three  prescribed 
low  bows  before  the  ikon,  previous  to  censing  it. 
The  Ambassador,  taking  this  as  a  personal  com- 
pliment to  France,  as  represented  in  his  own  per- 
son, acknowledged  the  attention  with  three  equally 
low  bows,  laying  his  hand  on  his  heart  and  ejacu- 
lating with  all  the  innate  politeness  of  his  nation, 
"Monsieur!  Monsieur!  Monsieur!"  This  little  in- 
cident caused  much  amusement,  as  did  a  newly-ar- 
rived German  diplomat,  who  when  greeted  by  a 
Russian  friend  with  the  customary  Easter  saluta- 
tion of  "Christ  is  risen!"  ("  Kristos  voskress!  ") 
wished  to  respond,  but,  being  ignorant  of  the  tra- 
ditional answer,  "  He  is  verily  risen,"  merely  made 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         109 

a  low  bow  and   said,   "  Ich  auch,"   which   may  be 
vulgarly  Englished  into  "  The  same  here." 

The  universal  Easter  suppers  at  the  conclusion 
of  the  Mass  play  an  important  part  in  Russian  life, 
for  they  mean  the  breaking  of  the  long  and  rigorous 
Lenten  fast  of  the  Eastern  Church,  during  which 
all  meat,  butter,  milk,  and  eggs  are  prohibited. 
The  peasants  adhere  rigidly  to  these  rules,  so  the 
Easter  supper  assumes  great  importance  in  their 
eyes.  The  ingredients  of  this  supper  are  invariable 
for  high  and  low,  for  rich  and  poor — cold  ham, 
hard-boiled  eggs  dyed  red,  a  sort  of  light  cake  akin 
to  the  French  brioche,  and  a  sour  cream-cheese 
shaped  into  a  pyramid  and  decorated  with  little 
crosses  of  dried  currants.  I  think  that  this  cake 
and  cream  cheese  (known  as  "Paskva")  are  pre- 
pared only  at  Easter-time.  Even  at  the  Yacht 
Club  during  Holy  Week,  meat,  butter,  milk,  and 
eggs  were  prohibited,  and  still  Armand,  our  incom- 
parable French  chef,  managed  to  produce  plats  of 
the  most  succulent  description.  Loud  praises  were 
lavished  upon  his  skill  in  preparing  such  excellent 
dishes  out  of  oil,  fish,  flour,  and  vegetables,  the 
only  materials  allowed  him.  I  met  Armand  in  the 
passage  one  day  and  asked  him  how  he  managed 
to  do  it.  Looking  round  to  see  that  no  Russians 
could  overhear,  Armand  replied  with  a  wink, 
"  Voyez-vous  Monsieur,  le  bon  Dieu  ne  regarde  pas 
d'aussi  pres."  Of  course  he  had  gone  on  using 
cream,  butter,  and  eggs,  just  as  usual,  but  as  the 
members  of  the  Club  did  not  know  this,  and  thought 


110     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

that  they  were  strictly  obeying  the  rules  of  their 
Church,  I  imagine  that  no  blame  could  attach  to 
them. 

On  Easter  Eve  the  two-mile-long  Nevsky  Per- 
spective was  lined  with  humble  folks  standing  by 
white  napkins  on  which  the  materials  for  their 
Easter  supper  were  arranged.  On  every  napkin 
glimmered  a  lighted  taper,  and  the  long  line  of 
these  twinkling  lights  produced  a  very  charming 
effect,  as  of  myriads  of  glow-worms.  Priests  would 
pass  swiftly  down  the  line,  each  attended  by  an  aco- 
lyte carrying  a  pail  of  holy  water.  The  priest  would 
mutter  a  rapid  blessing,  sprinkle  the  food  and  its 
owner  with  holy  water,  pocket  an  infinitesimally 
small  fee,  and  pass  on  again. 

A  friend  of  mine  was  once  down  in  the  fruit-grow- 
ing districts  of  the  Crimea.  Passing  through  one 
of  the  villages  of  that  pleasing  peninsula,  he  found 
it  decorated  in  honour  of  a  religious  festival.  The 
village  priest  was  going  to  bless  the  first-fruits  of 
the  orchards.  The  peasants  stood  in  a  row  down 
the  village  street,  each  one  with  the  first  crop  of  his 
orchard  arranged  on  a  clean  napkin  before  him.  The 
red-bearded  priest,  quite  a  young  man,  passed  down 
the  street,  sprinkling  fruit  and  grower  alike  with 
holy  water,  and  repeating  a  blessing  to  each  one. 
The  young  priest  approached,  and  my  friend  could 
hear  quite  plainly  the  words  of  his  blessing.     No. 

it  was  quite   impossible!     It  was   incredible! 

and  yet  he  could  not  doubt  the  evidence  of  his  own 
ears!    The  young  priest  was  speaking  in  good  Scots, 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         111 

and  the  words  of  the  blessing  he  bestowed  on  each 
parishioner  were,  "  Here,  man!  tak'  it.  If  it  does 
ye  nae  guid,  it  canna  possibly  dae  ye  any  hairm." 
The  men  addressed,  probably  taking  this  for  a  quo- 
tation from  Scripture  in  some  unknown  tongue, 
bowed  reverently  as  the  words  were  pronounced  over 
them.  That  a  Russian  village  priest  in  a  remote 
district  of  the  Crimea  should  talk  broad  Scots  was 
a  sufficiently  unusual  circumstance  to  cause  my 
friend  to  make  some  further  inquiries.  It  then  ap- 
peared that  when  the  Government  dockyard  at  Se- 
bastopol  was  reopened,  several  Scottish  foremen 
from  the  Clyde  shipbuilding  yards  were  imported  to 
supervise  the  Russian  workmen.  Amongst  others 
came  a  Glasgow  foreman  with  his  wife  and  a  son 
who  was  destined  for  the  ministry  of  the  Free 
Church  of  Scotland.  Once  arrived  in  Russia,  they 
found  that  facilities  for  training  a  youth  for  the 
Presbj'terian  ministry  were  somewhat  lacking  in 
Sebastopol.  Sooner  than  sacrifice  their  dearest 
wish,  the  parents,  with  commendable  broadminded- 
ness,  decided  that  their  offspring  should  enter  the 
Russian  Church.  He  was  accordingly  sent  to  a 
seminary  and  in  due  course  was  ordained  a  priest 
and  appointed  to  a  parish,  but  he  apparently  still 
retained  his  Scottish  speech  and  his  characteristically 
Scottish    independence   of   view. 

After  a  year  in  Petrograd  I  used  to  attempt  to 
analyse  to  myself  the  complex  Russian  character. 
"  We  are  a  '  jelly-folk,' "  had  said  one  of  my 
friends  to  me.     The  Russian  term  was  "  Kiselnui 


112     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

narod,"  and  I  think  there  is  truth  in  that.  They 
are  an  invertabrate  folk.  I  cannot  help  thinking 
that  Peter  the  Great  was  one  of  the  worst  enemies 
of  his  own  country.  Instead  of  allowing  Russia 
to  develop  naturally  on  lines  suited  to  the  racial 
instincts  of  her  people,  he  attempted  to  run  the 
whole  country  into  a  West  European  mould,  and 
to  superimpose  upon  it  a  veneer  imported  from 
the  France  of  Louis  Quatorze.  With  the  very 
few  this  could  perhaps  succeed,  with  the  many  it 
was  a  foregone  failure.  He  tried  in  one  short 
lifetime  to  do  what  it  had  taken  other  countries 
centuries  to  accomplish.  He  built  a  vast  and  im- 
posing edifice  on  shifting  sand,  without  any  foun- 
dations. It  might  stand  for  a  time;  its  ultimate 
doom  was  certain. 

From  the  windows  of  our  Embassy  we  looked 
upon  the  broad  Neva.  When  fast  bound  in  the 
grip  of  winter,  sledge-roads  were  made  across  the 
ice,  bordered  with  lamp-posts  and  marked  out  with 
sawn-off  fir  trees.  Little  wooden  taverns  and  tea- 
houses were  built  on  the  river,  and  as  soon  as  the 
ice  was  of  sufficient  thickness  the  tramcar  lines  were 
laid  across  it.  A  colony  of  Laps  came  yearly 
and  encamped  on  the  river  with  their  reindeer,  for 
the  temperature  of  Petrograd  rarely  falling  more 
than  ten  degrees  below  zero,  it  was  looked  upon  as 
a  genial  winter  climate  for  invalids  from  Lapland. 
A  stranger  from  another  planet  might  have  imag- 
ined that  these  buildings  were  permanent,  that  the 
fir  trees  were  really  growing,  and  that  all  the  life 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         113 

on  the  frozen  river  would  last  indefinitely.  Every- 
one knew,  though,  with  absolute  certainty  that  by 
tlie  middle  of  April  the  ice  would  break  up,  and 
that  these  little  houses,  if  not  removed  in  time, 
would  be  carried  away  and  engulfed  in  the  lib- 
erated stream.  By  Maj^  the  river  would  be  run- 
ning again  as  freely  as  though  these  temporary 
edifices  had  never  been  built  on  it. 

I  think  these  houses  built  on  the  ice  were  very 
typical  of  Russia. 


CHAPTER  IV 


The  Winter  Palace — Its  interior — Alexander  II — A  Russian 
Court  Ball— The  "  Bals  des  Palmiers  "—The  Empress— 
The  blessing  of  the  Neva — Some  curiosities  of  the  Winter 
Palace — The  great  Orloff  diamond — My  friend  the  Lady- 
in-Waiting — Sugared  Compensations — The  attempt  on  the 
Emperor's  life  of  1880 — Some  unexpected  finds  in  the  Pal- 
ace— A  most  hilarious  funeral — Sporting  expeditions — 
Night  drives  through  the  forest  in  mid-winter — Wolves — 
A  typical  Russian  village — A  peasant's  house — "  Deaf  and 
dumb  people  " — The  inquisitive  peasant  youth — Curiosity 
about  strangers — An  embarrassing  situation — A  still  more 
awkward  one — Food  difficulties — A  bear  hunt — My  first 
bear — Alcoholic  consequences — My  liking  for  the  Russian 
peasant! — The  beneficent  india-rubber  Ikon — Two  curious 
sporting  incidents — Village  habits — The  great  gulf  fixed 
between  Russian  nobility  and  peasants. 


The  Winter  Palace  drags  its  lengthy,  uninteresting 
fa9ade  for  some  five  hundred  feet  along  the  quays 
of  the  Neva.  It  presents  a  mere  wearisome  iteration 
of  the  same  architectural  features  repeated  again  and 
again,  and  any  effect  it  might  produce  is  marred  by 
the  hideous  shade  of  that  crude  red,  called  by  the 
Russians  "  raspberry  colour,"  with  which  it  is 
daubed,  and  for  which  they  have  so  misplaced  an  af- 
fection. 

114 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         115 

The  interior  of  the  Winter  Palace  was  burned  out 
in  1837,  and  only  a  few  of  the  original  State  rooms 
survive.  These  surviving  rooms  are  the  only  ones 
of  any  artistic  interest,  as  the  other  innumerable 
and  stupendous  halls  were  all  reconstructed  during 
the  "period  of  bad  taste,"  and  bear  ample  witness  to 
that  fact  in  every  detail  of  their  ornamentation. 

The  Ambassadors'  staircase,  part  of  the  original 
building,  is  very  dignified  and  imposing  with  its 
groups  of  statuary,  painted  ceiling,  and  lavish  deco- 
ration, as  is  Peter  the  Great's  Throne  room,  with 
jasper  columns,  and  walls  hung  with  red  velvet 
worked  in  gold  with  great  Russian  two-headed 
eagles.  All  the  tables,  chairs,  and  chandeliers  in  this 
room  were  of  solid  silver. 

St.  George's  Hall,  another  of  the  old  rooms,  I 
thought  splendid,  with  its  pure  white  marble  walls 
and  columns  and  rich  adornments  of  gilt  bronze, 
and  there  was  also  an  agreeably  barbaric  hall  with 
entirely  gilt  columns,  many  banners,  and  gigantic 
effigies  of  ancient  Russian  warriors.  All  these  rooms 
were  full  of  collections  of  the  gold  and  silver-gilt 
trays  on  which  the  symbolical  "  bread  and  salt  " 
had  been  offered  to  different  Emperors  in  the  vari- 
ous towns  of  their  dominions. 

The  fifty  or  so  other  modern  rooms  were  only 
remarkable  for  their  immense  size,  the  Nicholas 
HaO,  for  instance,  being  200  feet  long  and  65  feet 
wide,  though  the  so-called  "  Golden  Hall "  posi- 
tively dazzled  one  with  its  acre  or  so  of  gilding.  It 
would  have  been  a  happy  idea  for  the  Emperor  to 


116     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

assemble  all  the  leading  financiers  of  Europe  to 
dine  together  in  the  "  Golden  Hall."  The  sight  of 
so  much  of  the  metal  which  they  had  spent  their 
whole  lives  in  amassing  would  have  gratified  the 
financiers,  and  would  probably  have  stimulated  them 
to  fresh  exertions. 

The  Emperor  Alexander  II  always  received  the 
diplomats  in  Peter  the  Great's  Throne  room,  seated 
on  Peter's  throne.  He  was  a  wonderfully  handsome 
man  even  in  his  old  age,  with  a  most  commanding 
manner,  and  an  air  of  freezing  hauteur.  When  ad- 
dressing junior  members  of  the  Diplomatic  Body 
there  was  something  in  his  voice  and  a  look  in  his 
eye  reminiscent  of  the  Great  Mogul  addressing  an 
earthworm. 

I  have  only  seen  three  Sovereigns  who  looked 
their  parts  quite  unmistakably:  Alexander  II  of 
Russia,  William  I  of  Germany,  and  Queen  Vic- 
toria. In  Queen  Victoria's  case  it  was  the  more 
remarkable,  as  she  was  very  short.  Yet  this  little 
old  lady  in  her  plain  dress,  had  the  most  inimitable 
dignity,  and  no  one  could  have  mistaken  her  for 
anything  but  a  Queen.  I  remember  Queen  Vic- 
toria attending  a  concert  at  the  Albert  Hall  in  1887, 
two  months  before  the  Jubilee  celebrations.  The 
vast  building  was  packed  to  the  roof,  and  the  Queen 
received  a  tremendous  ovation.  No  one  who  saw  it 
can  ever  forget  how  the  little  old  lady  advanced  to 
the  front  of  her  box  and  made  two  very  low  sweep- 
ing curtsies  to  the  right  and  to  the  left  of  her  with 
incomparable    dignity    and    grace,    as    she    smiled 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         117 

through  her  tears  on  the  audience  in  acknowledg- 
ment of  the  thunders  of  applause  that  greeted  her. 
Queen  Victoria  was  always  moved  to  tears  when  she 
received  an  unusually  cordial  ovation  from  her  peo- 
ple, for  they  loved  her,  and  she  loved  them. 

The  scale  of  everything  in  the  Winter  Palace  was 
so  vast  that  it  is  difficult  to  compare  the  Court  en- 
tertainments there  with  those  elsewhere. 

Certainly  the  Russian  ladies  looked  well  in  their 
uniform  costumes.  The  cut,  shape,  and  style  of 
these  dresses  never  varied,  be  the  fashions  what 
they  might.  The  dress,  once  made,  lasted  the  owner 
for  her  lifetime,  though  with  advancing  years  it 
might  possibly  require  to  be  readjusted  to  an  ex- 
panding figure.  They  were  enormously  expensive 
to  start  with — anything  from  £300  to  £l,200.  There 
was  a  complete  under-dress  of  white  satin,  heavily 
embroidered.  Over  this  was  worn  a  velvet  dress 
lavishly  trimmed  with  dark  fur.  This  velvet  dress 
might  be  of  dull  red,  dark  blue,  green,  or  brown, 
according  to  the  taste  of  the  wearer.  It  had  to  have 
a  long  train  embroidered  with  gold  or  silver  flowers, 
or  both  mixed,  as  the  owner's  fancy  dictated.  On 
the  head  was  worn  the  "  Kakoshnik,"  the  traditional 
Russian  head-dress,  in  the  form  of  a  crescent.  In 
the  case  of  married  women  the  "  Kakoshnik  "  might 
be  of  diamonds,  or  any  gems  they  fancied,  or  could 
compass;  for  girls  the  "Kakoshnik"  must  be  of 
white  silk.  Girls,  too,  had  to  wear  white,  without 
the  velvet  over-dress.  The  usual  fault  of  Russian 
faces  is  their  undue  breadth  across  the  cheek-bones. 


118     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

and  the  white  "  Kakoshnik  "  worn  by  the  unmarried 
girls  seemed  to  me  to  emphasize  this  defect,  whereas 
a  blazing  semicircle  of  diamonds  made  a  most  becom- 
ing setting  for  an  older  face,  although  at  times,  as  in 
other  cases,  the  setting  might  be  more  ornamental 
than  the  object  it  enshrined.  Though  the  Russian 
uniforms  were  mostly  copied  from  German  models, 
the  national  lack  of  attention  to  detail  was  probably 
to  blame  for  the  lack  of  effect  they  produced  when 
compared  with  their  Prussian  originals. 

There  was  always  something  a  little  slovenly  in 
the  way  in  which  the  Russian  uniforms  were  worn, 
though  an  exception  must  be  made  in  the  case  of  the 
resplendent  *'  Chevaliers  Gardes,"  and  of  the 
"  Gardes  a  Cheval."  The  uniforms  of  these  two 
crack  cavalry  regiments  was  closely  copied  from 
that  of  the  Prussian  "  Gardes  du  Corps  "  and  was 
akin  to  that  of  our  own  Life  Guards  and  Royal 
Horse  Guards;  the  same  leather  breeches  and  long 
jack-boots,  and  the  same  cuirasses;  the  tunics, 
though  were  white,  instead  of  the  scarlet  or  blue  of 
their  Engilsh  prototypes.  The  "  Chevahers  Gardes  " 
had  silvered  cuirasses  and  helmets  surmounted  with 
the  Russian  eagle,  whereas  those  of  the  "  Gardes  a 
Cheval "  were  gilt.  As  we  know,  *'  all  that  glitters 
is  not  gold,"  and  in  spite  of  their  gilding  the 
"  Gardes  a  Cheval  "  were  considered  very  inferior 
socially  to  their  rivals.  The  Emperor's  fiercely- 
moustached  Circassian  bodyguard  struck  an  agree- 
ably exotic  note  with  their  grass-green  trousers  and 
long  blue  kaftans,  covered  with  rows  of  Persian  car- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         119 

tridge-holders  in  niello  of  black  and  silver.  Others 
of  the  Circassians  wore  coats  of  chain  mail  over  their 
kaftans,  and  these  kaftans  were  always  sleeveless, 
showing  the  bright  green,  red,  or  blue  silk  shirt- 
sleeves of  their  wearers.  Another  pleasant  barbaric 
touch. 

To  my  mind,  the  smartest  uniforms  were  those  of 
the  Cossack  officers;  baggy  green  knickerbockers 
thrust  into  high  boots,  a  hooked-and-eyed  green  tunic 
without  a  single  button  or  a  scrap  of  gold  lace  on  it, 
and  a  plain  white  silk  belt.  No  one  could  complain 
of  a  lack  of  colour  at  a  Petrograd  Palace  ball.  The 
Russian  civil  and  Court  uniforms  were  ingeniously 
hideous  with  their  white  trousers  and  long  frock- 
coats  covered  with  broad  transverse  bars  of  gold 
lace.  The  wearers  of  these  ugly  garments  always 
looked  to  me  like  walking  embodiments  of  what  are 
known  in  commercial  circles  as  "  gilt-edged  securi- 
ties." As  at  Berlin,  there  were  hosts  of  pages  at 
these  entertainments.  These  lads  were  all  attired 
like  miniature  "  Chevaher  Gardes,"  in  leather 
breeches  and  jack-boots,  and  wore  gold-laced  green 
tunics;  a  singularly  unpractical  dress,  I  should  have 
thought,  for  a  growing  boy.  All  Russians  of  a 
certain  social  position  were  expected  to  send  their 
sons  to  be  educated  at  the  "  School  for  Imperial 
Pages,"  which  was  housed  in  an  immense  and  ornate 
building  and  counted  four  hundred  pupils.  Wise 
parents  mistrusted  the  education  "  aux  pages  "  for 
their  sons,  knowing  that,  however  little  else  they 
might  learn  there,  they  would  be  certain  to  acquire 


120     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

habits  of  gross  extravagance;  the  prominence,  too, 
into  which  these  bovs  were  thrust  at  Court  functions 
tended  to  make  them  unduly  precocious. 

The  smaller  Court  balls  were  known  as  "  Les 
Bals  des  Palmiers."  On  these  occasions,  a  hundred 
large  palm  trees,  specially  grown  for  the  purpose  at 
Tsarskoe  Selo,  were  brought  by  road  from  there  in 
huge  vans.  Round  the  palm  in  its  tub  supper  tables 
were  built,  each  one  accommodating  fifteen  people. 
It  was  really  an  extraordinarily  pretty  sight  seeing 
these  rows  of  broad-fronted  palms  down  the  great 
Nicholas  Hall,  and  the  knowledge  that  a  few  feet, 
away  there  was  an  outside  temperature  of  5°  below 
zero  added  piquancy  to  the  sight  of  these  exiles 
from  the  tropics  waving  their  green  plumes  so  far 
away  in  the  frozen  North.  At  the  "  Bals  des  Palm- 
iers "  it  was  Alexander  II's  custom  to  make  the 
round  of  the  tables  as  soon  as  his  guests  were  seated. 
The  Emperor  would  go  up  to  a  table,  the  occupants 
of  which  of  course  all  rose  at  his  approach,  say  a 
few  words  to  one  or  two  of  them,  and  then  eat  either 
a  small  piece  of  bread  or  a  little  fruit,  and  just  put 
his  lips  to  a  glass  of  champagne,  in  order  that  his 
guests  might  say  that  he  had  eaten  and  drank  with 
them.     A  delicate  and  graceful  attention! 

As  electric  light  had  not  then  been  introduced  into 
the  palace,  the  entire  building  was  lighted  with  wax 
candles.  I  cannot  remember  the  number  I  was  told 
was  required  on  these  occasions,  but  I  think  it  was  over 
one  hundred  thousand.  The  candles  were  all  lighted 
with  a  thread  of  gun-cotton,  as  in  St.  Isaac's  Cathedral. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         121 

The  Empress  appeared  but  very  rarely.  It  was  a 
matter  of  common  knowledge  that  she  was  suffering 
from  an  incurable  disease.  All  the  rooms  in  which 
she  lived  were  artifically  impregnated  with  oxygen, 
continuously  released  from  cylinders  in  which  the 
gas  had  been  compressed.  This,  though  it  relieved 
the  lungs  of  the  sufferer,  proved  very  trying  to  the 
Empress's  ladies-in-waiting,  as  this  artifical  atmos- 
phere with  its  excess  of  oxygen  after  an  hour  or  so 
gave  them  all  violent  headaches  and  attacks  of  giddi- 
ness. 

In  spite  of  the  characteristic  Russian  carelessness 
about  details,  these  Petrograd  Palace  entertainments 
provided  a  splendid  glittering  pageant  to  the  eye. 
for  the  stage  was  so  vast  and  the  number  of  per- 
formers so  great.  There  was  not  the  same  blaze  of 
diamonds  as  in  London,  but  I  should  say  that  the 
individual  jewels  were  far  finer.  A  stone  must  be 
very  perfect  to  satisfy  the  critical  Russian  eye,  and, 
true  to  their  Oriental  blood,  the  ladies  preferred  un- 
faceted  rubies,  sapphires,  and  emeralds.  Occasional 
Emirs  from  Central  Asia  served,  as  do  the  Indian 
princes  at  Buckingham  Palace,  as  a  reminder  that 
Russia's  responsibilities,  like  those  of  Great  Britain, 
did  not  cease  with  her  European  frontiers. 

Once  a  year  the  diplomats  had  much  the  best  of 
the  situation.  This  was  at  the  blessing  of  the  waters 
of  the  Neva — "  the  Jordan,"  as  Russians  called  it — 
on  January  6,  old  style,  or  January  18,  according  to 
our  reckoning.  We  saw  the  ceremonies  through  the 
double  windows  of  the  great  steam-heated  Nicholas 


122     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

Hall,  whereas  the  Emperor  and  all  the  Grand  Dukes 
had  to  stand  bareheaded  in  the  snow  outside.  A 
great  hole  was  cut  in  the  ice  of  the  Neva,  with  a 
temporary  chapel  erected  over  it.  At  the  conclusion 
of  the  religious  service,  the  Metropolitan  of  Petro- 
grad  solemnly  blessed  the  waters  of  the  river,  and 
dipped  a  great  golden  cross  into  them. 

A  cordon  of  soldiers  had  to  guard  the  opening  in 
the  ice  until  it  froze  over  again,  in  order  to  prevent 
fanatical  peasants  from  bathing  in  the  newly-con- 
secrated waters.  Many  had  lost  their  lives  in  this 
way. 

A  friend  of  mine,  the  Director  of  the  Hermitage 
Gallery,  offered  to  take  me  all  over  the  Winter 
Palace,  and  the  visit  occupied  nearly  an  entire  day. 
The  maze  of  rooms  was  so  endless  that  the  mind 
got  a  little  bewildered  and  surfeited  with  the  sight 
of  so  many  splendours.  A  detail  that  amused  me 
was  a  small  library  on  the  second  floor,  opening  on 
to  an  avenue  of  lime  trees.  One  of  the  Empresses 
had  chosen  for  her  private  library  this  room  on  the 
second  floor,  looking  into  a  courtyard.  She  had 
selected  it  on  account  of  its  quiet,  but  expressed  a 
wish  to  have  an  avenue  of  trees,  under  which  to  walk 
in  the  intervals  of  her  studies.  The  room  being  on 
the  second  floor,  and  looking  into  a  yard,  the  wish 
appeared  to  be  difficult  to  execute,  but  in  those  days 
the  word  "  impossible  "  did  not  exist  for  an  Empress 
of  Russia.  The  entire  courtyard  was  filled  in  with 
earth,  and  full-grown  lime  trees  transplanted  there. 
When  I  saw  this  aerial  grove  eighty  years  after- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  123 

wards,  there  was  quite  a  respectable  avenue  of  limes 
on  the  second  floor  of  the  building,  with  a  gravel 
walk  bordered  by  grass-plots  beneath  them.  An- 
other Empress  wished  to  have  a  place  to  walk  in 
during  the  winter  months,  so  a  very  ingenious  hang- 
ing winter-garden  was  contrived  for  her,  following 
all  the  exterior  angles  of  the  building.  It  was  not 
in  the  least  like  an  ordinary  conservatory,  but  really 
did  recall  an  outdoor  garden.  There  were  gravel 
walks,  and  lawns  of  lycopodium  simulating  grass; 
there  were  growing  orange  trees,  and  quite  large 
palms.  For  some  reason  the  creepers  on  the  walls 
of  this  pseudo-garden  were  all  artifical,  being  very 
cleverly  made  out  of  painted  sheet-iron. 

I  had  an  opportunity  later  of  seeing  the  entire 
Winter  Palace  collection  of  silver  plate,  and  all 
the  Crown  jewels,  when  they  were  arranged  for  the 
inspection  of  the  late  Duke  of  Edinburgh,  who  was 
good  enough  to  invite  me  to  come.  There  were 
enormous  quantities  of  plate,  of  Russian,  French, 
and  English  make,  sufficient  to  stock  every  silver- 
smith's shop  in  London.  Some  of  the  English  plate 
was  of  William  and  Mary's  and  Queen  Anne's  date, 
and  there  were  some  fine  early  Georgian  pieces. 
They  would,  I  confess,  have  appeared  to  greater 
advantage  had  they  conveyed  the  idea  that  they  had 
been  occasionally  cleaned.  As  it  was,  they  looked 
like  dull  pewter  that  had  been  neglected  for 
twenty  years.  Of  the  jewels,  the  only  things  I 
remember  were  a  superb  "  corsage "  of  diamonds 
and  aquamarines — not  the  pale  green  stones  we  as- 


124     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

sociate  with  the  name,  but  immense  stones  of  that 
bright  blue  tint,  so  highly  prized  in  Russia — and 
especially  the  great  Orloff  diamond.  The  "  corsage  " 
was  big  enough  to  make  a  very  ample  cuirass  for 
the  most  stalwart  of  lifeguardsmen,  and  the  Orloff 
diamond  formed  the  head  of  the  Russian  Imperial 
sceptre.  The  history  of  the  Orloff,  or  Lazareff, 
diamond  is  quite  interesting.  Though  by  no  means 
the  largest,  it  is  considered  the  most  perfect  dia- 
mond in  the  world,  albeit  it  has  a  slight  flaw  in  it. 
Originally  stolen  from  India,  it  came  into  the  hands 
of  an  Armenian  called  Lazareff  in  some  unknown 
manner  about  A.  D.  1750.  Lazareff,  so  the  story 
goes,  devised  a  novel  hiding-place  for  the  great  stone. 
Making  a  deep  incision  into  the  calf  of  his  leg,  he 
placed  the  diamond  in  the  cavity,  and  lay  in  bed 
for  three  months  till  the  wound  was  completely 
healed  over.  He  then  started  for  Amsterdam,  and 
though  stripped  and  searched  several  times  during 
his  journey,  for  he  was  strongly  suspected  of  having 
the  stone  concealed  about  his  person,  its  hiding- 
place  was  never  discovered.  At  Amsterdam  Laz- 
areff had  the  wound  reopened  by  a  surgeon,  and  the 
diamond  extracted.  He  then  sold  it  to  Count  Orloff 
for  450,000  roubles,  or  roughly  £45,000,  and  Orloff 
in  his  turn  made  a  present  of  the  great  stone  to 
Catherine  the  Great.  The  diamond  is  set  under  a 
jewelled  Russian  eagle  at  the  extremity  of  the 
sceptre,  where  it  probably  shows  to  greater  advant- 
age than  it  did  when  concealed  for  six  months  in  the 
calf  of  an  Armenian's  leg. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         125 

The  accommodation  provided  for  the  suites  of  the 
Imperial  family  is  hardly  on  a  par  with  the  magnifi- 
cence of  the  rest  of  the  palace.  The  Duchess  of 
Edinburgh,  daughter  of  Alexander  II,  made  a 
yearly  visit  to  Petrograd,  as  long  as  her  mother  the 
Empress  was  alive.  As  the  Duchess's  lady-in-wait- 
ing happened  to  be  one  of  my  oldest  friends,  during 
her  stay  I  was  at  the  palace  at  least  three  days  a 
week,  and  I  retain  vivid  recollections  of  the  dreary, 
bare,  whitewashed  vault  assigned  to  her  as  a  sitting- 
room.  The  only  redeeming  feature  of  this  room  was 
a  five-storied  glass  tray  packed  with  some  fifty  vari- 
eties of  the  most  delicious  bon-hons  the  mind  of  man 
could  conceive.  These  were  all  fresh-baked  every 
day  by  the  palace  confectioner,  and  the  tray  was  re- 
newed every  morning.  There  were  some  sixty  of 
these  trays  prepared  daily,  and  their  arrangement 
was  always  absolutely  identical,  precisely  the  same 
number  of  caramels  and  fondants  being  placed  on 
each  shelf  of  the  tray.  Everyone  knew  that  the 
palace  confectioner  owned  a  fashionable  sweet  shop 
on  the  ISTevsky,  where  he  traded  under  a  French 
name,  and  I  imagine  that  his  shop  was  entirely 
stocked  from  the  remains  of  the  palace  trays. 

In  the  spring  of  1880  an  attempt  was  made  on 
Alexander's  II 's  life  by  a  bomb  which  completely 
wrecked  the  white  marble  private  dining-room.  The 
Emperor's  dinner  hour  was  7,  and  the  bomb  was 
timed  to  explode  at  7.20  p.m.  The  Emperor  hap- 
pened at  the  time  to  be  overwhelmed  with  work,  and 
at  the  last  moment  he  postponed  dinner  until  7.30, 


126     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

The  bomb  exploded  at  the  minute  it  had  been  timed 
for,  kiUing  many  of  the  servants.  My  poor  friend 
the  lady-in-waiting  was  passing  along  the  corridor 
as  the  explosion  occurred.  She  fell  unhurt  amongst 
the  wreckage,  but  the  shock  and  the  sight  of  the 
horribly  mangled  bodies  of  the  servants  were  too 
much  for  her.  She  never  recovered  from  their  ef- 
fects, and  died  in  England  within  a  year.  After 
this  crime,  the  Winter  Palace  was  thoroughly 
searched  from  cellars  to  attics,  and  some  curious 
discoveries  were  made. 

Some  of  the  countless  moujiks  employed  in  the 
palace  had  vast  unauthorized  colonies  of  their  relatives 
living  with  them  on  the  top  floor  of  the  building. 
In  one  bedroom  a  full-grown  cow  was  found,  plac- 
idly chewing  the  cud.  One  of  the  moujiks  had 
smuggled  it  in  as  a  new-born  calf,  had  brought  it 
up  by  hand,  and  afterwards  fed  it  on  hay  purloined 
from  the  stables.  Though  it  may  have  kept  his 
family  well  provided  with  milk,  stabling  a  cow  in  a 
bedroom  unprovided  with  proper  drainage,  on  the 
top  floor  of  a  building,  is  not  a  proceeding  to  be 
unduly  encouraged;  nor  does  it  tend  to  add  to  the 
sanitary  amenities  of  a  palace. 

Russians  are  fond  of  calling  the  Nevsky  "  the 
street  of  toleration,"  for  within  a  third  of  a  mile 
of  its  length  a  Dutch  Calvinist,  a  German  Lutheran, 
a  Roman  Catholic,  and  an  Armenian  church  rise 
almost  side  by  side.  "  Nevsky  "  is,  of  course,  only 
the  adjective  of  "  Neva,"  and  the  street  is  termed 
"  Perspective  "  in  French  and  "  Prospect  "  in  Rus- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         127 

sian.  Close  to  the  Armenian  church  lived  M.  De- 
lyanoff,  who  was  the  Minister  of  Education  in  those 
days.  Both  M.  and  Madame  Delyanoff  were  ex- 
ceedingly hospitable  and  kind  to  the  Diplomatic 
Body,  so,  when  M.  Delyanoff  died,  most  of  the 
diplomats  attended  his  funeral,  appearing,  accord- 
ing to  Russian  custom,  in  full  uniform.  The  Delya- 
noffs  being  Armenians,  the  funeral  took  place  in 
the  Armenian  church,  and  none  of  us  had  had  any 
previous  experience  of  the  extraordinary  noises 
which  pass  for  singing  amongst  Armenians.  When 
six  individuals  appeared  and  began  bleating  like 
sheep,  and  followed  this  by  an  excellent  imitation 
of  hungry  wolves  howling,  it  was  too  much  for  us. 
We  hastily  composed  our  features  into  the  decorum 
the  occasion  demanded,  amid  furtive  little  snorts 
of  semi-suppressed  laughter.  After  three  grey- 
bearded  priests  had  stepped  from  behind  the  ikono- 
stas,  and,  putting  their  chins  up  in  the  air,  proceed- 
ed to  yelp  together  in  unison,  exactly  like  dogs  bay- 
ing the  moon,  the  entire  Corps  Diplomatique  broke 
down  utterly.  Never  have  I  seen  men  laugh  so 
unrestrainedly.  As  we  had  each  been  given  a  large 
lighted  candle,  the  movements  of  our  swaying  bod- 
ies were  communicated  to  the  tapers,  and  showers 
of  melted  wax  began  flying  in  all  directions.  With 
the  prudence  of  the  land  of  my  birth,  I  placed  my- 
self against  a  pillar,  so  as  to  have  no  one  behind  me, 
but  each  time  the  three  grey-beards  recommenced 
their  comical  howling,  I  must  have  scattered  perfect 
Niagaras  of  wax  on  to  the  embroidered  coat-tails 


128     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

and  extensive  back  of  the  Swedish  Minister  in  front 
of  me.  I  should  think  that  I  must  have  expended 
the  combined  labours  of  several  hives  of  bees  on 
his  garments,  congratulating  myself  the  while  that 
that  genial  personage,  not  being  a  peacock,  did  not 
enjoy  the  advantage  of  having  eyes  in  his  tail.  The 
Swedish  Minister,  M.  Due,  his  massive  frame  quiv- 
ering with  laughter,  was  meanwhile  engaged  in  per- 
forming a  hke  kindly  office  on  to  the  back  of  his 
Roumanian  colleague.  Prince  Ghika,  who  in  his 
turn  was  anointing  the  uniform  of  M.  van  der 
Hooven,  the  Netherlands  Minister.  Providentially, 
the  Delyanoff  family  were  all  grouped  together  be- 
fore the  altar,  and  the  farmyard  imitations  of  the 
Armenian  choir  so  effectually  drowned  our  unseem- 
ly merriment  that  any  faint  echoes  which  reached 
the  family  were  ascribed  by  them  to  our  very  natur- 
al emotions  in  the  circumstances.  I  heard,  indeed, 
afterwards  that  the  family  were  much  touched  by 
our  attendance  and  by  our  sympathetic  behaviour, 
but  never,  before  or  since,  have  I  attended  so  hilari- 
ous a  funeral. 

Lord  Dufferin,  in  common  with  most  of  the  mem- 
bers of  the  Embassy,  was  filled  with  an  intense  desire 
to  kill  a  bear.  These  animals,  of  course,  hibernate, 
and  certain  peasants  made  a  regular  livlihood  by 
discovering  bears'  lairs  (the  Russian  term,  a  corrup- 
tion from  the  German,  is  "bear-loge")  and  then 
coming  to  Petrograd  and  selling  the  beast  at  so  much 
per  "  pood  "  of  forty  Russian  pounds.  The  finder 
undertook  to  provide  sledges  and  beaters  for  the  sum 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         129 

agreed  upon,  but  nothing  was  to  be  paid  unless  a 
shot  at  the  bear  was  obtained.  These  expeditions 
involved  a  considerable  amount  of  discomfort.  There 
was  invariably  a  long  drive  of  from  forty  to  eighty 
miles  to  be  made  in  rough  country  sledges  from  the 
nearest  available  railway  station;  the  accommodation 
in  a  peasant's  house  would  consist  of  the  bare  floor 
with  some  hay  laid  on  it,  and  every  scrap  of  food, 
including  bread,  butter,  tea,  and  sugar,  would  have 
to  be  carried  from  Petrograd,  as  European  stomachs 
could  not  assimilate  the  sour,  wet  heavy  black  bread 
the  peasants  eat,  and  their  brick-tea,  which  contained 
bullocks'  blood,  was  undrinkable  to  those  unac- 
customed to  it.  It  usually  fell  to  my  lot,  as  I  spoke 
the  language,  to  go  on  ahead  to  the  particular  village 
to  which  we  were  bound,  and  there  to  make  the  best 
arrangements  possible  for  Lord  and  Lady  Dufferin's 
comfort.  My  instructions  were  always  to  endeavour 
to  get  a  room  in  the  latest  house  built,  as  this  was 
likely  to  be  less  infested  with  vermin  than  the  others. 
After  a  four  or  five  hours'  run  from  Petrograd  by 
train,  one  would  find  the  vendor  of  the  bear  waiting 
at  the  station  with  a  country  sledge.  These  sledges 
were  merely  a  few  poles  tied  together,  mounted  on 
iron-shod  wooden  runners,  and  filled  with  hay.  The 
sledges  were  so  long  that  it  was  possible  to  lie  at 
full  length  in  them.  The  rifles,  baggage,  and  food 
being  packed  under  the  hay,  one  lay  down  at  full 
length,  clad  in  long  felt  boots  and  heavy  furs,  an 
air-cushion  under  one's  head,  and  a  Persian  "  bash- 
ilik,"  or  hood  of  fine  camel's  hair,  drawn  over  it  to 


130     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

prevent  ears  or  nose  from  being  frostbitten.  Tucked 
into  a  thick  fur  rug,  one  composed  oneself  for  an  all- 
night  drive  through  the  endless  forests.  The  two 
drivers  sat  on  a  plank  in  front,  and  one  or  other  of 
them  was  continually  dropping  off  to  sleep,  and 
tumbhng  backwards  on  to  the  occupants  of  the 
sledge.  It  was  not  a  very  comfortable  experience, 
and  sleep  was  very  fickle  to  woo.  In  the  first  place, 
the  sledge-tracks  through  the  forest  were  very  rough 
indeed,  and  the  jolting  was  incessant;  in  the  second 
place,  should  the  actual  driver  go  to  sleep  as  well  as 
his  relieving  colleague,  the  sledge  would  bump 
against  the  tree-trunks  and  overturn,  and  baggage, 
rifles  and  occupants  would  find  themselves  strug- 
gling in  the  deep  snow.  I  always  tied  my  baggage 
together  with  strings,  so  as  to  avoid  losing  anything 
in  these  upsets,  but  even  then  it  took  a  considerable 
time  retrieving  the  impedimenta  from  the  deep  snow- 
drifts. 

It  always  gave  me  pleasure  watching  the  black 
conical  points  of  the  fir  trees  outlined  against  the 
pale  burnished  steel  of  the  sky,  and  in  the  intense 
cold  the  stars  blazed  like  diamonds  out  of  the  clear 
grey  vault  above.  The  biting  cold  burnt  like  a 
hot  iron  against  the  cheeks,  until  prudence,  and  a 
regard  for  the  preservation  of  one's  ears,  dictated 
the  pulling  of  the  "  bashilik  "  over  one's  face  again. 
The  intense  stillness,  and  the  absolute  silence,  for 
there  are  no  sleigh-bells  in  Northern  Russia,  ex- 
cept in  the  imagination  of  novelists,  had  some  subtle 
attraction  for  me.     The  silence  was  occasionally — 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         131 

very  occasionally  only — broken  by  an  ominous,  long- 
drawn  howl;  then  a  spectral  swift -trotting  outline 
would  appear,  keeping  pace  easily  with  the  sledge, 
but  half -hidden  amongst  the  tree-trunks.  In  that 
case  the  smooth-bore  gun  and  the  buckshot  cartridg- 
es were  quickly  disinterred  from  the  hay,  and  the 
driver  urged  his  horses  into  a  furious  gallop.  There 
was  no  need  to  use  the  whip;  the  horses  knew. 
Everyone  would  give  a  sigh  of  relief  as  the  silent 
grey  swift-moving  spectral  figure,  with  its  fox -like 
lope,  vanished  after  a  shot  or  two  had  been  fired  at 
it.  The  drivers  would  take  oflp  their  caps  and  cross 
themselves,  muttering  "Thanks  be  to  God!  Oh  I 
those  cursed  wolves!  "  and  the  horses  slowed  down 
of  their  own  accord  into  an  easy  amble.  There  were 
compensations  for  a  sleepless  night  in  the  beauty 
of  the  pictures  in  strong  black  and  white,  or  in 
shadowy  half-tones  of  grey  which  the  endless  forest 
displayed  at  every  turn.  When  the  earth  is  wrapped 
in  its  snow-mantle,  it  is  never  dark,  and  the  gleams 
of  light  from  the  white  carpet  down  the  long-drawn 
aisles  of  the  dark  firs  were  like  the  pillared  shadows 
of  a  great  cathedral  when  the  dusk  is  filling  it  with 
mystery  and  a  vague  sense  of  immense  size. 

All  villages  that  I  have  seen  in  Northern  Russia 
are  alike,  and  when  you  have  seen  one  peasant's 
house  you  have  seen  all. 

The  village  consists  of  one  long  street,  and  in  the 
winter  the  kindly  snow  covers  much  of  its  unspeak- 
able untidiness.  The  "  isbas,"  or  wooden  houses,  are 
all  of  the  same  pattern;  they  are  solidly  built  of 


132     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

rough  logs,  the  projecting  ends  firmly  morticed  into 
each  other.  Their  gable  ends  all  front  the  street, 
each  with  two  windows,  and  every  "  isba  "  has  its 
courtyard,  where  the  door  is  situated.  There  are 
no  gardens,  or  attempts  at  gardens,  and  the  houses 
are  one  and  all  roofed  with  grey  shingles.  Each 
house  is  raised  some  six  feet  from  the  ground,  and 
they  are  all  water-tight,  and  most  of  them  air-tight 
as  weU.  The  houses  are  never  painted,  and  their 
weathered  logs  stand  out  silver-grey  against  the 
white  background.  A  good  deal  of  imagination  is 
shown  in  the  fret-saw  carving  of  the  barg-boards, 
which  are  either  ornamented  in  conventional  patterns, 
or  have  roughly  outlined  grotesque  animals  clamber- 
ing up  their  angles;  very  often  too  there  are  fret- 
saw ornaments  round  the  window-frames  as  well. 
Prominent  on  the  gate  of  every  "  isba  "  is  the  paint- 
ing, in  black  on  a  white  ground,  of  the  particular 
implement  each  occupant  is  bound  to  supply  in  case 
of  a  fire,  that  dire  and  relentless  foe  to  Russian 
wooden-built  villages.  On  some  houses  a  ladder 
will  be  depicted;  on  others  an  axe  or  a  pail.  The 
interior  arrangement  of  every  "  isba  "  I  have  ever 
seen  is  also  identical.  They  always  consist  of  two 
fair-sized  rooms;  the  "hot  room,"  which  the  family 
inhabit  in  winter,  facing  the  street;  the  "  cold  room," 
used  only  in  summertime,  looking  into  the  court- 
yard. These  houses  are  not  uncomfortable,  though, 
a  Russian  peasant's  wants  being  but  few,  they  are 
not  overburdened  with  furniture.  The  disposition 
of  the  "  hot  room  "  is  unvarying.  Supposing  it  facing 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         133 

due  south,  the  door  will  be  in  the  north-west  corner. 
The  north-east  corner  is  occupied  by  an  immense 
brick  stove,  filling  up  one-eighth  of  the  floor-space. 
These  stoves  are  about  five  feet  high,  and  their  tops 
are  covered  with  loose  sheepskins.  Here  the  entire 
family  sleep  in  the  stifling  heat,  their  resting-place 
being  shared  with  thousands  of  voracious,  crawling, 
uninvited  guests.  In  the  south-east  corner  is  the 
ikon  shelf,  where  the  family  ikons  are  ranged  in 
line,  with  a  red  lamp  burning  before  them.  There 
will  be  a  table  and  benches  in  another  corner,  and 
a  rough  dresser,  with  a  samovar,  and  a  collection  of 
those  wooden  bowls  and  receptacles,  lacquered  in 
scarlet,  black,  and  gold,  which  Russian  peasants 
make  so  beautifully;  and  that  is  all.  The  tempera- 
ture of  the  "  hot  room  "  is  overpowering,  and  the 
atmosphere  fetid  beyond  the  power  of  description. 
Every  male,  on  entering  takes  off  his  cap  and  makes 
a  bow  before  the  ikons.  I  always  conformed  to 
this  custom,  for  there  is  no  use  in  gratuitously 
wounding  people's  religious  susceptibilities.  I  in- 
variably slept  in  the  "  cold  room,"  for  its  tempera- 
ture being  probably  five  or  six  degrees  below  freez- 
ing point,  it  was  free  from  vermin,  and  the  atmos- 
phere was  purer.  The  master  of  the  house  laid  a 
few  armfuls  of  hay  on  the  floor,  and  his  wife  would 
produce  one  of  those  towels  Russian  women  em- 
broider so  skilfully  in  red  and  blue,  and  lay  it  down 
for  the  cheek  to  rest  against.  I  slept  in  my  clothes, 
with  long  felt  boots  on,  and  my  furs  thrown  over 
me,  and  I  could  sleep  there  as  well  as  in  any  bed. 


134     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

The  Russian  peasant's  idea  as  to  the  relation  of 
Holy  Russia  to  the  rest  of  the  world  is  curious.  It 
is  rather  the  point  of  view  of  the  Chinaman,  who 
thinks  that  beyond  the  confines  of  the  "  Middle 
Kingdom  "  there  is  only  outer  barbarism.  Every- 
thing to  the  west  of  Russia  is  known  as  *'  Ger- 
mania,"  an  intelhgible  mistake  enough  when  it  is 
remembered  that  Germany  marks  Russia's  West- 
ern frontier.  "  Slavs  "  (akin,  I  think,  to  "  Slova," 
*'  a  word  ")  are  the  only  people  who  can  talk;  "  Ger- 
mania "  is  inhabited  by  deaf  and  dumb  people 
("  nyemski  ")  who  can  only  make  inarticulate  nois- 
es. On  one  of  my  shooting  expeditions,  I  stopped 
for  an  hour  at  a  tea-house  to  change  horses  and 
to  get  warmed  up.  The  proprietor  told  me  that  his 
son  was  very  much  excited  at  hearing  that  there  was 
a  "  deaf  and  dumb  man  "  in  the  house,  as  he  had 
never  seen  one.  Would  I  speak  to  the  young  man. 
who  was  then  putting  on  his  Sunday  clothes  on  the 
chance  of  the  interview  being  granted? 

In  due  course  the  son  appeared ;  a  handsome  youth 
in  glorified  peasant's  costume.  The  first  outward 
sign  of  a  Russian  peasant's  rise  in  the  social  scale 
is  that  he  tucks  his  shirt  into  his  trousers,  instead 
of  wearing  it  outside;  the  second  stage  is  marked 
by  his  wearing  his  trousers  over  his  boots,  instead 
of  thrusting  the  trousers  into  the  boots.  This  young 
fellow  had  not  reached  this  point  of  evolution,  and 
wore  his  shirt  outside,  but  it  was  a  dark-blue  silk 
shirt,  secured  by  a  girdle  of  rainbow-coloured  Per- 
sian silk.    He  still  wore  his  long  boots  outside  too. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         135 

but  they  had  scarlet  morocco  tops,  and  the  legs  of 
them  were  elaborately  embroidered  with  gold  wire. 
In  modern  parlance,  this  gay  young  spark  was  a 
terrific  village  "  nut."  Never  have  I  met  a  youth 
of  such  insatiable  curiosity,  or  one  so  crassly  and 
densely  ignorant.  He  was  one  perpetual  note  of 
interrogation.  "  Were  there  roads  and  villages 
in  Germania?  "  To  the  best  of  my  belief  there 
were.  "  There  were  no  towns  though  as  large  as 
Petrograd."  I  rather  fancied  the  contrary,  and  in- 
stanced a  flourishing  little  community  of  some  five 
million  souls,  situated  on  an  island,  with  which  I 
was  very  well  acquainted. 

The  youth  eyed  me  with  deep  suspicion.  "  Were 
there  railways  in  Germania?  "  Only  about  a  hun- 
dred times  the  mileage  of  the  Russian  railways. 
"  There  was  no  electric  light  though,  because  Jab- 
lochkoff,  a  Russian,  had  invented  that."  (I  found 
this  a  fixed  idea  with  all  Russian  peasants.)  I  had 
a  vague  impression  of  having  seen  one  or  two  arc 
lights  feebly  glimmering  in  the  streets  of  the  be- 
nighted cities  of  Germania.  "  Could  people  read 
and  write  there,  and  could  they  really  talk?  It 
was  easy  to  see  that  I  had  learned  to  talk  since  I 
had  been  in  Russia."  I  showed  him  a  copy  of  the 
London  Times.  "  These  were  not  real  letters. 
Could  anyone  read  these  meaningless  signs,"  and  so 
on  ad  infinitum.  1  am  persuaded  that  when  I  left 
that  youth  he  was  convinced  that  I  was  the  nearest 
relative  to  Ananias  that  he  had  ever  met. 

No  matter  which  hour  of  the  twenty-four  it  might 


136     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

happen  to  be,  ten  minutes  after  my  arrival  in  any 
of  these  remote  villages  the  entire  population  as- 
isembled  to  gaze  at  the  "  nyemetz,"  the  deaf  and 
dumb  man  from  remote  "  Germania,"  who  had  ar- 
rived in  their  midst.  They  crowded  into  the  "  hot 
room,"  men,  women,  and  children,  and  gaped  on  the 
mysterious  stranger  from  another  world,  who  sat 
there  drinking  tea,  as  we  should  gaze  on  a  visitor 
from  Mars.  I  always  carried  with  me  on  those  oc- 
casions a  small  collapsible  india-rubber  bath  and 
a  rubber  folding  basin.  On  my  first  expedition,  af- 
ter my  arrival  in  the  village,  I  procured  a  bucket 
of  hot  water  from  the  mistress  of  the  house,  car- 
ried it  to  the  "  cold  room,"  and,  having  removed  all 
my  garments,  proceeded  to  take  a  bath.  Like  wild- 
fire the  news  spread  through  the  village  that  the 
"  deaf  and  dumb  "  man  was  washing  himself,  and 
they  all  flocked  in  to  look.  I  succeeded  in  "  shoo- 
ing "  away  the  first  arrivals,  but  they  returned  with 
reinforcements,  until  half  the  population,  men, 
women,  and  children,  were  standing  in  serried  rows 
in  my  room,  following  my  every  movement  with 
breathless  interest.  I  have  never  suffered  from  ago- 
raphobia, so  I  proceeded  cheerfully  with  my  ablu- 
tions. "Look  at  him!  He  is  soaping  hunself I  " 
would  be  murmured.  "  How  dirty  deaf  and  dumb 
people  must  be  to  want  such  a  lot  of  washing!  " 
"Why  does  he  rub  his  teeth  with  little  brushes?" 
These  and  similar  observations  fell  from  the  eager 
crowd,  only  broken  occasionally  by  a  piercing  yeU 
from  a  child,  as  she  wailed  plaintively  the  Russian 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         137 

equivalent  of  "  Mummy!  Sonia  not  like  ugly  man! " 
It  was  distinctly  an  embarrassing  situation,  and 
only  once  in  my  life  have  I  been  placed  in  a  more 
awkward  position. 

That  was  at  Bahia,  in  Brazil,  when  I  was  at  the 
Bio  de  Janeiro  Legation.     I  went  to  call  on  the 
British  Consul's  wife  there,  and  had  to  walk  half  a 
mile  from  the  tram,  through  the  gorgeous  tropical 
vegetation    of    the    charming    suburb    of    Vittoria, 
amongst   villas    faced   with   cool-looking   blue   and 
white  tiles;  the  pretty  *' azulejos  "  which  the  Por- 
tuguese adopted  from  the  Moors.    Oddly  enough,  a 
tram  and  a  tramcar  are  always  called  "  a  Bond  " 
in  Brazil.     The  first  tram-lines  were  built  out  of 
bonds  guaranteed  by  the  State.     The  people  took 
this  to  mean  the  tram  itself;  so  "  Bond  "  it  is,  and 
"  Bond  "  it  will  remain.    Being  the  height  of  a  swel- 
tering Brazilian  summer,  I  was  clad  in  white  from 
head  to  foot.     Suddenly,  as  happens  in  the  tropics, 
without  any  warning  whatever,  the  heavens  opened, 
and  solid  sheets  of  water  fell  on  the  earth.    I  reached 
the  Consul's  house  with  my  clean  white  linen  soaked 
through,  and  most  woefully  bedraggled.    The  West 
Indian  butler    (an  old   acquaintance)    who   opened 
the   door   informed   me   that   the   ladies   were   out. 
After   a  glance   at   my  extraordinary  disreputable 
garments,   he   added,    "  You   gib   me   dem   clothes, 
sar,  I  hab  dem  all  cleaned  and  ironed  in  ten  minutes, 
before  de  ladies  come  back."     On  the   assurances 
of  this  swarthy  servitor  that  he  and  I  were  the  only 
souls  in  the  house,  I  divested  myself  of  every  stitch 


138     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

of  clothing,  and  going  into  the  drawing-room,  sat 
down  to  read  a  book  in  precisely  the  same  attire 
as  Adam  adopted  in  the  earlier  days  of  his  married 
life.  Time  went  by,  and  my  clothes  did  not  reap- 
pear; I  should  have  known  that  to  a  Jamaican  col- 
oured man  measures  of  time  are  very  elastic.  Sud- 
denly I  heard  voices,  and,  to  my  horror,  I  saw  our 
Consul's  wife  approaching  through  the  garden  with 
her  two  daughters  and  some  other  ladies. 

There  was  not  a  moment  to  lose!  In  that  tropi- 
cal drawing-room  the  only  available  scrap  of  dra- 
pery was  a  red  plush  table-cover.  Bundling  every- 
thing on  the  table  ruthlessly  to  the  ground,  I  had 
just  time  to  snatch  up  the  table-cloth  and  drape 
myself  in  it  (I  trust  gracefully)  when  the  ladies 
entered  the  room.  I  explained  my  predicament  and 
lamented  my  inability  to  rise,  and  so  we  had  tea 
together.  It  is  the  only  occasion  in  the  course  of 
a  long  hf e  in  which  I  ever  remember  taking  tea  with 
six  ladies,  clad  only  in  a  red  plush  table-cloth  with 
bead  fringes. 

Returning  to  Russia,  the  peasants  fingered  every- 
thing I  possessed  with  the  insatiable  curiosity  of 
children;  socks,  ties,  and  shirts.  I  am  bound  to 
say  that  I  never  had  the  smallest  thing  stolen.  As 
our  shooting  expeditions  were  always  during  Lent, 
I  felt  great  compunction  at  shocking  the  peasants' 
religious  scruples  by  eating  beef,  ham,  and  butter, 
all  forbidden  things  at  that  season.  I  tried  hard  to 
persuade  one  woman  that  my  cold  sirloin  of  roast 
beef  was  part  of  a  rare  English  fish,  specially  im- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         139 

ported,  but  she  was,  I  fear,  of  a  naturally  sceptical 
bent  of  mind. 

Lady  Dufferin  had  one  curious  gift.  She  could 
spend  the  night  in  a  rough  country  sledge,  or  sleep 
in  her  clothes  on  a  truss  of  hay,  and  yet  appear  in 
the  morning  as  fresh  and  neat,  and  spick  and  span, 
as  though  she  had  had  the  most  elaborate  toilet  ap- 
pliances at  her  disposal.  On  these  occasions  she 
usually  wore  a  Canadian  blanket-suit  of  dark  blue 
and  scarlet,  with  a  scarlet  belt  and  hood,  and  a 
jaunty  Httle  sealskin  cap.  She  always  went  out 
to  the  forest  with  us. 

The  procedure  on  these  occasions  was  invariab- 
ly the  same.  An  army  of  beaters  was  assembled, 
about  two-thirds  of  them  women.  This  made  me 
uneasy  at  first,  until  I  learnt  that  the  beaters  run 
no  danger  whatever  from  the  bear.  The  beaters 
form  five-sixths,  or  perhaps  less,  of  a  circle  round 
the  bear's  sleeping  place,  and  the  guns  are  placed 
in  the  intervening  open  space.  I  may  add  that, 
personally,  I  always  used  for  bear  an  ordinary 
smooth-bore  sporting  gun,  with  a  leaden  bullet. 
I  passed  every  one  of  these  bullets  down  the  barrels 
of  my  gun  myself  to  avoid  the  risk  of  the  gun 
bursting,  before  they  were  loaded  into  cartridges, 
and  I  had  them  secured  with  melted  tallow.  The 
advantages  of  a  smooth-bore  is  that  at  close  quar- 
ters, as  with  bear,  where  you  must  kill  your  beast 
to  avoid  disagreeable  consequences,  you  lose  no  time 
in  getting  your  sights  on  a  rapidly-moving  object. 
You  shoot  as  you  would  a  rabbit;  and  you  can  make 


140     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

absolutely  sure  of  your  animal,  if  you  keep  your 
head.  A  leaden  bullet  at  close  quarters  has  tre- 
mendous stopping  power.  Of  course  you  want  a 
rifle  as  well  for  longer  shots.  I  found  this  method 
most  successful  with  tiger,  later  in  India,  only  you 
must  remain  quite  cool. 

At  a  given  signal,  the  beaters  begin  yeUing,  beat- 
ing iron  pans  with  sticks,  blowing  horns,  shouting, 
and  generally  making  enough  pandemonium  to 
awaken  the  Seven  Sleepers.  It  effectually  awakes 
the  bear,  who  emerges  from  his  bedroom  in  an  ex- 
ceedingly evil  temper,  to  see  what  all  this  fearful 
din  is  about.  As  he  is  surrounded  with  noise  on 
three  sides,  he  naturally  makes  for  the  only  quiet 
spot,  where  the  guns  are  posted.  By  this  time  he 
is  in  a  distinctly  unamiable  mood. 

I  always  took  off  my  ski,  and  stood  nearly  waist- 
deep  in  the  snow  so  as  to  get  a  firm  footing.  Then 
you  can  make  quite  certain  of  your  shot.  Ski  or 
no  ski,  if  it  came  to  running  away,  the  bear  would 
always  have  the  pull  on  you.  The  first  time  I  was 
very  lucky.  The  bear  came  straight  to  me.  When 
he  was  within  fifteen  feet,  and  I  felt  absolutely 
certain  of  getting  him,  I  fired.  He  reared  him- 
self on  his  hind  legs  to  an  unbelievable  height,  and 
fell  stone  dead  at  Lady  Dufferin's  very  feet.  That 
bear's  skin  is  within  three  feet  of  me  as  I  write 
these  lines.  We  went  back  to  the  village  in  or- 
thodox fashion,  all  with  fir-branches  in  our  hands, 
as  a  sign  of  rejoicing;  I  seated  on  the  dead  bear. 

As  a  small  boy  of  nine  I  had  been  tossed  in  a 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         141 

blanket  at  school,  up  to  the  ceiling,  caught  again, 
then  up  a  second  time  and  third  time.  It  was  not, 
and  was  not  intended  to  be,  a  pleasant  experience, 
but  in  my  day  all  little  boys  had  to  submit  to  it. 
The  unhappy  little  brats  stuck  their  teeth  together, 
and  tried  hard  to  grin  as  they  were  being  hurled 
skywards.  These  curious  Russians,  though,  ap- 
peared to  consider  it  a  dehghtful  exercise. 

Arrived  at  the  village  again,  I  was  captured  by 
some  thirty  buxom,  stalwart  women,  and  sent  spin- 
ning up  and  up,  again  and  again,  till  I  was  abso- 
lutely giddy.  Not  only  had  one  to  thank  them  pro- 
fusely for  this  honour,  but  also  to  disburse  a  con- 
siderable amount  of  roubles  in  acknowledgement  of 
it.  Poor  Lady  Dufferin  was  then  caught,  in  spite 
of  her  protests,  and  sent  hurtling  skywards  through 
the  air  half  a  dozen  times.  Needless  to  say  that 
she  alighted  with  not  one  hair  of  her  head  out  of 
place  or  one  fold  of  her  garments  disarranged.  Be- 
ing young  and  inexperienced  then,  I  was  foohsh 
enough  to  follow  the  Russian  custom,  and  to  pre- 
sent the  village  with  a  small  cask  of  vodka.  I  re- 
gretted it  bitterly.  Two  hours  later  not  a  male  in 
the  place  was  sober.  Old  grey-beards  and  young 
men  lay  dead  drunk  in  the  snow;  and  quite  little 
boys  reeled  about  hopelessly  intoxicated.  I  could 
have  kicked  myself  for  being  so  thoughtless.  Dur- 
ing all  the  years  I  was  in  Russia,  I  never  saw  a 
peasant  woman  drink  spirits,  or  under  the  influ- 
ence of  liquor.  In  my  house  at  Petrograd  I  had 
a  young  peasant   as  house-boy.     He  was  quite  a 


142     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

nice  lad  of  sixteen;  clean,  willing,  and  capable,  but, 
young  as  he  was,  he  had  already  fallen  a  victim  to 
the  national  failing,  in  which  he  indulged  regularly 
once  a  month,  when  his  wages  were  paid  him,  and 
nothing  could  break  him  of  this  habit.  I  could  al- 
ways tell  when  Ephim,  the  boy,  had  gone  out  with 
the  deliberate  intention  of  getting  drunk,  by  glanc- 
ing into  his  bedroom.  He  always  took  the  precau- 
tion of  turning  the  ikons  over  his  bed,  with  their 
faces  to  the  wall,  before  leaving,  and  invariably 
blew  out  the  little  red  lamp,  in  order  that  ikons 
might  not  see  him  reeHng  into  the  room  upon  his 
return,  or  deposited  unconscious  upon  his  bed.  Be- 
ing a  singularly  neat  boy  in  his  habits,  he  always  put 
on  his  very  oldest  clothes  on  these  occasions,  in  order 
not  to  damage  his  better  ones,  should  he  fall  down 
in  the  street  after  losing  control  of  his  limbs.  This 
drunkenness  spreads  like  a  cancer  from  top  to  bot- 
tom of  Russian  society.  A  friend  of  mine,  who  af- 
terwards occupied  one  of  the  highest  administrative 
posts,  told  me  quite  casually  that,  on  the  occasion 
of  his  youngest  brother's  seventeenth  birthday,  the 
boy  had  been  allowed  to  invite  six  young  friends  of 
his  own  age  to  dinner;  my  friend  thought  it  quite 
amusing  that  every  one  of  these  lads  had  been  car- 
ried to  bed  dead  drunk.  I  attribute  the  dry-rot 
which  ate  into  the  whole  structure  of  the  mighty 
Empire,  and  brought  it  crashing  to  the  ground,  in 
a  very  large  degree  to  the  intemperate  habits  pre- 
vaihng  amongst  all  classes  of  Russian  men,  which  in 
justice  one  must  add,  may  be  due  to  climatic  reasons. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         143 

In  the  villages  our  imported  food  was  a  constant 
source  of  difficulty.  We  were  all  averse  to  shock- 
ing the  peasants  by  eating  meat  openly  during 
Lent,  but  what  were  we  to  do?  Out  of  deference 
to  their  scruples,  we  refrained  from  buying  eggs 
and  milk,  which  could  have  been  procured  in  abun- 
dance, and  furtively  devoured  ham,  cold  beef,  and 
pickles  behind  cunningly  contrived  ramparts  of 
newspaper,  in  the  hope  that  it  might  pass  unno- 
ticed. Remembering  how  meagre  at  the  best  of 
times  the  diet  of  these  peasants  is,  it  is  impossible 
to  help  admiring  them  for  the  conscientious  man- 
ner in  which  they  obey  the  rules  of  their  Church 
during  Lent.  I  once  gave  a  pretty  peasant  child 
a  piece  of  plum  cake.  Her  mother  snatched  it 
from  her,  and  asked  me  whether  the  cake  contained 
butter  or  eggs.  On  my  acknowledgement  that  it 
contained  both,  she  threw  it  into  the  stove,  and  asked 
me  indignantly  how  I  dared  to  imperil  her  child's 
immortal  soul  by  giving  her  forbidden  food  in  Lent. 
Even  my  sixteen-year-old  house-boy  in  Petrograd, 
the  bibulous  Ephim,  although  he  regularly  suc- 
cumbed to  the  charms  of  vodka,  lived  entirely  on 
porridge  and  dry  bread  during  Lent,  and  would 
not  touch  meat,  butter,  or  eggs  on  any  considera- 
tion whatever.  The  more  I  saw  of  the  peasants 
the  more  I  liked  them.  The  men  all  drank,  and 
were  not  particularly  truthful,  but  they  were 
like  great  simple,  bearded,  unkempt  children, 
with  (drunkenness  apart)  all  a  child's  faults,  and 
all  a  nice  child's  power  of  attraction.     I  liked  the 


144     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

great,  stalwart,  big-framed  women  too.  They  were 
seldom  good-looking,  but  their  broad  faces  glowed 
with  health  and  good  nature,  and  they  had  as  a  rule 
very  good  skins,  nice  teeth,  and  beautiful  complex- 
ions. I  found  that  I  could  get  on  with  these  vil- 
lagers like  a  house  on  fire.  However  cold  the 
weather,  no  village  girl  or  woman  wears  anything 
on  her  head  but  a  gaudy  folded  cotton  handker- 
chief. 

I  never  shared  the  resentment  of  my  Russian 
friends  at  being  addressed  with  the  familiar  "  thou  " 
by  the  peasants.  They  intended  no  discourtesy;  it 
was  their  natural  form  of  address,  and  they  could 
not  be  expected  to  know  that  beyond  the  narrow  con- 
fines of  their  village  there  was  another  world  where 
the  ceremonious  "  you "  was  habitually  employed. 
I  rather  fancy  that  anyone  bred  in  the  country,  and 
accustomed  from  his  earliest  childhood  to  mix  with 
farmers,  cottagers,  and  farm-labourers,  can  get  on 
with  other  country-bred  people,  whether  at  home,  or 
in  Russia,  India,  or  Canada — a  town-bred  man 
would  not  know  what  to  talk  about.  In  spite  of 
the  peasants'  reputation  for  pilfering,  not  one  of  us 
ever  had  the  smallest  thing  stolen.  I  did  indeed 
lose  a  rubber  air-cushion  in  the  snow,  but  that  was 
owing  to  the  overturning  of  a  sledge.  A  colleague 
of  mine,  whom  I  had  hitherto  always  regarded  as  a 
truthful  man,  assured  me  a  year  afterwards  that  he 
had  seen  my  air-cushion  ranged  on  the  ikon  shelf  in 
a  peasant's  house,  with  two  red  lamps  burning  be- 
fore it.    The  owner  of  the  house  declared,  according 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         145 

to  my  friend,  that  my  air-cushion  was  an  ikon  of 
pecuhar  sanctity,  though  the  painting  had  in  some 
mysterious  manner  become  obliterated  from  it.  My 
colleague  further  assured  me  that  my  air-cushion 
was  building  up  a  very  gratifying  little  local  con- 
nection as  a  miracle-working  ikon  of  quite  unusual 
efficiency,  and  that,  under  its  kindly  tutelage,  crops 
prospered  and  flocks  and  herds  increased;  of  course 
within  reasonable  limits  only,  for  the  new  ikon  held 
essentially  moderate  views,  and  was  temperamentally 
opposed  to  anything  in  the  way  of  undue  optimism. 
I  wished  that  I  could  have  credited  this,  for  it 
would  have  been  satisfactory  to  imagine  oneself, 
through  the  agency  of  the  air-cushion,  a  vicarious  yet 
untiring  benefactor  of  a  whole  countryside. 

On  one  of  our  shooting  expeditions  a  curious 
incident  occurred.  Lord  Dufferin  had  taken  a  long 
shot  at  a  bear,  and  had  wounded  without  killing 
him.  For  some  reason,  the  animal  stopped,  and 
climbed  to  the  top  of  a  high  fir  tree.  Lord  Duf- 
ferin approached,  fired  again,  and  the  bear  dropped 
dead  to  the  ground.  It  is  but  seldom  that  one  sees 
a  dead  bear  fall  from  the  top  of  a  tree.  I  witnessed 
an  equally  strange  sporting  incident  once  in  India. 
It  was  just  over  the  borders  of  Assam,  and  we  were 
returning  to  camp  on  elephants,  after  a  day's  big 
game  shooting.  As  we  approached  a  hollow  clothed 
with  thick  jungle,  the  elephants  all  commenced  trum- 
peting. Knowing  how  wonderfully  keen  the  ele- 
phant's sense  of  smell  is,  that  told  us  that  some 
beast   lay   concealed   in   the   hollow.      Thinking   it 


146     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

would  prove  to  be  a  bear,  I  took  up  my  favourite 
smooth-bore  charged  with  leaden  bullets,  when  with 
a  great  crashing  and  rending  of  boughs  the  jungle 
parted,  and  a  galloping  rhinoceros  charged  out,  his 
head  well  down,  making  straight  for  the  elephant 
that  was  carrying  a  nephew  of  mine.  My  nephew 
had  just  time  to  snatch  up  a  heavy  4-bore  elephant 
rifle.  He  fired,  and  by  an  extraordinary  piece  of 
luck  succeeded  in  hitting  the  huge  beast  in  his  one 
vulnerable  spot,  just  behind  the  shoulder.  The 
rhinoceros  rolled  right  over  like  a  shot  rabbit  and 
lay  stone  dead.  It  was  a  thousand  to  one  chance, 
and  if  I  live  to  a  hundred  I  shall  never  see  anything 
of  the  sort  again.  It  was  also  very  fortunate,  for 
had  he  missed  his  shot,  nothing  on  earth  could  have 
saved  my  nephew's  life. 

We  found  that  the  most  acceptable  presents  in 
the  villages  were  packets  of  sugar  and  tins  of  sar- 
dines. Sugar  is  costly  and  difficult  to  procure  in 
Russian  villages.  The  usual  way  of  employing  it, 
when  friends  are  gathered  round  the  table  of  some 
"  isba  "  with  the  samovar  in  the  middle  and  steam- 
ing glasses  of  tea  before  each  guest,  is  for  No.  1  to 
take  a  piece  of  sugar,  place  it  between  his  teeth,  and 
then  suck  his  tea  through  it.  No.  1  quickly  passes 
the  piece  of  sugar  to  his  neighbor,  who  uses  it  in 
the  same  way,  and  transfers  it  to  the  next  person, 
and  so  on,  till  the  sugar  is  all  dissolved.  This  method 
of  using  sugar,  though  doubtless  economical,  always 
struck  me  as  being  of  dubious  cleanliness.  A  gift 
of  a  pound  of  lump  sugar  was  always  welcomed  with 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         147 

grateful  thanks.  Sardines  were  even  more  accept- 
able, as  they  could  be  eaten  in  Lent.  The  grown- 
ups devoured  the  fish,  lifting  them  out  of  the  tin 
with  their  fingers;  and  the  children  were  given  the 
oil  to  smear  on  their  bread,  in  place  of  forbidden 
butter. 

After  days  in  the  keen  fresh  air,  and  in  the  lim- 
itless expanse  of  forest  and  snow,  life  in  Petrograd 
seemed  terribly  artificial.  I  used  to  marvel  that 
my  cultured,  omniscient,  polygot  friends  were  fel- 
low-countrymen of  the  bearded,  red-shirted,  illite- 
rate peasants  we  had  just  left.  The  gulf  seemed  so 
unbridgable  between  them,  and  apart  from  a  com- 
mon language  and  a  common  religion  (both,  I  ac- 
knowledge, very  potent  bonds  of  union)  there 
seemed  no  link  between  them,  or  any  possible  com- 
munity of  ideas.  Now  in  England  there  is  that 
community  of  ideas.  All  classes,  from  the  highest 
to  the  lowest,  share  to  some  extent  the  same  tastes 
and  the  same  prejudices.  There  is  too  that  most 
powerful  of  connecting  links,  a  common  love  of 
sport.  The  cricket  ground  and  the  football  field 
are  witnesses  to  this,  and  it  shows  in  a  hundred 
little  ways  beside.  The  freemasonry  of  sport  is 
very  real. 

It  was  perfectly  delightful  to  live  with  and  to  mix 
so  much  amongst  charming  people  of  such  wide 
culture  and  education,  but  they  seemed  to  me  to 
bear  the  same  relation  to  the  world  outside  their 
own  that  a  rare  orchid  in  its  glass  shelter  bears  to  a 
wild  flower  growing  in  the  open  air.     The  one  is 


148     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

indigenous  to  the  soil;  the  other  was  originally  im- 
ported, and  can  only  thrive  in  an  artificial  atmos- 
phere, and  under  artificial  conditions.  If  the  glass 
gets  broken,  or  the  fire  goes  out,  the  orchid  dies, 
but  the  wild  flower  is  not  affected.  After  all,  man 
made  the  towns,  but  God  made  the  country. 


CHAPTER  V 


The  Russian  Gipsies — Midnight  drives — Gipsy  singing — Its 
fascination — The  consequences  of  a  late  night — An  uncon- 
ventional luncheon — Lord  Dufferin's  methods — Assassina- 
tion of  Alexander  II — Stiirmer — Pathetic  incidents  in  con- 
nection with  the  murder  of  the  Emperor — The  funeral  pro- 
cession and  service — Details  concerning — The  Votive 
Church — The  Order  of  the  Garter — Unusual  incidents  at 
the  Investiture — Precautions  taken  for  Emperor's  safety — 
The  Imperial  train — Finland — Exciting  salmon-fishing  there 
— Harraka  Niska — Koltesha — Excellent  shooting  there — 
Ski-running — "  Ringing  the  game  in  " — A  wolf-shooting 
party — The  obese  General — Some  incidents — A  novel  form 
of  sport — Black  game  and  capercailzie — At  dawn  in  a  Fin- 
nish forest — Immense  charm  of  it — Ice-hilling  or  "  Mon- 
tagues Russes  " — Ice-boating  on  the  Gulf  of  Finland. 


In  my  day  there  were  two  or  three  restaurants  on 
the  islands  formed  by  the  delta  of  the  Neva,  with 
trouj)es  of  singing  gipsies  attached  to  them.  These 
restaurants  did  a  roaring  trade  in  consequence,  for 
the  singing  of  the  gipsy  choirs  seems  to  produce  on 
Russians  the  same  maddening,  ahnost  intoxicating 
effect  that  the  "  skirl  o'  the  pipes  "  does  on  those 
with  Scottish  blood  in  their  veins. 

Personally,  I  thought  that  one  soon  tired  of  this 

149 


150     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

gipsy  singing;  not  so  my  Russian  friends — it  ap- 
peared to  have  an  irresistible  attraction  for  them. 
I  always  dreaded  the  consequences  when  some  fool- 
ish person,  usually  at  1  or  even  2  a.m.,  proposed  a 
visit  to  the  gipsies,  for  all  the  ladies  present  would 
instantly  jump  at  the  suggestion,  and  I  knew  full 
weU  that  it  entailed  a  forcible  separation  from  bed 
until  six  or  possibly  seven  next  morning. 

Troikas  would  at  once  be  sent  for.  A  troika  is 
a  thing  quite  apart.  Its  horses  are  harnessed  as 
are  no  other  horses  in  the  world,  since  the  centre 
horse  trots  in  shafts,  whilst  the  two  outside  horses, 
the  "  prist ashkui/'  loose  save  for  long  traces,  gal- 
lop. Driving  a  troika  is  a  special  art.  The  driver 
stands;  he  has  a  special  badge,  peacock's  feathers 
set  in  a  round  cap ;  he  has  a  special  name,  ''  yam- 
shchik/'  and  he  charges  quite  a  special  price. 

To  my  mind,  the  drive  out  to  the  islands  was  the 
one  redeeming  feature  of  these  expeditions.  With- 
in the  confines  of  the  city,  the  pace  of  the  troikas 
was  moderate  enough,  but  as  the  last  scattered 
houses  of  the  suburbs  merged  into  the  forest,  the 
driver  would  call  to  his  horses,  and  the  two  loose 
horses  broke  into  a  furious  gallop,  the  centre  horse 
in  shafts  moving  as  swiftly  as  any  American  trot- 
ter. Smoothly  and  silently  under  the  burnished 
steel  of  the  starht  sky,  they  tore  over  the  snow,  the 
vague  outhnes  of  the  fir  trees  whizzing  past.  Faster 
and  faster,  until  the  wild  excitement  of  it  made  one's 
blood  tingle  within  one,  even  as  the  bitter  cold 
made  one's  cheeks  tingle,  as  we  raced  through  the 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         151 

keen  pure  air.  That  wild  gallop  through  the  forest 
was  perfectly  glorious.  I  believe  that  on  us  sons 
of  the  North  real  cold  has  the  same  exhilarating  ef- 
fect that  warmth  and  sunshine  have  on  the  Lotos- 
eating  dwellers  by  the  blue  Mediterranean. 

The  troika  would  draw  up  at  the  door  of  a  long, 
low,  wooden  building,  hidden  away  amongst  the  fir 
trees  of  the  forest.  After  repeated  hangings  at 
the  door,  a  sleepy-eyed  Tartar  appeared,  who  ush- 
ered one  into  a  great  gaunt,  bare,  whitewashed 
room,  where  other  little  yellow,  flat-faced,  Tartar 
waiters  were  lighting  countless  wax  candles,  bring- 
ing in  many  slim-shouldered,  gold  foil-covered  bot- 
tles of  champagne,  and  a  samovar  or  two,  and 
arranging  seats.  Then  the  gipsy  troupe  strolled 
in,  some  twenty-five  strong;  the  younger  members 
passably  good-looking,  with  fine  dark  eyes,  abun- 
dant eyelashes,  and  extremely  indifferent  com- 
plexions. The  older  members  of  the  company  made 
no  attempt  at  coquetry.  They  came  muffled  in 
woollen  shawls,  probably  to  conceal  toilet  defi- 
ciencies, yawning  openly  and  undisguisedly ;  not 
concealing  their  disgust  at  being  robbed  of  their 
sleep  in  order  to  sing  to  a  pack  of  uninteresting 
strangers,  to  whom,  incidentally,  they  owed  their 
entire  means  of  livelihood.  Some  ten  swarthy,  evil- 
faced,  indeterminate  males  with  guitars  filled  up 
the  background. 

One  of  the  younger  members  of  the  troupe  would 
begin  a  song  in  waltz  time,  in  a  curious  metalhc 
voice,  with  a  ring  in  it  of  something  Eastern,  bar- 


152     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

baric,  and  utterly  strange  to  European  ears,  to  the 
thrum  of  the  guitars  of  the  swarthy  males  in  the 
background.  The  elderly  females  looked  inex- 
pressibly bored,  and  hugged  their  woollen  shawls 
a  little  closer  over  their  heads.  Then  the  chorus 
took  up  the  refrain.  A  tempest  of  wild,  nasal 
melody  arose,  in  the  most  perfect  harmony.  It 
was  metallic,  and  the  din  was  incredible,  but  the 
effect  it  produced  on  the  listeners  was  astounding. 
The  old  women,  dropping  their  cherished  shawls, 
awoke  to  life.  Their  dull  eyes  sparkled  again,  they 
sang  madly,  frenetically;  like  people  possessed.  The 
un-European  timbre  of  the  voices  conduced  doubt- 
less to  the  effect,  but  the  fact  remains  that  this 
clamour  of  nasal,  metallic  voices,  singing  in  ex- 
quisite harmony,  had  about  it  something  so  novel 
and  fresh — or  was  it  something  so  immemorially 
old? — that  the  listeners  felt  absolutely  intoxicated. 

On  the  Russians  it  acted  like  hypnotism.  After 
the  first  song,  they  all  joined  in,  and  even  I,  the 
dour  and  unemotional  son  of  a  Northern  land, 
found  myself,  as  words  and  music  grew  familiar, 
shouting  the  bass  parts  of  the  songs  with  all  the 
strength  of  my  lungs.  The  Russian  language  lends 
itself  admirably  to  song,  and  the  excess  of  sibilants 
in  it  is  not  noticeable  in  singing. 

These  Russian  gipsies,  like  the  Austrian  bands, 
produced  their  effects  by  very  simple  means.  They 
harmonised  their  songs  themselves,  and  they  al- 
ways introduced  a  succession  of  "  sixths "  or 
"thirds";  emphasising  the  "sixth"  in  the  tenor  part. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         153 

One  can,  however,  have  too  much  of  a  good 
thing.  I  used  to  think  longingly  of  my  far-off 
couch,  but  there  was  no  tearing  Russians  away 
from  the  gipsies.  The  clock  ticked  on;  they  refused 
to  move.  The  absorption  of  much  champagne  has 
never  afforded  me  the  smallest  amusement.  The 
consumption  of  tea  has  also  its  hmits,  and  my 
longed-for  bed  was  so  far  away!  The  really  stag- 
gering figure  one  had  to  disburse  as  one's  share 
for  these  gipsy  entertaimnents  seemed  to  me  to 
be  a  very  long  price  to  pay  for  a  sleepless  night. 

Once  a  fortnight  the  "  Queen's  Messenger  "  left 
Petrograd  at  noon,  on  his  return  journey  to  Lon- 
don. On  "  Messenger  mornings  "  we  had  all  to 
be  at  the  Embassy  at  9  a.m.  punctually.  One 
morning,  after  a  compulsory  vigil  with  the  gipsies, 
I  was  awakened  by  my  servant  with  the  news  that 
it  was  close  on  nine,  and  that  my  sledge  was  already 
at  the  door.  It  was  impossible  to  dress  in  the 
time,  so  after  some  rapid  ablutions,  I  drew  the 
long  felt  boots  the  Russians  call  "  Valinki  "  over 
my  pyjamas,  put  on  some  heavy  furs,  and  jumped 
into  my  sledge.  Lord  Dufferin  found  me  writing 
hard  in  the  steam-heated  Chancery,  clad  only  in 
silk  pyjamas,  and  with  my  bare  feet  in  slippers. 
He  made  no  remark,  but  I  knew  that  nothing 
ever  escaped  his  notice.  By  noon  we  had  the 
despatches  finished,  the  bags  sealed  up,  the  "  way- 
bill "  made  out,  various  precautionary  measures 
taken  as  to  which  it  is  unnecessary  to  enlarge,  and 
the  Messenger  left  for  London.     I  called  to  the 


154     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

hall  porter  to  bring  me  my  furs,  and  told  him  to 
order    my    sledge    round.      "  His    Excellency    has 
sent  your  sledge  home,"   said  the   porter,   with  a 
smile    lurking    round    the    corners    of    his    mouth. 
"  Then  call  me  a  hack  sledge."     "  His  Excellency 
hopes  that  you  will  give  him  the  pleasure  of  your 
company  at  luncheon."    "  But  I  must  go  home  and 
dress  first."     "  His  Excellency's  orders  were  that 
you  are  to  go  as  you  are,"  answered  the  grinning 
porter.      Then    I    understood.      Nothing    is    ever 
gained  by  being  shy  or  self-conscious,   so  after  a 
hasty  toilet,   I   sent   for   my   heavy   fur   "  shuba." 
Furs  in  Russia  are  intended  for  use,  not  ornament, 
and  this  "  shuba "  was  an  extremely  weighty  and 
voluminous    garment,    designed    to    withstand    the 
rigours  of  the  North  Pole  itself.     A  glance  at  the 
mirror  convinced  me  that  I  was  most  indehcatelv 
decollete  about  the  neck,  so  I  hooked  the  big  collar 
of  the  "  shuba  "  together,  and  strode  upstairs.     The 
heat    of   this    fur   garment    was   unendurable,    but 
there  was  nothing  else  for  it.     Certainly  the  legs 
of  my  pyjamas  protruded  below  it,  so  I  congrat- 
ulated myself  on  the  fact  that  they  were  a  brand- 
new  pair  of  very  smart  striped  mauve  silk.     My 
bare    feet    too    were    encased    in    remarkably    neat 
Persian  shppers  of  green  morocco.    Lady  Dufferin 
received  me  exactly  as  though  I  had  been  dressed 
in  the  most  immaculate  of  frock-coats.     Her  chil- 
dren though,   gazed  at  my  huge  fur  coat,   round- 
eyed  with  astonishment,  for  neither  man  nor  woman 
ever  comes  into  a  Russian  house  with  furs  on— an 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  155 

arrangement  which  would  not  at  all  suit  some  of 
my  London  friends,  who  seem  to  think  that  furs 
are  designed  for  being  shown  off  in  hot  rooms. 
The  governess,  an  elderly  lady,  catching  sight  of 
my  unfortunate  pyjama  legs  below  the  fur  coat, 
assumed  a  highly  scandalised  attitude,  as  though 
she  could  scarcely  credit  the  evidence  of  her  eyes. 
(I  repeat  that  they  were  exceptionally  smart  py- 
jamas.) 

During  luncheon  Lord  Dufferin  made  himself 
perfectly  charming,  and  I  did  my  best  to  act  as 
though  it  were  quite  normal  to  sit  down  to  one's 
repasts  in  an  immense  fur  coat. 

The  Ambassador  was  very  susceptible  to  cold, 
and  liked  the  house  heated  to  a  great  temperature. 
That  day  the  furnace-man  must  have  been  quite 
unusually  active,  for  the  steam  hissed  and  sizzled 
in  the  radiators,  until  the  heat  of  that  dining-room 
was  suffocating.  Conscious  of  my  extreme  decol- 
letage,  I  did  not  dare  unhook  the  collar  of  my 
"  shuba,"  being  naturally  of  a  modest  disposition, 
and  never,  even  in  later  years  at  Colombo  or  Singa- 
pore, have  I  suffered  so  terribly  from  heat  as  in 
that  Petrograd  dining-room  in  the  depths  of  a 
Russian  winter.  The  only  cool  thing  in  the  room 
was  the  governess,  who,  when  she  caught  sight 
of  my  bare  feet,  froze  into  an  arctic  iceberg  of 
disdain,  in  spite  of  my  really  very  ornamental 
Persian  slippers.  The  poor  lady  had  obviously  never 
even  caught  a  glimpse  of  pajamas  before.  After  that 
episode  I  always  came  to  the  Embassy  fully  dressed. 


156     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

Another  instance  of  Lord  Dufferin's  methods 
occurs  to  me.  We  had  a  large  evening  party  at 
the  Embassy,  and  a  certain  very  pushing  and 
pertinacious  Enghsh  newspaper  correspondent  did 
everything  in  his  power  to  get  asked  to  this  recep- 
tion. For  very  excellent  reasons,  his  request  was 
refused.  In  spite  of  this,  on  the  night  of  the  party 
the  journahst  appeared.  I  informed  Lord  Dufferin, 
and  asked  what  he  wished  me  to  do  about  it.  "  Let 
me  deal  with  him  myself,"  answered  the  Ambas- 
sador, and  going  up  to  the  unbidden  guest,  he 
made  him  a  little  bow,  and  said  with  a  bland 
smile,  "  May  I  inquire,  sir,  to  what  I  owe  this 
most  unexpected  honour?  "  Then  as  the  unhappy 
newspaper-man  stuttered  out  something.  Lord  Duf- 
ferin continued  with  an  even  blander  smile,  "Do 
not  allow  me,  my  dear  sir,  I  beg  of  you,  to  detain 
you  from  your  other  doubtless  numerous  engage- 
ments " ;  then  calling  me,  he  added,  "  Will  you 
kindly  accompany  this  gentleman  to  the  front  door, 
and  see  that  on  a  cold  night  like  this  he  gets  all 
his  warm  clothing."  It  was  really  impossible  to 
turn  a  man  out  of  your  house  in  a  more  courteous 
fashion. 

There  was  another  plan  Lord  Dufferin  used  at 
times.  All  despatches,  and  most  of  our  private 
letters,  were  sent  home  by  hand,  in  charge  of  the 
Queen's  Messenger.  We  knew  perfectly  well  that 
anything  sent  from  the  Embassy  through  the  ordi- 
nary mails  would  be  opened  at  the  Censor's  office, 
and  copies  taken.     Ministries   of  Foreign  Affairs 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         157 

give  at  times  "  diplomatic  "  answers,  and  occasion- 
ally it  was  advisable  to  let  the  Russian  Govern- 
ment know  that  the  Ambassador  was  quite  aware 
that  the  assurances  given  him  did  not  quite  tally 
with  the  actual  facts.  He  would  then  write  a 
despatch  to  London  to  that  effect,  and  send  it  by 
mail,  being  well  aware  that  it  would  be  opened 
and  a  copy  sent  to  the  Russian  Ministry  of  Foreign 
Affairs.  In  this  indirect  fashion,  he  delicately  con- 
veyed to  the  Russian  Government  that  he  had  not 
been  hoodwinked  by  the  rather  fanciful  statements 
made  to  him. 

I  was  sitting  at  luncheon  with  some  friends  at  a 
colleague's  house  on  Sunday,  the  fateful  1st  of 
March,  1881  (March  13,  new  style).  Suddenly  our 
white-headed  old  Chancery  messenger  burst  un- 
ceremoniously into  the  room,  and  called  out,  "  The 
Emperor  has  been  assassinated!"  We  all  jumped 
up;  the  old  man,  a  German- speaking  Russian  from 
the  Baltic  Provinces,  kept  on  wringing  his  hands, 
and  moaning,  "  Unser  arme  gute  Kaiser!  unser 
arme  gute  Kaiser!  "  ("  Our  poor  dear  Emperor!  ") 
We  hurried  to  the  Embassy  as  fast  as  we  could 
go,  and  found  the  Ambassador  just  stepping  into 
his  carriage  to  get  the  latest  news  from  the  Win- 
ter Palace.  Lady  Duffrein  had  not  seen  the  actual 
crime  committed,  but  she  had  heard  the  explosion 
of  the  bomb,  and  had  seen  the  wounded  horses  led 
past,  and  was  terribly  upset  in  consequence.  She 
was  walking  along  the  Catherine  Canal  with  her 
youngest    daughter   when   the    Emperor's    carriage 


158     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

passed  and  the  first  bomb  was  thrown.  The  car- 
riage was  one  of  Napoleon  Ill's  special  armoured 
coaches,  bought  after  the  fall  of  the  Second  French 
Empire.  The  bomb  shattered  the  wheels  of  the 
carriage,  but  the  Emperor  was  untouched.  He 
stepped  out  into  the  snow,  when  the  second  bomb 
was  thrown,  which  blew  his  legs  to  pieces,  and 
the  Emperor  was  taken  in  a  private  sledge,  in  a 
dying  condition,  to  the  Winter  Palace.  The  bombs 
had  been  painted  white,  to  look  like  snowballs. 

Ten  minutes  later  one  of  the  Court  Chamber- 
lains arrived.  I  met  him  in  the  hall,  and  he  in- 
formed me,  with  the  tears  streaming  down  his  face, 
that  all  was  over. 

That  Chamberlain  was  a  German-Russian  named 
Stiirmer,  and  he  was  the  very  same  man  who  thirty- 
four  years  later  was  destined,  by  his  gross  incom- 
petence, or  worse,  as  Prime  Minister,  to  bring 
the  mighty  Russian  Empire  crashing  in  ruins  to 
the  ground,  and  to  drive  the  well-intentioned,  ir- 
resolute Nicholas  II,  the  grandson  of  the  Sovereign 
for  whom  he  professed  so  great  an  affection,  to 
his  abdication,  imprisonment,  and  ignominious 
death. 

There  was  a  Queen's  Messenger  due  in  Petrograd 
from  London  that  same  afternoon,  and  Lord  Duf- 
ferin,  thinking  that  the  police  might  give  trouble, 
desired  me  to  meet  him  at  the  station. 

The  Messenger  refused  to  believe  my  news.  He 
persisted  in  treating  the  whole  thing  as  a  joke,  so 
I  ordered  my  coachman  to  drive  through  the  great 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         159 

semi-circular  place  in  front  of  the  Winter  Palace. 
That  place  presented  a  wonderful  sight.  There 
were  tens  of  thousands  of  people,  all  kneeling  bare- 
headed in  the  snow,  in  close-packed  ranks.  I  thought 
the  sight  of  those  serried  thousands  kneeling  bare- 
headed, praying  for  the  soul  of  their  dead  Em- 
peror, a  strangely  moving  and  beautiful  spectacle. 
When  the  Messenger  saw  this,  and  noted  the 
black  and  yellow  Imperial  flag  waving  at  half-mast 
over  the   Palace,   he   no  longer   doubted. 

The  Grand  Duke  Vladimir  had  announced  the 
Emperor's  death  to  the  vast  crowds  in  the  tra- 
ditional Russian  fashion.  The  words  "  death  "  or 
*'  die  "  being  considered  ill-omened  by  old-fashioned 
Russians,  the  actual  sentence  used  by  the  Grand 
Duke  was,  *'  The  Emperor  has  bidden  you  to  live 
long."  ("  Gosudar  Imperator  vam  prikazal  dolga 
jit!  ")      The  words  conveyed  their  message. 

The  body  of  the  Emperor  having  been  em- 
balmed, the  funeral  did  not  take  place  for  a  fort- 
night. As  the  crow  flies,  the  distance  between  the 
Winter  Palace  and  the  Fortress  Church  is  only 
about  half  a  mile;  it  was,  however,  still  winter- 
time, the  Neva  was  frozen  over,  and  the  floating 
bridges  had  been  removed.  It  being  contrary  to 
tradition  to  take  the  body  of  a  dead  Emperor  of 
Russia  across  ice,  the  funeral  procession  had  to 
pass  over  the  permanent  bridges  to  the  Fortress, 
a  distance  of  about  six  miles. 

Lady  Dufferin  and  I  saw  the  procession  from 
the  corner  windows  of  a  house  on  the  quays.     On 


160     SOME  RAXDOM  REMINISCENCES 

paper  it  sounded  very  grand,  but  like  so  many 
things  in  Russia,  it  was  spoilt  by  lack  of  attention 
to  details.  The  distances  were  kept  irregularly, 
and  manv  of  the  officials  wore  ordinary  civihan 
great-coats  over  their  uniforms,  which  did  not  en- 
hance the  effect  of  the  cortege.  The  most  strikmg 
feature  of  the  procession  was  the  "  Black  Eoiight " 
on  foot,  followed  immediately  by  the  "  Golden 
Knight "  on  horseback.  These  were,  I  beheve, 
meant  to  typify  "  The  Angel  of  Death  "  and  "  The 
Angel  of  the  Resurrection."  Both  Knights  were 
clad  in  armour  from  head  to  foot,  with  the  vizors 
of  their  hehnets  down.  The  "Black  Knight's" 
armour  was  duU  sooty-black  aU  over;  he  had  a 
long  black  plume  waving  from  his  hehnet.  The 
"  Golden  Knight,"  mounted  on  a  white  horse,  with 
a  white  plume  in  his  helmet,  wore  gilded  and  bur- 
nished armour,  which  blazed  Hke  a  torch  in  the 
sunlight.  The  weight  of  the  black  armour  being 
verj'  great,  there  had  been  considerable  difficulty 
in  finding  a  man  sufficiently  strong  to  walk  six 
miles,  carrying  this  tremendous  burden.  A  gigantic 
young  private  of  the  Preobrajensky  Guards  under- 
took the  task  for  a  fee  of  one  hundred  roubles, 
but  though  he  managed  to  accomplish  the  distance, 
he  fainted  from  exhaustion  on  reaching  the  Fort- 
ress Church,  and  was,  I  heard,  two  months  in 
hospital  from  the  effects  of  his  effort. 

We  were  able  to  get  Lady  Dufferin  into  her 
place  in  the  Fortress  Church,  long  before  the 
procession  arrived,  by  driving  across  the  ice  of  the 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  161 

river.  The  absence  of  seats  in  a  Russian  cburcli, 
and  the  extreme  length  of  the  Orthodox  hturgy. 
rendered  these  services  verv  trvinpr  for  ladies.  The 
Fortress  Church  had  been  built  by  a  Dutch  archi- 
tect, and  was  the  most  un-E  a  stem-looking  Ortho- 
dox chm-ch  I  ever  saw.  It  actuallv  contained  a 
pulpit  I  In  the  north  aisle  of  the  church  all  the 
Emperors  smce  Peter  the  Great's  time  lie  in  uni- 
form plain  white  marble  tombs,  with  gilt-bronze 
Russian  eagles  at  their  four  corners.  The  Tsars 
mostlv  rest  in  the  Cathedral  of  the  Archanorel.  in 
the  IMoscow  Kremlin.  I  have  before  explained 
that  Peter  was  the  last  of  the  Tsars  and  the  first 
of  the  Emperors.  The  regulations  for  Court 
mournincr  in  Petroofrad  were  most  strinsrent.  All 
ladies  had  to  appear  in  perfectly  plain  black,  lustre- 
less woollen  dresses,  made  high  to  the  throat.  On 
their  heads  they  wore  a  sort  of  ]Mary  Queen  of 
Scots  pointed  cap  of  black  crape,  with  a  long  black 
crape  veil  faUing  to  their  feet.  The  only  detail  of 
the  funeral  wliich  struck  me  was  the  perfectly  splen- 
did paU  of  cloth  of  gold.  This  paU  had  been  spe- 
ciallv  woven  in  Moscow,  of  threads  of  real  orold. 
When  folded  back  during  the  ceremony  it  looked 
exactly  like  gleaming  waves  of  liquid  gold. 

A  memorial  chinch  in  old-Russian  stvle  has  been 
erected  on  the  Catherine  Canal  on  the  spot  where 
Alexander  II  was  assassinated.  The  five  onion- 
shaped  domes  of  this  church,  of  copper  enamelled 
in  stripes  and  spirals  of  crude  blue  and  white,  green 
and   yeUow,   and   scarlet   and   white,   may   possibly 


162     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

look  less  garish  in  two  hundred  years'  time  than 
they  do  at  present.  The  severely  plain  Byzantine 
interior,  covered  with  archaic-looking  frescoes  on 
a  gold  ground,  is  effective.  The  ikonostas  is  en- 
tirely of  that  vivid  pink  and  enormously  costly 
Siberian  marble  that  Russians  term  "  heavy  stone." 
Personally  I  should  consider  the  huge  sum  it  cost 
as  spent  in  vain. 

Edward  VII  and  Queen  Alexandra,  in  those 
days,  of  course.  Prince  and  Princess  of  Wales, 
represented  Great  Britain  at  Alexander  II's  funeral, 
and  remained  in  Petrograd  a  month  after  it. 

A  week  after  the  funeral,  the  Prince  of  Wales, 
by  Queen  Victoria's  command,  invested  Alexander 
III  with  the  Order  of  the  Garter.  As  the  Garter 
is  the  oldest  Order  of  Chivalry  in  Europe,  the 
ceremonies  at  its  investiture  have  570  years  of 
tradition  behind  them.  The  insignia,  the  star,  the 
ribbon,  the  collar,  the  sword,  and  the  actual  garter 
itself,  are  all  carried  on  separate,  long,  narrow 
cushions  of  red  velvet,  heavily  trimmed  with  gold 
bullion.  Owing  to  the  deep  Court  mourning,  it 
was  decided  that  the  investiture  should  be  private. 
No  one  was  to  be  present  except  the  new  Emperor 
and  Empress,  Queen  Alexandra,  the  Grand  Master 
and  Grand  Mistress  of  the  Russian  Court,  the 
members  of  the  British  Embassy,  and  the  Prince 
of  Wales  and  his  staff.  This,  as  it  turned  out,  was 
very  fortunate.  The  ceremony  was  to  take  place 
at  the  Anitchkoff  Palace  on  the  Nevsky,  which 
Alexander  III  inhabited  throughout  his  reign,   as 


or  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         163 

he  preferred  it  to  the  huge  rambling  Winter  Pal- 
ace. On  the  appointed  day,  we  all  marched  into 
the  great  Throne  room  of  the  Anitchkoff  Palace, 
the  Prince  of  Wales  leading  the  way,  with  five 
members  of  his  staff  carrying  the  insignia  on  the 
traditional  long  narrow  velvet  cushions.  I  carried 
nothing,  but  we  made,  I  thought,  a  very  dignified 
and  effective  entrance.  As  we  entered  the  Throne 
room,  a  perfectly  audible  feminine  voice  cried  out 
in  English,  "  Oh,  my  dear!  Do  look  at  them.  They 
look  exactly  like  a  row  of  wet-nurses  carrying 
babies! "  Nothing  will  induce  me  to  say  from 
whom  the  remark  proceeded.  The  two  sisters. 
Empress  and  Queen,  looked  at  each  other  for  a 
minute,  and  then  exploded  with  laughter.  The 
Emperor  fought  manfully  for  a  while  to  keep  his 
face,  until,  catching  sight  of  the  member  of  the 
Prince  of  Wales's  staff  who  was  carrying  his  cushion 
in  the  peculiarly  maternal  fashion  that  had  so  ex- 
cited the  risibility  of  the  Royal  sisters,  he  too  suc- 
cumbed, and  his  colossal  frame  quivered  with  mirth. 
Never,  I  imagine,  since  its  institution  in  1349,  has 
the  Order  of  the  Garter  been  conferred  amid  such 
general  hilarity,  but  as  no  spectators  were  present, 
this  lapse  from  the  ordinary  decorum  of  the  cere- 
monial did  not  much  matter.  The  general  public 
never  heard  of  it,  nor,  I  trust,  did  Queen  Victoria. 
The  Emperor  Alexander  III  was  a  man  of 
great  personal  courage,  but  he  gave  way,  under 
protest,  to  the  wishes  of  those  responsible  for  his 
personal  safety.     They  insisted  on  his  always  using 


164     SOME  RANDOM  KEMINISCENCES 

the  armour-plated  carriages  bought  from  Napoleon 
III.  These  coaches  were  so  immensely  heavy  that 
they  soon  killed  the  horses  dragging  them.  Again, 
on  railway  journeys,  the  actual  time-table  and  route 
of  the  Imperial  train  between  two  points  was  al- 
ways different  from  the  published  time-table  and 
route.  Napoleon  Ill's  private  train  had  been  pur- 
chased at  the  same  time  as  his  steel-plated  carriages. 
This  train  had  been  greatly  enlarged  and  fitted  to 
the  Russian  gauge.  I  do  not  suppose  that  any 
more  sumptuous  palace  on  wheels  has  ever  been 
built  than  this  train  of  nine  vestibuled  cars.  It 
was  fitted  with  every  imaginable  convenience.  Alex- 
ander III  sent  it  to  the  frontier  to  meet  his 
brother-in-law  the  Prince  of  Wales,  which  was  the 
occasion  on  which  I  saw  it. 

During  the  six  months  following  Alexander  II's 
assassination  all  social  life  in  Petrograd  stopped. 
We  of  the  Embassy  had  many  other  resources, 
for  in  those  days  the  British  business  colony  in 
Petrograd  was  still  large,  and  flourished  exceeding- 
ly. They  had  various  sporting  clubs,  of  some  of 
which  we  were  members.  There  was  in  particular 
the  Fishing  Club  at  Harraka  Niska  in  Finland, 
where  the  river  Vuoksi  issues  from  the  hundred- 
mile-long  Lake  Saima. 

It  was  a  curious  experience  driving  to  the  Fin- 
nish railway  station  in  Petrograd.  In  the  city 
outside,  the  date  would  be  June  1,  Russian  style. 
Inside  the  station,  the  date  became  June  13,  Euro- 
pean style.     In  place  of  the  baggy  knickerbockers. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         165 

high  boots,  and  fur  caps  of  the  Russian  railway- 
men,  the  employees  of  the  Finnish  railway  wore  the 
ordinary  uniforms  customary  on  European  rail- 
ways. The  tickets  were  printed  in  European,  not 
Russian  characters,  and  the  fares  were  given  in 
marks  and  pennies,  instead  of  in  roubles  and  ko- 
pecks. The  notices  on  the  railway  were  all  printed 
in  six  languages,  Finnish,  Swedish,  Russian, 
French,  English,  and  German,  and  my  patriotic 
feelings  were  gratified  at  noting  that  all  the  loco- 
motives had  been  built  in  Glasgow.  I  was  aston- 
ished to  find  that  although  Finland  formed  an 
integral  part  of  the  Russian  Empire,  there  was  a 
Custom  House  and  Customs  examination  at  the 
Finnish  frontier. 

Finland  is  a  country  of  endless  little  hills,  and 
endless  forests,  all  alike  bestrewn  with  huge  gran- 
ite boulders;  it  is  also  a  land  of  endless  rivers  and 
lakes.  It  is  pretty  in  a  monotonous  fashion, 
and  looks  wonderfully  tidy  after  Russia  proper. 
The  wooden  houses  and  villages  are  all  neatly 
painted  a  chocolate  brown,  and  in  spite  of  its 
sparse  population  it  seems  very  prosperous.  The 
Finns  are  all  Protestants;  the  educated  classes  are 
mostly  Swedish-speaking,  the  others  talking  their 
own  impossible  Ural-Altaic  language.  At  the  ex- 
tremely comfortable  club-house  at  Harraka  Niska 
none  of  the  fishermen  or  boatmen  could  talk  any- 
thing but  Finnish.  We  all  had  little  conversation 
books  printed  in  Russian  and  Finnish,  but  w^e 
usually   found   the   language    of    signs    more   con- 


166     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

venient.  In  later  years,  in  South  America,  it  be- 
came my  duty  to  interview  daily  the  Legation 
cook,  an  accomplished  but  extremely  adipose  female 
from  Old  Spain.  I  had  not  then  learnt  Spanish, 
and  she  understood  no  other  tongue,  so  we  con- 
versed by  signs.  It  is  extremely  derogatory  to 
one's  personal  dignity  to  be  forced  to  imitate  in 
succession  a  hen  laying  an  egg,  a  sheep  bleating, 
or  a  duck  quacking,  and  yet  this  was  the  only  way 
in  which  I  could  order  dinner.  No  one  who  has 
not  tried  it  can  believe  how  difficult  it  is  to  indicate 
in  pantomime  certain  comestibles,  such,  for  in- 
stance, as  kidneys,  liver  and  bacon,  or  a  Welsh 
rarebit. 

The  fish  at  Harraka  would  not  look  at  a  fly, 
and  could  only  be  hooked  on  a  phantom-minnow. 
The  fishing  there  was  very  exciting.  The  big  fish 
all  lay  where  Lake  Saima  debouched  into  the  tur- 
bulent Vuoksi  river.  There  was  a  terrific  rapid 
there,  and  the  boatmen,  who  knew  every  inch  of 
the  ground,  would  head  the  boat  straight  for  that 
seething  white  caldron  of  raging  waves,  lashing 
and  roaring  down  the  rocky  gorge,  as  they  dashed 
up  angry  spurts  of  white  spray.  Just  as  it  seemed 
that  nothing  could  save  one  from  being  hurled  into 
that  mad  turmoil  of  leaping  waters,  where  no  human 
being  could  hope  to  live  for  a  minute,  a  back- 
current  shot  the  boat  swiftly  across  to  the  other 
bank.  That  was  the  moment  when  the  fish  were 
hooked.  They  were  splendid  fighters,  and  played 
magnificently.     These  Harraka  fish  were  curiously 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         167 

uniform  in  size,  always  running  from  18  to  22  lb. 
Though  everyone  called  them  salmon,  I  think 
myself  that  they  were  really  bull-trout,  or  Salmo 
ferox.  A  salmon  would  have  had  to  travel  at 
least  400  miles  from  salt  water,  and  I  do  not 
beUeve  that  any  fish  living  could  have  got  up  the 
tremendous  Imatra  waterfall,  some  six  miles  lower 
down  the  Vuoksi.  These  fish  invariably  had  lice 
on  them.  In  Great  Britain  sea-lice  on  a  salmon 
are  taken  as  a  certain  indication  that  the  fish  is 
fresh-run.  These  fish  cannot  possibly  have  been 
fresh-run,  so  I  think  it  probable  that  in  these  great 
lakes  there  may  be  a  fresh-water  variety  of  the 
parasite.  Another  peculiarity  of  the  Harraka  fish 
was  that,  though  they  were  excellent  eating,  they 
would  not  keep  above  two  days.  I  have  myself 
caught  eleven  of  these  big  fellows  in  one  day. 
During  June  there  was  capital  grayling  fishing  in 
the  lower  Vuoksi,  the  fish  running  large,  and  taking 
the  fly  readily,  though  in  that  heavy  water  they 
were  apt  to  break  off.  There  were  plenty  of  smaU 
trout  too  in  the  Vuoksi,  but  the  densely-wooded 
banks  made  fishing  difficult,  and  the  water  was 
always  crystal-clear,  and  needed  the  finest  of 
tackle. 

I  spent  some  most  enjoyable  days  at  Koltesha, 
a  small  English  shooting-club  of  ten  members, 
about  twenty  miles  out  of  Petrograd.  During  Sep- 
tember, for  one  fortnight,  the  marshes  round  Kol- 
tesha were  alive  with  "  double-snipe."  This  bird 
migrates  in  thousands  from  the  Arctic  regions  to 


168     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

the  far  South,  at  the  approach  of  autumn.  They 
alighted  in  the  Koltesha  marshes  to  recruit  them- 
selves after  their  journey  from  the  North  Pole, 
and  owing  to  circumstances  beyond  their  control, 
few  of  them  continued  their  journey  southward. 
This  confiding  fowl  has  never  learnt  to  zig-zag 
hke  the  other  members  of  the  snipe  family,  and 
they  paid  the  penalty  for  this  omission  by  usually 
proceeding  to  the  kitchen.  A  "  double-snipe "  is 
most  delicious  eating.  The  winter  shooting  at 
Koltesha  was  most  delightful.  The  art  of  "  ski- 
walking  "  had  first  to  be  learnt,  and  on  commencing 
this  unaccustomed  method  of  locomotion,  various 
muscles,  which  its  use  called  into  play  for  the  first 
time,  showed  their  resentment  by  aching  furiously. 
The  ground  round  Koltesha  being  hilly  was  admira- 
bly adapted  for  coasting  on  ski.  It  was  difficult 
at  first  to  shoot  from  the  insecure  footing  of  ski, 
and  the  unusual  amount  of  clothing  between  one's 
shoulder  and  the  stock  of  one's  gun  did  not  fa- 
cilitate matters.  Everything,  however,  can  be 
learnt  in  time.  I  can  claim  to  be  the  pioneer 
of  ski  on  the  American  Continent,  for  in  Janu- 
ary, 1887,  I  brought  over  to  Canada  the  very  first 
pair  of  ski  ever  seen  in  America.  I  used  to  coast 
down  the  toboggan  slides  at  Ottawa  on  them,  amidst 
universal  derision.  I  was  told  that,  however  useful 
ski  might  be  in  Russia,  they  were  quite  unsuited  to 
Canadian  conditions,  and  would  never  be  popular 
there,  as  the  old-fashioned  "  raquettes "  were  in- 
finitely superior.    Humph!    Qui  vivra  verra! 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         169 

Koltesha  abounded  in  black  game,  "  ryabchiks," 
or  hazel-grouse,  and  ptarmigan.  Russian  hares 
turn  snow-white  in  winter,  and  are  very  difficult 
to  see  against  a  snowy  background  in  consequence. 
It  is  almost  impossible  to  convey  on  paper  any 
idea  of  the  intense  delight  of  those  days  in  the 
sun  and  the  cold,  when  the  air  had  that  delicious 
clean  smell  that  always  goes  with  intense  frost, 
the  dark  fir  woods,  with  their  purple  shadows,  stood 
out  in  sharp  contrast  to  the  dazzling  sheet  of  white 
snow,  and  the  sunlight  gilded  the  patches  of  oak 
and  birch  scrub  that  climbed  down  the  hollows  of 
the  low  hills.  One  returned  home  glowing  from, 
head  to  foot.  We  got  larger  game  too  by  "ringing 
them."  The  process  of  "  ringing "  is  as  follows. 
'No  four-footed  creature  can  travel  over  the  snow 
without  leaving  his  tracks  behind  him.  Let  us 
suppose  a  small  wood,  one  mile  in  circumference. 
If  a  man  travels  round  this  on  ski,  and  if  the 
track  of  any  animal  crosses  his  trail,  going  into 
the  wood,  and  this  track  does  not  again  come  out 
of  the  wood,  it  is  obvious  that  that  particular  ani- 
mal is  still  taking  cover  there.  Measures  to  drive 
him  out  are  taken  accordingly.  We  got  in  this 
way  at  Koltesha  quite  a  number  of  elks,  lynxes, 
and  wolves. 

The  best  wolf-shooting  I  ever  got  was  at  the 
invitation  of  the  Russian  Minister  of  Finance. 
Great  packs  of  these  ravenous  brutes  were  playing 
havoc  on  his  estate,  two  hundred  miles  from  Petro- 


170     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

country  house.  We  travelled  down  in  a  private 
sleeping-ear,  and  had  over  twenty  miles  to  drive 
in  rough  country  sledges  from  the  station.  Qne 
of  the  guests  was  an  enormously  fat  Russian  Gen- 
eral, a  perfect  mammoth  of  a  man.  As  I  was  very 
slim  in  those  days,  I  was  told  off  as  this  gigantic 
warrior's  fellow-passenger.  Although  he  took  up 
nine-tenths  of  the  sledge,  I  just  managed  to  creep 
in,  but  every  time  we  jolted — and  as  the  track 
was  very  rough,  this  was  pretty  frequently — I  got 
250  lb.  of  Russian  General  on  the  top  of  me, 
squeezing  the  life  out  of  me.  He  was  a  good-na- 
tured Colossus,  and  apologised  profusely  for  his 
own  obesity,  and  for  his  instability,  but  I  was  black 
and  blue  all  over,  and  since  that  day  I  have  felt 
profound  sympathy  for  the  little  princes  in  the 
Tower,  for  I  know  what  being  smothered  with  a 
feather-bed  feels  like. 

The  Minister's  country  house  was,  as  are  most 
other  Russian  country  houses,  a  modest  wooden 
building  with  whitewashed  rooms  very  scantily  fur- 
nished. The  Minister  had,  however,  thoughtfully 
brought  down  his  famous  Petrograd  chef,  and  I 
should  judge  about  three-quarters  of  the  contents 
of  his  wine-cellar.  We  had  to  proceed  to  our 
places  in  the  forest  in  absolute  silence,  and  the 
wolf  being  an  exceedingly  wary  animal  with  a 
a  very  keen  sense  of  smell,  all  smoking  was  rig- 
orously prohibited. 

It  was  nice  open  scrubland,  undulating  gently. 
The  beaters  were  skilful  and  we  were  very  lucky. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         171 

for  after  an  interminable  wait,  the  entire  pack  of 
wolves  rushed  down  on  us.  A  wolf  is  killed  with 
slugs  from  a  smooth-bore.  I  personally  was  for- 
tunate, for  I  got  shots  at  eight  wolves,  and  six 
of  them  felt  disinclined  for  further  exertions.  I 
still  have  a  carriage-rug  made  of  the  skins  of  the 
wolves  I  killed  that  day.  The  banging  all  round 
meanwhile  was  terrific.  In  two  days  we  accounted 
for  fifty-two  of  these  pests.  It  gave  me  the  utmost 
pleasure  killing  these  murderous,  bloodthirsty 
brutes;  far  more  than  slaying  an  inoffensive  bear. 
Should  a  bear  encounter  a  human  being  in  the 
course  of  his  daily  walks,  he  is  certainly  apt  to 
hug  him  to  death,  as  a  precautionary  measure. 
He  is  also  addicted  to  smashing  to  a  jelly,  with 
one  blow  of  his  powerful  paws,  the  head  of  a 
chance  stranger.  These  peculiarities  apart,  the 
bear  may  be  regarded  as  practically  harmless.  It 
is  otherwise  wuth  the  wolf. 

Some  of  the  British  Colony  were  fond  of  going 
to  Finland  for  a  peculiar  form  of  sport.  I  use  the 
last  word  dubiously,  for  to  kill  any  game  birds 
during  the  breeding  season  seems  a  curiously  un- 
sportsmanlike act.  Circumstances  rather  excused 
this.  It  is  well  known  that  black  game  do  not 
pair,  but  that  they  are  polygamous.  During  the 
breeding  season  the  male  birds  meet  every  morning 
at  dawn  on  regular  fighting  grounds,  and  there 
battle  for  the  attentions  of  the  fairer  sex.  These 
fighting  grounds  are  well  known  to  the  keepers,  who 
erect  there  in  early  autumn  conical  shelters  of  fir 
grad,  so  he  invited  a  large  shooting  party  to  his 


172     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

branches.  The  birds  become  familiar  with  these 
shelters  (called  in  Russian  "  shagashki  ")  and  pay- 
no  attention  to  them.  The  "  gun  "  introduces  him- 
self into  the  shelter  not  later  than  midnight,  and 
there  waits  patiently  for  the  first  gleam  of  dawn. 
He  must  on  no  account  smoke.  With  the  first 
grey  streak  of  dawn  in  the  sky  there  is  a  great 
rushing  of  wings  in  the  air,  and  dozens  of  male 
bii'ds  appear  from  nowhere;  strutting  up  and 
down,  puffing  out  their  feathers,  and  hissing  furi- 
ously at  each  other  in  challenge.  The  grey  hens 
meanwhile  sit  in  the  surrounding  trees,  watching, 
as  did  the  ladies  of  old  at  a  tournament,  the  prow- 
ess of  their  men-folk  in  the  lists.  The  grey  hens 
never  show  themselves,  and  make  no  sound;  two 
things,  one  would  imagine,  contrary  to  every  instinct 
of  their  sex.  A  challenge  once  accepted,  two 
males  begin  fighting  furiously  with  wings,  claws, 
and  beaks.  So  absorbed  are  the  birds  in  their  com- 
bat, that  they  neither  see  nor  hear  anything,  and 
pay  no  attention  to  a  gun-shot.  Should  they  be 
within  reach  of  the  "  shagashka,"  that  is  the  time 
to  fire.  It  sounds  horribly  unsportsmanlike,  but  it 
must  be  remembered  that  the  birds  are  only  just 
visible  in  the  uncertain  dawn.  As  dawn  matures 
into  daylight,  the  birds  suddenly  stop  fighting,  and 
all  fly  away  simultaneously,  followed  by  the  grey 
hens.  I  never  would  kill  more  than  two  as  speci- 
mens, for  this  splendid  bird  is  such  a  thing  of  joy 
in  his  breeding  plumage,  with  his  glossy  dark  blue 
satin  coat,  and  white  velvet  waistcoat,   that  there 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         173 

is  some  excuse  for  wanting  to  examine  him  closer. 
Ladies,  too,  loved  a  blackcock's  tail  or  wings  for 
their  hats.  It  was  also  the  only  way  in  which 
this  curious  and  little-known  phase  of  bird  life 
could  be  witnessed. 

The  capercailzie  is  called  in  Russian  "  the  deaf 
one."  Why  this  name  should  be  given  to  a  bird 
of  abnormally  acute  hearing  seems  at  first  sight 
puzzling.  The  explanation  is  that  the  male  caper- 
cailzie in  the  breeding  season  concludes  his  love- 
song  with  a  pecuHar  "  tchuck,  tchuck,"  impossible 
to  reproduce  on  paper,  moving  his  head  rapidly 
*  to  and  fro  the  while.  During  this  "  tchuck,  tchuck," 
the  bird  is  deaf  and  blind  to  the  world.  The  caper- 
cailzie hunter  goes  out  into  the  forest  at  about 
1  a.m.  and  listens  intently.  As  soon  as  he  hears 
a  capercailzie's  song,  he  moves  towards  the  sound 
very,  very  cautiously.  When  within  half  a  mile  of 
the  bird,  he  must  wait  for  the  "  tchuck,  tchuck," 
which  lasts  about  two  minutes,  before  daring  to 
advance.  The  "  tchuck  "  over,  he  must  remain  ab- 
solutely motionless  until  it  recommences.  The  snap- 
ping of  a  twig  will  be  enough  to  silence  the  bird 
and  to  make  it  fly  away.  It  will  be  seen  then  that 
to  approach  a  capercailzie  is  a  difficult  task,  and 
one  requiring  infinite  patience.  Once  within  shot, 
there  is  no  particular  fun  in  shooting  a  sitting  bird 
the  size  of  a  turkey,  up  at  the  top  of  a  tree,  even 
though  it  only  appears  as  a  dusky  mass  against  the 
faint  beginnings  of  dawn. 

The  real  charm  of  this  blackcock  and  capercailzie 
shooting   was   that   one   would   not   otherwise   have 


174     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

been    out    in   the    great    forest    at    break    of    day. 

To  me  there  was  always  an  infinite  fascination 
in  seeing  these  great  Northern  tracts  of  woodland 
awakening  from  their  long  winter  sleep.  The 
sweetness  of  the  dawn,  the  delicious  smell  of  grow- 
ing things,  the  fresh  young  life  springing  up  under 
one's  feet,  all  these  appealed  to  every  fibre  in  my 
being.  Nature  always  restores  the  balance  of 
things.  In  Russia,  as  in  Canada,  after  the  rigours 
of  the  winter,  once  the  snow  has  disappeared,  flowers 
carpet  the  ground  with  a  rapidity  of  growth  un- 
known in  more  temperate  climates.  These  Finland 
woods  were  covered  with  a  low  creeping  plant  with 
masses  of  small,  white,  waxy  flowers.  It  was,  I 
think,  one  of  the  smaller  cranberries.  There  was 
an  orange-flowering  nettle,  too,  the  leaves  of  which 
changed  from  green  to  vivid  purple  as  they  climbed 
the  stalk,  making  gorgeous  patches  of  colour,  and 
great  drifts  of  blue  hepaticas  on  the  higher  ground. 
To  appreciate  Nature  properly,  she  must  be  seen 
at  unaccustomed  times,  as  she  bestirs  herself  after 
her  night's  rest  whilst  the  sky  brightens. 

In  Petrograd  itself  the  British  Colony  found 
plenty  of  amusement.  We  had  an  English  ice- 
hill  club  to  which  all  the  Embassy  belonged.  The 
elevation  of  a  Russian  ice-hill,  some  forty  feet 
only,  may  seem  tame  after  the  imposing  heights  of 
Canadian  toboggan  slides,  but  I  fancy  that  the 
pace  travelled  is  greater  in  Russia.  The  ice-hills 
were  always  built  in  pairs,  about  three  hundred 
yards   apart,    with   two   parallel   runs.      Both   hills 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         175 

and  runs  were  built  of  solid  blocks  of  ice,  watered 
every  day,  and  the  pitch  of  the  actual  hill  was 
very  steep.  In  the  place  of  a  toboggan  we  used 
little  sleds  two  feet  long,  mounted  on  skate-run- 
ners, which  were  kept  constantly  sharpened.  These 
travelled  over  the  ice  at  a  tremendous  pace,  and 
at  the  end  of  the  straight  run,  the  corresponding 
hill  had  only  to  be  mounted  to  bring  you  home 
again  to  the  starting-point.  The  art  of  steering 
these  sleds  was  soon  learnt,  once  the  elementary 
principle  was  grasped  that  after  a  turn  to  the  left, 
a  corresponding  turn  to  the  right  must  be  made 
to  straighten  up  the  machine,  exactly  as  is  done 
instinctively  on  a  bicycle.  A  wave  of  the  hand  or 
of  the  foot  was  enough  to  change  the  direction, 
the  ice-hiller  going  down  head  foremost,  with  the 
sled  under  his  chest. 

Longer  sleds  were  used  for  taking  ladies  down. 
The  man  sat  cross-legged  in  front,  whilst  the  lady 
knelt  behind  him  with  both  her  arms  round  his 
neck.  Possibly  the  enforced  familiarity  of  this  at- 
titude was  what  made  the  amusement  so  popular. 

We  gave  at  times  evening  parties  at  the  ice- 
hills,  when  the  woods  were  lit  up  with  rows  of 
Chinese  lanterns,  making  a  charming  effect  against 
the  snow,  and  electric  arcs  blazed  from  the  summits 
of  the  slides.  To  those  curious  in  such  matters, 
I  may  say  that  as  secondary  batteries  had  not  then 
been  invented,  and  we  had  no  dynamo,  power  was 
furnished  direct  by  powerful  Grove  two-cell  bat- 
teries.     One    night    our    amateur    electrician    was 


176     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

nearly  killed  by  the  brown  fumes  of  nitrous  acid 
these  batteries  give   off  from  their  negative   cells. 

We  had  an  ice-boat  on  the  Gulf  of  Finland  as 
well.  It  is  only  in  early  spring,  and  very  seldom 
then,  that  this  amusement  can  be  indulged  in.  The 
necessary  conditions  are  (1)  a  heavy  thaw  to  melt 
all  the  snow  from  the  surface  of  the  ice,  followed 
by  a  sharp  frost;  (2)  a  strong  breeze.  Nature 
is  not  often  obliging  enough  to  arrange  matters 
in  this  sequence.  We  had  some  good  sailing, 
though,  and  could  get  forty  miles  an  hour  out  of 
our  craft  with  a  decent  breeze.  Our  boat  was  of 
the  Dutch,  not  the  Canadian  type.  I  was  aston- 
ished to  find  how  close  an  ice-boat  could  lay  to  the 
wind,  for  obviously  anything  in  the  nature  of 
leeway  is  impossible  with  a  boat  on  runners.  Ice- 
sailing  was  bitterly  cold  work,  and  the  navigation 
of  the  Gulf  of  Finland  required  great  caution,  for 
in  early  spring  great  cracks  appeared  in  the  ice. 
On  one  occasion,  in  avoiding  a  large  crack,  we 
ran  into  the  omnibus  plying  on  runners  between 
Kronstadt  and  the  mainland.  The  driver  of  the 
coach  was  drunk,  and  lost  his  head,  to  the  terror 
of  his  passengers,  but  very  little  damage  was  done. 
It  may  be  worth  while  recording  this,  as  it  is  but 
seldom  that  a  boat  collides  with  an  omnibus. 

It  will  be  seen  that  in  one  way  and  another 
there  was  no  lack  of  amusement  to  be  found 
round  Petrograd,  even  during  the  entire  cessation 
of  Court  and  social  entertainments. 


CHAPTER  VI 

Love  of  Russians  for  children's  games — Peculiarities  of  Petro- 
grad  balls — Some  famous  beauties  of  Petrograd  Society — 
The  varying  garb  of  hired  waiters — Moscow — Its  wonderful 
beauty — The  forest  of  domes — The  Kremlin — The  three 
famous  "  Cathedrals  " — The  Imperial  Treasury — The  Sac- 
risty— The  Palace — Its  splendour — The  Terem — A  Gargan- 
tuan Russian  dinner — An  unusual  episode  at  the  French 
Ambassador's  ball — Bombs — Tsarskoe  Selo — Its  interior — 
Extraordinary  collection  of  curiosities  in  Tsarskoe  Park — 
Origin  of  term  "  Vauxhall  "  for  railway  station  in  Russia 
— Peterhof — Charm  of  park  there — Two  Russian  illusions 
— A  young  man  of  25  delivers  an  Ultimatum  to  Russia — 
How  it  came  about — M.  de  Giers — Other  Foreign  Ministers 
— Paraguay — The  polite  Japanese  dentist — A  visit  to  Gat- 
china — Description  of  the  Palace — Delights  of  the  chil- 
dren's play-room  there. 

The  lingering  traces  of  the  child  which  are  found 
in  most  Russian  natures  account  probably  for  their 
curious  love  of  indoor  games.  Lady  Dufferin  had 
weekly  evening  parties  during  Lent,  when  dancing 
was  rigidly  prohibited.  Quite  invariably,  some 
lady  would  go  up  to  her  and  beg  that  they  might 
be  allowed  to  play  what  she  would  term  "  English 
running  games."  So  it  came  about  that  bald- 
headed  Generals,  covered  with  Orders,  and  quite 
elderly  ladies,  would  with  immense  glee  play  "  Blind- 
man's  buff,"  "  Musical  chairs,"  "  Hunt  the  slipper," 
and  "  General  post."  I  believe  that  they  would 
have  joined  cheerfully  in  "  Ring  a  ring  of  roses," 
had  we  only  thought  of  it. 

177 


178     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

I  think  it  is  this  remnant  of  the  child  in  them 
which,  coupled  with  their  quick-working  brains, 
wonderful  receptivity,  and  absolute  naturalness, 
makes  Russians  of  the  upper  class  so  curiously 
attractive. 

At  balls  in  my  time,  oddly  enough,  quadrilles 
were  the  most  popular  dances.  There  was  always 
a  "  leader "  for  these  quadrilles,  whose  function 
it  was  to  invent  new  and  startling  figures.  The 
"  leader  "  shouted  out  his  directions  from  the  cen- 
tre of  the  room,  and  however  involved  the  figures 
he  devised,  however  complicated  the  manoeuvres  he 
evolved,  he  could  rely  on  being  implicitly  obeyed  by 
the  dancers,  who  were  used  to  these  intricate  en- 
tanglements, and  enjoyed  them.  Woe  betide  the 
"  leader  "  should  he  lose  his  head,  or  give  a  wrong 
direction!  He  would  find  two  hundred  people 
inextricably  tangled  up.  I  calculate  that  many 
years  have  been  taken  off  my  own  life  by  the  re- 
sponsibilities thrust  upon  me  by  being  frequently 
made  to  officiate  in  this  capacity.  Balls  in  Petrograd 
in  the  "  'eighties "  invariably  concluded  with  the 
"  Danse  Anglaise,"  our  own  familiar  "  Sir  Roger 
de  Coverley." 

I  never  saw  an  orchestra  at  a  ball  in  Petrograd, 
except  at  the  Winter  Palace.  All  Russians  pre- 
ferred a  pianist,  but  a  pianist  of  a  quite  special 
brand.  These  men,  locally  known  as  "  tappeurs," 
cultivated  a  peculiar  style  of  playing,  and  could 
get  wonderful  effects  out  of  an  ordinary  grand 
piano.    There  was  in  particular  one  absolute  genius 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         179 

called  Altkein.  Under  his  superlatively  skilled 
fingers  the  piano  took  on  all  the  resonance  and 
varied  colour  of  a  full  orchestra.  Altkein  told 
me  that  he  always  played  what  he  called  "  four- 
handed,"  that  is  doubling  the  parts  of  each  hand. 
By  the  end  of  the  evening  he  was  absolutely  ex- 
hausted. 

The  most  beautiful  woman  in  Petrograd  Society 
was  unquestionably  Countess  Zena  Beauharnais, 
afterwards  Duchess  of  Leuchtenberg ;  a  tall,  queenly 
blonde  with  a  superb  figure.  Nature  had  been 
very  generous  to  her,  for  in  addition  to  her  won- 
derful beauty,  she  had  a  glorious  soprano  voice.  I 
could  not  but  regret  that  she  and  her  sister.  Prin- 
cess Bieloselskaya,  had  not  been  forced  by  circum- 
stances to  earn  their  living  on  the  operatic  stage, 
for  the  two  sisters,  soprano  and  contralto,  would 
certainly  have  achieved  a  European  reputation  with 
their  magnificent  voices.  How  they  would  have 
played  Amneris  and  the  title-role  in  "  Ai'da  "!  The 
famous  General  Skobeleff  was  their  brother. 

Two  other  strikingly  beautiful  women  were  Prin- 
cess Kitty  Dolgorouki,  a  piquant  little  brunette, 
and  her  sister-in-law,  winning,  golden-haired  Prin- 
cess Mary  Dolgorouki.  After  a  lapse  of  nearly 
forty  years,  I  may  perhaps  be  permitted  to  express 
my  gratitude  to  these  two  charming  ladies  for 
the  consistent  kindness  they  showered  on  a  pecu- 
liarly uninteresting  young  man,  and  I  should  like 
to  add  to  their  names  that  of  Countess  Betsy 
Schouvaloff.      I    may    remark    that    the    somewhat 


180     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

homely  British  forms  of  their  baptismal  names 
vv'^hich  these  grandes  dames  were  fond  of  adopting 
always  amused  me.  Our  two  countries  were  in 
theory  deadly  enemies,  yet  they  borrowed  little 
details  from  us  whenever  they  could.  I  think  that 
the  racial  animosity  was  only  skin-deep.  This  cus- 
tom of  employing  English  diminutives  for  Russian 
names  extended  to  the  men  too,  for  Prince  Alex- 
ander Dolgorouki,  Princess  Kitty's  husband,  was 
always  known  as  "  Sandy,"  whilst  Countess  Betsy's 
husband  was  invariably  spoken  of  as  "  Bobby " 
Schouvaloif .  Countess  Betsy,  mistress  of  one  of  the 
stateliest  houses  in  Petrograd,  was  acknowledged 
to  be  the  best-dressed  woman  in  Russia.  I  never 
noticed  whether  she  were  really  good-looking  or  not, 
for  such  was  the  charm  of  her  animation,  and  the 
sparkle  of  her  vivacity  and  quick  wit,  that  one 
remarked  the  outer  envelope  less  than  the  nimble 
intellect  and  extraordinary  attractiveness  that  under- 
lay it.  She  was  a  daughter  of  that  "  Princesse 
Chateau "  to  whom  I  referred  earlier  in  these 
reminiscences. 

In  the  great  Russian  houses  there  were  far 
fewer  liveried  servants  than  is  customary  in  other 
European  countries.  This  was  due  to  the  diffi- 
culty of  finding  sufficiently  trained  men.  The 
actual  work  of  the  house  was  done  by  hordes  of 
bearded,  red-shirted  shaggy-headed  moujiks,  who 
their  household  duties  over,  retired  to  their  under- 
ground fastnesses.  Consequently  when  dinners  or 
other  entertainments  were  given  recourse  was  had 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         181 

to  hired  waiters,  mostly  elderly  Germans.  It  was 
the  curious  custom  to  dress  these  waiters  up  in 
the  liveries  of  the  family  giving  the  entertainment. 
The  hveries  seldom  fitted,  and  the  features  of  the 
old  waiters  were  quite  familiar  to  most  of  us,  yet 
pohteness  dictated  that  we  should  pretend  to  con- 
sider them  as  servants  of  the  house.  Though  per- 
fectly conscious  of  having  seen  the  same  individual 
who,  arrayed  in  orange  and  white,  was  standing 
behind  one's  chair,  dressed  in  sky-blue  only  two 
evenings  before,  and  equally  aware  of  the  proba- 
bility of  meeting  him  the  next  evening  in  a  differ- 
ent house,  clad  in  crimson,  it  was  considered  polite 
to  compliment  the  mistress  of  the  house  on  the  ad- 
mirable manner  in  which  her  servants  were  turned 
out. 

There  is  in  all  Russian  houses  a  terrible  place 
known  as  the  "  buffetnaya."  This  is  a  combina- 
tion of  pantry,  larder,  and  serving-room.  People 
at  all  particular  about  the  cleanliness  of  their  food, 
or  the  nicety  with  which  it  is  served,  should  avoid 
this  awful  spot  as  they  would  the  plague.  A 
sensitive  nose  can  easily  locate  the  whereabouts  of 
the   "  buffetnaya "  from  a  considerable  distance. 

From  Petrograd  to  Moscow  is  only  a  twelve 
hours'  run,  but  in  those  twelve  hours  the  traveller 
is  transported  into  a  different  world.  After  the 
soulless  regularity  of  Peter  the  Great's  sham  classi- 
cal creation  on  the  banks  of  the  Neva,  the  beauty 
of  the  semi-Oriental  ancient  capital  comes  as  a 
perfect  revelation.     Moscotv,  glowing  with  colour, 


182     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

is  seated  like  Rome  on  gentle  hills,  and  numbers 
over  three  hundred  churches.  These  churches  have 
each  the  orthodox  five  domes,  and  this  forest  of 
domes,  many  of  them  gilt,  others  silvered,  some  blue 
and  gold,  or  striped  with  bands  and  spirals  of  vivid 
colour,  when  seen  amongst  the  tender  greenery  of 
May,  forms  a  wonderful  picture,  unlike  anything 
else  in  the  world.  The  winding,  irregular  streets 
lined  with  buildings  in  every  imaginable  style  of 
architecture,  and  of  every  possible  shade  of  colour; 
the  remains  of  the  ancient  city  walls  with  their 
lofty  watch-towers  crowned  with  curious  conical 
roofs  of  grass-green  tiles;  the  great  irregular  bulk 
of  the  Kremlin,  towering  over  all;  make  a  whole 
of  incomparable  beauty.  There  is  in  the  world  but 
one  Moscow,  as  there  is  but  one  Venice,  and  one 
Oxford. 

The  great  sea  of  gilded  and  silvered  domes  is 
best  seen  from  the  terrace  of  the  Kremlin  over- 
looking the  river,  though  the  wealth  of  detail  nearer 
at  hand  is  apt  to  distract  the  eye.  The  soaring 
snow-white  shaft  of  Ivan  Veliki's  tower  with  its 
golden  pinnacles  dominates  everything,  though  the 
three  "  Cathedrals,"  standing  almost  side  by  side, 
hallowed  by  centuries  of  tradition,  are  very  sacred 
places  to  a  Russian,  who  would  consider  them  the 
heart  of  Moscow,  and  of  the  Muscovite  world. 
"  Mother  Moscow,"  they  call  her  affectionately,  and 
I  understand  it. 

The  Russian  word  "  Sobor "  is  wrongly  trans- 
lated   as    "  Cathedral."      A    "  sobor "    is    merely    a 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         183 

church  of  peculiar  sanctity  or  of  special  dignity. 
The  three  gleaming  white,  gold-domed  churches 
of  the  Kremlin  are  of  quite  modest  dimensions, 
vet  their  venerable  walls  are  rich  with  the  associa- 
tions  of  centuries.  In  the  Church  of  the  Assump- 
tion the  Tsars,  and  later  the  Emperors,  were  all 
crowned;  in  the  Church  of  the  Archangel  the 
Tsars  were  buried,  though  the  Emperors  lie  in 
Petrograd.  The  dim  Byzantine  interior  of  the 
Assumption  Church,  with  its  faded  frescoes  on  a 
gold  ground,  and  its  walls  shimmering  with  gold, 
silver,  and  jewels,  is  immensely  impressive.  Here 
is  the  real  Russia,  not  the  Petrograd  stuccoed 
veneered  Russia  of  yesterday,  but  ancient  Mus- 
covy,  sending  its   roots  deep   down   into  the   past. 

Surely  Peter  prepared  the  way  for  the  destruc- 
tion of  his  country  by  uprooting  this  tree  of  an- 
cient growth,  and  by  trying  to  create  in  one  short 
lifetime  a  new  pseudo-European  Empire,  with  a 
new  capital. 

The  city  should  be  seen  from  the  Kremlin 
terrace  as  the  light  is  fading  from  the  sky  and  the 
thousands  of  church-bells  clash  out  their  melodi- 
ous evening  hymn.  The  Russians  have  always 
been  master  bell-founders,  and  their  bells  have  a 
silvery  tone  unknown  in  Western  Europe.  In  the 
gloaming,  the  Eastern  character  of  the  city  is  much 
more  apparent.  The  blaze  of  colour  has  vanished, 
and  the  dusky  silhouettes  of  the  church  domes 
take  on  the  onion-shaped  forms  of  the  Orient. 
Delhi,    as    seen    in    later    years    from    the    fort    at 


184     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

sunset    was    curiously    reminiscent    of    Moscow. 

I  do  not  suppose  that  more  precious  things 
have  ever  been  gathered  together  under  one  roof 
than  the  Imperial  Treasury  at  Moscow  contained 
in  those  days.  The  eye  got  surfeited  with  the 
sight  of  so  many  splendours,  and  I  can  only  recall 
the  great  collection  of  crowns  and  thrones  of  the 
various  Tsars.  One  throne  of  Persian  workman- 
ship was  studded  with  two  thousand  diamonds  and 
rubies;  another,  also  from  Persia,  contained  over 
two  thousand  large  turquoises.  There  must  have 
been  at  least  a  dozen  of  these  glittering  thrones, 
but  the  most  interesting  of  all  was  the  original 
ivory  throne  of  the  Emperors  of  Byzantium,  brought 
to  Moscow  in  1472  by  Sophia  Palaeologus,  wife  of 
Ivan  III.  Constantine  the  Great  may  have  sat 
on  that  identical  throne.  It  seems  curious  that  the 
finest  collection  in  the  world  of  English  silver-ware 
of  Elizabeth's,  James  I's,  and  Charles  I's  time 
should  be  found  in  the  Kremlin  at  Moscow,  till  it  is 
remembered  that  nearly  all  the  plate  of  that  date  in 
England  was  melted  down  during  the  Civil  War  of 
1642 — 1646.  I  wonder  what  has  become  of  all 
these   precious  things  now! 

The  sacristy  contains  an  equally  wonderful  col- 
lection of  Church  plate.  I  was  taken  over  this  by 
an  Archimandrite,  and  I  had  been  previously  warned 
that  he  would  expect  a  substantial  tip  for  his  services. 
The  Archimandrite's  feelings  were,  however,  to  be 
spared  by  my  representing  this  tip  as  my  contribu- 
tion to  the  poor  of  his  parish.     The  Archimandrite 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         185 

was  so  immensely  imposing,  with  his  violet  robes, 
diamond  cross,  and  long  flowing  beard,  that  I  felt 
quite  shy  of  offering  him  the  modest  five  roubles 
which  I  was  told  would  be  sufficient.  So  I  doubled 
it.  The  Archimandrite  pocketed  it  joyfully,  and  so 
moved  was  he  by  my  unexpected  largesse,  that  the 
excellent  ecclesiastic  at  once  motioned  me  to  my 
knees,  and  gave  me  a  most  fervent  blessing,  which 
I  am  persuaded  was  well  worth  the  extra  five 
roubles. 

The  Great  Palace  of  the  Kremhn  was  rebuilt  by 
T^icholas  I  about  1840.  It  consequently  belongs 
to  the  "  period  of  bad  taste  ";  in  spite  of  that  it  is 
extraordinarily  sumptuous.  The  St.  George's  Hall 
is  200  feet  long  and  60  feet  high;  the  other  great 
halls,  named  after  the  Russian  Orders  of  Chivalry, 
are  nearly  as  large.  Each  of  these  is  hung  with 
silk  of  the  same  colour  as  the  ribbon  of  the  Order; 
St.  George's  Hall,  orange  and  black;  St.  An- 
drew's Hall,  sky-blue;  St.  Alexander  Nevsky's, 
pink;  St.  Catherine's,  red  and  white.  I  imagine 
that  every  silkworm  in  the  world  must  have  been 
kept  busy  for  months  in  order  to  prepare  suffi- 
cient material  for  these  acres  of  silk-hung  walls. 
The  Kremlin  Palace  may  not  be  in  the  best  of 
taste,  but  these  huge  halls,  with  their  jasper  and 
malachite  columns  and  profuse  gilding,  are  won- 
derfully gorgeous,  and  exactly  correspond  with 
one's  preconceived  ideas  of  what  an  Emperor  of 
Russia's  palace  ought  to  be  like.  There  is  a  chapel 
in   the    Kremlin   Palace   with   the   quaint   title    of 


186     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

"  Tlie  Church  of  the  Redeemer  behind  the  Golden 
RaiHng." 

The  really  interesting  portion  of  the  Palace  is  the 
sixteenth  century  part,  known  as  the  "  Terem." 
These  small,  dim,  vaulted  halls  with  their  half- 
effaced  frescoes  on  walls  and  ceilings  are  most 
fascinating.  It  is  all  mediaeval,  but  not  with  the 
medi^evalism  of  Western  Europe;  neither  is  it  Ori- 
ental; it  is  pure  Russian;  simple,  dignified,  and 
delightfully  archaic.  One  could  not  imagine  the 
old  Tsars  in  a  more  appropriate  setting.  Com- 
pared with  the  strident  splendours  of  the  modern 
palace,  the  vaulted  rooms  of  the  old  Terem  seem 
to  typify  the  difference  between  Petrograd  and 
Moscow. 

It  so  happened  that  later  in  life  I  was  destined 
to  become  very  familiar  with  the  deserted  palace 
at  Agra,  in  India,  begun  by  Akbar,  finished  by 
Shah  Jehan.  How  different  the  Oriental  concep- 
tion of  a  palace  is  from  the  Western!  The  Agra 
Palace  is  a  place  of  shady  courts  and  gardens, 
dotted  with  exquisitely  graceful  pavilions  of  trans- 
parent white  marble  roofed  with  gilded  copper. 
No  two  of  these  pavilions  are  similar,  and  in  their 
varied  decorations  an  inexhaustible  invention  is 
shown.  The  white  marble  is  so  placed  that  it  is 
seen  everywhere  in  strong  contrast  to  Akbar's  mas- 
sive buildings  of  red  sandstone.  During  the  Corona- 
tion ceremonies,  King-Emperor  George  V  seated 
himself,  of  right,  on  the  Emperor  Akbar's  throne  in 
the  great  Hall  of  Audience  in  Agra  Palace. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         187 

Though  Moscow  may  appear  a  dream-city  when 
viewed  from  the  KremUn,  it  is  an  eminently  prac- 
tical city  as  well.  It  was,  in  my  time,  the  chief 
manufacturing  centre  of  Russia,  and  Moscow  busi- 
ness-men had  earned  the  reputation  of  being  well 
able  to  look  after  themselves. 

Another  side  of  the  hfe  of  the  great  city  could 
be  seen  in  the  immense  Ermitage  restaurant,  where 
Moscow  people  assured  you  with  pride  that  the 
French  cooking  was  only  second  to  Paris.  The 
httle  Tartar  waiters  at  the  Ermitage  were,  drolly 
enough,  dressed  like  hospital  orderlies,  in  white 
linen  from  head  to  foot.  There  might  possibly  be 
money  in  an  antiseptic  restaurant,  should  some 
enterprising  person  start  one.  The  idea  would 
be  novel,  and  this  is  an  age  when  new  ideas  seem 
attractive. 

A  Russian  merchant  in  Moscow,  a  partner  in 
an  English  firm,  imagined  himself  to  be  under  a 
great  debt  of  gratitude  to  the  British  Embassy  in 
Petrograd,  on  account  of  a  heavy  fine  imposed 
upon  him,  which  we  had  succeeded  in  getting  re- 
mitted. This  gentleman  was  good  enough  to  invite 
a  colleague  and  myself  to  dine  at  a  certain  "Trak- 
tir,"  celebrated  for  its  Russian  cooking.  I  was 
very  slim  in  those  days,  but  had  I  had  any  idea 
of  the  Gargantuan  repast  we  were  supposed  to  as- 
similate, I  should  have  borrowed  a  suit  of  clothes 
from  the  most  adipose  person  of  my  acquaintance, 
in  order  to  secure  additional  cargo-space. 

In  the  quaint  little  "  Traktir  "  decorated  in  old- 


188     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

Russian  style,  after  the  usual  fresh  caviar,  raw 
herrings,  pickled  mushrooms,  and  smoked  sturgeon 
of  the  "  zakuska,"  we  commenced  with  cold  sucking- 
pig  eaten  with  horse-radish.  Then  followed  a  plain 
little  soup,  composed  of  herrings  and  cucumbers 
stewed  in  sour  beer.  Slices  of  boiled  salmon  and 
horse-radish  were  then  added,  and  the  soup  was 
served  iced.  This  soup  is  distinctly  an  acquired 
taste.  This  was  succeeded  by  a  simple  dish  of 
sterlets,  boiled  in  wine,  with  truffles,  crayfish,  and 
mushrooms.  After  that  came  mutton  stuffed  with 
buckwheat  porridge,  pies  of  the  flesh  and  isinglass 
of  the  sturgeon,  and  Heaven  only  knows  what  else. 
All  this  accompanied  by  red  and  white  Crimean 
wines,  Kvass,  and,  mead.  I  had  always  imagined 
that  mead  was  an  obsolete  beverage,  indulged  in 
principally  by  ancient  Britons,  and  drunk  for  choice 
out  of  their  enemies'  skulls,  but  here  it  was,  foam- 
ing in  beautiful  old  silver  tankards;  and  perfectly 
delicious  it  was!  Oddly  enough,  the  Russian  name 
for  it,  "  meod,"  is  almost  identical  with  ours. 

Only  once  in  my  life  have  I  suffered  so  terribly 
from  repletion,  and  that  was  in  the  island  of  Bar- 
bados, at  the  house  of  a  hospitable  planter.  We 
sat  down  to  luncheon  at  one,  and  rose  at  five.  The 
sable  serving-maids  looked  on  the  refusal  of  a  dish 
as  a  terrible  slur  on  the  cookery  of  the  house,  and 
would  take  no  denial.  "  No,  you  like  dis,  sar,  it 
real  West  India  dish.  I  gib  you  lilly  piece."  What 
with  turtle,  and  flying-fish,  and  calipash  and  cali- 
pee,   and    pepper-pot,    and    devilled    land-crabs,    I 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         189 

felt  like  the  boa-constrictor  in  the  Zoological  Gar- 
dens after  his  monthly  meal. 

I  was  not  fortunate  enough  to  witness  the  coro- 
nation of  either  Alexander  III  or  that  of  Nicholas 
II.  In  the  perfect  setting  of  "  the  Red  Staircase," 
of  the  ancient  stone-built  hall  known  as  the  "  Grano- 
vitaya  Palata,"  and  of  the  "  Gold  Court,"  the  cere- 
monial must  be  deeply  impressive.  On  no  stage 
could  more  picturesque  surroundings  possibly  be 
devised.  During  the  coronation  festivities,  most 
of  the  Ambassadors  hired  large  houses  in  Mos- 
cow, and  transferred  their  Embassies  to  the  old 
capital  for  three  weeks.  At  the  coronation  of 
Nicholas  II,  of  unfortunate  memory,  the  French 
Ambassador,  the  Comte  de  Montebello,  took  a 
particularly  fine  house  in  Moscow,  the  Sheremaitieff 
Palace,  and  it  was  arranged  that  he  should  give 
a  great  ball  the  night  after  the  coronation,  at 
which  the  newly-crowned  Emperor  and  Empress 
would  be  present.  The  French  Government  own 
a  wonderful  collection  of  splendid  old  French  fur- 
niture, tapestries,  and  works  of  art,  known  as  the 
"  Garde  Meubles."  Under  the  Monarchy  and  Em- 
pire, these  all  adorned  the  interiors  of  the  various 
palaces.  To  do  fuU  honour  to  the  occasion,  the 
French  Government  dispatched  vanloads  of  the 
choicest  treasures  of  the  "  Garde  Meubles  "  to  Mos- 
cow, and  the  Sheremaitieff  Palace  became  a  thing 
of  beauty,  with  Louis  Quatorze  Gobelins,  and  fur- 
niture made  for  Marie-Antoinette.  To  enliance  the 
effect,  the  Comte  and  Comtesse  de  Montebello  ar- 


190     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

ranged  the  most  elaborate  floral  decorations,  and 
took  immense  pains  over  them.  On  the  night  of 
the  ball,  two  hours  before  their  guests  were  due, 
the  Ambassador  was  informed  that  the  Chief  of 
Police  was  outside  and  begged  for  permission  to 
enter  the  temporary  Embassy.  Embassies  enjoying 
what  is  known  as  "  exterritoriality,"  none  of  the 
police  can  enter  except  on  the  invitation  of  the 
Ambassador;  much  as  vampires,  according  to  the 
legend,  could  only  secure  entrance  to  a  house  at 
the  personal  invitation  of  the  owner.  It  will  be 
remembered  that  these  unpleasing  creatures  dis- 
played great  ingenuity  in  securing  this  permission; 
indeed  the  really  expert  vampires  prided  themselves 
on  the  dexterity  with  which  they  could  inveigle 
their  selected  victim  into  welcoming  them  joyfully 
into  his  domicile.  The  Chief  of  Police  informed 
the  French  Ambassador  that  he  had  absolutely 
certain  information  that  a  powerful  bomb  had  been 
introduced  into  the  Embassy,  concealed  in  a  flower- 
pot. M.  de  Montebello  was  in  a  difficult  position. 
On  the  previous  day  the  Ambassador  had  discov- 
ered that  every  single  electric  wire  in  the  house 
had  been  deliberately  severed  by  some  unknown 
hand.  French  electricians  had  repaired  the  damage, 
but  it  was  a  disquieting  incident  in  the  circum- 
stances. The  policeman  was  positive  that  his  in- 
formation was  correct,  and  the  consequences  of  a 
terrific  bomb  exploding  in  one's  house  are  eminently 
disagreeable,  so  he  gave  his  reluctant  permission 
to  have  the  Embassy  searched,  though  his  earlier 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         191 

giiests  might  be  expected  within  an  hour.  Armies 
of  police  myrmidons  appeared,  and  at  once  pro- 
ceeded to  unpot  between  two  and  three  thousand 
growing  plants,  and  to  pick  all  the  floral  decora- 
tions to  pieces.  Nothing  whatever  was  found,  but 
it  would  be  unreasonable  to  expect  secret  police, 
however  zealous,  to  exhibit  much  skill  as  trained 
florists.  They  made  a  frightful  hash  of  things, 
and  not  only  ruined  the  elaborate  decorations,  but 
so  managed  to  cover  the  polished  floors  with  earth 
that  the  rooms  looked  like  ploughed  fields,  dancing 
was  rendered  impossible,  and  poor  Madame  de 
Montebello  was  in  tears.  As  the  guests  arrived, 
the  police  had  to  be  smuggled  out  through  back 
passages.  This  was  one  of  the  little  amenities  of 
life  in  a  bomb-ridden  land. 

During  the  summer  months  I  was  much  at  Tsar- 
skoe  Selo.  Tsarskoe  is  only  fourteen  miles  from 
Petrograd,  and  some  of  my  Russian  friends  had 
villas  there.  The  gigantic  Old  Palace  of  Tsarskoe 
is  merely  an  enlarged  Winter  Palace,  and  though 
its  garden  facade  is  nearly  a  quarter  of  a  mile 
long,  it  is  uninteresting  and  unimpressive,  being 
merely  an  endless  repetition  of  the  same  details.  I 
was  taken  over  the  interior  several  times,  but  such 
a  vast  quantity  of  rooms  leaves  only  a  confused 
impression  of  magnificence.  I  only  recall  the  really 
vsplendid  staircase  and  the  famous  lapis-lazuli  and 
amber  rooms.  The  lapis-lazuli  room  is  a  blaze  of 
blue  and  gold,  with  walls,  furniture,  and  chande- 
liers    encrusted     with     that     precious     substance. 


192     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

The  amber  room  is  perfectly  beautiful.  All  the 
walls,  cabinets,  and  tables  are  made  of  amber 
of  every  possible  shade,  from  straw-colour  to  deep 
orange.  There  are  also  great  groups  of  figures 
carved  entirely  out  of  amber.  Both  the  lapis  and 
the  amber  room  have  curious  floors  of  black  ebony 
inlaid  with  mother-of-pearl,  forming  a  very  effective 
colour  scheme.  I  have  vague  memories  of  the 
"  gold  "  and  "  silver  "  rooms,  but  very  distinct  rec- 
ollections of  the  bedroom  of  one  of  the  Empresses, 
who  a  hundred  years  before  the  late  Lord  Lister 
had  discovered  the  benefits  of  antiseptic  surgery 
had  with  some  curious  prophetic  instinct  had  her 
sleeping-room  constructed  on  the  lines  of  a  glori- 
fied modern  operating  theatre.  The  walls  of  this 
quaint  apartment  were  of  translucent  opal  glass, 
decorated  with  columns  of  bright  purple  glass,  with 
a  floor  of  inlaid  mother-of-pearl.  Personally,  I 
should  always  have  fancied  a  faint  smell  of  chloro- 
form lingering  about  the  room. 

Catherine  the  Great  had  her  monogram  placed 
everywhere  at  Tsarskoe  Selo,  on  doors,  walls,  and 
ceilings.  It  was  difficult  to  connect  her  with  the 
interlaced  "  E's,"  until  one  remembered  that  the 
Russian  form  of  the  name  is  "  Ekaterina."  How 
wise  the  Russians  have  been  in  retaining  the  so- 
called  Cyrillian  alphabet  in  writing  their  tongue! 

In  other  Slavonic  languages,  such  as  Polish  and 
Czech,  where  the  Roman  alphabet  has  been  adopted, 
unholy  combinations  of  "  cz,"  "  zh,"  and  "  sz  "  have 
to  be  resorted  to  to  reproduce   sounds  which  the 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         193 

Cyrillian  alphabet  could  express  with  a  single  let- 
ter; and  the  tragic  thing  is  that,  be  the  letters 
piled  together  never  so  thickly,  they  invariably  fail 
to  give  the  foreigner  the  faintest  idea  of  how  the 
word  should  really  be  pronounced.  Take  the  much- 
talked-of  town  of  Przemysl,  for  instance. 

The  park  of  Tsarskoe  is  eighteen  miles  in  cir- 
cumference, and  every  portion  of  it  is  thrown  open 
freely  to  the  public.  In  spite  of  being  quite  flat, 
it  is  very  pretty  with  its  lake  and  woods,  and  was 
most  beautifully  kept.  To  an  English  eye  its 
trees  seemed  stunted,  for  in  these  far  Northern 
regions  no  forest  trees  attain  great  size.  Limes 
and  oaks  flourish  moderately  well,  but  the  climate 
is  too  cold  for  beeches.  At  the  latitude  of  Petrograd 
neither  apples,  pears,  nor  any  kind  of  fruit  tree 
can  be  grown;  raspberries  and  strawberries  are  the 
only  things  that  can  be  produced,  and  they  are 
both  superlatively  good.  The  park  at  Tsarskoe 
was  full  of  a  jumble  of  the  most  extraordinarily 
incongruous  buildings  and  monuments;  it  would 
have  taken  a  fortnight  to  see  them  all  properly. 
There  was  a  Chinese  village,  a  Chinese  theatre, 
a  Dutch  dairy,  an  English  Gothic  castle,  temples, 
hanging  gardens,  ruins,  grottoes,  fountains,  and 
numbers  of  columns,  triumphal  arches,  and  statues. 
On  the  lake  there  was  a  collection  of  boats  of  aU 
nations,  varying  from  a  Chinese  sampan  to  an  Eng- 
lish light  four-oar;  from  a  Venetian  gondola  to  a 
Brazilian  catamaran.  There  was  also  a  fleet  of 
miniature  men-of-war,  and  three  of  Catherine's  great 


194     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

gilt  state-barges  on  the  lake.  One  arm  of  the  lake 
was  spanned  by  a  bridge  of  an  extremely  rare  blue 
Siberian  marble.  Anyone  seeing  the  effect  of  this 
blue  marble  bridge  must  have  congratulated  himself 
on  the  fact  that  it  was  extremely  improbable  that 
any  similar  bridge  would  ever  be  erected  elsewhere, 
so  rare  was  the  material  of  which  it  was  constructed. 

I  never  succeeded  in  finding  the  spot  in  Tsarskoe 
Park  where  a  sentry  stands  on  guard  over  a  violet 
which  Catherine  the  Great  once  found  there.  Cath- 
erine, finding  the  first  violet  of  spring,  ordered  a 
sentry  to  be  placed  over  it,  to  protect  the  flower 
from  being  plucked.  She  forgot  to  rescind  the  or- 
der, and  the  sentry  continued  to  be  posted  there. 
It  developed  at  last  into  a  regular  tradition  of 
Tsarskoe,  and  so,  day  and  night,  winter  and  summer, 
a  sentry  stood  in  Tsarskoe  Park  over  a  spot  where, 
150  years  before,  a  violet  once  grew. 

The  Russian  name  for  a  railway  station  is  "  Vaux- 
hall,"  and  the  origin  of  this  is  rather  curious.  The 
first  railway  in  Europe  opened  for  passenger  traf- 
fic was  the  Liverpool  and  Manchester,  inaugurated 
in  1830.  Five  years  later,  Nicholas  I,  eager  to 
show  that  Russia  was  well  abreast  of  the  times,  de- 
termined to  have  a  railway  of  his  own,  and  ordered 
one  to  be  built  between  Petrograd  and  Tsarskoe 
Selo,  a  distance  of  fourteen  miles.  The  railway 
was  opened  in  1837,  without  any  intermediate  sta- 
tions. Unfortunately,  with  the  exception  of  a  few 
Court  officials,  no  one  ever  wanted  to  go  to  Tsars- 
koe, so  the  hne  could  hardly  be  called  a  commercial 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         195 

success.  Then  someone  had  a  brilliant  idea!  Vaux- 
hall  Gardens  in  South  London  were  then  at  the 
height  of  their  popularity.  The  Tsarskoe  line  should 
be  extended  two  miles  to  a  place  called  Pavlosk, 
where  the  railway  company  would  be  given  fifty 
acres  of  ground  on  which  to  construct  a  "  Vauxhall 
Gardens,"  outbidding  its  London  prototype  in  at- 
tractions. No  sooner  said  than  done!  The  Pav- 
losk "  Vauxhall "  became  enormously  popular 
amongst  Petrogradians  in  summer-time;  the  trains 
were  crowded  and  the  railway  became  a  paying 
proposition.  As  the  Tsarskoe  station  was  the  only 
one  then  in  existence  in  Petrograd,  the  worthy  citi- 
zens got  into  the  habit  of  directing  their  own  coach- 
men or  cabdrivers  simply  to  go  "  to  Vauxhall."  So 
the  name  got  gradually  applied  to  the  actual  station 
building  in  Petrograd.  When  the  Nicholas  rail- 
way to  Moscow  was  completed,  the  station  got  to  be 
known  as  the  "  Moscow  Vauxhall."  And  so  it 
spread,  until  it  came  about  that  every  railway  sta- 
tion in  the  Russian  Empire,  from  the  Baltic  to  the 
Pacific,  derived  its  name  from  a  long-vanished  and 
half-forgotten  pleasure-garden  in  South  London, 
the  memory  of  which  is  only  commemorated  to-day 
by  a  bridge  and  a  railway  station  on  its  site.  The 
name  "  Vauxhall  "  itself  is,  I  believe,  a  corruption 
of  "  Folks-Hall,"  or  of  its  Dutch  variant  "  Volks- 
hall."  Even  in  my  day  the  Pavlosk  Vauxhall  was 
a  most  attractive  spot,  with  an  excellent  orchestra, 
myriads  of  coloured  lamps,  and  a  great  semicircle 
of  restaurants   and   refreshment   booths.     When   I 


196     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

knew  it,  the  Tsarskoe  railway  still  retained  its  origi- 
nal rolling-stock  of  1837;  little  queer  over-uphols- 
tered carriages,  and  quaint  archaic-looking  engines. 
It  had,  I  think,  been  built  to  a  different  gauge  to 
the  standard  Russian  one;  anyhow  it  had  no  physi- 
cal connection  with  the  other  railways.  It  was 
subsequently  modernised. 

Peterhof  is  far  more  attractive  than  Tsarskoe  as 
it  stands  on  the  Gulf  of  Finland,  and  the  coast, 
rising  a  hundred  feet  from  the  sea,  redeems  the 
place  from  the  uniform  dead  flat  of  the  other  en- 
virons of  Petrograd.  As  its  name  implies,  Peter- 
hof is  the  creation  of  Peter  himself,  who  did  his  best 
to  eclipse  Versailles.  His  fountains  and  waterworks 
certainly  run  Versailles  very  close.  The  Oriental 
in  Peter  peeped  out  when  he  constructed  staircases 
of  gilt  copper,  and  of  coloured  marbles  for  the 
water  to  flow  over,  precisely  as  Shah  Jehan  did  in 
his  palaces  at  Delhi  and  Agra.  As  the  temperature 
both  at  Delhi  and  Agra  often  touches  120°  during 
the  summer  months,  these  decorative  cascades  would 
appear  more  appropriate  there  than  at  Peterhof, 
where  the  summer  temperature  seldom  rises  to  70°. 

The  palace  stands  on  a  lofty  terrace  facing  the 
sea.  A  broad  straight  vista  has  been  cut  through  the 
fir-woods  opposite  it,  down  to  the  waters  of  the 
Gulf.  Down  the  middle  of  this  avenue  runs  a  canal 
flanked  on  either  side  by  twelve  fountains.  When 
les  grandes  eaux  are  playing,  the  effect  of  this  per- 
spective of  fountains  and  of  Peter's  gilded  water- 
chutes  is  really  very  fine  indeed.     I  think  that  the 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         197 

Oriental  in  Peter  showed  itself  again  here.  There 
is  a  long  single  row  of  almost  precisely  similar 
fountains  in  front  of  the  Taj  at  Agra. 

As  at  Tsarskoe,  the  public  have  free  access  to 
every  portion  of  the  park,  which  stretches  for  four 
miles  along  the  sea,  with  many  gardens,  countless 
fountains,  temj^les  and  statues.  There  was  in  par- 
ticular a  beautiful  Ionic  colonnade  of  pink  marble, 
from  the  summit  of  which  cataracts  of  water  spouted 
when  the  fountains  played.  The  effect  of  this 
pink  marble  temple  seen  through  the  film  of  falling 
water  was  remarkably  pretty.  What  pleased  me 
were  the  two  small  Dutch  chateaux  in  the  grounds, 
*'  Marly  "  and  "  Monplaisir,"  where  Peter  had  lived 
during  the  building  of  his  great  palace.  These  two 
houses  had  been  built  by  imported  Dutch  crafts- 
men, and  the  sight  of  a  severe  seventeenth-century 
Dutch  interior  with  its  tiles  and  sober  oak-panelling 
was  so  unexpected  in  Russia.  It  was  almost  as  much 
of  a  surprise  as  is  Groote  Constantia,  some  sixteen 
miles  south  of  Cape  Town.  To  drive  down  a  mile- 
long  avenue  of  the  finest  oaks  in  the  world,  and  to 
find  at  the  end  of  it,  amidst  hedges  of  clipped  pink 
oleander  and  blue  plumbago,  a  most  perfect  Dutch 
chateau,  exactly  as  Governor  Van  der  Stell  left  it 
in  1667,  is  so  utterly  unexpected  at  the  southern 
extremity  of  the  African  Continent!  Groote  Con- 
stantia, the  property  of  the  Cape  Government,  still 
contains  all  its  original  furniture  and  pictures  of 
1667.  It  is  the  typical  seventeenth-century  Conti- 
nental chateau,  the  main  building  with  its  fa9ade 


* 
^i 


198     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

elaborately  decorated  in  plaster,  flanked  by  two 
wings  at  right  angles  to  it,  but  the  last  place  in  the 
world  where  you  would  look  for  such  a  finished 
whole  is  South  Africa.  To  add  to  the  unexpected- 
ness, the  vines  for  which  Constantia  is  famous  are 
grown  in  fields  enclosed  with  hedges,  with  huge  oaks 
as  hedgerow  timber.  This  gives  such  a  thoroughly 
English  look  to  the  landscape  that  I  never  could 
realise  that  the  sea  seen  through  the  trees  was  the 
Indian  Ocean,  and  that  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope  was 
only  ten  miles  away.  Macao,  the  ancient  Portu- 
guese colony  forty-five  miles  from  Hong-Kong,  is 
another  "  surprise-town."  It  is  as  though  Alad- 
din's Slave  of  the  Lamp  had  dumped  a  seven- 
teenth-century Southern  European  town  down  in 
the  middle  of  China,  with  churches,  plazas,  and 
fountains  complete. 

There  is  really  a  plethora  of  palaces  round  Peter- 
hof.  They  grow  as  thick  as  quills  on  a  porcupine's 
back.  One  of  them,  I  cannot  recall  which,  had  a 
really  beautiful  dining-room,  built  entirely  of  pink 
marble.  In  niches  in  the  four  angles  of  the  room 
were  sohd  silver  fountains  six  feet  high,  where 
Naiads  and  Tritons  spouted  water  fed  by  a  run- 
ning stream.  I  should  have  thought  this  room 
more  appropriate  to  India  than  to  Northern  Rus- 
sia, but  one  of  the  fondest  illusions  Russians  cherish 
is  that  they  dwell  in  a  semi-tropical  climate. 

In  Petrograd,  as  soon  as  the  temperature  reached 
60°,  old  gentlemen  would  appear  on  the  Nevsky 
dressed  in  white  linen,  with  Panama  hats,  and  white 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  199 

umbrellas,  but  still  wearing  the  tliickest  of  over- 
coats. Should  the  sun's  rays  become  just  percep- 
tible, iced  Kvass  and  lemonade  were  at  once  on 
sale  in  all  the  streets.  On  these  occasions  I  made 
myself  quite  popular  at  the  Yacht  Club  by  observ- 
ing, as  I  buttoned  up  my  overcoat  tightly  before 
venturing  into  the  open  air,  that  this  tropical  heat 
was  almost  unendurable.  This  invariably  provoked 
gratified  smiles  of  assent. 

Another  point  as  to  which  Russians  were  for 
some  reason  touchy  was  the  fact  that  the  water  of 
the  Gulf  of  Finland  is  perfectly  fresh.  Ships  can 
fill  their  tanks  from  the  water  alongside  for  ten 
miles  below  Kronstadt,  and  the  catches  of  the  fish- 
ing-boats that  came  in  to  Peterhof  consisted  en- 
tirely of  pike,  perch,  eels,  roach,  and  other  fresh- 
water fish.  Still  Russians  disliked  intensely  hearing 
their  sea  alluded  to  as  fresh-water.  I  tactfully  pre- 
tended to  ignore  the  fringe  of  fresh-water  reeds 
lining  the  shore  at  Peterhof,  and  after  bathing  in 
the  Gulf  would  enlarge  on  the  bracing  effect  a 
swim  in  real  salt-water  had  on  the  human  organism. 
This,  and  a  few  happy  suggestions  that  after  the 
intense  brine  of  the  Gulf  the  waters  of  the  Dead 
Sea  would  appear  insipidly  brackish,  conduced  to- 
wards making  me  amazingly  popular. 

In  my  younger  days  I  was  never  really  happy 
without  a  daily  swim  during  the  summer  months. 

The  woods  sloping  down  to  the  Gulf  are  delight- 
ful in  summer-time,  and  are  absolutely  carpeted  with 
flowers.     The  flowers  seem  to  realise  how  short  the 


200     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

span  of  life  allotted  to  them  is,  and  endeavour  to 
make  the  most  of  it.    So  do  the  mosquitoes. 

I  have  very  vivid  recollections  of  one  especial 
visit  to  Peterhof.  In  the  summer  of  1882,  the 
Ambassador  and  two  other  members  of  the  Em- 
bassy were  away  in  England  on  leave.  The  Charge 
d' Affaires,  who  replaced  the  Ambassador,  was  laid 
up  with  an  epidemic  that  was  working  great  havoc 
then  in  Petrograd,  as  was  the  Second  Secretary. 
This  epidemic  was  probably  due  to  the  extremely 
unsatisfactory  sanitary  condition  of  the  city.  Con- 
sequently no  one  was  left  to  carry  on  the  work  of 
the  Embassy  but  myself  and  the  new  Attache, 
a  mere  lad. 

The  relations  of  Great  Britain  and  France  in 
the  "  'eighties  "  were  widely  different  from  those 
cordial  ones  at  present  prevailing  between  the  two 
countries.  Far  from  being  trusted  friends  and 
allies,  the  tension  between  England  and  France  was 
often  strained  almost  to  the  breaking-point,  es- 
pecially with  regard  to  Egyptian  affairs.  This  was 
due  in  a  great  measure  to  Bismarck's  traditional 
foreign  policy  of  attempting  to  embroil  her  neigh- 
bours, to  the  greater  advantage  of  Germany.  In 
old-fashioned  surgery,  doctors  frequently  introduced 
a  foreign  body  into  an  open  wound  in  order  to  irri- 
tate it,  and  prevent  its  healing  unduly  quickly.  This 
was  termed  a  seton.  Bismarck's  whole  policy  was 
founded  on  the  introduction  of  setons  into  open 
wounds,  to  prevent  their  healing.  His  successors 
in  office  endeavoured  to  continue  this  policy,  but  did 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         201 

not  succeed,  for  though  they  might  share  Bismarck's 
entire  want  of  scruples,  they  lacked  his  command- 
ing genius. 

Ismail,  Khedive  of  Egypt  since  1863,  had  brought 
his  country  to  the  verge  of  bankruptcy  by  his  gross 
extravagance.  Great  Britain  and  France  had  es- 
tabhshed  in  1877  a  Dual  Control  of  Egyptian  affairs 
in  the  interest  of  the  foreign  bondholders,  but  the 
two  countries  did  not  pull  well  together.  In  1879 
the  incorrigible  Ismail  was  deposed  in  favour  of 
Tewfik,  and  two  years  later  a  military  revolt  was 
instigated  by  Arabi  Pasha.  Very  unwisely,  at- 
temps  were  made  to  propitiate  Arabi  by  making  him 
a  member  of  the  Egyptian  Cabinet,  and  matters 
went  from  bad  to  worse.  In  May,  1882,  the  French 
and  British  fleets  appeared  before  Alexandria  and 
threatened  it,  and  on  June  11,  1882,  the  Arab  popu- 
lation massacred  large  numbers  of  the  foreign 
residents  of  Alexandria.  Still  the  French  Govern- 
ment refused  to  take  any  definite  action,  and  syste- 
matically opposed  every  proposal  made  by  the  Brit- 
ish Government.  We  were  perfectly  well  aware 
that  the  opposition  of  the  French  to  the  British 
policy  was  consistently  backed  up  by  Russia,  Russia 
being  in  its  turn  prompted  from  Berlin.  All  this 
we  knew.  After  the  massacre  of  June  11,  the 
French  fleet,  instead  of  acting,  sailed  away  from 
Alexandria. 

Amongst  the  usual  daily  sheaf  of  telegrams  from 
London  which  the  Attache  and  I  decyphered  on 
July  12,  1882,  was  one  announcing  that  the  Brit- 


202     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

ish  Mediterranean  Squadron  had  on  the  previous  day 
bombarded  and  destroyed  the  forts  of  Alexandria, 
and  that  in  two  days'  time  British  marines  would 
be  landed  and  the  city  of  Alexandria  occupied.  There 
were  also  details  of  further  steps  that  would  be 
taken,  should  circumstances  render  them  necessary. 
All  these  facts  were  to  be  communicated  to  the 
Russian  Government  at  once.  I  went  off  with  this 
weighty  telegram  to  the  house  of  the  Charge  d 'Af- 
faires, whom  I  found  very  weak  and  feverish,  and 
quite  unable  to  rise  from  his  bed.  He  directed 
me  to  go  forthwith  to  Peterhof,  to  see  M.  de  Giers, 
the  Russian  Minister  for  Foreign  Affairs,  who  was 
there  in  attendance  on  the  Emperor,  and  to  make 
my  statement  to  him.  I  placed  the  Attache  in 
charge  of  the  Chancery,  and  had  time  admitted  of 
it,  I  should  certainly  have  smeared  that  youth's 
cheeks  and  lips  with  some  burnt  cork,  to  add  a 
few  years  to  his  apparent  age,  and  to  delude  peo- 
ple into  the  belief  that  he  had  already  begun  to 
shave.  The  dignity  of  the  British  Embassy  had  to 
be  considered.  I  begged  of  him  to  refrain  from 
puerile  levity  in  any  business  interviews  he  might 
have,  and  I  implored  him  to  try  to  conceal  the 
schoolboy  under  the  mask  of  the  zealous  official. 
I  then  started  for  Peterhof.  It  is  not  often  that  a 
young  man  of  twenty-five  is  called  upon  to  deliver 
what  was  virtually  an  Ultimatum  to  the  mighty 
Russian  Empire,  and  I  had  no  illusions  whatever  as 
to  the  manner  in  which  my  communication  would  be 
received. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         203 

I  saw  M.  de  Giers  at  Peterhof,  and  read  him  my 
message.  I  have  never  in  my  life  seen  a  man  so 
astonished;  he  was  absolutely  flabbergasted.  The 
Gladstone  Government  of  1880-85  was  then  in 
power  in  England,  and  it  was  a  fixed  axiom  with 
every  Continental  statesman  (and  not,  I  am  bound 
to  admit,  an  altogether  unfounded  one)  that  under 
no  circumstances  whatever  would  the  Gladstone 
Cabinet  ever  take  definite  action.  They  would  talk 
eternally;  they  would  never  act.  M.  de  Giers  at 
length  said  to  me,  "  I  have  heard  your  communica- 
tion with  great  regret.  I  have  noted  what  you  have 
said  with  even  deeper  regret."  He  paused  for  a 
while,  and  then  added  very  gravely,  "The  Emper- 
or's regret  will  be  even  more  profound  than  my 
own,  and  I  will  not  conceal  from  you  that  his  Ma- 
jesty will  be  highly  displeased  when  he  learns  the 
news  you  have  brought  me."  I  inquired  of  M.  de 
Giers  whether  he  wished  me  to  see  the  Emperor, 
and  to  make  my  communication  in  person  to  His 
Imperial  Majesty,  and  felt  relieved  when  he  told 
me  that  it  was  unnecessary,  as  I  was  not  feeling 
particularly  anxious  to  face  an  angry  Autocrat 
alone.  I  left  a  transcript  I  had  myself  made  of  the 
telegram  I  had  decyphered  with  M.  de  Giers,  and 
left.  A  moment's  reflection  will  show  that  to  leave 
a  copy  of  decoded  telegram  with  anyone  would  be 
to  render  the  code  useless.  The  original  cypher 
telegram  would  be  always  accessible,  and  a  decypher 
of  it  would  be  tantamount  to  giving  away  the  code. 
It  was  our  practice  to  make  transcripts,  giving  the 


204     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

sense  in  totally  different  language,  and  with  the 
position  of  every  sentence  altered. 

After  that,  as  events  in  Egypt  developed,  and 
until  the  Charge  d'  Affaires  was  about  again,  I  jour- 
neyed to  Peterhof  almost  daily  to  see  M.  de  Giers. 
We  always  seemed  to  get  on  very  well  together,  in 
spite  of  racial  animosities. 

The  clouds  in  Egypt  rolled  away,  and  with  them 
the  very  serious  menace  to  which  I  have  alluded. 
Events  fortunately  shaped  themselves  propitiously, 
pure  Indian  blood.  He  did  not  receive  me  at  the 
Ministry  for  Foreign  Affairs,  for  the  excellent 
reason  that  there  was  no  such  place  in  that  primi- 
On  September  13,  1882,  Sir  Garnet  Wolseley  ut- 
terly routed  Arabi's  forces  at  Tel-el-Kebir ;  Arabi 
was  deported  to  Ceylon,  and  the  revolt  came  to  an 
end. 

A  diplomat  naturally  meets  Ministers  of  Foreign 
Affairs  of  many  types.  There  was  a  strong  con- 
trast between  the  polished  and  courtly  M.  de  Giers, 
who  in  spite  of  his  urbanity  could  manage  to  infuse 
a  very  strong  sub-acid  flavour  into  his  suavity  when 
he  chose,  and  some  other  Ministers  with  whom  I 
have  come  in  contact.  A  few  years  later,  when 
at  Buenos  Ayres,  preliminary  steps  were  taken  for 
drawing  up  an  Extradition  Treaty  between  Great 
Britain  and  Paraguay,  and  as  there  were  details 
which  required  adjusting,  I  was  sent  1,100  miles 
up  the  river  to  Asuncion,  the  unsophisticated  cap- 
ital of  the  Inland  Republic.    Dr. ,  at  that  time 

Paraguayan  Foreign  Minister,  was  a  Guarani,  of 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         205 

tive  republic,  but  in  his  own  extremely  modest  resi- 
dence. When  his  Excellency  welcomed  me  in  the 
whitewashed  sala  of  that  house,  sumptuously  fur- 
nished with  four  wooden  chairs,  and  nothing  else 
whatever,  he  had  on  neither  shoes,  stockings,  nor 
shirt,  and  wore  merely  a  pair  of  canvas  trousers, 
and  an  unbuttoned  coat  of  the  same  material,  af- 
fording ample  glimpses  of  his  somewhat  dusky  skin. 
In  the  suffocating  heat  of  Asuncion  such  a  cos- 
tume has  its  obvious  advantages;  still  I  cannot  im- 
agine, let  us  say,  the  French  Minister  for  Foreign 
Affairs  receiving  the  humblest  member  of  a  For- 
eign Legation  at  the  Quai  d'Orsay  with  bare  feet, 
shirtless,  and  clad  only  in  two  garments. 

Dr. ,  in  spite  of  being  Indian  by  blood,  spoke 

most  correct  and  finished  Spanish,  and  had  all  the 
courtesy  which  those  who  use  that  beautiful  lan- 
guage seem  somehow  to  acquire  instinctively.  It  is 
to  be  regretted  that  the  same  cannot  be  said  of  all 
those  using  the  English  language.  Not  to  be  out- 
done by  this  polite  Paraguayan,  I  responded  in  the 
same  vein,  and  we  mutually  smothered  each  other 
with  the  choicest  flowers  of  Castilian  courtesy.  These 
little  amenities,  though  doubtless  tending  to  smooth 
down  the  asperities  of  life,  are  apt  to  consume  a 
good  deal  of  time. 

Once  at  Kyoto  in  Japan,  I  had  occasion  for  the 
services  of  a  dentist.  As  the  dentist  only  spoke  Ja- 
panese, I  took  my  interpreter  with  me.  After  re- 
moving my  shoes  at  the  door — an  unusual  prelimi- 
nary to  a  visit  to  a  dentist — we  went  upstairs,  where 


206     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

we  found  a  dapper  little  individual  in  kimono  and 
white  socks,  surrounded  by  the  most  modern  and 
up-to-date  dental  paraphernalia,  sucking  his  breath, 
and  rubbing  his  knees  with  true  Japanese  polite- 
ness. Eager  to  show  that  a  foreigner  could  also 
have  delightful  manners,  I  sucked  my  breath,  if 
an>i;hing,  rather  louder,  and  rubbed  my  knees  a 
trifle  harder.  "  Dentist  says,"  came  from  the  in- 
terpreter, "  will  you  honourably  deign  to  explain 
where  trouble  lies  in  honourable  tooth?  " 

"If  the  dentist  wiU  honourably  deign  to  examine 
my  left-hand  lower  molar,"  I  responded  with  charm- 
ing courtesy,  "  he  wiU  find  it  requires  stopping,  but 
for  Heaven's  sake,  Mr.  Nakimura,  ask  him  to  be 
careful  how  he  uses  his  honourable  drill,  for  I  am 
terrified  to  death  at  that  invention  of  the  Evil  One." 
Soon  the  Satanic  drill  got  well  into  its  stride,  and 
began  boring  into  every  nerve  of  my  head.  I  jumped 
out  of  the  chair.  "  Tell  the  dentist,  Mr.  Nakimura, 
that  he  is  honourably  deigning  to  hurt  me  hke  the 
very  devil  with  his  honourable  but  wholly  damnable 
drill."  "  Dentist  says  if  you  honourably  deign 
to  reseat  yourself  in  chair,  he  soon  conquer  difficul- 
ties in  your  honourable  tooth."  "  Certainly.  But 
dentist  must  not  give  me  honourable  hell  any  more," 
and  so  on,  and  so  on.  I  am  bound  to  admit  that  the 
little  Jap's  workmanship  was  so  good  that  it  has 
remained  intact  up  to  the  present  days.  I  wonder 
if  Japs,  when  annoyed,  can  ever  reheve  themselves 
by  the  use  of  really  strong  language,  or  whether 
the  crust  of  conventional  politeness  is  too  thick  to 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         207 

admit  of  it.  In  that  case  they  must  feel  like  a 
lobster  afflicted  with  acute  eczema,  unable  to  obtain 
relief  by  scratching  himself,  owing  to  the  impervious 
shell  in  which  Nature  has  encased  him. 

I  dined  with  the  British  Consul  at  Asuncion,  after 

my   interview    with   Dr.    .      The    Consul   lived 

three  miles  out  of  town,  and  the  coffee  we  drank 
after  dinner,  the  sugar  we  put  into  the  coffee,  and 
the  cigars  we  smoked  with  it,  had  all  been  gro\m  in 
his  garden,  within  sight  of  the  windows.  I  had 
ridden  out  to  the  Quinta  in  company  with  a  young 
Australian,  who  will  reappear  later  on  in  these 
pages  in  his  proper  place;  one  Dick  Howard.  It 
was  the  first  but  by  no  means  the  last  time  in  my 
life  that  I  ever  got  on  a  horse  in  evening  clothes. 
Dick  Howard,  having  no  evening  clothes  with  him, 
had  arrayed  himself  in  one  of  his  favourite  cricket 
blazers,  a  pleasantly  vivid  garment.  On  our  way 
out,  my  horse  shied  violently  at  a  snake  in  the  road. 
The  girths  slipped  on  the  grass-fed  animal,  and 
my  saddle  rolled  gently  round  and  deposited  me, 
tail-coat,  white  tie  and  all,  in  some  four  feet  of  dust. 
The  snake,  however,  probably  panic-stricken  at  the 
sight  of  Howard's  blazer,  had  tactfully  withdrawn; 
otherwise,  as  it  happened  to  be  a  deadly  Jararaca,  it 
is  highly  unlikely  that  I  should  have  been  writing 
these  lines  at  the  present  moment.  The  ineradicable 
love  of  Dick  Howard,  the  cheery,  laughing  young 
Antipodean,  for  brilliant -hued  blazers  of  various  ath- 
letic clubs  will  be  enlarged  on  later.  In  Indian  hiU 
stations  all  men  habitually  ride  out  to  dinner-parties. 


208     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

whilst  ladies  are  carried  in  litters.  During  the 
rains,  men  put  a  suit  of  pyjamas  over  their  eve- 
ning clothes  to  protect  them,  before  drawing  on 
rubber  boots  and  rubber  coats  and  venturing  into 
the  pelting  downpour.  The  Syce  trots  behind,  car- 
rying his  master's  pumps  in  a  rubber  sponge-bag. 

All  this,  however,  is  far  afield  from  Russia.  Alex- 
ander III  preferred  Gatchina  to  any  of  his  other 
palaces  as  a  residence,  as  it  was  so  much  smaller, 
Gatchina  being  a  cosy  little  house  of  600  rooms  only. 
I  never  saw  it  except  once  in  mid-winter,  when 
the  Emperor  summoned  the  Ambassador  there, 
and  I  was  also  invited.  As  the  far-famed  beauties 
of  Gatchina  Park  were  covered  with  four  feet  of 
snow,  it  would  be  difficult  to  pronounce  an  opinion 
upon  them.  The  rivers  and  lakes,  the  haunts  of  the 
celebrated  Gatchina  trout,  were,  of  course,  also 
deep-buried. 

Alexander  III  was  a  man  of  very  simple  tastes, 
and  nothing  could  be  plainer  than  the  large  study 
in  which  he  received  us.  Alexander  III,  a  Colos- 
sus of  a  man,  had  great  dignity,  combined  with  a 
geniality  of  manner  very  different  from  the  glacial 
hauteur  of  his  father,  Alexander  II.  The  Emperor 
was  in  fact  rather  partial  to  a  humorous  anecdote, 
and  some  I  recalled  seemed  to  divert  his  Majesty. 
Outside  his  study-door  stood  two  gigantic  negroes  on 
guard,  in  Eastern  dresses  of  green  and  scarlet. 
The  Empress  Marie,  though  she  did  not  share  her 
sister  Queen  Alexandra's  wonderful  beauty,  had  all 
of  her  subtle  and  indescribable  charm  of  manner, 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         209 

and  she  was  very  gracious  to  a  stupid  young  Secre- 
tary-of-Embassy. 

The  bedroom  given  to  me  at  Gatchina  could 
hardly  be  described  by  the  standardised  epithets 
for  Russian  interiors  "  bare,  gaunt,  and  white- 
washed," as  it  had  light  blue  silk  walls  embroidered 
with  large  silver  wreaths.  The  mirrors  were  silvered, 
and  the  bed  stood  in  a  species  of  chancel,  up  four 
steps,  and  surrounded  by  a  balustrade  of  silvered 
carved  wood.  Both  the  Ambassador  and  I  agreed 
that  the  Imperial  cellar  fully  maintained  its  high 
reputation.  We  were  given  in  particular  some  very 
wonderful  old  Tokay,  a  present  from  the  Emperor 
of  Austria,  a  wine  that  was  not  on  the  market. 

We  were  taken  all  over  the  palace,  which  con- 
tained, amongst  other  things,  a  large  riding-school 
and  a  full-sized  theatre.  The  really  enchanting 
room  was  a  large  hall  on  the  ground  floor  where 
many  generations  of  little  Grand-Dukes  and  Grand- 
Duchesses  had  played.  As,  owing  to  the  severe 
winter  climate,  it  is  difficult  for  Russian  children 
to  amuse  themselves  much  out-of-doors,  these  large 
play-rooms  are  almost  a  necessity  in  that  frozen 
land.  The  Gatchina  play-room  was  a  vast  low 
hall,  a  place  of  many  whitewashed  arches.  In  this 
delightful  room  was  every  possible  thing  that  could 
attract  a  child.  At  one  end  were  two  wooden  Mon- 
tagues Busses,  the  descent  of  which  could  be  ne- 
gotiated in  httle  wheeled  trollies.  In  another  cor- 
ner was  a  fully-equipped  gymnasium.  There  were 
"  giants'  strides,"  swings,  swing-boats  and  a  merry- 


210     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

go-round.  There  was  a  toy  railway  with  switches 
and  signal-posts  complete,  the  locomotives  of  which 
were  worked  by  treadles,  like  a  tricycle.  There 
were  dolls'  houses  galore,  and  larger  houses  into 
which  the  children  could  get,  with  real  cooking- 
stoves  in  the  little  kitchens,  and  little  parlours  in 
which  to  eat  the  results  of  their  primitive  culinary 
experiments.  There  were  mechanical  orchestras, 
self-playing  pianos  and  barrel-organs,  and  masses 
and  masses  of  toys.  On  seeing  this  delectable  spot, 
I  regretted  for  the  first  time  that  I  had  not  been 
born  a  Russian  Grand-Duke,  between  the  ages 
though  of  five  and  twelve  only. 

I  believe  that  there  is  a  similar  room  at  Tsarskoe 
although  I  never  saw  it. 


CHAPTER  VII 

Lisbon — The  two  Kings  of  Portugal,  and  of  Barataria — King 
Fernando  and  the  Countess — A  Lisbon  bull-fight — The 
"hat-trick"' — Courtship  window-parade  —  The  spurred 
youth  of  Lisbon — Portuguese  politeness — The  De  Reszke 
family — The  Opera — Terrible  personal  experiences  in  a  cir- 
cus— The  bounding  Bishop — Ecclesiastical  possibilities — 
Portuguese  coinage — Beauty  of  Lisbon — Visits  of  the  Brit- 
ish Fleet — Misguided  midshipmen — The  Legation  Whale- 
boat — "  Good  wine  needs  no  bush  " — A  delightful  orange- 
farm — Cintra — Contrast  between  the  Past  and  Present  of 
Portugal. 

A  PEOFFESIONAL  diplomat  becomes  used  to  rapid 
changes  in  his  environment.  He  has  also  to  learn 
to  readjust  his  monetary  standards,  for  after  cal- 
culating everything  in  roubles  for,  let  us  say,  four 
years,  he  may  find  himself  in  a  country  where  the 
peseta  or  the  dollar  are  the  units.  At  every  fresh 
post  he  has  to  start  again  from  the  beginning,  as 
he  endeavours  to  learn  the  customs  and  above  all 
the  mentality  of  the  new  country.  He  has  to  form 
a  brand-new  acquaintance,  to  get  to  know  the  points 
of  view  of  those  amongst  whom  he  is  living,  and 
in  general  to  shape  himself  to  totally  new  sur- 
roundings. A  diplomat  in  this  way  insensibly  ac- 
quires adaptability. 

It  would  be  difficult  to  imagine  a  greater  contrast 
to  Petrograd  than  Lisbon,  which  was  my  next  post. 

211 


212     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

After  the  rather  hectic  gaiety  of  Petrograd,  with 
its  persistent  flavour  of  an  exotic  and  artificial  civi- 
hsation,  the  placid,  uneventful  flow  of  life  at  Lis- 
bon was  restful,  possibly  even  dull. 

Curiously  enough,  in  those  days  there  were  two 
Kings  of  Portugal  at  the  same  time.  This  state  of 
things  (which  always  reminded  me  irresistibly  of 
the  two  Kings  of  Barataria  in  Gilbert  and  Sulli- 
van's "  Gondoliers  ")  had  come  about  quite  natural- 
ly. Queen  Maria  II  (Maria  da  Gloria)  had  mar- 
ried in  1836  Prince  Ferdinand  of  Saxe-Coburg,  who 
was  raised  next  year  to  the  title  of  King  Consort. 
Maria  II  died  in  1853  and  was  succeeded  by  Pedro 
V.  During  his  son's  minority  King  Ferdinand  acted 
as  Regent,  and  Pedro,  dying  unmarried  eight  years 
after,  was  succeeded  in  turn  by  his  brother  Luiz, 
also  a  son  of  King  Ferdinand. 

When  the  Corps  Diplomatique  were  received  at 
the  Ajuda  Palace  on  New  Year's  Day,  the  scene 
always  struck  me  as  being  intensely  comical.  The 
two  Kings  (universally  known  as  Dom  Fernando 
and  Dom  Luiz)  entered  simultaneously  by  different 
doors.  When  they  met  Dom  Luiz  made  a  low  bow 
to  Dom  Fernando,  and  then  kissed  his  father's 
hand.  Dom  Fernando  responded  with  an  equally 
low  bow,  and  kissed  his  son's  hand.  The  two  Kings 
then  ascended  the  throne  together.  Had  "  The 
Gondoliers  "  been  already  composed  then,  I  should 
have  expected  the  two  Monarchs  to  break  into  the 
duet  from  the  second  act,  "  Rising  early  in  the 
Morning,"  in  which  the  two  Kings  of  Barataria  ex- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         213 

plain  their  multitudinous  duties.  As  King  Luiz 
had  a  fine  tenor  voice.  His  Majesty  could  also  in 
that  case  have  brightened  up  the  proceedings  by- 
singing  us  "  Take  a  pair  of  sparkling  eyes." 

Dom  Fernando  was  a  perfectly  delightful  old 
gentleman,  very  highly  cultured,  fuU  of  humour,  and 
with  a  charming  natural  courtesy  of  manner.  The 
droUy-named  Necessidades  Palace  which  he  inhab- 
ited was  an  unpretentious  house  full  of  beautiful  old 
Portuguese  furniture.  Most  of  the  rooms  were 
wainscoted  with  the  finest  "  azulejos  "  I  ever  saw; 
blue  and  white  tiles  which  the  Portuguese  adopted 
originally  from  the  Moors,  but  learnt  later  to  make 
for  themselves  under  the  tuition  of  Dutch  craftsmen 
from  Delft.  These  "  azulejos  "  form  the  most  deco- 
rative background  to  a  room  that  can  be  imagined. 
A  bold  pictorial  design,  a  complete  and  elaborate 
picture  in  blue  on  white,  runs  along  their  whole 
length.  It  is  thus  very  difficult  to  remove  and  re- 
erect  "  azulejos,"  for  one  broken  tile  will  spoil  the 
whole  design.  The  Portuguese  use  these  every- 
where, both  for  the  exteriors  and  interiors  of  their 
houses,  and  also  as  garden  ornaments,  and  they  are 
wonderfully  effective. 

Dom  Fernando  had  married  morganatically,  as 
his  second  wife,  a  dancer  of  American  origin.  This 
lady  had  a  remarkably  strident  voice,  and  was  much 
to  the  fore  on  the  fortnightly  afternoons  when 
Dom  Fernando  received  the  men  of  the  Corps  Di- 
plomatique. For  some  reason  or  other,  the  ladies 
of  the  Diplomatic  Body  always  found  themselves 


214     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

unable  to  attend  these  gatherings.  The  courteous, 
genial  old  King  would  move  about,  smilingly  dis- 
pensing his  truly  admirable  cigars,  and  brimful  of 
anecdotes  and  jokelets.  The  nasal  raucaus  tones 
of  the  ex-dancer,  always  known  as  "  the  Countess," 
would  summon  him  in  English.  "  Say,  King!  you 
just  hurry  up  with  those  cigars.  They  are  badly 
wanted  here." 

I  imagine  that  in  the  days  of  her  successes  on  the 
stage  the  lady's  outline  must  have  been  less  volu- 
minous than  it  was  when  I  made  her  acquaintance. 
The  only  other  occasion  when  I  heard  a  monarch 
addressed  as  "  King  "  tout  court  was  when  a  small 
relation  of  my  own,  aged  five,  at  a  children's  garden- 
party  at  Buckingham  Palace  insisted  on  answering 
King  Edward  VII's  questions  with  a  "  Yes,  O 
King,"  or  "  No,  O  King";  a  form  of  address  which 
had  a  pleasant  Biblical  flavour  about  it. 

The  Portuguese  are  a  very  humane  race,  and  are 
extraordinarily  kind  to  animals.  They  are  also  de- 
voted to  bull-fights.  These  two  tendencies  seem 
irreconcilable,  till  the  fact  is  grasped  that  a  Por- 
tuguese bull-fight  is  absolutely  bloodless.  Neither 
bulls  nor  horses  are  killed;  the  whole  spectacle  re- 
solves itself  into  an  exhibition  of  horsemanship  and 
skill. 

The  bulls'  horns  are  padded  and  covered  with 
leather  thongs.  The  picador  rides  a  really  good 
and  highly-trained  horse.  Should  he  allow  the  bull 
even  to  touch  his  horse  with  his  padded  horns,  the 
unfortunate    picador    will    get    mercilessly    hissed. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         215 

These  picadores  do  not  wear  the  showy  Spanish 
dresses,  but  Louis  Quinze  costumes  of  purple  vel- 
vet with  large  white  wigs.  The  espada  is  armed 
with  a  wooden  sword  only,  which  he  plants  innocu- 
ously on  the  neck  of  the  bull,  and  woe  betide  him 
should  those  tens  of  thousands  of  eager  eyes  watch- 
ing him  detect  a  deviation  of  even  one  inch  from  the 
death-dealing  spot.  He  will  be  hissed  out  of  the 
ring.  On  the  other  hand,  should  he  succeed  in  touch- 
ing the  fatal  place  with  his  harmless  weapon,  his 
skill  would  be  rewarded  with  thunders  of  applause, 
and  all  the  occupants  of  the  upper  galleries  would 
shower  small  change  and  cigarettes  into  the  ring, 
and  would  also  hurl  their  hats  into  the  arena,  which 
always  struck  me  as  a  peculiarly  comical  way  of  ex- 
pressing their  appreciation. 

The  espada  would  gaze  at  the  hundreds  of 
shabby  battered  bowler  hats  reposing  on  the  sand 
of  the  arena  with  the  same  expression  of  simulated 
rapture  that  a  prima  donna  assumes  as  floral  tri- 
butes are  handed  to  her  across  the  footlights.  The 
espada,  his  hand  on  his  heart,  would  bow  again 
and  again,  as  though  saying,  "  Are  these  lovely  hats 
really  for  me?"  But  after  a  second  glance  at  the 
dilapidated  head-gear,  covering  the  entire  floor-space 
of  the  arena  with  little  sub-fuse  hummocks,  he 
would  apparently  change  his  mind.  "  It  is  really 
amazingly  good  of  you,  and  I  do  appreciate  it, 
but  I  think  on  the  whole  that  I  will  not  deprive 
you  of  them,"  and  then  an  exhibition  of  real  skill 
occurred.      The    espada,   taking   up    a   hat,    would 


216     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

glance  at  the  galleries.  Up  went  a  hand,  and  the 
hat  hurtled  aloft  to  its  owner  with  unfailing  accu- 
racy; and  this  performance  was  repeated  perhaps  a 
hundred  times.  I  always  considered  the  espadas 
hat-returning  act  far  more  extraordinary  than  his 
futile  manipulation  of  the  inoffensive  wooden  sword. 
During  the  aerial  flights  of  the  hats,  two  small 
acolytes  of  the  espada,  his  miniature  facsimiles  in 
dress,  picked  up  the  small  change  and  cigarettes, 
and,  I  trust,  duly  handed  them  over  intact  to  their 
master.  The  bull  meanwhile,  after  his  imaginary 
slaughter,  had  trotted  home  contentedly  to  his  under- 
ground quarters,  surrounded  by  some  twenty  gaily- 
caparisoned  tame  bullocks.  To  my  mind  Spanish 
bull-fighting  is  revolting  and  horrible  to  the  last 
degree.  I  have  seen  it  once,  and  nothing  will  in- 
duce me  to  assist  a  second  time  at  so  disgusting  a 
spectacle;  but  the  most  squeamish  person  can  view 
a  Portuguese  bull-fight  with  impunity.  Even  though 
the  bull  has  his  horns  bandaged,  considerable  skill 
and  great  acrobatic  agility  come  into  play.  Few 
of  us  would  care  to  stand  in  the  path  of  a  charging 
polled  Angus  bull,  hornless  though  he  be.  The 
bandarilheros  who  plant  paper-decorated  darts  in 
the  neck  of  the  charging  bull  are  as  nimble  as  trained 
acrobats,  and  vault  lightly  out  of  the  ring  when 
hard  pressed.  Conspicuous  at  a  Lisbon  bull-fight 
are  a  number  of  sturdy  peasants,  tricked  out  in 
showy  clothes  of  scarlet  and  orange.  These  are 
"the  men  of  strength."  Should  a  bull  prove  cow- 
ardly in  the  ring,  and  decline  to  fight,  the  public 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         217 

clamour  for  him  to  be  caught  and  expelled  ignomi- 
ously  from  the  ring  by  "  the  men  of  strength." 
Eight  of  the  stalwart  peasants  will  then  hurl  them- 
selves on  to  the  bull  and  literally  hustle  him  out 
of  the  arena;  no  mean  feat.  Take  it  all  round,  a 
Portuguese  bull-fight  was  picturesque  and  full  of 
life  and  colour,  though  the  neighbouring  Spaniards 
affected  an  immense  contempt  for  them  on  account 
of  their  bloodlessness  and  make-belief. 

A  curious  Portuguese  custom  is  one  which  or- 
dains that  a  youth  before  proposing  formally  for 
a  maiden's  hand  must  do  "  window  parade  "  for  two 
months  (in  Portuguese  "  f azer  a  janella").  Na- 
ture has  not  allotted  good  looks  to  the  majority 
of  the  Portuguese  race,  and  she  has  been  especially 
niggardly  in  this  respect  to  the  feminine  element 
of  the  population.  The  taste  for  olives  and  for 
caviar  is  usually  supposed  to  be  an  acquired  one,  and 
so  may  be  the  taste  for  Lusitanian  loveliness.  Some- 
what to  the  surprise  of  the  foreigner,  Portuguese 
maidens  seemed  to  inspire  the  same  sentiments  in  the 
breasts  of  the  youthful  male  as  do  their  more-fa- 
voured sisters  in  other  lands,  but  in  bourgeois  cir- 
cles the  "  window-parade "  was  an  indispensable 
preliminary  to  courtship.  The  youth  had  to  pass 
backwards  and  forwards  along  the  street  where 
the  dwelling  of  his  innamorata  was  situated,  cast- 
ing up  glances  of  passionate  appeal  to  a  window, 
where,  as  he  knew,  the  form  of  his  enchantress 
would  presently  appear.  The  maiden,  when  she 
judged  that  she  might  at  length  reveal  herself  with- 


218     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

out  unduly  encouraging  her  suitor,  moved  to  the 
open  window  and  stood  fanning  herself,  laboriously 
unconscious  of  her  ardent  swain  in  the  street  be- 
low. The  youth  would  then  express  his  consuming 
passion  in  pantomime,  making  frantic  gestures  in 
testimony  of  his  mad  adoration.  The  senhorita 
in  return  might  favour  him  with  a  coy  glance, 
and  in  token  of  dismissal  would  perhaps  drop  him 
a  rose,  which  the  young  man  would  press  to  his 
lips  and  then  place  over  his  heart,  and  so  the  per- 
formance came  to  an  end,  to  be  renewed  again  the 
next  evening.  The  lovesick  swain  would  almost  cer- 
tainly be  wearing  spurs.  At  first  I  could  not  make 
out  why  the  young  men  of  Lisbon,  who  had  prob- 
ably never  been  on  a  horse  in  their  whole  lives, 
should  habitually  walk  about  the  town  with  spurs 
on  their  heels.  It  was,  I  think,  a  survival  of  the 
old  Peninsular  tradition,  and  was  intended  to  prove 
to  the  world  that  they  were  "  cavalleiros."  In 
Spain  an  immense  distinction  was  formerly  made 
between  the  "  caballero "  and  the  "peon";  the 
mounted  man,  or  gentleman,  and  the  man  on  foot, 
or  day-labourer.  The  little  box-spurs  were  the  only 
means  these  Lisbon  youths  had  of  proving  their 
quality  to  the  world.  They  had  no  horses,  but  they 
had  spurs,  which  was  obviously  the  next  best  thing. 
Fortunes  in  Portugal  being  small,  and  strict 
economy  having  to  be  observed  amongst  all  classes, 
I  have  heard  that  these  damsels  of  the  window-sill 
only  dressed  down  to  the  waist.  They  would  as- 
sume a  corsage  of  scarlet  or  crimson  plush,   and. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         219 

their  nether  garments  being  invisible  from  below, 
would  study  both  economy  and  comfort  by  wearing 
a  flannel  petticoat  below  it.  It  is  unnecessary  for 
me  to  add  that  I  never  verified  this  detail  from 
personal  observation. 

Some  of  the  old  Portuguese  families  occupied 
very  fine,  if  sparsely  furnished,  houses,  with  enfi- 
lades of  great,  lofty  bare  rooms.  After  calling 
at  one  of  these  houses,  the  master  of  it  would  in 
Continental  fashion  "  reconduct  "  his  vistor  towards 
the  front  door.  At  every  single  doorway  the  Por- 
tuguese code  of  politeness  dictated  that  the  visi- 
tor should  protest  energetically  against  his  host  ac- 
companying him  one  step  further.  With  equal  in- 
sistence the  host  expressed  his  resolve  to  escort  his 
visitor  a  little  longer.  The  master  of  the  house 
had  previously  settled  in  his  own  mind  exactly  how 
far  he  was  going  towards  the  entrance,  the  distance 
depending  on  the  rank  of  the  visitor,  but  the  accept- 
ed code  of  manners  insisted  upon  these  protests  and 
counter-protests  at  every  single  doorway. 

In  Germany  "  door-politeness  "  plays  a  great 
part.  In  one  of  Kotzebue's  comedies  two  provincial 
notabilities  of  equal  rank  are  engaged  in  a  duel  of 
"  door-politeness."  "  But  I  must  really  insist  on  your 
Excellency  passing  first."  "  I  could  not  dream 
of  it,  your  Excellency.  I  will  follow  you."  "  Your 
Excellency  knows  that  I  could  never  allow  that," 
and  so  on.  The  curtain  falls  on  these  two  ladies 
each  declining  to  precede  the  other,  and  when  it 
rises  on  the  second  act  the  doorway  is  still  there. 


220     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

and  the  two  ladies  are  still  disputing.  Quite  an  ef- 
fective stage-situation,  and  one  which  a  modern 
dramatist  might  utilise. 

In  paying  visits  in  Lisbon  one  was  often  pressed 
to  remain  to  dinner,  but  the  invitation  was  a  mere 
form  of  politeness,  and  was  not  intended  to  be  ac- 
cepted. You  invariably  replied  that  you  deeply 
regretted  that  you  were  already  engaged.  The  more 
you  were  urged  to  throw  over  your  engagement,  the 
deeper  became  your  regret  that  this  particular  en- 
gagement must  be  fulfilled.  The  engagament  prob- 
ably consisted  in  dining  alone  at  the  club,  but  under 
no  circumstances  must  the  invitation  be  accepted. 
In  view  of  the  straitened  circumstances  of  most 
Portuguese  families,  the  evening  meal  would  prob- 
ably consist  of  one  single  dish  of  bacalhao  or  salt 
cod,  and  you  would  have  put  your  hosts  to  the  great- 
est inconvenience. 

With  the  exception  of  the  Opera,  the  Lisbon 
theatres  were  most  indifferent.  When  I  first  ar- 
rived there  the  Lisbon  Opera  had  been  fortunate 
enough  to  secure  the  services  of  a  very  gifted  Polish 
family,  a  sister  and  two  brothers,  the  latter  of  whom 
were  destined  later  to  become  the  idols  of  the  Lon- 
don public.  They  were  Mile,  de  Reszke  and  Jean 
and  Edouard  de  Reszke,  all  three  of  them  then  com- 
paratively unknown.  Mile,  de  Reszke  had  the 
most  glorious  voice.  To  hear  her  singing  with  her 
brother  Jean  in  "  Faust  "  was  a  perfect  revelation. 
Mile,  de  Reszke  appeared  to  the  best  advantage 
when  the  stalwart  Jean  sang  with  her,  for  she  was 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         221 

immensely  tall,  and  towered  over  the  average  port- 
ly, stumpy,  little  operatic  tenor.  The  French  say, 
cruelly  enough,  "  bete  comme  un  tenor."  This 
may  or  may  not  be  true,  but  the  fact  remains  that 
the  usual  stage  tenor  is  short,  bull-necked,  and 
conspicuously  inclined  to  adipose  tissue.  When  her 
brother  Jean  was  out  of  the  cast,  it  required  an 
immense  effort  of  the  imagination  to  picture  this 
splendid  creature  as  being  really  desperately  enam- 
oured of  the  little  paunchy,  swarthy  individual 
who,  reaching  to  her  shoulder  only,  was  hurling  his 
high  notes  at  the  public  over  the  footlights. 

At  afternoon  parties  these  three  consummate  ar- 
tists occasionally  sang  unaccompanied  trios.  I  have 
never  heard  anything  so  perfectly  done.  I  am  con- 
vinced that  had  Mile,  de  Reszke  lived,  she  would 
have  established  as  great  a  European  reputation  as 
did  her  two  brothers.  The  Lisbon  musical  public 
were  terribly  critical.  They  had  one  most  discon- 
certing habit.  Instead  of  hissing,  should  an  artist 
have  been  unfortunate  enough  to  incur  their  dis- 
pleasure, the  audience  stood  up  and  began  banging 
the  movable  wooden  seats  of  the  stalls  and  dress 
circle  up  and  down.  This  produced  a  deafening 
din,  effectually  drowning  the  orchestra  and  sing- 
ers. The  effect  on  the  unhappy  artist  against  whom 
all  this  pandemonium  was  directed  may  be  imag- 
ined. On  gala  nights  the  Lisbon  Opera  was  deco- 
rated in  a  very  simple  but  effective  manner.  Most 
Portuguese  families  own  a  number  of  "  colchas,"  or 
embroidered   bed-quilts.      These   are   of   satin,   silk, 


222     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

or  linen,  beautifully  worked  in  colours.  On  a  gala 
night,  hundreds  of  these  "  colchas  "  were  hung  over 
the  fronts  of  the  boxes  and  galleries,  with  a  won- 
derfully decorative  effect.  In  the  same  way,  on 
Church  festivals,  when  religious  processions  made 
their  way  through  the  streets,  many-hued  "  colchas  " 
were  thrown  over  the  balconies  of  the  houses,  giving 
an  extraordinarily  festive  appearance  to  the  town. 

As  at  Berlin  and  Petrograd,  there  was  a  really 
good  circus  at  Lisbon.  I,  for  one,  am  sorry  that 
this  particular  form  of  entertainment  is  now  obso- 
lete in  England,  for  it  has  always  appealed  to  me, 
in  spite  of  some  painful  memories  connected  with 
a  circus  which,  if  I  may  be  permitted  a  long  di- 
gression, I  wiU  relate. 

Nearly  thirty  years  ago  I  left  London  on  a  visit 
to  one  of  the  historic  chateaux  of  France,  in  com- 
pany with  a  friend  who  is  now  a  well-known  mem- 
ber of  Parliament,  and  also  churchwarden  of  a  fa- 
mous West-end  church.  We  travelled  over  by  night, 
and  reached  our  destination  about  eleven  next  morn- 
ing. We  noticed  a  huge  circular  tent  in  the  park 
of  the  chateau,  but  paid  no  particular  attention  to 
it.  The  first  words  with  which  our  hostess,  the 
bearer  of  a  great  French  name,  greeted  us  were,  "  I 
feel  sure  that  I  can  rely  upon  you,  mes  amis.  You 
have  to  help  us  out  of  a  difficulty.  My  son  and  his 
friends  have  been  practising  for  four  months  for 
their  amateur  circus.  Our  first  performance  is 
to-day  at  two  o'clock.  We  have  sold  eight  hundred 
tickets  for  the  benefit  of  the  French  Red   Cross, 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         223 

and  yesterday,  only  yesterday,  our  two  clowns 
were  telegraphed  for.  They  have  both  been  ordered 
to  the  autumn  manoeuvres,  and  you  two  must  take 
their  places,  or  our  performance  is  ruined.  Je  sais 
que  vous  nallez  pas  me  manquer."  In  vain  we 
both  protested  that  we  had  had  no  experience  what- 
ever as  clowns,  that  branch  of  our  education  having 
been  culpably  neglected.  Our  hostess  insisted,  and 
would  take  no  denial.  "  Go  and  wash;  go  and  eat; 
and  then  put  on  the  dresses  you  will  find  in  your 
rooms."  I  never  felt  so  miserable  in  my  life  as  I 
did  whilst  making  up  my  face  the  orthodox  dead 
white,  with  scarlet  triangles  on  the  cheeks,  big 
mouth,  and  blackened  nose.  The  clown's  kit  was 
complete  in  every  detail,  with  wig,  conical  hat,  pat- 
terned stockings  and  queer  white  felt  shoes.  As  far 
as  externals  went,  I  was  orthodoxy  itself,  but  the 
"  business,"  and  the  "  wheezes  "!  The  future  church- 
warden had  been  taken  in  hand  by  some  young 
Frenchmen.  As  he  was  to  play  "  Chocolat,"  the 
black  clown,  they  commenced  by  stripping  him  and 
blacking  him  from  head  to  foot  with  boot-black- 
ing.    They  then  pohshed  him. 

I  entered  the  ring  with  a  sinking  heart.  I  was 
to  remain  there  two  hours,  and  endeavour  to  amuse 
a  French  audience  for  that  period  without  any  pre- 
paration whatever.  "  Business,"  *'  gag,"  and  "  pat- 
ter "  had  aU  to  be  improvised,  and  the  "  patter," 
of  course,  had  to  be  in  French.  Luckily,  I  could 
then  throw  "  cart-wheels  "  and  turn  somersaults  to 
an  indefinite  extent.     So  I  made  my  entrance  in 


224     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

that  fashion.  Fortunately  I  got  on  good  terms  with 
my  audience  ahiiost  at  once,  and  with  confidence 
came  inspiration;  and  with  inspiration  additional 
confidence,  and  a  judicious  recollection  of  the  stock- 
tricks  of  clowns  in  various  Continental  capitals. 
Far  greater  liberties  can  be  taken  with  a  French 
audience  than  would  be  possible  in  England,  but 
if  anyone  thinks  it  an  easy  task  to  go  into  a  circus 
ring  and  to  clown  for  two  hours  on  end  in  a  for- 
eign language,  without  one  minute's  preparation,  let 
him  try  it.  The  ring-master  always  pretends  to 
flick  the  clown;  it  is  part  of  the  traditional  "busi- 
ness"; but  this  amateur  ring-master  (most  beauti- 
fully got  up)  handled  his  long  whip  so  unskilfully 
that  he  not  only  really  flicked  my  legs,  but  cut 
pieces  out  of  them.  When  I  jumped  and  yelled 
with  genuine  pain,  the  audience  roared  with  laugh- 
ter, so  of  course  the  ring-master  plied  his  whip 
again.  At  the  end  of  the  performance  my  legs 
were  absolutely  raw.  The  clown  came  off  badly 
too  in  some  of  the  "  roughs-and-tumbles,"  for  the 
clown  is  always  fair  game.  The  French  amateurs 
gave  a  really  astonishingly  good  performance.  They 
had  borrowed  trained  horses  from  a  real  circus, 
and  the  same  young  Hungarian  to  whom  I  have 
alluded  at  the  beginning  of  these  reminiscences  as 
having  created  a  mild  sensation  by  appearing  at 
Buckingham  Palace  in  a  tiger-skin  tunic  trimmed 
with  large  turquoises,  rode  round  the  ring  on  a  pad 
in  sky-blue  tights,  bounding  through  paper  hoops 
and  over  garlands  of  artificial  flowers  as  easily  and 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         225 

gracefully  as  though  he  had  done  nothing  else  all 
his  life.  Later  on  in  the  afternoon  this  versatile 
Hungarian  reappeared  in  flowing  Oriental  robes 
and  a  false  beard  as  "  Ali  Ben  Hassan,  the  Bedouin 
Chief."  Riding  round  the  ring  at  fuU  gallop,  and 
firing  from  the  saddle  with  a  shot-gun,  he  broke  glass 
balls  with  all  the  dexterity  of  a  trained  professional. 
That  young  Hungarian  is  now  a  bishop  of  the  Ro- 
man Catholic  Church.  Before  1914  I  had  occasion 
to  meet  him  frequently.  Whenever  I  thought  that 
on  the  strength  of  his  purple  robes  he  was  assum- 
ing undue  airs  of  ecclesiastical  superiority  (to  use 
the  word  "  swanking  "  would  be  an  unpardonable 
vulgarism,  especially  in  the  case  of  a  bishop),  I 
invariably  reminded  his  lordship  of  the  afternoon, 
many  years  ago,  when,  arrayed  in  sky-blue  silk 
tights,  he  had  dashed  through  paper  hoops  in  a 
French  amateur  circus.  My  remarks  were  usually 
met  with  the  deprecatory  smile  and  little  gesture 
of  protest  of  the  hand  so  charactertistic  of  the  Ro- 
man ecclesiastic,  as  the  bishop  murmured,  "  Cher 
ami,  tout  cela  est  ouhlie  depuis  longtempsf*  I  as- 
sured the  prelate  that  for  my  own  part  I  should 
never  forget  it,  if  only  for  the  unexpected  skill 
he  had  displayed;  though  I  recognise  that  bishops 
may  dislike  being  reminded  of  their  past,  especially 
when  they  have  performed  in  circuses  in  their  youth. 
In  addition  to  the  Hungarian's  "  act,"  there  was 
another  beautiful  exhibition  of  horsemanship.  A 
boy  of  sixteen,  a  member  of  an  historic  French 
family,  by  dint  of  long,  patient,  and  painful  prac- 


226     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

tice,  was  able  to  give  an  admirable  performance  of 
the  familiar  circus  "  turn  "  known  as  "  The  Courier 
of  St.  Petersburg,"  in  which  the  rider,  standing 
a-straddle  on  two  barebacked  ponies,  drives  four 
other  ponies  in  front  of  him;  an  extraordinary  feat 
for  an  amateur  to  have  mastered.  My  friend  the 
agile  ecclesiastic  is  portrayed,  perhaps  a  little  ma- 
liciously, in  Abel  Hermant's  most  amusing  book 
"  Trains  de  Luxe,"  under  the  name  of  "  Monseig- 
neur  Granita  de  Caffe  Nero."  It  may  interest 
ladies  to  learn  that  this  fastidious  prelate  always 
had  his  purple  robes  made  by  Doucet,  the  famous 
Paris  dressmaking  firm,  to  ensure  that  they  should 
"  sit  "  properly.  On  the  whole,  our  circus  was  real- 
ly a  very  creditable  effort  for  amateurs. 

The  entertainment  was,  I  believe,  pronounced 
a  tremendous  success,  and  at  its  conclusion  the  only 
person  who  was  the  worse  for  it  was  the  poor 
clown.  He  had  not  only  lost  his  voice  entirely, 
from  shouting  for  two  hours  on  end,  but  he  was 
black  and  blue  from  head  to  foot.  Added  to  which, 
his  legs  were  raw  and  bleeding  from  the  ring-mas- 
ter's pitiless  whip.  I  am  thankful  to  say  that  in  the 
course  of  a  long  life  that  was  my  one  and  only  ap- 
pearance in  the  ring  of  a  circus.  My  fellow- 
clown,  "  Chocolat,"  the  future  member  of  Parlia- 
ment and  churchwarden,  had  been  so  liberally  coat- 
ed with  boot-blacking  by  his  French  friends  that 
it  refused  to  come  off,  and  for  days  afterwards  his 
face  was  artistically  decorated  with  swarthy  patches. 

Before  1914,  I  had  frequently  pointed  out  to  my 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         227 

friend  the  bishop  that  should  he  wish  to  raise  any 
funds  in  his  Hungarian  diocese  he  could  not  do 
better  than  repeat  his  performance  in  the  French 
circus.  As  a  concession  to  his  exalted  rank,  he 
might  wear  tights  of  episcopal  purple.  Should  he 
have  retained  any  of  the  nimbleness  of  his  youth,  his 
flock  could  not  fail  to  be  enormously  gratified  at 
witnessing  their  chief  pastor  bounding  through 
paper  hoops  and  leaping  over  obstacles  with  in- 
credible agility  for  his  age.  The  knowledge  that 
they  had  so  gifted  and  supple  a  prelate  would  prob- 
ably greatly  increase  his  moral  influence  over  them 
and  could  scarcely  fail  to  render  him  amazingly 
popular.  Could  his  lordship  have  convinced  his 
flock  that  he  could  demolish  the  arguments  of  any 
religious  opponent  with  the  same  ease  that  he  dis- 
played in  penetrating  the  paper  obstacles  to  his 
equestrian  progress,  he  would  certainly  be  acclaimed 
as  a  theological  controversialist  of  the  first  rank. 
In  the  same  way,  I  have  endeavoured  to  persuade 
my  friend  the  member  of  Parliament  that  he  might 
brighten  up  the  proceedings  in  the  House  of  Com- 
mons were  he  to  appear  there  occasionally  in  the 
clown's  dress  he  wore  thirty  years  ago  in  France. 
Failing  that,  his  attendance  at  the  Easter  Vestry 
Meeting  of  his  West-end  church  with  a  blackened 
face  might  introduce  that  note  of  hilarity  which  is 
often  so  markedly  lacking  at  these  gatherings. 

All  this  has  led  me  far  away  from  Lisbon  in  the 
"  'eighties."  Mark  Twain  has  described,  in  "  A 
Tramp  Abroad,"  the  terror  with  which  a  foreigner 


228     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

is  overwhelmed  on  being  presented  with  his  first 
hotel  bill  on  Portuguese  territory.  The  total  will 
certainly  run  into  thousands  of  reis,  and  the  un- 
happy stranger  sees  bankruptcy  staring  him  in  the 
face. 

As  a  matter  of  fact,  one  thousand  reis  equal  at 
par  exactly  four  and  twopence.  It  follows  that 
a  hundred  reis  are  the  equivalent  of  fivepence,  and 
that  one  rei  is  the  twentieth  of  a  penny. 

A  French  colleague  of  mine  insisted  that  the 
Portuguese  were  actuated  by  national  pride  in  se- 
lecting so  small  a  monetary  unit.  An  elementary 
calculation  will  show  that  the  proud  possessor  of 
£222  10s.  can  claim  to  be  a  milhonaire  in  Portugal. 
According  to  my  French  friend,  Portugal  was  anx- 
ious to  show  the  world  that  though  a  small  country, 
a  larger  proportion  of  her  subjects  were  million- 
aires than  any  other  European  country  could  boast 
of.  In  the  same  way  the  Frenchman  explained  the 
curious  Lisbon  habit  of  writing  a  number  over 
every  opening  on  the  ground  floor  of  a  house, 
whether  door  or  window.  As  a  result  the  numbers 
of  the  houses  crept  up  rapidly  to  the  most  imposing 
figures.  It  was  not  uncommon  to  find  a  house  in- 
scribed No.  2000  in  a  comparatively  short  street. 
Accordingly,  Lisbon,  though  a  small  capital,  was 
able  to  gain  a  spurious  reputation  for  immense  size. 

A  pecuHarity  of  Lisbon  was  the  double  set  of 
names  of  the  principal  streets  and  squares:  the 
oiRcial  name,  and  the  popular  one.  I  have  never 
known  this  custom  prevail  anywhere  else.    Thus  the 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         229 

principal  street  was  officially  known  as  Rua  Gar- 
rett, and  that  name  was  duly  wi-itten  up.  Every- 
one, though,  spoke  of  it  as  the  "  Chiada."  In  the 
same  way  the  splendid  square  facing  the  Tagus 
which  English  people  call  "  Black  Horse  Square  " 
had  its  official  designation  written  up  as  "  Pra^a  do 
Comercio."  It  was,  however,  invariably  called  "  Ter- 
reiro  do  Pa9o."  The  list  could  be  extended  indefi- 
nitely. Street  names  in  Lisbon  did  not  err  in  the 
matter  of  shortness.  "  Rua  do  Sacramento  a  Lapa 
de  Baixio  "  strikes  me  as  quite  a  sufficiently  lengthy 
name  for  a  street  of  six  houses. 

Lisbon  is  certainly  a  handsome  town.  It  has 
been  so  frequently  wrecked  by  earthquakes  that 
there  is  very  little  mediaeval  architecture  remaining, 
in  spite  of  its  great  age.  Two  notable  exceptions 
are  the  Tower  of  Belem  and  the  exquisitely  beautiful 
cloisters  of  the  Hieronymite  Convent,  also  at  Belem. 
The  tower  stands  on  a  promontory  jutting  into  the 
Tagus,  and  the  convent  was  built  in  the  late  fifteen- 
hundreds  to  com^memorate  the  discovery  of  the  sea 
route  to  India  by  Vasco  da  Gama.  These  two 
buildings  are  both  in  the  "  Manoeline  "  style,  a  vari- 
ety of  highly  ornate  late  Gothic  pecuHar  to  Por- 
tugal. It  is  the  fashion  to  sneer  at  JVIanoeHne  ar- 
chitecture, with  its  profuse  decoration,  as  being  a 
decadent  style.  To  my  mind  the  cloisters  of  Belem 
(the  Portuguese  variant  of  Bethlehem)  rank  as  one 
of  the  architectural  masterpieces  of  Europe.  Its 
arches  are  draped,  as  it  were,  with  a  lace-work  of 
intricate  and  minute  stone  carving,  as  delicate  al- 


230     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

most  as  jewellers'  work.  The  warm  brown  colour 
of  the  stone  adds  to  the  effect,  and  anyone  but  an 
architectural  pedant  must  admit  the  amazing  beauty 
of  the  place.  The  finest  example  of  Manoeline  in 
Portugal  is  the  great  Abbey  of  Batalha,  in  my  day 
far  away  from  any  railway,  and  very  difficult  of 
access. 

At  the  time  of  the  great  earthquake  of  1755  which 
laid  Lisbon  in  ruins,  Portugal  was  fortunate  enough 
to  have  a  man  of  real  genius  at  the  head  of  af- 
fairs, the  Marquis  de  Pombal.  Pombal  not  only 
re-estabhshed  the  national  finances  on  a  sound  basis, 
but  rebuilt  the  capital  from  his  own  designs.  The 
stately  "  Black  Horse  Square  "  fronting  the  Tagus 
and  the  streets  surrounding  it  were  all  designed 
by  Pombal.  I  suppose  that  there  is  no  hillier  capi- 
tal in  the  world  than  Lisbon.  Many  of  the  streets 
are  too  steep  for  the  tramcars  to  climb.  The  Por- 
tuguese fashion  of  coating  the  exteriors  of  the  houses 
with  bright-coloured  tiles  of  blue  and  white,  or 
orange  and  white,  gives  a  cheerful  air  to  the  town, 
— ^the  French  word  "  riant  "  would  be  more  appro- 
priate— and  the  numerous  public  gardens,  where 
the  palm-trees  apparently  grow  as  contentedly  as 
in  their  native  tropics,  add  to  this  effect  of  sunlit 
brightness.  As  in  Brazil  and  other  Portuguese- 
speaking  countries,  the  houses  are  all  very  tall,  and 
sash-windows  are  universal,  as  in  England,  con- 
trary to  the  custom  of  other  Continental  countries. 

House  rent  could  not  be  called  excessive  in  Por- 
tugal.    In  my  day  quite  a  large  house,  totally  lack- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         231 

ing  in  every  description  of  modern  convenience,  but 
with  a  fine  staircase  and  plenty  of  lofty  rooms, 
could  be  hired  for  £30  a  year,  a  price  which  may 
make  the  Londoner  think  seriously  of  transferring 
himself  to  the  banks  of  the  Tagus. 

In  the  "  'eighties  "  Lisbon  was  the  winter  head- 
quarters of  our  Channel  Squadron.  I  once  saw 
the  late  Admiral  Dowdeswell  bring  his  entire  fleet 
up  the  Tagus  under  sail;  a  most  wonderful  sight! 
The  two  five-masted  flagships,  the  Minotaur  and 
the  Agincourtj  had  very  graceful  lines,  and  with 
every  stitch  of  their  canvas  set,  they  were  things  of 
exquisite  beauty.  The  Northumberland  had  also 
been  designed  as  a  sister  ship,  but  for  some  reason 
had  had  two  of  her  masts  removed.  The  old  Mino- 
taur ^  now  alas!  a  shapeless  hulk  known  as  Ga^iges 
II J  is  still,  I  believe,  doing  useful  work  at  Harwich. 

As  may  be  imagined,  the  arrival  of  the  British 
Fleet  infused  a  certain  element  of  liveliness  into 
the  sleepy  city.  Gambling-rooms  were  opened  all 
over  Lisbon,  and  as  the  bluejackets  had  a  habit  of 
wrecking  any  place  where  they  suspected  the  pro- 
prietor of  cheating  them,  the  Legation  had  its 
work  cut  out  for  it  in  endeavouring  to  placate  the 
local  authorities  and  smooth  down  their  wounded 
susceptibilities.  One  gambling-house,  known  as 
"  Portuguese  Joe's,"  was  frequented  mainly  by 
midshipmen.  They  were  strictly  forbidden  to  go 
there,  but  the  place  was  crammed  every  night  with 
them,  in  spite  of  oflicial  prohibition.  The  British 
midshipman  being  a  creature  of  impulse,  the  mo- 


232     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

ment  these  youths  (every  one  of  whom  thought  it 
incumbent  on  his  dignity  to  have  a  huge  cigar  in 
his  mouth,  even  though  he  might  still  be  of  very 
tender  years)  suspected  any  foul  play,  they  would 
proceed  very  systematically  and  methodically  to 
smash  the  whole  place  up  to  matchwood.  There 
was  consequently  a  good  deal  of  trouble,  and  the 
Legation  quietly  put  strong  pressure  on  the  Por- 
tuguese Government  to  close  these  gambling-houses 
down  permanently.  This  was  accordingly  done, 
much  to  the  wrath  of  the  midshipmen,  who  were, 
I  believe,  supplied  with  free  drinks  and  cigars  by 
the  proprietors  of  these  places.  It  is  just  possible 
that  the  Admiral's  wishes  may  have  been  consulted 
before  this  drastic  action  was  taken.  Midshipmen 
in  those  days  went  to  sea  at  fourteen  and  fifteen 
years  of  age,  and  consequently  needed  some  shep- 
herding. 

As  our  Minister  had  constantly  to  pay  official 
visits  to  the  Fleet,  the  British  Government  kept 
a  whale-boat  at  Lisbon  for  the  use  of  the  Legation. 
The  coxswain,  an  ex-naval  petty  officer  who  spoke 
Portuguese,  acted  as  Chancery  servant  when  not 
afloat.  When  the  boat  was  wanted,  the  coxswain 
went  down  to  the  quay  with  two  bagfuls  of  blue- 
jackets' uniforms,  and  engaged  a  dozen  chance 
Tagus  boatmen.  The  Lisbon  boatman,  though 
skilful,  is  extraordinarily  unclean  in  his  person  and 
his  attire.  I  wish  the  people  who  lavished  praises 
on  the  smart  appearance  of  the  Legation  whale- 
boat  and  of  its  scratch  crew  could  have  seen,  as  I 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         233 

often  did,  the  revoltingly  filthy  garments  of  these 
longshoremen  before  they  drew  the  snowy  naval 
white  duck  trousers  and  jumpers  over  them.  Their 
persons  were  even  dirtier,  and — for  reasons  into 
which  I  need  not  enter — it  was  advisable  to  smoke 
a  strong  cigar  whilst  they  were  pulling.  The  tides 
in  the  Tagus  run  very  strong;  at  spring-tides  they 
will  run  seven  or  eight  knots,  so  considerable  skill 
is  required  in  handling  a  boat.  To  do  our  odorifer- 
ous whited  sepulchres  of  boatmen  justice,  they 
could  pull,  and  the  real  workmanlike  man-of-war 
fashion  in  which  our  coxswain  always  brought  the 
boat  alongside  a  ship,  in  spite  of  wind  and  tre- 
mendous tide,  did  credit  to  himself,  and  shed  a 
mild  reflected  glory  on  the  Legation. 

The  country  round  Lisbon  is  very  arid.  It  pro- 
duces, however,  most  excellent  wines,  both  red  and 
white,  and  in  my  time  really  good  wine  could  be 
bought  for  fourpence  a  bottle.  At  the  time  of  the 
vintage,  all  the  country  taverns  and  wine  shops 
displayed  a  bush  tied  to  a  pole  at  their  doors,  as  a 
sign  that  they  had  new  wine,  *'  green  wine,"  as  the 
Portuguese  call  it,  for  sale.  Let  the  stranger  be- 
ware of  that  new  wine!  Though  pleasant  to  the 
palate  and  apparently  innocuous,  it  is  in  reality 
hideously  intoxicating,  as  a  reference  to  the  13th 
verse  of  the  second  chapter  of  the  Acts  will  show. 
I  think  that  the  custom  of  tying  a  bush  to  the 
door  of  a  tavern  where  new  wine  is  on  sale  must 
be  the  origin  of  the  expression  "  good  wine  needs 
no  bush." 


234     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

The  capabilities  of  this  apparently  intractable 
and  arid  soil  when  scientifically  irrigated  were  con- 
vincingly shown  on  a  farm  some  sixteen  miles 
from  Lisbon,  belonging  to  a  Colonel  Campbell,  an 
Englishman.  Colonel  Campbell,  who  had  per- 
manently settled  in  Portugal,  had  brought  from 
the  Government  a  derelict  monastery  and  the  lands 
attached  to  it  at  Torres  Vedras,  where  Wellington 
entrenched  himself  in  his  famous  lines  in  1809-10. 
A  good  stream  of  water  ran  through  the  property, 
and  Colonel  Campbell  diverted  it,  and  literally 
caused  the  desert  to  blossom  like  the  rose.  Here 
were  acres  and  acres  of  orange  groves,  and  it  was 
one  of  the  few  places  in  Europe  where  bananas 
would  ripen.  Colonel  Campbell  supplied  the  whole 
of  Lisbon  with  butter,  and  the  only  mutton  worth 
eating  came  also  from  his  farm.  It  was  a  place 
flowing,  if  not  with  milk  and  honey,  at  all  events 
with  oil  and  wine.  Here  were  huge  tanks  brimful 
of  amber-coloured  olive  oil;  whilst  in  vast  dim 
cellars  hundreds  of  barrels  of  red  and  white  wine 
were  slowly  maturing  in  the  mysterious  shadows. 
Outside  the  sunlight  fell  on  crates  of  ripe  oranges 
and  bananas,  ready  packed  for  the  Lisbon  market, 
and  in  the  gardens  tropical  and  sub-tropical  flower- 
ing trees  had  not  only  thoroughly  acclimatised 
themselves,  but  had  expanded  to  prima-donna-like 
dimensions.  The  great  rambling  tiled  monastery 
made  a  delightful  dwelling-house,  and  to  me  it 
will  be  always  a  place  of  pleasant  memories — a 
place   of   sunshine   and   golden   orange   groves;   of 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         235 

rustling  palms  and  cool  blue  and  white  tiles;  of 
splashing  fountains  and  old  stonework  smothered 
in  a  tangle  of  wine-coloured  Bougainvillea. 

The  environs  of  all  Portuguese  towns  are  made 
dreary  by  the  miles  and  miles  of  high  walls  which 
line  the  roads.  These  people  must  surely  have 
so)ne  dark  secrets  in  their  lives  to  require  these 
huge  barriers  between  themselves  and  the  rest  of  the 
v/orld.  Behind  the  wall  were  pleasant  old  quintas, 
or  villas,  faced  with  my  favourite  "  azulejos  "  of 
blue  and  white,  and  surrounded  with  attractive,  ill- 
kept  gardens,  where  roses  and  oleanders  ran  riot 
amidst  groves  of  orange  and  lemon  trees. 

Cintra  would  be  a  beautiful  spot  anywhere,  but 
in  this  sun-scorched  land  it  comes  as  a  surprising 
revelation;  a  green  oasis  in  a  desolate  expanse  of 
aridity. 

Here  are  great  shady  oak  woods  and  tinkling 
fern-fringed  brooks,  pleasant  leafy  valleys,  and  a 
grateful  sense  of  moist  coolness.  On  the  very 
summit  of  the  rocky  hill  of  Pena,  King  Fernando 
had  built  a  fantastic  dream-castle,  all  domes  and 
pinnacles.  It  was  exactly  like  the  "  enchanted 
castle  "  of  one  of  Gustave  Dore's  illustrations,  and 
had,  I  believe,  been  partly  designed  by  Dore  him- 
self. Some  of  the  details  may  have  been  a  Httle 
too  flamboyant  for  sober  British  tastes,  but,  perched 
on  its  lofty  rock,  this  castle  was  surprisingly  effect- 
ive from  below  with  its  gilded  turrets  and  Moorish 
tiles.  As  the  castle  occupied  every  inch  of  the 
summit  of  the  Pena  hill,  the  only  approach  to  it 


236     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

was  by  a  broad  winding  roadway  tunnelled  through 
the  solid  rock.  Openings  had  been  cut  in  the  sides 
of  the  tunnel  giving  wonderful  views  over  the  valleys 
far  down  below.  This  approach  was  for  all  the 
world  like  the  rocky  ways  up  which  Parsifal  is 
led  to  the  temple  of  the  Grail  in  the  first  act  of 
Wagner's  great  mystery  drama.  The  finest  feature 
about  Pena,  to  my  mind,  was  the  wood  of  camellias 
on  its  southern  face.  These  camellias  had  grown 
to  a  great  size,  and  when  in  flower  in  March  they 
were  a  most  beautiful  sight. 

There  was  a  great  deal  of  work  at  the  Lisbon 
Legation,  principally  of  a  commercial  character. 
There  were  never-ending  disputes  between  British 
shippers  and  the  Custom  House  authorities,  and 
the  extremely  dilatory  methods  of  the  Portuguese 
Government  were  most  trying  to  the  temper  at 
times. 

I  shall  always  cherish  mildly  agreeable  recollec- 
tions of  Lisbon.  It  was  a  placid,  surdit,  soporific 
existence,  very  different  from  the  turmoil  of  Petro- 
grad  life.  The  people  were  friendly,  and  as  hos- 
pitable as  their  very  limited  financial  resources  en- 
abled them  to  be.  They  could  mostly  speak  French 
in  a  fashion,  still  their  limited  vocabulary  was  quite 
sufficient  for  expressing  their  more  limited  ideas. 

I  never  could  help  contrasting  the  splendid  past 
of  this  little  nation  with  its  somewhat  inadequate 
present,  for  it  must  be  remembered  that  Portugal 
in  the  fifteenth  and  sixteenth  centuries  was  the 
leading  maritime  Power  of  Europe.     Portugal  had 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         237 

planted  her  colonies  and  her  language  (surely  the 
most  hideous  of  all  spoken  idioms!)  in  Asia,  Africa, 
and  South  America  long  before  Great  Britain  or 
France  had  even  dreamed  of  a  Colonial  Empire. 

They  were  a  race  of  hardy  and  fearless  seamen. 
Prince  Henry  the  Navigator,  the  son  of  John  of 
Portugal  and  of  John  of  Gaunt's  daughter,  dis- 
covered Madeira,  the  Azores,  and  the  Cape  Verde 
islands  in  the  early  fourteen-hundreds. 

In  the  same  century  Diaz  doubled  the  Cape  of 
Good  Hope,  and  Vasco  da  Gama  succeeded  in 
reaching  India  by  sea,  whilst  Albuquerque  founded 
Portuguese  colonies  in  Brazil  and  at  Goa  in  India. 
This  race  of  intrepid  navigators  and  explorers 
held  the  command  of  the  sea  long  before  the  Dutch 
or  British,  and  by  the  middle  of  the  sixteenth  cen- 
tury little  Portugal  ranked  as  one  of  the  most 
powerful  monarchies  in  Europe. 

Portugal,  too,  is  England's  oldest  ally,  for  the 
Treaty  of  Windsor  establishing  an  alliance  be- 
tween the  two  countries  was  signed  as  far  back  as 
1386. 

This  is  not  the  place  in  which  to  enter  into  the 
causes  which  led  to  the  gradual  decadence  of  this 
wonderful  little  nation,  sapped  her  energies  and 
atrophied  her  enterprise.  To  the  historian  those 
causes  are  sufficiently  familiar. 

Let  us  only  trust  that  Lusitania's  star  may  some 
day  rise  again. 


CHAPTER  VIII 

Brazil — Contrast  between  Portuguese  and  Spanish  South  Amer- 
ica— Moorish  traditions — Amazing  beauty  of  Rio  de  Janeiro 
— Yellow  fever — The  Commercial  Court  Chamberlain — The 
Emperor  Pedro — The  Botanic  Gardens  of  Rio — The  quaint 
diversions  of  Petropolis — The  liveried  young  entomologist — 
Buenos  Ayres — The  charm  of  the  "  Camp  " — Water-throw- 
ing— A  British  Minister  in  Carnival  time — Some  Buenos 
Ayres  peculiarities — Masked  balls — Climatic  conditions — 
Theatres  —  Restaurants  —  Wonderful  bird-life  of  the 
"  Camp  "  —  Estancis  Negrete  —  Duck-shooting  —  My  one 
flamingo — An  exploring  expedition  in  the  Gran  Chaco — 
Hardships — Alligators  and  fish — Currency  difficulties. 

My  first  impression  of  Brazil  was  that  it  was  a 
mere  transplanted  Portugal,  but  a  Portugal  set 
amidst  the  most  glorious  vegetation  and  some  of 
the  finest  scenery  on  the  face  of  the  globe.  It  is 
also  unquestionably  suffocatingly  hot. 

There  is  a  great  outward  difference  in  the  ap- 
pearances of  the  towns  of  Portuguese  and  Spanish 
South  America.  In  Brazil  the  Portuguese  built 
their  houses  and  towns  precisely  as  they  had  done 
at  home.  There  are  the  same  winding  irregular 
streets;  the  same  tall  houses  faced  with  the  decora- 
tive "  azulejos  ";  the  same  shutterless  sash-windows. 
A  type  of  house  less  suited  to  the  burning  climate 
of  Brazil  can  hardly  be  imagined.  There  being  no 
outside  shutters,  it  is  impossible  to  keep  the  heat 

238 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         239 

out,  and  the  small  rooms  become  so  many  ovens. 
The  sinuosities  of  the  irregular  streets  give  a  curi- 
ously old-world  look  to  a  Brazilian  town,  so  much 
so  that  it  is  difficult  for  a  European  to  reahse  that 
he  is  on  the  American  Continent,  associated  as  the 
latter  is  in  our  minds  with  unending  straight  lines. 

In  all  Spanish-American  countries  the  towns 
are  laid  out  on  the  chess-board  principle,  with  long 
dreary  perspectives  stretching  themselves  endlessly. 
The  Spanish- American  type  of  house  too  is  mostly 
one-storied  and  flat-roofed,  with  two  iron-barred 
windows  only  looking  on  to  the  street.  The  Moor- 
ish conquerors  left  their  impress  on  Spain,  and  the 
Spanish  pioneers  carried  across  the  Atlantic  with 
them  the  Moorish  conception  of  a  house.  The 
"  patio "  or  enclosed  court  in  the  centre  of  the 
house  is  a  heritage  from  the  Moors,  as  is  the  flat 
roof  or  "  azotea,"  and  the  decorated  rainwater  cistern 
in  the  centre  of  the  "  patio." 

The  very  name  of  this  tank  in  Spanish,  "  aljibe," 
is  of  Arabic  origin,  and  it  becomes  obvious  that 
this  type  of  house  was  evolved  by  Mohammedans 
who  kept  their  womenkind  in  jealous  and  strict 
seclusion.  No  indiscreet  eyes  from  outside  can 
penetrate  into  the  "  patio,"  and  after  nightfall  the 
women  could  be  allowed  on  to  the  flat  roof  to  take 
the  air.  Those  familiar  with  the  East  know  the 
great  part  the  roof  of  a  house  plays  in  the  life  of  an 
Oriental.  It  is  their  parlour,  particularly  after 
dark.  As  the  inhabitants  of  South  America  are 
not   Mohammedans,    I    cannot   conceive   why   they 


240     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

obstinately  adhere  to  this  inconvenient  type  of 
dwelling.  The  "  patio "  renders  the  house  very 
dark  and  airless,  becomes  a  well  of  damp  in  winter, 
and  an  oven  in  summer.  To  my  mind  unques- 
tionably the  best  form  of  house  for  a  hot  cHmate 
is  the  Anglo-Indian  bungalow,  with  its  broad  veran- 
dahs, thatched  roof,  and  lofty  rooms.  In  a  bun- 
galow some  of  the  heat  can  be  shut  out. 

On  my  first  arrival  in  Brazil,  the  tropics  and 
tropical  vegetation  were  an  unopened  book  to  me, 
and  I  was  fairly  intoxicated  with  their  beauty. 

There  is  a  short  English-owned  railway  running 
from  Pernambuco  to  some  unknown  spot  in  the 
interior.  The  manager  of  this  railway  came  out 
on  the  steamer  with  us,  and  he  was  good  enough 
to  take  me  for  a  run  on  an  engine  into  the  heart 
of  the  virgin  forest.  I  shall  never  forget  the  im- 
pression this  made  on  me.  It  was  like  a  peep  into 
a  wholly  unimagined  fairyland. 

Had  the  calls  of  the  mail  steamer  been  deliber- 
ately designed  to  give  the  stranger  a  cumulative 
impression  of  the  beauties  of  Brazil,  they  could 
not  have  been  more  happily  arranged.  First  of 
Pernambuco  in  flat  country,  redeemed  by  its  splen- 
did vegetation;  then  Bahia  with  its  fine  bay  and 
gentle  hills,  and  lastly  Rio  the  incomparable. 

I  have  seen  most  of  the  surface  of  this  globe, 
and  I  say  deliberately,  without  any  fear  of  con- 
tradiction, that  nowhere  is  there  anything  approach- 
ing Rio  in  beauty.  The  glorious  bay,  two  hundred 
miles   in    circumference,    dotted    with   islands,    and 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         241 

surrounded  by  mountains  of  almost  grotesquely 
fantastic  outlines,  the  whole  clothed  with  exuber- 
antly luxurious  tropical  vegetation,  makes  the  most 
lovely  picture  that  can  be  conceived. 

The  straggling  town  in  my  day  had  not  yet 
blossomed  into  those  vagaries  of  ultra-ornate  archi- 
tecture which  at  present  characterise  it.  It  was 
quaint  and  picturesque,  and  fitted  its  surroundings 
admirably,  the  narrow  crowded  Ruado  Ouvidor 
being  the  centre  of  the  fashionable  life  of  the  place. 

It  will  be  remembered  that  when  Gon9alves  dis- 
covered the  great  bay  on  January  1st,  1502,  he 
imagined  that  it  must  be  the  estuary  of  some  mighty 
river,  and  christened  it  accordingly  "  the  River  of 
January,"  "  Rio  de  Janeiro."  Oddly  enough,  only 
a  few  insignificant  streams  empty  themselves  into 
this  vast  landlocked  harbour. 

During  my  first  fortnight  in  Rio,  I  thought  the 
view  over  the  bay  more  beautiful  with  every  fresh 
standpoint  I  saw  it  from;  whether  from  Botofogo, 
or  from  Nichteroy  on  the  further  shore,  the  view 
seemed  more  entrancingly  lovely  every  time;  and 
yet  over  this,  the  fairest  spot  on  earth,  the  Angel 
of  Death  was  perpetually  hovering  with  outstretched 
wings;  for  yellow  fever  was  endemic  at  Rio  then, 
and  yellow  fever  slays  swiftly  and  surely. 

One  must  have  lived  in  countries  where  the  dis- 
ease is  prevalent  to  realise  the  insane  terror  those 
two  words  "  yellow  fever  "  strike  into  most  people. 
On  my  third  visit  to  Rio,  I  was  destined  to  contract 
the  disease  myself,  but  it  dealt  mercifully  with  me, 


242     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

so  henceforth  I  am  immune  to  yeUow  fever  for 
the  remainder  of  my  hfe.  The  ravages  this  fell 
disease  wrought  in  the  West  Indies  a  hundred 
years  ago  cannot  be  exaggerated.  Those  familiar 
with  Michael  Scott's  delightful  "  Tom  Cringle's 
Log  "  will  remember  the  gruesome  details  he  gives 
of  a  severe  outbreak  of  the  epidemic  in  Jamaica.  In 
those  days  "  Yellow  Jack  "  took  toll  of  nearly  fifty 
per  cent,  of  the  white  civil  and  military  inhabitants 
of  the  British  West  Indies,  as  the  countless  me- 
morial tablets  in  the  older  West  Indian  churches 
silently  testify.  Before  my  arrival  in  Rio,  a  new 
German  Minister  had,  in  spite  of  serious  warnings, 
insisted  on  taking  a  beautiful  httle  villa  on  a  rocky 
promontory  jutting  into  the  bay.  The  house  with 
its  white  marble  colonnades,  its  lovely  gardens,  and 
the  wonderful  view  over  the  mountains,  was  a 
thing  of  exquisite  beauty,  but  it  bore  a  very  evil 
reputation.  Within  eight  months  the  German  Min- 
ister, his  secretary,  and  his  two  white  German  serv- 
ants were  all  dead  of  yellow  fever.  The  Brazihans 
declare  that  the  fever  is  never  contracted  during 
the  daytime,  but  that  sunset  is  the  dangerous  hour. 
They  also  warn  the  foreigner  to  avoid  fruit  and 
acid  drinks. 

Conditions  have  changed  since  then.  The  cause 
of  the  unhealthiness  of  Rio  was  a  very  simple  one. 
All  the  sewage  of  the  city  was  discharged  into  the 
landlocked,  tideless  bay,  where  it  lay  festering 
under  the  scorching  sun.  An  English  company 
tunnelled  a  way  through  the  mountains  direct  to 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         243 

the  Atlantic,  and  all  the  sewage  is  now  discharged 
there,  with  the  result  that  Rio  is  practically  free 
from  the  dreaded  disease. 

The  customs  of  a  monarchial  country  are  like 
a  deep -rooted  oak,  they  do  not  stand  transplanting. 
Where  they  are  the  result  of  the  slow  growth 
of  many  centuries,  they  have  adapted  themselves, 
so  to  speak,  to  the  soil  of  the  country  of  their 
origin,  have  evolved  national  characteristics,  and 
have  fitted  themselves  into  the  national  hfe.  When 
transplanted  into  a  new  country,  they  cannot  fail 
to  appear  anachronisms,  and  have  always  a  certain 
element  of  the  grotesque  about  them.  In  my  time 
Dom  Pedro,  the  Emperor  of  Brazil,  had  sur- 
rounded himself  with  a  modified  edition  of  the 
externals  of  a  European  Court.  A  colleague  of 
mine  had  recently  been  presented  to  the  Emperor 
at  the  Palace  of  Sao  Christovao.  As  is  customary 
on  such  occasions,  my  colleague  called  on  the  two 
Court  Chamberlains  who  were  on  duty  at  Sao  Chris- 
tovao, and  they  duly  returned  the  visit.  One  of 
these  Chamberlains,  whom  we  will  call  Baron  de 
Feijao  e  Farinha,  seemed  reluctant  to  take  his 
departure.  He  finally  produced  a  bundle  of  price 
lists  from  his  pocket,  and  assured  my  colleague 
that  he  would  get  far  better  value  for  his  money 
at  his  (the  Baron's)  ready-made  clothing  store  than 
at  anv  other  similar  establishment  in  South  Amer- 
ica.  From  another  pocket  he  then  extracted  a  tape 
measure,  and  in  spite  of  my  colleague's  protest 
passed  the  tape  over  his  unwilling  body  to  note  the 


244     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

stock  size,  in  the  event  of  an  order.  The  Baron 
de  Feijao  especially  recommended  one  of  his  models, 
"  the  Pall  Mall,"  a  complete  suit  of  which  could  be 
obtained  for  the  nominal  sum  of  80,000  reis.  This 
appalling  sum  looks  less  alarming  when  reduced 
to  British  currency,  80,000  Brazilian  reis  being 
equal  to  about  £-7  7s.  I  am  not  sure  that  he  did 
not  promise  my  colleague  a  commission  on  any 
orders  he  could  extract  from  other  members  of  the 
Legation.  My  colleague,  a  remarkably  well-dressed 
man,  did  not  recover  his  equanimity  for  some  days, 
after  picturing  his  neatly-garbed  form  arrayed  in 
the  appallingly  flashy,  ill-cut,  ready-made  garments 
in  which  the  youth  of  Rio  de  Janeiro  were  wont 
to  disport  themselves.  To  European  ideas,  it  was 
a  little  unusual  to  find  a  Court  Chamberlain  en- 
gaged in  the  ready-made  clothing  line. 

On  State  occasions  Dom  Pedro  assumed  the  most 
splendid  Imperial  mantle  any  sovereign  has  ever 
possessed.  It  was  composed  entirely  of  feathers, 
being  made  of  the  breasts  of  toucans,  shaded  from 
pale  pink  to  deep  rose-colour,  and  was  the  most 
gorgeous  bit  of  colour  imaginable.  In  the  swel- 
tering climate  of  Brazil,  the  heat  of  this  mantle  must 
have  been  unendurable,  and  I  always  wondered 
how  Dom  Pedro  managed  to  bear  it  with  a  smiling 
face,  but  it  certainly  looked  magnificent. 

One  of  the  industries  of  Rio  was  the  manufac- 
ture of  artificial  flowers  from  the  feathers  of  hum- 
ming-birds. These  feather  flowers  were  wonder- 
fully faithful  reproductions  of  Nature,   and  were 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  245 

practically  indestructible,  besides  being  most  artis- 
tically made.     They  were  very  expensive. 

The  famous  avenue  of  royal  palms  in  the  Bo- 
tanic Gardens  would  almost  repay  anyone  for  the 
voyage  from  Europe.  These  are,  I  believe,  the 
tallest  palms  known,  and  the  long  avenue  is  strik- 
ingly impressive.  The  Oreodooca  regia,  one  of  the 
cabbage-palms,  has  a  huge  trunk,  perfectly  sym- 
metrical, and  growing  absolutely  straight.  This 
perspective  of  giant  boles  recalls  the  columns  of 
an  immense  Gothic  cathedral,  whilst  the  fronds 
uniting  in  a  green  arch  two  hundred  feet  overhead 
complete  the  illusion.  The  Botanic  Gardens  have 
some  most  attractive  ponds  of  pink  and  sky-blue 
water  hlies,  and  the  view  of  the  bay  from  the 
gardens  is  usually  considered  the  finest  in  Rio. 

Owing  to  the  unhealthiness  of  Rio,  most  of  the 
Foreign  Legations  had  established  themselves  per- 
manently at  Petropolis,  in  the  Organ  Mountains, 
Petropolis  being  well  above  the  yellow  fever  zone. 
On  my  third  visit  to  Rio,  such  a  terrible  epidemic 
of  yellow  fever  was  raging  in  the  capital  that  the 
British  Minister  very  kindly  invited  me  to  go  up 
straight  to  the  Legation  at  Petropolis.  The  latter 
is  three  hours'  distance  from  Rio  by  mountain 
railway.  People  with  business  in  the  city  leave 
for  Rio  by  the  7  a.m.  train,  and  reach  Petropolis 
again  at  7  p.m.  The  old  Emperor,  Dom  Pedro, 
made  a  point  of  attending  the  departure  and  ar- 
rival of  the  train  every  single  day,  and  a  military 
band  played  regularly  in  the  station,  morning  and 


246     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

evening.  This  struck  me  as  a  very  unusual  form  of 
amusement.  The  Emperor  (who  ten  months  later 
was  quietly  deposed)  was  a  tall,  handsome  old  gen- 
tleman, of  very  distinguished  appearance,  and  with 
charming  manners.  He  had  also  encyclopaedic 
knowledge  on  most  points.  That  a  sovereign  should 
take  pleasure  in  seeing  the  daily  train  depart  and 
arrive  seemed  to  point  to  a  certain  lack  of  resources 
in  Petropolis,  and  to  hint  at  moments  of  deadly 
dulness  in  the  Imperial  villa  there.  Dom  Pedro 
never  appeared  in  public  except  in  evening  dress, 
and  it  was  a  novelty  to  see  the  head  of  a  State  in 
full  evening  dress  and  high  hat  at  half-past  six 
in  the  morning,  Hstening  to  an  extremely  indif- 
ferent brass  band  braying  in  the  waiting-room  of 
a  shabby  railway  station. 

Nature  seems  to  have  lavished  all  the  most  bril- 
liant hues  of  her  palette  on  Brazil;  the  plumage 
of  the  birds,  the  flowers,  and  foliage  all  glow  with 
vivid  colour.  Even  a  Brazilian  toad  has  bright 
emerald-green  spots  all  over  him.  The  gorgeous 
butterflies  of  this  highly-coloured  land  are  well 
known  in  Europe,  especially  those  lovely  creatures 
of  shimmering,  iridescent  blue. 

These  butterflies  were  the  cause  of  a  consider- 
able variation  in  the  hours  of  meals  at  the  British 
Legation. 

The  Minister  had  recently  brought  out  to  Brazil 
an  English  boy  to  act  as  young  footman.  Henry 
was  a  most  willing,  obliging  lad,  but  these  great 
Brazilian   butterflies    exercised    a   quite    irresistible 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         247 

fascination  over  him,  and  small  blame  to  him. 
He  kept  a  butterfly-net  in  the  pantry,  and  the 
instant  one  of  the  brilliant,  glittering  creatures  ap- 
peared in  the  garden,  Henry  forgot  everything. 
Clang  the  front-door  bell  so  loudly,  he  paid  no  heed 
to  it;  the  cook  might  be  yelhng  for  him  to  carry 
the  luncheon  into  the  dining-room,  Henry  turned 
a  deaf  ear  to  her  entreaties.  Snatching  up  his  but- 
terfly-net, he  would  dart  through  the  window  in 
hot  pursuit.  As  these  great  butterflies  fly  like 
Handley  Pages,  he  had  his  work  cut  out  for  him, 
and  running  is  exhausting  in  a  temperature  of  90 
degrees.  The  usual  hour  for  luncheon  would  be  long 
past,  and  the  table  would  stiU  exhibit  a  virgin 
expanse  of  white  cloth.  Somewhere  in  the  dim  dis- 
tance we  could  descry  a  slim  young  figure  bounding 
along  hot-foot,  with  butterfly-net  poised  aloft,  so 
we  possessed  our  souls  in  patience.  Eventually 
Henry  would  reappear,  moist  but  triumphant,  or 
dripping  and  despondent,  according  to  his  success 
or  failure  with  his  shimmering  quarry.  After  such 
violent  exercise,  Henry  had  to  have  a  plunge  in  the 
swimming-bath  and  a  complete  change  of  clothing 
before  he  could  resume  his  duties,  all  of  which 
occasioned  some  little  further  delay.  And  this  would 
happen  every  day,  so  our  repasts  may  be  legiti- 
mately described  as  "  movable  feasts."  It  was  no 
use  speaking  to  Henry.  He  would  promise  to 
be  less  forgetful,  but  the  next  butterfly  that  came 
flitting  along  drove  all  good  resolves  out  of  this 
ardent  young  entomologist's  head,  and  off  he  would 


248     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

go  on  flying  feet  in  eager  pursuit.  I  recommended 
Henry  when  he  returned  to  England  to  take  up 
cross-country  running  seriously.  He  seemed  to  have 
unmistakable  aptitudes  for  it. 

The  streets  of  Petropolis  were  planted  with 
avenues  of  a  flowering  tree  imported  from  the 
Southern  Pacific.  When  in  bloom,  this  tree  was 
so  covered  with  vivid  pink  blossoms  that  all  its 
leaves  were  hidden.  These  rows  of  bright  pink 
trees  gave  the  dull  little  town  a  curious  resem- 
blance to  a  Japanese  fan. 

There  are  some  lovely  Httle  nooks  and  corners 
in  the  Organ  Mountains.  One  ravine  in  particu- 
lar was  most  beautiful,  with  a  cascade  dashing  down 
the  cliff,  and  the  clear  brook  below  it  fringed  with 
eucharis  lilies,  and  the  tropical  begonias  which  we 
laboriously  cultivate  in  stove-houses.  Unfortunately, 
these  beauty  spots  seemed  as  attractive  to  snakes 
as  they  were  to  human  beings.  This  entailed  keep- 
ing a  watchful  eye  on  the  ground,  for  Brazilian 
snakes  are  very  venomous. 

No  greater  contrast  can  be  imagined  than  that 
between  the  forests  and  mountains  of  steamy  Bra- 
zil and  the  endless,  treeless,  dead-flat  levels  of  the 
Argentine  Republic,  twelve  hundred  miles  south  of 
them. 

When  I  first  knew  Buenos  Ayres  in  the  early 
"  'eighties,"  it  still  retained  an  old-world  air  of  dis- 
tinction. The  narrow  streets  were  lined  with  som- 
bre, dignified  old  buildings  of  a  markedly  Spanish 
type,  and  the  modern  riot  of  over-ornate  ginger- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         249 

bread  architecture  had  not  yet  transformed  the 
city  into  a  ghttering,  garish  trans- Atlantic  pseudo- 
Paris.  In  the  same  way  newly-acquired  wealth 
had  not  begun  to  assert  itself  as  blatantly  as  it  has 
since  done. 

I  confess  that  I  was  astonished  to  find  two 
daily  English  newspapers  in  Buenos  A5rres,  for  I 
had  not  reahsed  the  size  and  importance  of  the 
British  commercial  colony  there. 

The  "  Camp  "  (from  the  Spanish  campo,  coun- 
try) outside  the  city  is  undeniably  ugly  and  fea- 
tureless, as  it  stretches  its  unending  khaki-coloured, 
treeless  flatness  to  the  horizon,  but  the  sense  of 
immense  space  has  something  exhilarating  about 
it,  and  the  air  is  perfectly  glorious.  In  time  these 
vast  dun-coloured  levels  exercise  a  sort  of  a  fas- 
cination over  one;  to  me  the  "  Camp  "  will  always 
be  associated  with  the  raucous  cries  of  the  thou- 
sands of  spurred  Argentine  plovers,  as  they  wheel 
over  the  horsemen  with  their  never-ending  scream 
of  "  tero,  tero." 

As  in  most  countries  of  Spanish  origin,  the 
Carnival  was  kept  at  Buenos  Ayres  in  the  old- 
fashioned  style.  In  my  time,  on  the  last  day  of 
the  Carnival,  Shrove  Tuesday,  the  traditional  water- 
throwing  was  still  allowed  in  the  streets.  Every- 
one going  into  the  streets  must  be  prepared  for 
being  drenched  with  water  from  head  to  foot.  My 
new  Chief,  whom  I  will  call  Sir  Edward  (though 
he  happened  to  have  a  totally  different  name), 
had  just  arrived  in  Buenos  Ayres.     He  was  quite 


250     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

unused  to  South  American  ways.  On  Shrove 
I'uesday  I  came  down  to  breakfast  in  an  old  suit 
of  flannels  and  a  soft  shirt  and  collar,  for  from 
my  experiences  of  the  previous  year  I  knew  what 
was  to  be  expected  in  the  streets.  Sir  Edward, 
a  remarkably  neat  dresser,  appeared  beautifully 
arrayed  in  a  new  suit,  the  smartest  of  bow-ties,  and 
a  yellow  jean  waistcoat.  I  pointed  out  to  my  Chief 
that  it  was  water-throwing  day,  and  suggested  the 
advisability  of  his  wearing  his  oldest  clothes.  Sir  Ed- 
ward gave  me  to  understand  that  he  imagined  that 
few  people  would  venture  to  throw  water  over  her 
Britannic  Majesty's  representative.  Off  we  started 
on  foot  for  the  Chancery  of  the  Legation,  which 
was  situated  a  good  mile  from  our  house.  I  knew 
what  was  coming.  In  the  first  five  minutes  we 
got  a  bucket  of  water  from  the  top  of  a  house, 
plumb  all  over  us,  soaking  us  both  to  the  skin. 
Sir  Edward  was  speechless  with  rage  for  a  minute 
or  so,  after  which  I  will  not  attempt  to  reproduce 
his  language.  Men  were  selHng  everywhere  in  the 
streets  the  large  squirts  {''  pomitos"  in  Spanish) 
which  are  used  on  these  occasions.  I  equipped 
myself  with  a  perfect  Woolwich  Arsenal  of  pomitos. 
but  Sir  Edward  waved  them  all  disdainfully  away. 
Soon  two  girls  darted  out  of  an  open  doorway, 
armed  with  pomitos,  and  caught  us  each  fairly  in 
the  face,  after  which  they  giggled  and  ran  into  their 
house,  leaving  the  front  door  open.  Sir  Edward 
fairly  danced  with  rage  on  the  pavement,  shouting 
out  the  most  uncomplimentary  opinions  as  to  the 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         251 

Argentine  Republic  and  its  inhabitants.  The  front 
door  having  been  left  open,  I  was  entitled  by  all 
the  laws  of  Carnival  time  to  pursue  our  two  fair 
assailants  into  their  house,  and  I  did  so,  in  spite 
of  Sir  Edward's  remonstrances.  I  chased  the  two 
girls  into  the  drawing-room,  where  we  experienced 
some  Httle  difficulty  in  clambering  over  sofas  and 
tables,  and  I  finally  caught  them  in  the  dining-room, 
where  a  venerable  lady,  probably  their  grandmother, 
was  reposing  in  an  armchair.  I  gave  the  two  girls 
a  thorough  good  soaking  from  my  pomitos,  and 
bestowed  the  mildest  sprinkling  on  their  aged  rela- 
tive, who  was  inmiensely  gratified  by  the  attention. 
"  Oh!  my  dears,"  she  cried  in  Spanish  to  the  girls, 
"  you  both  consider  me  so  old.  You  can  see  that 
I  am  not  too  old  for  this  young  man  to  enjoy 
paying  me  a  little  compliment." 

Autres  pays,  autres  moeurs!  Just  conceive  the 
feelings  of  an  ordinary  British  middle-class  house- 
holder, residing,  let  us  say,  at  Balham  or  Wands- 
worth, at  learning  that  the  sanctity  of  "  The  Lau- 
rels "  or  "Ferndale  "  had  been  invaded  by  a  total 
stranger;  that  his  daughters  had  been  pursued 
round  the  house,  and  then  soaked  with  water  in  his 
own  dining-room,  and  that  even  his  aged  mother's 
revered  white  hairs  had  not  preserved  her  from  a 
like  indignity.  I  cannot  imagine  him  accepting  it 
as  a  humorous  everyday  incident.  Our  progress 
to  the  Chancery  was  punctuated  by  several  more 
interludes  of  a  similar  character,  and  I  was  really 
pained  on  reaching  the  shelter  of  our  official  sane- 


252     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

tuary  to  note  how  Sir  Edward's  spotless  garments 
had  suffered.  Personally,  on  a  broiling  February 
day  (corresponding  with  August  in  the  northern 
hemisphere)  I  thought  the  cool  water  most  refresh- 
ing. Our  Chancery  looked  on  to  the  fashionable 
Calle  Florida,  and  a  highly  respectable  German 
widow  who  had  lived  for  thirty  years  in  South 
America  acted  as  our  housekeeper.  Sir  Edward, 
considerably  ruffled  in  his  temper,  sat  down  to 
continue  a  very  elaborate  memorandum  he  was 
drawing  up  on  the  new  Argentine  Customs  tariff. 
The  subject  was  a  complicated  one,  there  were 
masses  of  figures  to  deal  with,  and  the  work  re- 
quired the  closest  concentration.  Presently  our 
housekeeper,  Frau  Bauer,  entered  the  room  de- 
murely, and  made  her  way  to  Sir  Edward's  table, 
"  Wenn  Excellenz  so  gut  sein  werden  um  zu 
entschuldigen,"  began  Frau  Bauer  with  downcast 
eyes,  and  then  suddenly  with  a  discreet  titter  she 
produced  a  large  pomito  from  under  her  apron 
and,  secure  in  the  license  of  Carnival  time,  she 
thrust  it  into  Sir  Edward's  collar,  and  proceeded 
to  squirt  half  a  pint  of  cold  water  down  his  back, 
retiring  swiftly  with  elderly  coyness  amid  an  ex- 
plosion of  giggles.  I  think  that  I  have  seldom 
seen  a  man  in  such  a  furious  rage.  I  will  not 
attempt  to  reproduce  Sir  Edward's  language,  for 
the  printer  would  have  exhausted  his  entire  stock 
of  "  blanks  "  before  I  had  got  halfway  through. 
The  Minister,  when  he  had  eased  his  mind  suffi- 
ciently, snapped  out,  "It  is  obvious  that  with  all 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         253 

this  condemned  (that  was  not  quite  the  word  he 
used)  foolery  going  on,  it  is  impossible  to  do  any 
serious  work  to-day.  Where  .  .  .  where  .  .  .  can 
one  buy  the  infernal  squirts  these  condemned  idiots 
use?  "  "  Anywhere  in  the  streets.  Shall  I  buy  you 
some,  Sir  Edward?  "  "  Yes,  get  me  a  lot  of  them, 
and  the  biggest  you  can  find."     So  we  parted. 

Heturning  home  after  a  moist  but  enjoyable  aft- 
ernoon, I  saw  a  great  crowd  gathered  at  the  junc- 
tion of  two  streets,  engaged  in  a  furious  water- 
fight.  The  central  figure  was  a  most  disreputable- 
looking  individual  with  a  sodden  wisp  of  linen 
where  his  collar  should  have  been;  remnants  of  a 
tie  trailed  dankly  down,  his  soaked  garments  were 
shapeless,  and  his  head  was  crowned  with  a  sort  of 
dripping  poultice.  He  was  spouting  water  in  all 
directions  like  the  Crystal  Palace  fountains  in 
their  heyday,  with  shouts  of  "  Take  that,  you  fool- 
ish female;  and  that,  you  fat  feminine  Argentine!  " 
With  grief  I  recognised  in  this  damp  reveller  her 
Britannic  Majesty's  Minister  Plenipotentiary. 

Upon  returning  home,  we  found  that  our  two 
English  servants  had  been  having  the  time  of  their 
lives.  They  had  stood  all  day  on  the  roof  of  the 
house,  dashing  pails  of  water  over  passers-by  until 
they  had  completely  emptied  the  cistern.  There 
was  not  one  drop  of  water  in  the  house,  and  we 
had  to  borrow  three  pailfuls  from  a  complaisant 
neighbour. 

A  few  years  later  the  police  prohibited  water- 
throwing  altogether,   so  this   feature   of  a   Buenos 


254     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

Ayres    Carnival    is    now    a    thing    of    the    past. 

As  time  went  on  I  grew  very  fond  of  Sir  Edward. 
His  temper  may  have  flared  up  quickly,  but  it 
died  down  just  as  rapidly.  He  was  a  man  with 
an  extraordinarily  varied  fund  of  information,  and 
possessed  a  very  original  and  subtle  sense  of  hu- 
mour. He  was  also  a  great  stylist  in  writing 
English,  and  the  drafts  I  wrote  for  despatches 
were  but  seldom  fortunate  enough  to  meet  with 
his  approval.  A  split  infinitive  brought  him  to  the 
verge  of  tears.  The  Argentine  authorities  were 
by  no  means  easy  to  deal  with,  and  Sir  Edward 
handled  them  in  a  masterly  fashion.  His  quiet 
persistence  usually  achieved  its  object.  It  was  a 
real  joy  to  see  him  dealing  with  anyone  rash 
enough  to  attempt  to  bully  or  browbeat  him.  His 
tongue  could  sting  like  a  lash  on  occasions,  whilst 
he  preserved  an  outward  air  of  imperturbable  calm. 
Sir  Edward  both  spoke  and  wrote  the  most  beau- 
tifully finished  Spanish. 

A  ball  in  a  private  house  at  Buenos  Ayres  had 
its  peculiar  features  in  the  "  'eighties."  In  the 
first  place,  none  of  the  furniture  was  removed 
from  the  rooms,  and  so  far  from  taking  up  carpets, 
carpets  were  actually  laid  down,  should  the  rooms 
be  unprovided  with  them.  This  rendered  dancing 
somewhat  difficult;  in  fact  a  ball  resolved  itself 
into  a  leisurely  arm-in-arm  promenade  to  music 
through  the  rooms,  steering  an  erratic  course  be- 
tween the  articles  of  furniture,  "  drawing  the  port," 
as  a  Scottish  curler  would  put  it.     Occasionally  a 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         255 

space  behind  a  sofa  could  be  found  sufficiently 
large  to  attempt  a  few  mild  gyrations,  but  that 
was  all.  The  golden  youth  of  Buenos  Ayres,  in 
the  place  of  the  conventional  white  evening  tie, 
all  affected  the  most  deplorable  bows  of  pale  pink 
or  pale  green  satin.  A  wedding,  too,  differed  from 
the  European  routine.  The  parents  of  the  bride 
gave  a  ball.  At  twelve  o'clock  dancing,  or  prom- 
enading amidst  the  furniture,  ceased.  A  portable 
altar  was  brought  into  the  room;  a  priest  made 
his  unexpected  entry,  and  the  young  couple  were 
married  at  breakneck  speed.  At  the  conclusion 
of  the  ceremony,  all  the  young  men  darted  at  the 
bride  and  tore  her  marriage-veil  to  shreds.  Priest, 
altar,  and  the  newly-married  couple  then  disap- 
peared; the  band  struck  up  again,  and  dancing,  or 
rather  a  leisurely  progress  round  the  sofas  and 
ottomans,  recommenced. 

A  form  of  entertainment  that  appeals  immensely 
to  people  of  Spanish  blood  is  a  masked  ball.  In 
Buenos  Ayres  the  ladies  only  were  masked,  which 
gave  them  a  distinct  advantage  over  the  men.  To 
enjoy  a  masquerade  a  good  knowledge  of  Spanish 
is  necessary.  All  masked  women  are  addressed 
indiscriminately  as  "  mascarita "  and  can  be  "  tu- 
toyee'd."  Convention  permits,  too,  anything  within 
reasonable  limits  to  be  said  by  a  man  to  "  mascari- 
tas,"  who  one  and  all  assume  a  little  high-pitched 
head-voice  to  conceal  their  identities.  I  fancy  that 
the  real  attractions  masquerades  had  for  most  wo- 
men  lay   in   the   opportunity   they   afforded    every 


256     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

"  mascarita  "  of  saying  with  impunity  abominably 
rude  things  to  some  other  woman  whom  she  de- 
tested. I  remember  one  "  mascarita,"  an  acquaint- 
ance of  mine,  whose  identity  I  pierced  at  once, 
giving  another  veiled  form  accurate  details  not 
only  as  to  the  date  when  the  pearly  range  of  teeth 
she  was  exhibiting  to  the  world  had  come  into 
her  possession,  but  also  the  exact  price  she  had 
paid  for  them. 

It  takes  a  stranger  from  the  North  some  httle 
time  to  accustom  himself  to  the  inversion  of  sea- 
sons and  of  the  points  of  the  compass  in  the 
southern  hemisphere.  For  instance,  "  a  lovely  spring 
day  in  October,"  or  "  a  chilly  autumn  evening  in 
May"  rings  curiously  to  our  ears;  as  it  does  to 
hear  of  a  room  with  a  cool  southern  aspect,  or  to 
hear  complaints  about  the  hot  north  wind.  Person- 
ally I  did  not  dislike  the  north  wind;  it  was  cer- 
tainly moist  and  warm,  but  it  smelt  deliciously  frag- 
rant with  a  faint  spicy  odour  after  its  journey 
over  the  great  Brazilian  forests  on  its  way  from 
the  Equator.  All  Argentines  seemed  to  feel  the 
north  wind  terribly;  it  gave  them  headaches,  and 
appeared  to  dislocate  their  entire  nervous  system. 
In  the  Law  Courts  it  was  held  to  be  a  mitigating 
circumstance  should  it  be  proved  that  a  murder,  or 
other  crime  of  violence,  had  been  committed  after 
a  long  spell  of  north  wind.  Many  women  went 
about  during  a  north  wind  with  split  beans  on  their 
temples  to  soothe  their  headaches,  a  comical  sight 
till  one  grew  accustomed  to  it.     The  old  German 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         257 

housekeeper  of  the  Chancery,  Frau  Bauer,  invari- 
ably had  spHt  beans  adhering  to  her  temples  when 
the  north  wind  blew. 

The  icy  pampero,  the  south  wind  direct  from 
the  Pole,  was  the  great  doctor  of  Buenos  Ayres. 
Darwin  used  to  consider  the  River  Plate  the  elec- 
trical centre  of  the  world.  Nowhere  have  I  ex- 
perienced such  terrific  thunderstorms  as  in  the  Ar- 
gentine. Sometimes  on  a  stifling  summer  night, 
with  the  thermometer  standing  at  nearly  a  hundred 
degrees,  one  of  these  stupendous  storms  would  break 
over  the  city  with  floods  of  rain.  Following  on 
the  storm  would  come  the  pampero,  gently  at  first, 
but  increasing  in  violence  until  a  blustering,  ice- 
cold  gale  went  roaring  through  the  sweltering  city, 
bringing  the  temperature  down  in  four  hours  with 
a  run  from  100  degrees  to  60  degrees.  Extremely 
pleasant  for  those  like  myself  with  sound  lungs; 
very  dangerous  to  those  with  delicate  chests. 

The  old-fashioned  Argentine  house  had  no  pro- 
tection over  the  patio.  In  bad  weather  the  occu- 
pants had  to  make  their  way  through  the  rain  from 
one  room  to  another.  Some  of  the  newer  houses 
were  built  in  a  style  which  I  have  seen  nowhere 
else  except  on  the  stage.  Everyone  is  familiar  with 
those  airy  dwellings  composed  principally  of  open 
colonnades  one  sees  on  stage  back-cloths.  These 
houses  were  very  similar  in  design,  with  open  halls 
of  columns  and  arches,  and  open-air  staircases.  On 
the  stage  it  rains  but  seldom,  and  the  style  may  be 
suited  to  the  climatic  conditions   prevailing  there 


258     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

In  real  life  it  must  be  horribly  inconvenient.  The 
Italian  Minister  at  Buenos  Ayres  lived  in  a  house 
of  this  description.  In  fine  weather  it  looked 
extremely  picturesque,  but  I  imagine  that  his 
Excellency's  progress  to  bed  must  have  been  at- 
tended with  some  difficulties  when,  during  a  thun- 
derstorm, the  rain  poured  in  cataracts  down  his 
open-air  staircase,  and  the  pampero  howled  through 
his  open  arcades  and  galleries. 

The  theatres  at  Buenos  Ayres  were  quite  ex- 
cellent. At  the  Opera  all  the  celebrated  singers 
of  Europe  could  be  heard,  although  one  could 
almost  have  purchased  a  nice  little  freehold  prop- 
erty near  London  for  the  price  asked  for  a  seat. 
There  were  two  French  theatres,  one  devoted  to 
light  opera,  the  other  to  Palais  Royal  farces,  both 
admirably  given;  and,  astonishingly  enough,  during 
part  of  my  stay,  there  was  actually  an  English 
theatre  with  an  English  stock  company.  A  pecu- 
liarly Spanish  form  of  entertainment  is  the  *'  Zar- 
zuela,"  a  sort  of  musical  farce.  It  requires  a 
fairly  intimate  knowledge  of  the  language  to  follow 
these  pieces  with  their  many  topical  allusions. 

The  Spanish- American  temperament  seems  to 
dislike  instinctively  any  gloomy  or  morbid  dramas, 
differing  widely  from  the  Russians  in  this  respect. 
At  Petrograd,  on  the  Russian  stage,  the  plays,  in 
addition  to  the  usual  marital  difficulties,  were 
brightened  up  by  allusions  to  such  cheerful  topics 
as  inherited  tendencies  to  kleptomania  or  suicide, 
or    an    intense    desire    for    self-mutilation.      What 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         259 

appeals  to  the  morbid  frost-bound  North  appa- 
rently fails  to  attract  the  light-hearted  sons  of  the 
southern  hemisphere. 

Buenos  Ayres  was  also  a  city  of  admirable  res- 
taurants. In  the  fashionable  places,  resplendent 
with  mirrors,  coloured  marbles  and  gilding,  the 
cooking  rivals  Paris,  and  the  bill,  when  tendered, 
makes  one  inclined  to  rush  to  the  telegraph  office 
to  cable  for  further  and  largely  increased  remit- 
tances from  Europe.  There  were  a  number,  how- 
ever, of  unpretending  French  restaurants  of  the 
most  meritorious  description.  Never  shall  I  forget 
Sir  Edward's  face  when,  in  answer  to  his  ques- 
tions as  to  a  light  supper,  the  waiter  suggested  a 
cold  armadillo;  a  most  excellent  dish,  by  the  way, 
though  after  seeing  the  creature  in  the  Zoological 
Gardens  one  would  hardly  credit  it  with  gas- 
tronomic possibilities.  The  soil  of  the  Argentine 
is  marvellously  fertile,  and  some  day  it  will  become 
a  great  wine-growing  country.  In  the  meantime 
vast  quantities  of  inferior  wine  are  imported  from 
Europe.  After  sampling  a  thin  Spanish  red  wine, 
and  a  heavy  sweet  black  wine  known  as  Priorato, 
and  having  tested  their  effects  on  his  digestion. 
Sir  Edward  christened  them  "  The  red  wine  of 
Our  Lady  of  Pain "  and  "  The  black  wine  of 
Death." 

When  the  President  of  the  Republic  appeared 
in  public  on  great  occasions,  he  was  always  pre- 
ceded by  a  man  carrying  a  large  blue  velvet  bolster 
embroidered  with  the   Argentine   arms.     This   was 


2C0     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

clearly  an  emblem  of  national  sovereignty,  but  what 
this  blue  bolster  was  intended  to  typify  I  never 
could  find  out.  Did  it  indicate  that  it  was  the  duty 
of  the  President  to  bolster  up  the  Republic,  or 
did  it  signify  that  the  Republic  was  always  ready 
to  bolster  up  its  President?  None  of  my  Argentine 
friends  could  throw  any  light  upon  the  subject 
further  than  by  saying  that  this  bolster  was  always 
carried  in  front  of  the  President;  a  sufficiently  self- 
evident  fact.  It  will  always  remain  an  enigma  to 
me.  A  bolster  seems  a  curiously  soporific  emblem 
for  a  young,  enterprising,  and  progressive  Repub- 
lic to  select  as  its  symbol. 

It  would  be  ungallant  to  pass  over  without 
remark  the  wonderful  beauty  of  the  Argentine 
girls.  This  beauty  is  very  shortlived  indeed,  and 
owing  to  their  obstinate  refusal  to  take  any  exer- 
cise whatever,  feminine  outlines  increase  in  bulk 
at  an  absurdly  early  age,  but  between  seventeen 
and  twenty-one  many  of  them  are  really  lovely. 
Lolling  in  hammocks  and  perpetual  chocolate-eating 
bring  about  their  own  penalties,  and  sad  to  say, 
bring  them  about  very  quickly.  I  must  add  that 
the  attractiveness  of  these  girls  is  rather  physical 
than   intellectual. 

The  house  Sir  Edward  and  I  rented  had  been 
originally  built  for  a  stage  favourite  by  one  of  her 
many  warm-hearted  admirers.  It  had  been  fur- 
nished according  to  the  lady's  own  markedly  florid 
tastes.  I  reposed  nightly  in  a  room  entirely  draped 
in  sky-blue  satin.     The  house  had  a  charming  gar- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         261 

den,  and  Sir  Edward  and  I  expended  a  great  deal 
of  trouble  and  a  considerable  amount  of  money 
on  it.  That  garden  was  the  pride  of  our  hearts, 
but  we  had  reckoned  without  the  leaf -cutting  ant, 
the  great  foe  of  the  horticulturist  in  South  Amer- 
ica. At  Rio,  and  in  other  places  in  Brazil,  they 
had  a  special  apparatus  for  pumping  the  fumes 
of  burning  sulphur  into  the  ant-holes,  and  so  were 
enabled  to  keep  these  pests  in  check.  In  private 
gardens  in  Brazil  every  single  specially  cherished 
plant  had  to  have  its  stem  surrounded  with  un- 
sightly circular  troughs  of  paraffin  and  water.  In 
front  of  our  windows  we  had  a  large  bed  of  gar- 
denias backed  by  a  splendid  border  of  many-hued 
cannas  which  were  the  apple  of  Sir  Edward's  eye. 
He  gazed  daily  on  them  with  an  air  not  only  of 
pride,  but  of  quasi-paternity.  The  leaf -cutting  ants 
found  their  way  into  our  garden,  and  in  four  days 
nothing  remained  of  our  beautiful  gardenias  and 
cannas  but  some  black,  leafless  stalks.  These  abom- 
inable insects  swept  our  garden  as  bare  of  every 
green  thing  as  a  flight  of  locusts  would  have  done; 
they  even  killed  the  grass  where  their  serried  pro- 
cessions had  passed. 

For  me,  the  great  charm  of  the  Argentine  lay 
in  the  endless  expanses  of  the  "  Camp,"  far  away 
from  the  noisy  city.  The  show  estancia  of  the 
Argentine  was  in  those  days  "  Negrete,"  the  prop- 
erty of  Mr.  David  Shennan,  kindest  and  most 
hospitable  of  Scotsmen.  Most  English  residents 
and  visitors  out  in  the  Plate  cherish  grateful  rec- 


262     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

ollections  of  that  pleasant  spot,  encircled  by  peach 
orchards,  where  the  genial  proprietor,  like  a  patri- 
arch of  old,  welcomed  his  guests,  surrounded  by 
his  vast  herds  and  flocks.  I  happen  to  know  the 
exact  number  of  head  of  cattle  Mr.  Shennan  had 
on  his  estancia  on  January  1,  1884,  for  I  was  one 
of  the  counters  at  the  stocktaking  on  the  last  day 
of  the  year.     The  number  was  18,731  head. 

Counting  cattle  is  rather  laborious  work,  and 
needs  close  concentration.  Six  of  us  were  in  the 
saddle  from  daybreak  to  dusk,  with  short  intervals 
for  meals,  and  December  31  is  at  the  height  of  the 
summer  in  the  southern  hemisphere,  so  the  heat 
was  considerable. 

This  is  the  method  employed  in  a  "  count."  The 
cattle  are  driven  into  "  mobs  "  of  some  eight  hun- 
dred ("Rodeo"  is  the  Spanish  term  for  mob) 
by  the  "  peons."  Some  twenty  tame  bullocks  are 
driven  a  quarter  of  a  mile  from  the  "  mob,"  and 
the  counters  line  up  on  their  horses  between  the 
two,  with  their  pockets  full  of  beans.  The  "  peons  " 
use  their  whips,  and  one  or  two  of  the  cattle  break 
away  from  the  herd  to  the  tame  bullocks.  They 
are  followed  by  more  and  more  at  an  ever-in- 
creasing pace.  Each  one  is  counted,  and  when 
one  hundred  is  reached,  a  bean  is  silently  transferred 
from  the  left  pocket  to  the  right.  So  the  process 
is  continued  until  the  entire  herd  has  passed  by. 
Should  the  numbers  given  by  the  six  counters  tally 
within  reason,  the  count  is  accepted.  Should  it 
differ    materially,    there    is    a    recount;    then    the 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         263 

counters  pass  on  to  another  "  mob "  some  two 
miles  away.  Under  a  very  hot  sun,  the  strain  of 
continual  attention  is  exhausting,  and  those  six 
counters  found  their  beds  unusually  welcome  that 
night. 

The  dwelling-house  of  Negrete,  which  was  to 
become  very  familiar  to  me,  was  over  a  hundred 
years  old,  and  stretched  itself  one-storied  round  a 
large  patio,  blue  and  white  tiled,  with  an  elaborate 
well-head  in  the  centre  decorated  with  good  iron- 
work. The  patio  was  fragrant  with  orange  and 
lemon  trees,  and  great  bushes  of  the  lovely  sky- 
blue  Paraguayan  jasmine.  I  can  never  under- 
stand why  this  shrub,  the  "  Jasmin  del  Paraguay," 
with  its  deliciously  sweet  perfume  and  showy  blue 
flowers,  has  never  been  introduced  into  England. 
It  would  have  to  be  grown  under  glass,  but  only 
requires   sufficient  heat  to  keep  the  frost  out. 

I  had  never  felt  the  joie  de  vivre — the  sheer  joy 
at  being  alive — thrill  through  one's  veins  so  exult- 
antly as  when  riding  over  the  "  Camp  "  in  early 
morning.  I  have  had  the  same  feeling  on  the  High 
Veldt  in  South  Africa,  where  there  is  the  same 
marvellous  air,  and,  in  spite  of  the  undulations  of 
the  ground,  the  same  sense  of  vast  space.  The 
glorious  air,  the  sunlight,  the  limitless,  treeless 
expanse  of  neutral-tinted  grass  stretching  endless- 
ly to  the  horizon,  and  the  vast  hemisphere  of  blue 
sky  above  had  something  absolutely  intoxicating  in 
them.  It  may  have  been  the  delight  of  forgetting 
that  there  were  such  things  as  towns,  and  streets. 


264     SOME  KANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

and  tramways.  And  then  the  teeming  bird-life  of 
the  camp  I  Ibis  and  egrets  flashed  bronze-green  or 
snowy- white  through  the  sunlight;  the  beautiful 
pink  spoon-bills  flapped  noisily  overhead  in  single 
file,  a  lengthy  rosy  trail  of  long  legs  and  necks  and 
brilliant  colour;  the  quaint  little  ground  owls  blinked 
from  the  entrances  of  their  burrows,  and  dozens  of 
spurred  plovers  wheeled  in  incessant  gyrations, 
keeping  up  their  endless,  wearying  scream  of  "  tero- 
tero."  I  always  wanted  to  shout  and  sing  from 
sheer  delight  at  being  part  of  it  all. 

The  tinamou,  the  South  American  partridge,  sur- 
prisingly stupid  birds,  rose  almost  under  the  horses' 
feet,  and  dozens  of  cheery  little  sandpipers  darted 
about  in  all  directions.  Birds,  birds  everywhere  I 
Should  one  pass  near  one  of  the  great  shallow  la- 
goons, which  are  such  a  feature  of  the  country,  its 
surface  would  be  black  with  ducks,  with  perhaps  a 
regiment  of  flamingoes  in  the  centre  of  it,  a  dazz- 
ling patch  of  sunlit  scarlet,  against  the  turquoise 
blue  the  water  reflected  from  the  sky. 

In  springtime  the  **  Camp  "  is  covered  with  the 
trailing  verbena  which  in  my  young  days  was  such 
a  favourite  bedding-out  plant  in  England,  its  flow- 
ers making  a  brilliant  league-long  carpet  of  scarlet 
or  purple. 

There  are  endless  opportunities  for  shooting  on 
the  "  Camp  "  in  the  Province  of  Buenos  Ayres, 
only  limited  by  the  difficulties  in  obtaining  cartridges, 
and  the  fact  that  in  places  where  it  is  impossible 
to  dispose  of  the  game  the  amount  shot  must  de- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         265 

pend  on  what  can  be  eaten  locally.     Otherwise  it 
is  not  sport,  but  becomes  wanton  slaughter. 

The  foolish  tinamou  are  easily  shot,  but  are  ex- 
ceedingly difficult  to  retrieve  out  of  the  knee-high 
grass,  and  if  only  winged,  they  can  run  like  hares. 
There  is  also  a  large  black  and  white  migratory  bird 
of  the  snipe  family,  the  "  batitou,"  which  appears 
from  the  frozen  regions  of  the  Far  South,  as  winter 
comes  on,  and  is  immensely  prized  for  the  table. 
He  is  unquestionably  a  delicious  bird  to  eat,  but 
is  very  hard  to  approach  owing  to  his  wariness. 
The   duck-shooting  was   absolutely   unequalled.     I 
had  never  before  known  that  there  were  so  many 
ducks  in  the  world,  nor  were  there  the  same  com- 
plicated preliminaries,   as  with  us;   no  keepers,  no 
beaters,  no  dogs  were  required.     One  simply  put 
twenty  cartridges  in  a  bandolier,  took  one's  gun, 
jumped  on  a  horse,  and  rode  six  miles  or  so  to  a 
selected  lagoon.    Here  the  horse  was  tied  up  to  the 
nearest  fence,  and  one  just  walked  into  the  lagoon. 
So  warm  was  the  water  in  these  lagoons  that   I 
have  stood  waist-high  in  it  for  hours  without  feeling 
the  least  chilly,   or  suffering  from  any  ill  effects 
whatever.     With  the  first  step  came  a  mighty  and 
stupendous  roar  of  wings,  and  a  prodigious  quack- 
ing, then  the  air  became  black  with  countless  thou- 
sands of  ducks.     Mallards,  shovellers,  and  speckled 
ducks;  black  ducks  with  crimson  feet  and  bills;  the 
great  black  and  white  birds  Argentines  call  "  Roy- 
al "  ducks,  and  we  "  Muscovy  "  ducks,  though  with 
us  they   are   uninteresting   inhabitants   of   a   farm- 


266     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

yard.  Ducks,  ducks  everywhere!  As  these  con- 
fiding fowl  never  thought  of  flying  away,  but  kept 
circling  over  the  lagoon  again  and  again,  I  am 
sure  that  anyone,  given  sufficient  cartridges,  and 
the  inclination  to  do  so,  could  easily  have  killed  five 
hundred  of  them  to  his  own  gun  in  one  day.  We 
limited  ourselves  to  ten  apiece.  Splashing  about  in 
the  lagoon,  it  was  easy  to  pick  up  the  dead  birds 
without  a  dog,  but  no  one  who  has  not  carried  them 
can  have  any  idea  of  the  weight  of  eight  ducks  in 
a  gamebag  pressing  on  one's  back,  or  can  conceive 
how  difficult  it  is  to  get  into  the  saddle  on  a  half- 
broken  horse  with  this  weight  dragging  you  back- 
wards. In  any  other  country  but  the  Argentine, 
to  canter  home  six  miles  dripping  wet  would  have 
resulted  in  a  severe  chill.  No  one  ever  seemed  the 
worse   for   it   out   there. 

At  times  I  went  into  the  lagoons  without  a  gun, 
just  to  observe  at  close  quarters  the  teeming  water- 
hfe  there.  The  raucous  screams  of  the  vigilant 
"  tero-teros  "  warned  the  water-birds  of  a  hostile 
approach,  but  it  was  easy  to  sit  down  in  the  shal- 
low warm  water  amongst  the  reeds  until  the  alarm 
had  died  down,  and  one  was  amply  repaid  for  it, 
though  the  enforced  lengthy  abstention  from  to- 
bacco was  trying. 

The  "  Camp  "  is  a  great  educator.  One  learnt 
there  to  recap  empty  cartridge-cases  with  a  ma- 
chine, and  to  reload  them.  One  learnt  too  to  clean 
guns  and  saddlery.  When  a  thing  remains  undone, 
unless  you  take  it  in  hand  yourself,  you  begin  won- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         267 

dering  why  you  should  ever  have  left  these  things 
to  be  done  for  you  by  others.  The  novice  finds 
out  that  a  bridle  and  bit  are  surprisingly  difficult 
objects  to  clean,  even  given  unlimited  oil  and  sand- 
paper. The  "  Camp  "  certainly  educates,  and  teach- 
es the  neophyte  independence. 

I  shot  several  pink  spoonbills,  one  of  which  in 
a  glass  case  is  not  far  from  me  as  I  write,  but  I 
simply  longed  to  get  a  scarlet  flamingo.  Owing 
to  the  spoonbills'  habit  of  flitting  from  lagoon  to 
lagoon,  they  are  not  difficult  to  shoot,  but  a  flamingo 
is  a  very  wary  bird.  Perched  on  one  leg,  they 
stand  in  the  very  middle  of  a  lagoon,  and  allow 
no  one  within  gunshot.  The  officious  "  tero-teros  " 
effectually  notify  them  of  the  approach  of  man, 
and  possibly  the  flamingoes  have  learnt  from  "  Alice 
in  Wonderland  "  that  the  Queen  of  Hearts  is  in 
the  habit  of  utilising  them  as  croquet-mallets.  The 
natural  anxiety  to  escape  so  ignominious  a  fate 
would  tend  to  make  them  additionally  cautious. 
Anyhow,  I  found  it  impossible  to  approach  them. 
The  idea  occurred  to  me  of  trying  to  shoot  one  with 
a  rifle.  So  I  crawled  prostrate  on  my  anatomy  up 
to  the  lagoon.  I  failed  at  least  six  times,  but  final- 
ly succeeded  in  killing  a  flamingo.  Wading  into 
the  lagoon,  I  triumphantly  retrieved  my  scarlet 
victim,  and  took  him  by  train  to  Buenos  Ayres, 
intending  to  hand  him  over  to  a  taxidermit  next 
day.  When  I  awoke  next  morning,  the  blue  satin 
bower  in  which  I  slept  (originally  fitted  up,  as  I 
have  explained,  as  the  bedroom  of  a  minor  light  of 


208     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

the  operatic  stage)  was  filled  with  a  pestilential 
smell  of  decayed  fish.  I  inquired  the  reason  of  my 
English  servant,  who  informed  me  that  the  cook  was 
afraid  that  there  was  something  wrong  about  "  the 
queer  duck  "  I  had  brought  home  last  night,  as 
its  odour  was  not  agreeable.  (The  real  expression 
he  used  was  "  smelling  something  cruel.")  Full 
of  horrible  forebodings,  I  jumped  out  of  bed  and 
ran  down  to  the  kitchen,  to  find  a  little  heap  of  bril- 
liant scarlet  feathers  reposing  on  the  table,  and 
Paquita,  our  fat  Andalusian  cook,  regarding  with 
doubtful  eyes  a  carcase  slowly  roasting  before  the 
fire,  and  filling  the  place  with  unbelievably  poison- 
ous effluvia.  And  that  was  the  end  of  the  only 
flamingo  I  ever  succeeded  in  shooting. 

A  London  financial  house  had,  by  foreclosing  a 
mortgage,  come  into  possession  of  a  great  tract 
of  land  in  the  unsurveyed  and  uncharted  Indian 
Reserve,  the  Gran  Chaco.  Anxious  to  ascertain 
whether  their  newly-acquired  property  was  suited 
for  white  settlers,  the  financial  house  sent  out  two 
representatives  to  Buenos  Ayres  with  orders  to 
fit  out  a  little  expedition  to  survey  and  explore  it. 
I  was  invited  to  join  this  expedition,  and  as  work 
was  slack  at  the  time,  Sir  Edward  did  not  require 
my  services  and  gave  me  leave  to  go.  I  had  been 
warned  that  conditions  would  be  very  rough  indeed, 
but  the  opportunity  seemed  one  of  those  that  only 
occur  once  in  a  lifetime,  and  too  good  to  be  lost. 
I  do  not  think  the  invitation  was  quite  a  disinter- 
ested one.     The  leaders  of  the  expedition  probably 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         269 

thought  that  the  presence  of  a  member  of  the  Brit- 
ish Legation  might  be  useful  in  case  of  difficulties 
with  the  Argentine  authorities.  I  travelled  by- 
steamer  six  hundred  miles  up  the  mighty  Parana, 
and  joined  the  other  members  of  the  expedition  at 
the  Alexandra  Colony,  a  httle  English  settlement  be- 
longing to  the  London  firm  hundreds  of  miles  from 
anywhere,  and  surrounded  by  vast  swamps.  The 
Alexandra  Colony  was  a  most  prosperous  little 
community,  but  was  unfortunately  infested  with 
snakes  and  every  imaginable  noxious  stinging  in- 
sect. As  we  should  have  to  cross  deep  swamps 
perpetually,  we  took  no  wagons  with  us,  but  our 
baggage  was  loaded  on  pack-horses.  For  provisions 
we  took  jerked  sun-dried  beef  (very  similar  to  the 
South  African  "biltong"),  hard  biscuit,  flour,  cof- 
fee, sugar,  and  salt,  as  well  as  several  bottles  of 
rum,  guns,  rifles,  plenty  of  ammunition,  and  two 
blankets  apiece.  We  had  some  thirty  horses  in 
all;  the  loose  horses  trotting  obediently  behind  a 
bell-mare,  according  to  their  convenient  Argentine 
custom.  In  Argentina  mares  are  never  ridden,  and 
a  bell-mare  serves  the  same  purpose  in  keeping 
the  "  tropilla  "  of  horses  together  as  does  a  bell- 
wether in  keeping  sheep  together  with  us.  At  night 
only  the  bell-mare  need  be  securely  picketed;  the 
horses  will  not  stray  far  from  the  sound  of  her  tink- 
ling bell.  Should  the  bell-mare  break  loose,  there 
is  the  very  devil  to  pay;  all  the  others  will  follow 
her.  It  will  thus  be  seen  that  the  bell-mare  plays 
a   very   important   part.      In  French   families   the 


270     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

belle-mere  fills  an  equally  important  position.  We 
were  four  Englishmen  in  all;  the  two  leaders,  the 
doctor,  and  myself.  The  doctor  was  quite  a  young- 
ster, taking  a  final  outing  before  settling  down  to 
serious  practice  in  Bristol.  A  nice,  cheery  youth! 
The  first  night  I  discovered  how  very  hard  the 
ground  is  to  sleep  upon,  but  our  troubles  did  not 
begin  till  the  second  day.  We  were  close  up  to 
the  tropics,  and  got  into  great  swamps  where  mil- 
lions and  millions  of  mosquitoes  attacked  us  day 
and  night,  giving  us  no  rest.  Our  hands  got  so 
swollen  with  bites  that  we  could  hardly  hold  our 
reins,  and  sleep  outside  our  blankets  was  impos- 
sible with  these  humming,  buzzing  tormentors  de- 
vouring us.  If  one  attempted  to  baffle  them  by 
putting  one's  head  under  the  blanket,  the  stifling 
heat  made  sleep  equally  difficult.  In  four  days  we 
reached  a  waterless  land;  that  is  to  say,  there  were 
clear  streams  in  abundance,  but  they  were  all  of 
salt,  bitter,  alkaline  water,  undrinkable  by  man  or 
beast.  Oddly  enough,  all  the  clear  streams  were 
of  bitter  water,  whereas  the  few  muddy  ones  were 
of  excellent  drinking  water.  I  think  these  alkaHne 
streams  are  peculiar  to  the  interior  of  South  Amer- 
ica. Our  horses  suffered  terribly;  so  did  we.  We 
had  three  Argentine  gauchos  with  us,  to  look  after 
the  horses  and  baggage,  besides  two  pure  Indians. 
One  of  these  Indians,  known  by  the  pretty  name 
of  Chinche,  or  "  The  Bug,"  could  usually  find 
water-holes  by  watching  the  flight  of  the  birds. 
The  water  in  these  holes  was  often  black  and  fetid, 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         271 

yet  we  drank  it  greedily.  Chinche  could  also  get  a 
little  water  out  of  some  kinds  of  aloes  by  cutting 
the  heart  out  of  the  plant.  In  the  resulting  cavity 
about  half  a  glassful  of  water,  very  bitter  to  the 
taste,  but  acceptable  all  the  same,  collected  in  time. 
Prolonged  thirst  under  a  hot  sun  is  very  difficult 
to  bear.  We  nearly  murdered  the  doctor,  for  he 
insisted  on  recalling  the  memories  of  great  cool 
tankards  of  shandy-gaff  in  Thames-side  hostelries, 
and  at  our  worst  times  of  drought  had  a  madden- 
ing trick  of  imitating  (exceedingly  well  too)  the 
tinkling  of  ice  against  the  sides  of  a  long  tumbler. 
In  spite  of  thirst  and  the  accursed  mosquitoes 
it  was  an  interesting  trip.  We  were  where  few,  if 
any,  white  men  had  been  before  us;  the  scenery 
was  pretty;  and  game  was  very  plentiful.  The  open 
rolling,  down-like  country,  with  its  little  copses 
and  single  trees,  was  like  a  gigantic  edition  of  some 
English  park  in  the  southern  counties.  In  the 
early  morning  certain  trees,  belonging  to  the  cac- 
tus family,  I  imagine,  were  covered  with  brilliant 
clusters  of  flowers,  crimson,  pink,  and  white.  As 
the  sun  increased  in  heat  all  these  flowers  closed  up 
like  sea  anemones,  to  reopen  again  after  sunset. 
The  place  crawled  with  deer,  and  so  tame  and  un- 
sophisticated were  they  that  it  seemed  cruel  to  take 
advantage  of  them  and  to  shoot  them.  We  had  to 
do  so  for  food,  for  we  lived  almost  entirely  on  veni- 
son, and  venison  is  a  meat  I  absolutely  detest. 
When  food  is  unpalatable,  one  is  surprised  to  find 
how  very  little  is  necessary  to  sustain  life;  an  ex- 


272     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

perience  most  of  us  have  repeated  during  these  last 
two  years,  not  entirely  voluntarily.  Chinche,  the 
Indian,  could  see  the  tracks  of  any  beasts  in  the 
dew  at  dawn,  where  my  eyes  could  detect  nothing 
whatever.  In  this  way  I  was  enabled  to  shoot  a 
fine  jaguar,  whose  skin  has  reposed  for  thirty  years 
in  my  dining-room.  One  night,  too,  an  ant-eater 
blundered  into  our  camp,  and  by  some  extraor- 
dinary fluke  I  shot  him  in  the  dark.  His  skin  now 
keeps  his  compatriot  company.  An  ant-eating  bear 
is  a  very  shy  and  wary  animal,  and  as  he  is  noc- 
turnal in  his  habits,  he  is  but  rarely  met  with,  so 
this  was  a  wonderful  bit  of  luck.  We  encountered 
large  herds  of  peccaries,  the  South  American  wild 
boar.  These  little  beasts  are  very  fierce  and  ex- 
tremely pugnacious,  and  the  horses  seemed  fright- 
ened of  them.  The  flesh  of  the  peccary  is  excellent 
and  formed  a  most  welcome  variation  to  the  eternal 
venison.  I  never  could  learn  to  shoot  from  the 
saddle  as  Argentines  do,  but  had  to  slip  off  my  horse 
to  fire.  I  was  told  afterwards  that  it  was  very 
dangerous  to  do  this  with  these  savage  little  pec- 
caries. 

There  are  always  compensations  to  be  found 
everywhere.  Had  not  the  abominable  mosquitoes 
prevented  sleep,  one  would  not  have  gazed  up  for 
hours  at  the  glorious  constellations  of  the  Southern 
sky,  including  that  arch-impostor  the  Southern 
Cross,  glittering  in  the  dark-blue  bowl  of  the  clear 
tropical  night  sky.  Had  we  not  suffered  so  from 
thirst,  we  should  have  appreciated  less  the  unlimited 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         273 

foaming  beer  we  found  awaiting  us  on  our  return 
to  the  Alexandra  Colony.  By  the  way,  all  South 
Americans  believe  firmly  in  moon-strokes,  and  will 
never  let  the  moon's  rays  fall  on  their  faces  whilst 
sleeping. 

I  judged  the  country  we  traversed  quite  unfitted 
for  white  settlers,  owing  to  the  lack  of  good  water, 
and  the  evil-smelling  swamps  that  cut  the  land  up 
so.  That  exploring  trip  was  doubtless  pleasanter 
in  retrospect  than  in  actual  experience.  I  would 
not  have  missed  it,  though,  for  anything,  for  it 
gave  one  an  idea  of  stern  realities. 

On  returning  to  the  Alexandra  Colony,  both  I 
and  the  doctor,  a  remarkably  fair-skinned  young 
man,  found,  after  copious  ablutions,  that  our  faces 
and  hands  had  been  burnt  so  black  by  the  sun  that 
we  could  easily  have  taken  our  places  with  the  now 
defunct  Moore  and  Burgess  minstrels  in  the  van- 
ished St.  James's  Hall  in  Piccadilly  without  having 
to  use  any  burnt-cork  whatever. 

On  the  evening  of  our  arrival  at  Alexandra,  I 
was  reading  in  the  sitting-room  in  an  armchair 
against  the  wall.  The  doctor  called  out  to  me  to 
keep  perfectly  still,  and  not  to  move  on  any  ac- 
count until  he  returned.  He  came  back  with  a 
pickle- jar  and  a  bottle.  I  smelt  the  unmistakable 
odour  of  chloroform,  and  next  minute  the  doctor 
triumphantly  exhibited  an  immense  tarantula  spider 
in  the  pickle- jar.  He  had  cleverly  chloroformed  the 
venomous  insect  within  half  an  inch  of  my  head, 
otherwise  I  should  certainly  have  been  bitten.     The 


274     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

bite  of  these  great  spiders,  though  not  necessarily 
fatal,  is  intensely  painful. 

The  doctor  had  brought  out  with  him  a  complete 
anti-snake-bite  equipment,  and  was  always  longing 
for  an  occasion  to  use  it.  He  was  constantly  im- 
ploring us  to  go  and  get  bitten  by  some  highly 
venomous  snake,  in  order  to  give  him  an  oppor- 
tunity of  testing  the  efficacy  of  his  drugs,  hypo- 
dermic s\Tinges,  and  lancets.  At  Alexandra  a  dog 
did  get  bitten  by  a  dangerous  snake,  and  was  at 
once  brought  to  the  doctor,  who  injected  his  snake- 
bite antidote,  with  the  result  that  the  dog  died  on 
the  spot. 

A  river  ran  through  Alexandra  which  was  simply 
alive  with  fish,  also  with  alligators.  In  the  upper 
reaches  of  the  Parana  and  its  tributaries,  bathing  is 
dangerous  not  only  because  of  the  alligators,  but 
on  account  of  an  abominable  little  biting-fish.  These 
biting-fish,  which  go  about  in  shoals,  are  not  urdike 
a  flounder  in  appearance  and  size.  They  have  very 
sharp  teeth  and  attack  voraciously  everything  that 
ventures  into  the  water.  In  that  climate  their 
bites  are  very  liable  to  bring  on  lockjaw.  The 
doctor  and  I  spent  most  of  our  time  along  this 
river  with  fishing  lines  and  rifles,  for  alligators 
had  still  the  charm  of  novelty  to  us  both,  and  we 
both  delighted  in  shooting  these  revolting  saurians. 
I  advise  no  one  to  try  to  skin  a  dead  alligator. 
There  are  thousands  of  sinews  to  be  cut  through,  and 
the  pestilential  smell  of  the  brute  would  sicken  a 
Chinaman.     We   caught    some   extraordinary-look- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         275 

ing  fish  on  hand  lines,  including  a  great  golden 
carp  of  over  50  lb.  ("dorado"  in  Spanish).  It 
took  us  nearly  an  hour  to  land  this  big  fellow,  who 
proved  truly  excellent  when  cooked. 

When  I  first  reached  the  Argentine,  travel  was 
compHcated  by  the  fact  that  each  province  is- 
sued its  own  notes,  which  were  only  current  within 
the  province  itself  except  at  a  hea\'3,'  discount. 
The  value  of  the  dollar  fluctuated  enormously  in 
the  different  provinces.  In  Buenos  Ajtcs  the  dol- 
lar was  depreciated  to  four  cents,  or  twopence, 
and  was  treated  as  such,  the  ordinarv  tram  fare 
being  one  depreciated  dollar.  In  other  pro\"inces 
the  doUar  stood  as  high  as  three  shiUings.  In  pass- 
ing from  one  pro\"ince  to  another  all  paper  money 
had  to  be  changed,  and  this  entailed  the  most  intri- 
cate calculations.  It  is  unnecessary  to  add  that  the 
stranger  was  fleeced  quite  mercilessly.  The  cur- 
rency has  since  been  placed  on  a  more  rational  basis. 
National  notes,  issued  against  a  gold  reserve,  have 
superseded  the  provincial  currency,  and  pass  from 
one  end  of  the  Republic  to  the  other. 

Upon  returning  to  Buenos  Ayres,  my  blue- 
satin  bedroom  looked  strangely  artificial  and  effemi- 
nate, after  sleeping  on  the  ground  under  the  stars 
for  so  long. 


CHAPTER  IX 

Paraguay — Journey  up  the  river — A  primitive  Capital — Dick 
the  Australian — His  polychrome  garb — A  Paraguayan  Race 
Meeting — Beautiful  figures  of  native  women — The  "  Fal- 
con" adventurers — a  quaint  railway — Patifie  Cue — An 
extraordinary  household — The  capable  Australian  boy — 
Wild  life  in  the  swamps — "  Bushed  " — A  literary  evening 
— A  railway  record — The  Tigre  midnight  swims — Canada — 
Maddening  flies — A  grand  salmon  river — The  Canadian 
backwoods — Skunks  and  bears — Different  views  as  to  indus- 
trial progress. 

As  negotiations  had  commenced  in  the  "  'eighties  " 
for  a  new  Treaty,  including  an  Extradition  clause, 
between  the  British  and  Paraguayan  Governments, 
several  minor  points  connected  with  it  required 
clearing  up. 

I  accordingly  went  up  the  river  to  Asuncion, 
the  Paraguayan  capital,  five  days  distant  from 
Buenos  Ayres  by  steamer.  A  short  account  of 
that  primitive  little  inland  Republic  in  the  days 
before  it  was  linked  up  with  Argentina  by  railway 
may  prove  of  interest,  for  it  was  unlike  anything 
else,  with  its  stately  two  hundred-year-old  relics 
of  the  old  Spanish  civilisation  mixed  up  with  the 
roughest  of  modern  makeshifts.  The  vast  majority 
of  the  people  were  Guaranis,  of  pure  Indian  blood 
and  speech.  The  little  State  was  so  isolated  from 
the  rest  of  the  world  that  the  nineteenth  century 

276 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         277 

had  touched  it  very  lightly.  Since  its  independence 
Paraguay  had  suffered  under  the  rule  of  a  suc- 
cession of  Dictator  Presidents,  the  worst  of  whom 
was  Francisco  Lopez,  usually  known  as  Tyrant 
Lopez.  This  ignorant  savage  aspired  to  be  the  Na- 
poleon of  South  America,  and  in  1864  declared 
war  simultaneously  on  Brazil,  Uruguay,  and  the 
Argentine  Republic.  The  war  continued  till  1870, 
when,  fortunately,  Lopez  was  killed,  but  the  popu- 
lation of  Paraguay  had  diminshed  from  one  and 
a  quarter  million  to  four  hundred  thousand  people, 
nearly  all  the  males  being  killed.  In  my  time  there 
were  seven  women  to  every  male  of  the  population. 
The  journey  up  the  mighty  Parana  is  very  un- 
interesting, for  these  huge  rivers  are  too  broad  for 
the  details  on  either  shore  to  be  seen  clearly.  After 
the  steamer  had  turned  up  the  Paraguay  river  on 
the  verge  of  the  tropics,  it  became  less  monotonous. 
The  last  Argentine  town  is  Formosa,  a  little  place 
of  thatched  shanties  clustered  under  groves  of 
palms.  We  arrived  there  at  night,  and  remained 
three  hours.  I  shall  never  forget  the  eerie,  un- 
canny effect  of  seeing  for  the  first  time  Paraguayan 
women,  with  a  white  petticoat,  and  a  white  sheet 
over  their  heads  as  their  sole  garments,  flitting 
noiselessly  along  on  bare  feet  under  the  palms  in 
the  brilliant  moonlight.  They  looked  like  hooded 
silent  ghosts,  and  reminded  me  irresistibly  of  the 
fourth  act  of  "  Robert  le  Diable,"  when  the  ghosts 
of  the  nuns  arise  out  of  their  cloister  graves  at 
Bertram's    command.      They    did    not    though    as 


278     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

in    the     opera,     break     into    a    glittering    ballet. 

On  board  the  steamer  there  was  a  young  globe- 
trotting Australian.  He  was  a  nice,  cheery  lad, 
and,  like  most  Australians,  absolutely  natural  and 
unaffected.  As  he  spoke  no  Spanish,  he  was  rather 
at  a  loose  end,  and  we  agreed  to  foregather. 

Asuncion  was  really  a  curiosity  in  the  way  of 
capitals.  Lopez  the  Tyrant  suffered  from  mega- 
lomania, as  others  rulers  have  done  since  his  day. 
He  began  to  construct  many  imposing  buildings, 
but  finished  none  of  them.  He  had  built  a  huge 
palace  on  the  model  of  the  Tuileries  on  a  bluff 
over  the  river.  It  looked  very  imposing,  but  had 
no  roof  and  no  inside.  He  had  also  begun  a  great 
mausoleum  for  members  of  the  Lopez  family,  but 
that  again  had  only  a  fa9ade,  and  was  already 
crumbling  to  ruin.  The  rest  of  the  town  con- 
sisted principally  of  mud  and  bamboo  shanties, 
thatched  with  palm.  The  streets  were  unpaved, 
and  in  the  main  street  a  strong  spring  gushed  up. 
Everyone  rode;  there  was  but  one  wheeled  vehicle 
in  Asuncion,  and  that  was  only  used  for  weddings 
and  funerals.  The  inhabitants  spoke  of  their  one 
carriage  as  we  should  speak  of  something  abso- 
lutely unique  of  its  kind,  say  the  statue  of  the 
Venus  de  Milo,  or  of  some  rare  curiosity,  such  as 
a  great  auk's  egg,  or  a  twopenny  blue  Mauritius 
postage  stamp,  or  a  real  live  specimen  of  the  dodo. 

Nothing  could  be  rougher  than  the  accommodation 
Howard,  the  young  Australian,  and  I  found  at  the 
hotel.     We  were   shown  into   a  very  dirty   brick- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         279 

paved  room  containing  eight  beds.  We  washed  un- 
abashed at  the  fountain  in  the  patio,  as  there  were 
no  other  facihties  for  ablutions  at  all,  and  the  bare- 
footed, shirtless  waiter  addressed  us  each  by  our 
Christian  names  tout  court,  at  once,  omitting  the 
customary  *'  Don."  The  Spanish  forms  of  Christian 
names  are  more  melodious  than  ours,  and  Howard 
failed  to  recognize  his  homely  name  of  "  Dick  "  in 
"  Ricardo." 

As  South  American  men  become  moustached  and 
bearded  very  early  in  life,  I  think  that  our  clean- 
shaved  faces,  to  which  they  were  not  accustomed, 
led  the  people  to  imagine  us  both  much  younger 
than  we  really  were,  for  I  was  then  twenty-seven, 
and  the  long-legged  Dick  was  twenty-one.  Never 
have  I  known  anyone  laugh  so  much  as  that  light- 
hearted  Australian  boy.  He  was  such  a  happy, 
merry,  careless  creature,  brimful  of  sheer  joy  at 
being  alive,  and  if  he  had  never  cultivated  his  brains 
much,  he  atoned  for  it  by  being  able  to  do  anything 
he  liked  with  his  hands  and  feet.  He  could  mend 
and  repair  anything,  from  a  gun  to  a  fence;  he 
could  cook,  and  use  a  needle  and  thread  as  skil- 
fully as  he  could  a  stock-whip.  I  took  a  great 
liking  to  this  lean,  sun-browned,  pleasant-faced 
lad  with  the  merry  laugh  and  the  perfectly  natural 
manner;  we  got  on  together  as  though  we  had 
known  each  other  all  our  lives,  in  fact  we  were  ad- 
dressing one  another  by  our  Christian  names  on  the 
third  day  of  our  acquaintance. 

Dick  was  a  most  ardent  cricketer,  and  his  bag- 


280     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

gage  seemed  to  consist  principally  of  a  large  and 
varied  assortment  of  blazers  of  various  Australian 
athletic  clubs.  He  insisted  on  wearing  one  of 
these,  a  quiet  little  affair  of  mauve,  blue,  and  pink 
stripes,  and  our  first  stroll  through  Asuncion  be- 
came a  sort  of  triumphal  progress.  The  inhabi- 
tants flocked  out  of  their  houses,  loud  in  their  ad- 
miration of  the  "  Gringo's "  (all  foreigners  are 
"  Gringos  "  in  South  America)  tasteful  rainment. 
So  much  so  that  I  began  to  grow  jealous,  and  re- 
turning to  the  hotel,  I  borrowed  another  of  How- 
ard's blazers  (if  my  memory  serves  me  right,  that 
of  the  "Wonga-Wonga  Wallabies"),  an  artistic 
little  garment  of  magenta,  orange,  and  green  stripes. 
We  then  sauntered  about  Asuncion,  arm-in-arm,  to 
the  delirious  joy  of  the  populace.  We  soon  had 
half  the  town  at  our  heels,  enthusiastic  over  these 
walking  rainbows  from  the  mysterious  lands  out- 
side Paraguay.  These  people  were  as  inquisitive 
as  children,  and  plied  us  with  perpetual  questions. 
Since  Howard  could  not  speak  Spanish,  all  the 
burden  of  conversation  fell  on  me.  As  I  occupied 
an  official  position,  albeit  a  modest  one,  I  thought 
it  best  to  sink  my  identity,  and  became  temporarily 
a  citizen  of  the  United  States,  Mr.  Dwight  P. 
Curtis,  of  Hicksville,  Pa.,  and  I  gave  my  hearers 
the  most  glowing  and  rose-coloured  accounts  of 
the  enterprise  and  anscent  industries  of  this  pro- 
gressive but,  I  fear,  wholly  imaginary  spot.  I  can 
only  trust  that  no  Paraguayan  left  his  native  land 
to  seek  his  fortune  in  Hicksville,  Pa.,  for  he  might 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         281 

have  had  to  search  the  State  of  Pennsylvania  for 
some  time  before  finding  it. 

I  have  already  recounted,  earlier  in  these  remi- 
niscences, how  the  Paraguayan  Minister  for  Foreign 
Affairs  received  me,  and  that  his  Excellency  on  that 
occasion  dispensed  not  only  with  shoes  and  stock- 
ings, but  with  a  shirt  as  well.  He  was,  however, 
like  most  people  in  Spanish-speaking  lands,  cour- 
tesy itself. 

Dick  Howard  having  heard  that  there  was  some 
races  in  a  country  town  six  miles  away,  was,  like 
a  true  Australian,  wild  to  go  to  them.  Encouraged 
by  our  phenomenal  success  of  the  previous  day, 
we  arrayed  ourselves  in  two  new  Australian  blaz- 
ers, and  rode  out  to  the  races,  Howard  imploring 
me  all  the  way  to  use  my  influence  to  let  him 
have  a  mount  there. 

The  races  were  very  peculiar.  The  course  was 
short,  only  about  three  furlongs,  and  perfectly 
straight.  Only  two  horses  ran  at  once,  so  the 
races  were  virtually  a  succession  of  "  heats,"  but 
the  excitement  and  betting  were  tremendous.  The 
jockeys  were  little  Indian  boys,  and  their  "  col- 
ours "  consisted  of  red,  blue,  or  green  bathing 
drawers.  Otherwise  they  were  stark  naked,  and, 
of  course,  bare-legged.  The  jockey's  principal 
preoccupation  seemed  to  be  either  to  kick  the  op- 
posing jockey  in  the  face,  or  to  crack  him  over 
the  head  with  the  heavy  butts  of  their  raw-hide 
whips.  Howard  still  wanted  to  ride.  I  pointed  out 
to  him  the  impossibility  of  exhibiting  to  the  public 


282     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

his  six  feet  of  lean  young  Australian  in  nothing 
but  a  pair  of  green  bathing  drawers.  He  answered 
that  if  he  could  only  get  a  mount  he  would  be  quite 
willing  to  dispense  with  the  drawers  even.  Howard 
also  had  a  few  remarks  to  offer  about  the  Melbourne 
Cup,  and  Flemington  Racecourse,  and  was  not 
wholly  complimentary  to  this  Paraguayan  country 
meeting.  The  ladies  present  were  nearly  all  bare- 
foot, and  clad  in  the  invariable  white  petticoat 
and  sheet.  It  was  not  in  the  least  like  the  Royal 
enclosure  at  Ascot,  yet  they  had  far  more  on, 
and  appeared  more  becomingly  dressed  than  many 
of  the  ladies  parading  in  that  sacrosanct  spot  in 
this  year  of  grace  1919.  Every  single  woman,  and 
every  child,  even  infants  of  the  tenderest  age,  had 
a  green  Paraguayan  cigar  in  their  mouths. 

These  Paraguayan  women  were  as  beautifully 
built  as  classical  statues;  with  exquisitely  moulded 
little  hands  and  feet.  Their  "  attaches,"  as  the 
French  term  the  wrist  and  ankles,  were  equally 
deHcately  formed.  They  were  "  tea  with  plenty 
of  milk  in  it "  colour,  and  though  their  faces 
were  not  pretty,  they  moved  with  such  graceful 
dignity  that  the  general  impression  they  left  was 
a  very  pleasing  one. 

Our  blazers  aroused  rapturous  enthusiasm.  I 
am  sure  that  the  members  of  the  "  St.  Kilda  Wan- 
derers "  would  have  forgiven  me  for  masquerading 
in  their  colours,  could  they  have  witnessed  the  ter- 
rific success  I  achieved  in  my  tasteful,  if  brilliant, 
borrowed  plumage. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         283 

Asuncion  pleased  me.  This  quaint  little  capital, 
stranded  in  its  backwater  in  the  very  heart  of  the 
South  American  Continent,  was  so  remote  from 
all  the  interests  and  movements  of  the  modern 
world.  The  big  three-hundred-year  cathedral  bore 
the  unmistakable  dignified  stamp  of  the  old  Span- 
ish "  Conquistadores."  It  contained  an  altar-piece 
of  soHd  silver  reaching  from  floor  to  roof.  How 
Lopez  must  have  longed  to  melt  that  altar-piece 
down  for  his  own  use!  Round  the  cathedral  were 
some  old  houses  with  verandahs  supported  on  palm 
trunks,  beautifully  carved  in  native  patterns  by 
Indians  under  the  direction  of  the  Jesuits.  The 
Jesuits  had  also  originally  introduced  the  orange 
tree  into  Paraguay,  where  it  had  run  wild  all  over 
the  country,  producing  delicious  fruit,  which  for 
some  reason  was  often  green,  instead  of  being  of 
the  famihar  golden  colour. 

Everyone  envies  what  they  do  not  possess.  On 
the  Continent  cafes  are  sometimes  decorated  with 
pictures  of  palms  and  luxuriant  tropical  vegeta- 
tion, in  order  to  give  people  of  the  frozen  North 
an  illusion  of  warmth. 

In  steaming  Asuncion,  on  the  other  hand,  the 
fashionable  cafe  was  named,  "  The  North  Pole." 
Here  an  imaginative  Italian  artist  with  a  deficient 
sense  of  perspective  and  curious  ideas  of  colour 
had  decorated  the  walls  with  pictures  of  icebergs, 
snow,  and  Polar  bears,  thus  affording  the  inhabi- 
tants of  this  stew-pan  of  a  town  a  delicious  sense 
of   arctic  coolness.     The   "  North   Pole "   was   the 


284     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

only  place  in  Paraguay  where  ice  and  iced  drinks 
were  to  be  procured. 

Being  the  height  of  the  summer,  the»  heat  was 
almost  unbearable,  and  bathing  in  the  river  was 
risky  on  account  of  those  hateful  biting-fish.  There 
was  a  spot  two  miles  away,  however,  where  a 
stream  had  been  brought  to  the  edge  of  the  cliff 
overhanging  the  river,  down  which  it  dropped  in 
a  feathery  cascade,  forming  a  large  pool  below  it. 
Howard  and  I  rode  out  every  morning  there  to 
bathe  and  luxuriate  in  the  cool  water.  The  river 
made  a  great  bend  here,  forming  a  bay  half  a 
mile  wide.  This  bay  was  literally  choked  with 
Victoria  regia^  the  giant  water-lily,  with  leaves  as 
big  as  tea-trays,  and  great  pink  flowers  the  size 
of  cabbages.  The  lilies  were  in  full  bloom  then, 
quite  half  a  mile  of  them,  and  they  were  really  a 
splendid  sight.  I  seem  somehow  in  this  descrip- 
tion of  the  Victoria  regia  to  have  been  plagiarising 
the  immortal  Mrs.  O'Dowd,  of  "  Vanity  Fair,"  in 
her  account  of  the  glories  of  the  hot-houses  at  her 
"  fawther's "    seat    of    Glenmalony. 

Few  people  now  remember  a  fascinating  book 
of  the  "  'eighties,"  "  The  Cruise  of  the  Falcon," 
recounting  how  six  amateurs  sailed  a  twenty-ton 
yacht  from  Southampton  to  Asuncion  in  Para- 
guay. Three  of  her  crew  got  so  bitten  with  Para- 
guay that  they  determined  to  remain  there.  We  met 
one  of  these  adventurers  by  chance  in  Asuncion, 
Captain  Jardine,  late  of  the  P.  and  O.  service, 
an  elderly  man.     He  invited  us  to  visit  them  at 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  285 

Patino  Cue,  the  place  where  they  had  settled  down, 
some  twenty-five  miles  from  the  capital,  though  he 
warned  us  that  we  should  find  things  extremely  rough 
there,  and  that  there  was  not  one  single  stick  of 
furniture  in  the  house.  He  asked  us  to  bring  out 
our  own  hammocks  and  blankets,  as  well  as  our  guns 
and  saddles,  the  saddle  being  in  my  time  an  invari- 
able item  of  a  traveller's  baggage. 

Dick  and  I  accordingly  bought  grass-plaited  ham- 
mocks and  blankets,  and  started  two  days  later, 
*'  humping  our  swags,"  as  the  Australian  pictur- 
esquely expressed  the  act  of  carrying  our  own 
possessions.  That  colour-loving  youth  had  donned 
a  different  blazer,  probably  that  of  the  "  Coolgardie 
Cockatoos."  It  would  have  put  Joseph's  coat  of 
many  colours  completely  in  the  shade  any  day  of 
the  week,  and  attracted  a  great  deal  of  flattering 
attention. 

The  ambitious  Lopez  had  insisted  on  having  a 
railway  in  his  State,  to  show  how  progressive  he 
was,  so  a  railway  was  built.  It  ran  sixty  miles 
from  Asuncion  to  nowhere  in  particular,,  and  no 
one  ever  wanted  to  travel  by  it;  still  it  was  un- 
questionably a  railway.  To  give  a  finishing  touch 
to  this,  Lopez  had  constructed  a  railway  station 
big  enough  to  accommodate  the  traffic  of  Padding- 
ton.  It  was,  of  course,  not  finished,  but  was  quite 
large  enough  for  its  one  train  a  day.  The  com- 
pleted portion  was  imposing  with  columns  and 
statues,  the  rest  tailed  off  to  nothing.  Here, 
to  our  amazement,  we  found  a  train  composed  of 


286     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

English  rolling-stock,  with  an  ancient  engine  built 
in  Manchester,  and,  more  wonderful  to  say,  with 
an  Englishman  as  engine-driver.  The  engine  not 
having  been  designed  for  burning  wood,  the  fire- 
box was  too  small,  and  the  driver  found  it  diffi- 
cult to  keep  up  steam  with  wood,  as  we  found  out 
during  our  journey.  We  travelled  in  a  real  Eng- 
lish first-class  carriage  of  immense  antiquity,  blue 
cloth  and  all.  So  decrepit  was  it  that  when  the 
speed  of  the  train  exceeded  five  miles  an  hour 
(which  was  but  seldom)  the  roof  and  sides  parted 
company,  and  gaped  inches  apart.  We  seldom  got 
up  the  gradients  at  the  first  or  second  try,  but  of 
course  allowances  must  be  made  for  a  Paraguayan 
railway.  Lopez  had  built  Patino  Cue,  for  which 
we  were  bound,  as  a  country-house  for  himself. 
He  had  not,  of  course,  finished  it,  but  had  insisted 
on  his  new  railway  running  within  a  quarter  of  a 
mile  of  his  house,  which  we  found  very  convenient. 
I  could  never  have  imagined  such  a  curious 
estabhshment  as  the  one  at  Patino  Cue.  The  large 
stone  house,  for  which  Jardine  paid  the  huge  rent 
of  £5  per  annum,  was  tumbling  to  ruin.  Three 
rooms  only  were  fairly  water-tight,  but  these  had 
gaping  holes  in  their  roofs  and  sides,  and  the  window 
frames  had  long  since  been  removed.  The  fittings 
consisted  of  a  few  enamelled  iron  plates  and  mugs, 
and  of  one  tin  basin.  Packing  cases  served  as 
seats  and  tables,  and  hammocks  were  slung  on 
hooks.  Captain  Jardine  did  all  the  cooking  and 
ran  the  establishment;  his  two  companions    (How- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         287 

ard  and  I,  for  convenience's  sake,  simply  termed 
them  "the  wasters")  lay  smoking  in  their  ham- 
mocks all  day,  and  did  nothing  whatever.  I  may 
add  that  "  the  wasters  "  supplied  the  whole  finan- 
cial backing.  Jardine  wore  native  dress,  with 
bare  legs  and  sandals,  a  poncho  round  his  waist, 
and  another  over  his  shoulders.  A  poncho  is  mere- 
ly a  fringed  brown  blanket  with  hole  cut  in  it  for 
the  head  to  pass  through.  With  his  long  grey 
beard  streaming  over  his  flowing  garments,  Jardine 
looked  like  a  neutral-tinted  saint  in  a  stained- 
glass  window.  It  must  be  a  matter  for  congratu- 
lation that,  owing  to  the  very  circumstances  of  the 
case,  saints  in  stained-glass  windows  are  seldom 
called  on  to  take  violent  exercise,  otherwise 
their  voluminous  draperies  would  infallibly  all 
fall  off  at  the  second  step.  Ja^rdine  was  a 
highly  educated  and  an  interesting  man,  with 
a  love  for  books  on  metaphysics  and  other 
abstruse  subjects.  He  carried  a  large  library 
about  with  him,  all  of  which  lay  in  untidy 
heaps  on  the  floor.  He  was  unquestionably  more 
than  a  little  eccentric.  The  "  wasters "  did  not 
count  in  any  way,  unless  cheques  had  to  be 
written.  The  other  members  of  the  establishment 
were  an  old  Indian  woman  who  smoked  perpetual 
cigars,  and  her  grandson,  a  boy  known  as  Lazarus, 
from  a  physical  defect  which  he  shared  with  a  Bib- 
lical personage,  on  the  testimony  of  the  latter's 
sisters — you  could  have  run  a  drag  with  that  boy. 
The    settlers    had    started    as    ranchers;    but   the 


288     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

"  wasters  "  had  allowed  the  cattle  to  break  loose 
and  scatter  all  over  the  country.  They  had  been 
too  lazy  to  collect  them,  or  to  repair  the  broken 
fences,  so  just  lay  in  their  hammocks  and  smoked. 
There  were  some  fifty  acres  of  orange  groves 
behind  the  house.  The  energetic  Jardine  had 
fenced  these  in,  and,  having  bought  a  number  of 
pigs,  turned  pork  butcher.  There  was  an  abun- 
dance of  fallen  fruit  for  these  pigs  to  fatten  on, 
and  Jardine  had  built  a  smoke-house,  where  he 
cured  his  orange-fed  pork,  and  smoked  it  with 
lemon  wood.  His  bacon  and  hams  were  super- 
excellent,  and  fetched  good  prices  in  Asuncion, 
where  they   were   establishing   quite   a   reputation. 

Meanwhile,  the  "  wasters "  lay  in  their  ham- 
mocks in  the  verandah  and  smoked.  Jardine  told 
me  that  one  of  them  had  not  undressed  or  changed 
his  clothes  for  six  weeks,  as  it  was  far  too  much 
trouble.  Judging  from  his  appearance,  he  had 
not  made  use  of  soap  and  water  either  during  that 
period. 

Dick  Howard  proved  a  real  "  handy  man."  In 
two  days  this  lengthy,  lean,  sunburnt  youth  had 
rounded  up  and  driven  home  the  scattered  cattle, 
and  then  set  to  work  to  mend  and  repair  all  the 
broken  fences.  He  caught  the  horses  daily,  and 
milked  the  cows,  an  art  I  was  never  able  myself 
to  acquire,  and  made  tea  for  himself  in  a  "  billy." 

Patino  Cue  was  a  wonderful  site  for  a  house. 
It  stood  high  up  on  roUing  open  ground,  sur- 
rounded by  intensely  green  wooded  knoUs.     The 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         289 

virgin  tropical  forest  extended  almost  up  to  the 
dilapidated  building  on  one  side,  whilst  in  front 
of  it  the  ground  fell  away  to  a  great  lake,  three 
miles  away.  A  long  range  of  green  hills  rose  the 
other  side  of  the  water,  and  everywhere  clear  little 
brooks  gurgled  down  to  the  lake. 

I  liked  the  place,  in  spite  of  its  intense  heat,  and 
stayed  there  over  a  fortnight,  helping  with  the 
cattle,  and  making  myself  as  useful  as  I  could  in 
repairing  what  the  "  wasters  "  had  allowed  to  go 
to  ruin.  They  reposed  meanwhile  in  their  ham- 
mocks. 

It  was  very  pretty  country,  and  had  the  im- 
mense advantage  of  being  free  from  mosquitoes. 
As  there  are  disadvantages  everywhere,  to  make 
up  for  this  it  crawled  with  snakes. 

Jardine's  culinary  operations  were  simplicity  it- 
self. He  had  some  immense  earthen  jars  four 
feet  high,  own  brothers  to  those  seen  on  the  stage 
in  *'  Ali  Baba  and  the  Forty  Thieves  "  at  panto- 
mime time.  These  must  have  been  the  identical 
jars  in  which  the  Forty  Thieves  concealed  them- 
selves, to  be  smothered  with  boiling  oil  by  the 
crafty  Morgiana.  By  the  way,  I  never  could 
understand  until  I  had  seen  fields  of  growing  se- 
same in  India  why  Ali  Baba's  brother  should  have 
mistaken  the  talisman  words  "  Open  Sesame  "  for 
"  Open  Barley."  The  two  grains  are  very  similar 
in  appearance  whilst  growing,  which  explains  it. 

Jardine  placed  a  layer  of  beef  at  the  bottom  of 
his  jar.     On  that  he  put  a  layer  of  mandioca   (the 


290     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

root  from  which  tapioca  is  prepared),  another  layer 
of  his  own  bacon,  and  a  stratum  of  green  vege- 
tables. Then  more  beef,  and  so  on  till  the  jar 
was  half  full.  In  went  a  handful  of  salt,  two 
handfuls  of  red  peppers,  and  two  gallons  of  water, 
and  then  a  wood  fire  was  built  round  the  pot,  which 
simmered  away  day  and  night  till  all  its  contents 
were  eaten.  The  old  Indian  woman  baked  delicious 
bread  from  the  root  of  the  mandioca  mixed  with 
milk  and  cheese,  and  that  constituted  our  entire 
dietary.  There  were  no  fixed  meals.  Should 
you  require  food,  you  took  a  hunch  of  mandioca 
bread  and  a  tin  dipper,  and  went  to  the  big  earth- 
en jar  simmering  amongst  its  embers  in  the  yard. 
Should  you  wish  for  soup,  you  put  the  dipper  in  at 
the  top ;  if  you  preferred  stew,  you  pushed  it  to  the 
bottom.  Nothing  could  be  simpler.  As  a  rough 
and  ready  way  of  feeding  a  household  it  had  its 
advantages,  though  there  was  unquestionably  a  cer- 
tain element  of  monotony  about  it. 

As  a  variation  from  the  eternal  beef  and  man- 
dioca, Jardine  begged  Dick  and  myself  to  shoot 
him  as  many  snipe  as  possible,  in  the  swamps  near 
the  big  lake.  Those  swamps  were  most  attractive, 
and  were  simply  alive  with  snipe  and  every  sort 
of  living  creature.  Dick  was  an  excellent  shot, 
and  we  got  from  five  to  fifteen  couple  of  snipe  daily. 
The  tree-crowned  hillocks  in  the  swamp  were  the 
haunts  of  macaws,  great  gaudy,  screaming,  winged 
rainbows  of  green  and  scarlet,  and  orange  and  blue, 
like  some  of  Dick's  blazers  endowed  with  feathers 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         291 

and  motion.  We  had  neither  of  us  ever  seen  wild 
macaws  before,  and  I  am  afraid  that  we  shot  a  good 
many  for  the  sheer  pleasure  of  examining  these 
garish  parrots  at  close  quarters,  though  they  are 
quite  uneatable.  I  shall  carry  all  my  life  marks 
on  my  left  hand  where  a  macaw  bit  me  to  the 
bone.  There  were  great  brilliant-plumaged  tou- 
cans too,  droll  freaks  of  nature,  with  huge  horny 
bills  nearly  as  large  as  their  bodies,  given  them 
to  crack  the  nuts  on  which  they  feed.  They  flashed 
swiftly  pink  through  the  air,  but  we  never  suc- 
ceeded in  getting  one.  Then  there  were  coypus, 
the  great  web-footed  South  American  water-rat, 
called  "  nutria  "  in  Spanish,  and  much  prized  for 
his  fur.  That  marsh  was  one  of  the  most  interesting 
places  I  have  ever  been  in.  The  old  Indian  woman 
warned  us  that  we  should  both  infallibly  die  of 
fever  were  we  to  go  into  the  swamps  at  nightfall, 
but  though  Dick  and  I  were  there  every  evening 
for  a  fortnight,  up  to  our  middles  in  water,  we 
neither  of  us  took  the  smallest  harm,  probably  ow- 
ing to  the  temporary  absence  of  mosquitoes.  The 
teeming  hidden  wild-life  of  the  place  appealed  to 
us  both  irresistibly.  The  water-hog,  or  capincho, 
is  a  quaint  beast,  peculiar  to  South  America.  They 
are  just  like  gigantic  varnished  glossy-black  guinea 
pigs,  with  the  most  idiotically  stupid  expression  on 
their  faces.  They  are  quite  defenceless,  and  are  the 
constant  prey  of  alligators  and  jaguars.  Conse- 
quently they  are  very  timid.  These  creatures  live 
in  the  water  all  day,  but  come  out  in  the  evenings 


292     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

to  feed  on  the  reeds  and  water-herbage.  By  con- 
cealing ourselves  amongst  the  reeds,  and  keeping 
perfectly  still,  we  were  able  to  see  these  uncouth, 
shy  things  emerging  from  their  day  hiding-places 
and  begin  browsing  on  the  marsh  plants.  To  see 
a  very  wary  animal  at  close  quarters,  knowing 
that  he  is  unconscious  of  your  presence,  is  perfectly 
fascinating.  We  never  attempted  to  shoot  or  hurt 
these  capinchos;  the  pleasure  of  seeing  the  clumsy 
gambols  of  one  of  the  most  timid  animals  living, 
in  its  fancied  security,  was  quite  enough.  The 
capincho  if  caught  very  young  makes  a  delightful 
pet,  for  he  becomes  quite  tame,  and,  being  an  affec- 
tionate animal,  trots  everywhere  after  his  master, 
with  a  sort  of  idiotic  simper  on  his  face. 

One  evening,  on  our  return  from  the  marsh,  we 
were  ill-advised  enough  to  attempt  a  short  cut  home 
through  the  forest.  The  swift  tropical  night  fell 
as  we  entered  the  forest,  and  in  half  an  hour  we 
were  hopelessly  lost,  "  fairly  bushed,"  as  Dick  put 
it.  There  is  a  feehng  of  complete  and  utter  help- 
lessness in  finding  oneself  on  a  pitch-dark  night  in 
a  virgin  tropical  forest  that  is  difficult  to  express 
in  words.  The  impenetrable  tangles  of  jungle;  the 
great  lianes  hanging  from  the  trees,  which  trip  you 
up  at  every  step;  the  masses  of  thorny  and  spiky 
things  that  hold  you  prisoner ;  and,  as  regards  myself 
personally,  the  knowledge  that  the  forest  was  full 
of  snakes,  all  make  one  realise  that  electric-lighted 
Piccadilly  has  its  distinct  advantages.  Dick  had  the 
true  Australian's  indifference  to  snakes.    He  never 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         293 

could  understand  my  openly-avowed  terror  of  these 
evil,  death-dealing  creatures,  nor  could  he  explain 
to  himself  the  physical  repugnance  I  have  to  these 
loathsome  reptiles.  This  instinctive  horror  of  snakes 
is,  I  think,  born  in  some  people.  It  can  hardly  be 
due  to  atavism,  for  the  episode  of  the  Garden  of 
Eden  is  too  remote  to  account  of  an  inherited  anti- 
pathy to  these  gliding,  crawling  abominations.  We 
settled  that  we  should  have  to  sleep  in  the  forest 
till  daylight  came,  though,  dripping  wet  as  we 
both  were  from  the  swamp,  it  was  a  fairly  direct 
invitation  to  malarial  fever.  The  resourceful  Dick 
got  an  inspiration,  and  dragging  his  interminable 
length  (he  was  like  Euclid's  definition  of  a  straight 
line)  up  a  high  tree,  he  took  a  good  look  at  the 
familiar  stars  of  his  own  Southern  hemisphere.  Get- 
ting his  bearings  from  these,  he  also  got  our  direc- 
tion, and  after  a  little  more  tree-climbing  we  reached 
our  dilapidated  temporary  home  in  safety.  I  fear 
that  I  shall  never  really  conquer  my  dislike  to 
snakes,  sharks,  and  earthquakes. 

Jardine  was  a  great  and  an  omnivorous  reader. 
Dick  too  was  very  fond  of  reading.  Like  the  hero 
of  "  Mr.  Sponge's  Sporting  Tour  "  he  carried  his 
own  library  with  him.  As  in  Mr.  Sponge's  case, 
it  consisted  of  one  book  only,  but  in  the  place  of 
being  "  Mogg's  Cab  Fares,"  it  was  a  guide  to  the 
Australian  Turf,  a  sort  of  Southern  Cross  *'  Ruff's 
Guide,"  with  a  number  of  pedigrees  of  Australian 
horses  thrown  in.  Dick's  great  intellectual  amuse- 
ment was  learning  these  pedigrees  by  heart.    I  used 


294     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

to  hear  them  for  him,  and,  having  a  naturally  re- 
tentive memory,  could  in  the  "  'eighties  "  have  passed 
a  very  creditable  examination  in  the  pedigrees  of  the 
luminaries  of  the  Australian  Turf. 

Our  evenings  at  Patifio  Cue  would  have  amused 
a  spectator,  had  there  been  one.  In  the  tumble- 
down, untidy  apology  for  a  room,  Jardine,  seated 
on  a  packing-case  under  the  one  wall  light,  was 
immersed  in  his  favourite  Herbert  Spencer;  look- 
ing, in  his  flowing  ponchos,  long  grey  beard,  and 
bare  legs,  like  a  bespectacled  apostle.  He  always 
seemed  to  me  to  require  an  eagle,  or  a  lion  or 
some  other  apostolic  adjunct,  in  order  to  look 
complete.  I,  on  another  packing-case,  was  chuck- 
ling loudly  over  "  Monsieur  et  Madame  Cardinal," 
though  Paris  seemed  remote  from  Paraguay.  Dick, 
pulling  at  a  green  cigar,  a  far-off  look  in  his  young 
eyes,  was  improving  his  mind  by  learning  some 
further  pedigrees  of  Australian  horses,  at  full  length 
on  the  floor,  where  he  found  more  room  for  his 
thin,  endless  legs;  whilst  the  two  "wasters"  dozed 
placidly  in  their  hammocks  on  the  verandah.  The 
"  wasters,"  I  should  imagine,  attended  church  but 
seldom.  Otherwise  they  ought  to  have  ejaculated 
"  We  have  left  undone  those  things  which  we  ought 
to  have  done "  with  immense  fervour,  for  they 
never  did  anything  at  all. 

"  Lotos-eaters  "  might  be  a  more  poetic  name  than 
"  wasters,"  for  if  ever  there  was  a  land  "  in  which 
it  seemed  always  afternoon,"  that  land  is  Paraguay. 
Could   one   conceive   of  the   "  wasters "   displaying 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         295 

such     unwonted     energy,     it     is     possible     that — 

"And  all  at  once  they  sang  'Our  island  home 
Is  far  beyond  the  wave ;  we  will  no  longer  roam'." 

They  had  eaten  of  the  Lotos-fruit  abundantly, 
and  in  the  golden  sunshine  of  Paraguay,  and  amidst 
its  waving  green  palms,  they  only  wished — 

"In  the  hollow  Lotos-land  to  live  and  lie  reclined." 

I  should  perhaps  add  that  "  cafia,"  or  sugar-cane 
spirit,  is  distilled  in  large  quantities  in  Paraguay, 
and  that  one  at  least  of  the  Lotos-eaters  took  a 
marked  interest  in  this  national  product. 

There  were  some  beautiful  nooks  in  the  forest, 
more  especially  one  deep  blue  rocky  pool  into 
which  a  foaming  cascade  pattered  through  a  thick 
encircling  fringe  of  wild  orange  trees.  This  little 
hollow  was  brimful  of  loveliness,  with  the  golden 
balls  of  the  fruit,  and  the  brilliant  purple  tangles 
of  some  unknown  creeper  reflected  in  the  blue  pool. 
Dick  and  I  spent  hours  there  swimming,  and  bask- 
ing puris  naturalibus  on  the  rocks,  until  the  whole 
place  was  spoilt  for  me  by  a  rustling  in  the  grass, 
as  a  hateful  ochre-coloured  creature  wriggled  away 
in  sinuous  coils  from  my  bare  feet. 

I  accompanied  Jardine  once  or  twice  to  a  little 
village  some  five  miles  away,  where  he  got  the  few 
household  stores  he  required.  This  tiny  village  was 
a  piece  of  seventeenth-century  Spain,  dumped  bodily 
down  amid  the  riotous  greenery  of  Paraguay.  Round 


296     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

a  tall  white  church  in  the  florid  Jesuit  style,  a  few 
beautiful  Spanish  stone  houses  clustered,  each  with 
its  tangle  of  tropical  garden.  There  was  not  one 
single  modern  erection  to  spoil  the  place.  Here 
foaming  bowls  of  chocolate  were  to  be  had,  and 
delicious  mandioca  bread.  It  was  a  picturesque, 
restful  little  spot,  so  utterly  unexpected  in  the  very 
heart  of  the  South  American  Continent.  I  should 
like  to  put  on  the  stage  that  tall  white  church  tower 
cutting  into  the  intense  blue  of  the  sky  above,  with 
the  vivid  green  of  the  feathery  palms  reaching  to 
its  belfry,  and  the  time-worn  houses  round  it  peep- 
ing out  from  thickets  of  scarlet  poinsettias  and 
hibiscus  flowers.  It  would  make  a  lovely  setting 
for  "  Cavalleria  Rusticana,"  for  instance. 

I  never  regretted  my  stay  at  Patino  Cue.  It 
gave  one  a  glimpse  of  life  brought  down  to  condi- 
tions of  bed-rock  simplicity,  and  of  types  of  char- 
acter I  had  never  come  across  before. 

We  travelled  back  to  Asuncion  on  the  engine  of 
the  train;  I  seated  in  front  on  the  cow-catcher, 
Dick,  his  coat  off  and  his  shirt-sleeves  rolled  back, 
on  the  footplate,  ofliciating  as  amateur  fireman. 

This  vigorous  young  Antipodean  hurled  logs 
into  the  fire-box  of  the  venerable  "  Vesuvius  "  as 
fast  as  though  he  were  pitching  in  balls  when  prac- 
tising his  bowling  at  the  nets,  with  the  result 
that  the  crazy  old  engine  attained  a  speed  that 
must  have  fairly  amazed  her.  When  we  stopped  at 
stations,  "  Vesuvius "  had  developed  such  a  head 
of  steam  that  she  nearly  blew  her  safety-valve  off, 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         297 

and  steam  hissed  from  twenty  places  in  her  leaky 
joints.  One  ought  never  to  be  astonished  at  mis- 
placed affections.  I  have  seen  old  ladies  lavish 
a  wealth  of  tenderness  on  fat,  asthmatical,  and 
wholly  repellent  pugs,  so  I  ought  not  to  have  been 
surprised  at  the  immense  pride  the  English  driver 
took  in  his  antique  engine.  I  am  bound  to  say 
that  he  kept  her  beautifully  cleaned  and  burnished. 
His  face  beamed  at  her  present  performance,  and 
he  assured  me  that  with  a  little  coaxing  he  could 
knock  sixty  miles  an  hour  out  of  "  Vesuvius."  I 
fear  that  this  statement  "  werged  on  the  poetical," 
as  Mr.  Weller  senior  remarked  on  another  occa- 
sion. I  should  much  like  to  have  known  this  man's 
history,  and  to  have  learnt  how  he  had  drifted  into 
driving  an  engine  of  this  futile,  forlorn  little  Para- 
guayan railway.  I  suspect,  from  certain  expressions 
he  used,  that  he  was  a  deserter  from  the  Royal 
Navy,  probably  an  ex-naval  stoker.  As  Dick  had 
ridden  ten  miles  that  morning  to  say  good-bye  to 
a  lady,  to  whom  he  imagined  himself  devotedly 
attached,  he  was  still  very  smart  in  white  polo- 
breeches,  brown  butcher-boots  and  spurs,  an  un- 
usual garb  for  a  railway  fireman.  For  the  first 
time  in  the  memory  of  the  oldest  living  inhabitant, 
the  train  reached  Asuncion  an  hour  before  her  time. 
The  river  steamers'  cargo  in  their  downstream 
trip  consisted  of  cigars,  "  Yerba  mate,"  and  or- 
anges. These  last  were  shipped  in  bulk,  and  I 
should  hke  a  clever  artist  to  have  drawn  our  steam- 
er, with  tons  and  tons  of  fruit,  golden,  lemon-yel* 


298     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

low,  and  green,  piled  on  her  decks.  It  made  a  glow- 
ing bit  of  colour.  The  oranges  were  the  only  things 
in  that  steamer  that  smelt  pleasantly. 

I  can  never  understand  why  "  Yerba  mate,"  or 
Paraguayan  tea,  has  never  become  popular  in 
England.  It  is  prepared  from  the  leaves  of  the 
ilex,  and  is  strongly  aromatic  and  very  stimulat- 
ing. I  am  myself  exceedingly  fond  of  it.  Its 
lack  of  popularity  may  be  due  to  the  fact  that  it 
cannot  be  drunk  in  a  cup,  but  must  be  sucked 
from  a  gourd  through  a  perforated  tube.  It  can 
(like  most  other  things)  be  bought  in  London,  if 
you  know  where  to  go  to. 

At  Buenos  Ajrres  I  was  quite  sorry  to  part  with 
the  laughing,  lanky  AustraUan  lad  who  had  been 
such  a  pleasant  travelling  companion,  and  who 
seemed  able  to  do  anything  he  liked  with  his  arms 
and  legs.  I  expect  that  he  could  have  done  most 
things  with  his  brains  too,  had  he  ever  given 
them  a  chance.  Howard's  great  merit  was  that  he 
took  things  as  they  came,  and  never  grumbled 
at  the  discomforts  and  minor  hardships  one  must 
expect  in  a  primitive  country  hke  Paraguay.  Our 
tastes  as  regards  wild  things  {with  the  possible  ex- 
ception of  snakes)  rather  seemed  to  coincide,  and, 
neither  of  us  being  town-bred,  we  did  not  object 
to  rather  elementary  conditions. 

I  will  own  that  I  was  immensely  gratified 
at  receiving  an  overseas  letter  some  eight  years 
later  from  Dick,  telling  me  that  he  was  mar- 
ried    and     had     a     little     daughter,     and     asking 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         299 

me     to     stand     godfather     for     his     first     child. 

My  blue  satin  bedroom  looked  more  ridiculously 
incongruous  than  ever  after  the  conditions  to 
which  I  had  been  used  at  Patino  Cue. 

The  River  Plate  is  over  twenty  miles  broad  at 
Buenos  Ayi-es,  and  it  it  not  easy  to  realise  that  this 
great  expansive  is  all  fresh  water.  The  "Great  Silver 
River  "  is,  however,  very  shallow,  except  in  mid-chan- 
nel.   Some  twenty-five  miles  from  the  city  it  forms  on 
its   southern  bank   a  great   archipelago   of  wooded 
islands  interspersed  with  hundreds  of  winding  chan- 
nels, some  of  them  deep  enough  to  carry  ocean-going 
steamers.   This  is  known  as  the  Tigre,  and  its  shady 
tree-lined  waterways  are  a  great  resort  during  the 
sweltering  heat  of  an  Argentine  summer.    It  is  the 
most   ideal   place   for   boating,   and  boasts   a  very 
flourishing  English  Rowing  Club,  with  a  large  fleet  of 
light  Thames-built  boats.    Here  during  the  summer 
months  I  took  the  roughest  of  rough  bungalows, 
with  two  English  friends.    The  three-roomed  shanty 
was  raised  on  high  piles,  out  of  reach  of  floods,  and 
looked  exactly  like  the  fishermen's  houses  one  sees 
lining  the   rivers  in  native  villages  in  the   Malay 
States.     During  the   intense  heat   of  January  the 
great  delight  of  life  at  the  Tigre  was  the  midnight 
swim  in  the  river  before  turning  in.     The  Tigre  is 
too  far  south  for  the  alligators,  biting-fish,  electric 
rays   (I  allude  to  fish;  not  to  beams  of  light),  or 
other  water-pests  which  Nature  has  lavished  on  the 
tropics    in    order    to    counteract    their    irresistible 
charm- — and  to  prevent  the  whole  world  from  set- 


300     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

tling  down  there.  The  water  of  the  Tigre  was  so 
warm  that  one  could  remain  in  it  over  an  hour. 
One  mental  picture  I  am  always  able  to  conjure 
up,  and  I  can  at  will  imagine  myself  at  midnight 
paddling  lazily  down-stream  on  my  back  through 
the  milk-warm  water,  in  the  scented  dusk,  look- 
ing up  at  the  pattern  formed  by  the  leaves  of  the 
overhanging  trees  against  the  night  sky;  a  pattern 
of  black  lace- work  against  the  polished  silver  of 
the  Southern  moonlight,  whilst  the  water  lapped 
gently  against  the  banks,  and  an  immense  joy  at 
being  alive  filled  one's  heart. 

I  went  straight  from  Buenos  Ayi'es  to  Canada 
on  a  tramp  steamer,  and  a  month  after  leaving 
the  Plate  found  myself  in  the  backwoods  of  the 
Province  of  Quebec,  on  a  short  but  very  famous 
river  running  into  the  Bay  of  Chaleurs,  probably 
the  finest  salmon  river  in  the  world,  and  I  was  for- 
tunate enough  to  hook  and  to  land  a  28  lb.  salmon 
before  I  had  been  there  one  hour.  No  greater 
contrast  in  surroundings  can  be  imagined.  In  the 
place  of  the  dead-flat,  treeless  levels  of  Southern 
Argentina,  there  were  dense  woods  of  spruce,  cedar, 
and  var,  climbing  the  hills  as  far  as  the  eye  could 
see.  Instead  of  the  superficially  courteous  Argen- 
tine gaucho,  with  his  air  of  half-concealed  contempt 
for  the  "  Gringo,"  and  the  ever-ready  knife,  pre- 
pared to  leap  from  his  waist-belt  at  the  slightest 
provocation,  there  were  the  blunt,  outspoken,  hearty 
Canadian  canoe-men,  all  of  them  lumbermen  during 
the  winter  months.     The  fishing  was  ideal,  and  the 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         301 

fish  ran  uniformly  large  and  fought  like  Trojans 
in  the  heavy  water,  but,  unfortunately,  every  single 
winged  insect  on  the  North  American  Continent 
had  arranged  for  a  summer  holiday  on  this  same 
river  at  the  same  time.  There  they  all  were  in 
their  myriads;  black-flies,  sand-flies,  and  mosqui- 
toes, all  enjoying  themselves  tremendously.  By  day 
one  was  devoured  by  black-flies,  who  drew  blood 
every  time  they  bit.  At  nightfall  the  black-flies 
very  considerately  retired  to  rest,  and  the  little 
sand-flies  took  their  place.  The  mosquitoes  took  no 
rest  whatever.  These  rollicking  insects  were  always 
ready  to  turn  night  into  day,  or  day  into  night, 
indiscriminately,  provided  there  were  some  succu- 
lent humans  to  feed  on.  A  net  will  baffle  the  mos- 
quito, but  for  the  sand-flies  the  only  effective  rem- 
edy was  a  "  smudge  "  burning  in  an  iron  pail.  A 
"  smudge  "  is  a  fire  of  damp  fir  bark,  which  smould- 
ers but  does  not  blaze.  It  also  emits  huge  volumes 
of  smoke.  We  dined  every  night  in  an  atmosphere 
denser  than  a  thick  London  fog,  and  the  coughing 
was  such  that  a  chance  visitor  would  have  imagined 
that  he  had  strayed  into  a  sanatorium  for  tuber- 
culosis. 

Things  are  done  expeditiously  in  Canada.  The 
ground  had  been  cleared,  the  wooden  house  in 
which  we  lived  erected,  and  the  rough  track  through 
the  forest  made,  all  in  eight  weeks. 

No  one  who  has  not  tried  it  can  have  any  idea 
of  the  intense  cold  of  the  water  in  these  short 
Canadian  rivers.    Their  course  is  so  short,  and  they 


302     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

are  so  overhung  with  fir  trees,  that  the  fierce  rays 
of  a  Canadian  summer  sun  hardly  touch  them,  so 
the  water  remains  about  ten  degrees  above  freezing 
point.  It  would  have  been  impossible  to  swim  our 
river.  Even  a  short  dip  of  half  a  minute  left  one 
with  gasping  breath  and  chattering  teeth. 

I  was  surprised  to  find,  too,  that  a  Canadian  forest 
is  far  more  impenetrable  than  a  tropical  one.    Here, 
the   fallen  trees   and  decay   of  countless   centuries 
have  formed  a  thick  crust  some  two  or  three  feet 
above  the  real  soil.     This  moss-grown  crust  yields 
to  the  weight  of  a  man  and  lets  him  through,  so 
walking  becomes  infinitely  difficult,  and  practically 
impossible.      To    extricate   yourself    at    every   step 
from  three  feet  of  decaying  rubbish  is  very  exhaust- 
ing.    In  the  tropics,  that  great  forcing-house,  this 
decaying  vegetable  matter  would   have   given  life 
to  new  and  exuberant  growths;  but  not  so  in  Can- 
ada,  frost-bound   for   four   months   of  the   twelve. 
Two-foot-wide  tracks  had  been  cut  through  the  for- 
est   along    the    river,    and    the    trees    there    were 
"  blazed "    {i.e.,  notched,   so  as  to   show  up   white 
where  the  bark  had  been  hacked  off),  to  indicate 
the  direction  of  the  trails;  otherwise  it  would  have 
been   impossible   to   make   one's   way   through   the 
debris  of  a  thousand  years  for  more  than  a  few 
yards. 

I  never  saw  such  a  wealth  of  wild  fruit  as  on 
the  banks  of  this  Canadian  stream.  Wild  straw- 
berries and  raspberries  grew  in  such  profusion  that 
a  bucketful  of  each  could  be  filled  in  half  an  hour. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         303 

There  was  plenty  of  animal  life  too.  A  certain 
pretty  little  black  and  white  striped  beast  was 
quite  disagreeably  common.  This  attractive  cat- 
like little  creature  was  armed  with  stupendous  of- 
fensive powers,  as  all  who  have  experienced  a 
skunk's  unspeakably  disgusting  odour  will  acknowl- 
edge. Unless  molested,  they  did  not  make  use  of 
the  terrible  possibilities  they  had  at  their  command. 
There  were  also  plenty  of  wandering  black  bears. 
These  animals  live  for  choice  on  grain  and  berries, 
and  are  not  hostile  to  man  without  provocation,  but 
they  have  enormous  strength,  and  it  is  a  good  work- 
ing rule  to  remember  that  it  is  unwise  ever  to  vex 
a  bear  unnecessarily,  even  a  mild-tempered  black 
bear. 

Our  tumbling,  roaring  Canadian  river  cutting 
its  way  through  rounded,  densely-wooded  hills  was 
wonderfully  pretty,  and  one  could  not  but  marvel 
at  the  infinitely  varied  beauty  with  which  Provi- 
dence has  clothed  this  world  of  ours,  wherever  man 
has  not  defaced  Nature's  perfect  craftsmanship. 

The  point  of  view  of  the  country-bred  differs 
widely  from  that  of  the  town  dweller  in  this  respect. 

Here  is  a  splendid  waterfall,  churning  itself  into 
whirling  cataracts  of  foam  down  the  face  of  a 
jagged  cliff.  The  townsman  cries,  "  What  tre- 
mendous power  is  running  to  waste  here!  Let  us 
harness  it  quickly.  We  will  divert  the  falls  into 
hideous  water-pipes,  and  bring  them  to  our  tur- 
bines. We  will  build  a  power-house  cheaply  of 
corrugated  iron,  and  in  time  we  shall  so  develop 


304     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

this  sleepy  countryside  that  no  one  will  recognise 

jt. 

Here  is  a  great  forest;  a  joy  to  the  eyes.  "  The 
price  of  timber  is  rising;  let  us  quickly  raze  it  to 
the  ground." 

"  Our  expert  tells  us  that  under  this  lovely  val- 
ley there  runs  a  thick  seam  of  coal.  We  will  sink 
shafts,  and  build  blatantly  hideous  towns  and  fac- 
tories, pollute  this  clear  air  with  smoke  and  mephitic 
vapours,  and  then  fall  down  and  worship  the  great 
god  Progress.    We  will  also  pocket  fat  dividends." 

The  stupid,  unprogressive  son  of  woods  and  green 
fields  shudders  at  such  things;  the  son  of  asphalte, 
stuffy  streets,  tramways,  and  arc  lights  glories  in 
them. 

Like  many  other  things,  it  all  depends  on  the 
point  of  view. 


CHAPTER  X 

Former  colleagues  who  have  risen  to  eminence — Kiderlin- 
Waechter — Aehrenthal — Colonel  Klepsch — The  discomfiture 
of  an  inquisitive  journalist — Origin  of  certain  Russian 
scares — Tokyo — Dulness  of  Geisha  dinners — Japanese 
culinary  curiosities — "  Musical  Chairs  " — Lack  of  colour  in 
Japan — The  Tokugawa  dynasty — Japanese  Gardens — The 
transplanted  suburban  Embassy  house — Cherry-blossom — 
Japanese  Politeness — An  unfortunate  incident  in  Rome — 
Eastern  courtesy — The  country  in  Japan — An  Imperial 
duck  catching  party — An  up-to-date  Tokyo  house — A  Sliinto 
Temple — Linguistic  difficulties  at  a  dinner-party — The  eco- 
nomical colleague — Japan  defaced  by  advertisements. 

Petrograd  was  the  only  capital  at  which  I  was 
stationed  in  which  there  was  a  diplomatic  table 
d'hote.  In  one  of  the  French  restaurants  there, 
a  room  was  specially  set  apart  for  the  diplomats, 
and  here  the  "  chers  collegues  "  foregathered  night- 
ly, when  they  had  no  other  engagements.  When 
a  Spaniard  and  a  Dane,  a  Romnanian  and  a  Dutch- 
man, a  Hungarian  and  an  Englishman  dine  together 
frequently,  it  becomes  a  subject  of  thankfulness  that 
the  universal  use  of  the  French  language  as  a  means 
of  international  communication  has  mitigated  the 
linguistic  difficulties  brought  about  by  the  ambitious 
tower-builders  of  Babel. 

Two  men  whom  I  met  frequently  at  that  diplo- 
matic   table   d'hote   rose    afterwards   to    important 

305 


306     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

positions  in  their  own  countries.  They  were  Baron 
von  Kiderhn-Waechter,  the  German,  and  Baron 
von  Aehrenthal,  the  Austrian,  both  of  whom  be- 
came Ministers  for  Foreign  Affairs  in  their  re- 
spective countries,  and  both  of  whom  are  now  dead. 
Kiderhn-Waechter  arrived  in  Petrograd  as  quite 
a  young  man  with  the  reputation  of  being  Bis- 
marck's favourite  and  most  promising  pupil.  Though 
a  South  German  by  birth,  Kiderhn-Waechter  had 
acquired  an  overbearing  and  dictatorial  manner  of 
the  most  approved  Prussian  type.  When  a  number 
of  young  men,  all  of  whom  are  on  very  friendly 
terms  with  each  other,  constantly  meet,  there  is 
naturally  a  good  deal  of  fun  and  chaff  passed  to  and 
fro  between  them.  Diplomats  are  no  exception  to 
this  rule,  and  the  fact  that  the  ten  young  men 
talking  together  may  be  of  ten  different  nationalities 
is  no  bar  to  the  interchange  of  humorous  personal- 
ities, thanks  to  the  convenient  French  language, 
which  lends  itself  peculiarly  to  '*  persiflage." 

Germans  can  never  understand  the  form  of  friend- 
ly banter  which  we  term  chaff,  and  always  resent 
it  deeply.  I  have  known  German  diplomats  so 
offended  at  a  harmless  joke  that  they  have  threat- 
ened to  challenge  the  author  of  it  to  a  duel.  I 
should  like  to  pay  a  belated  tribute  to  the  memory 
of  the  late  Count  Lovendal,  Danish  Minister  in 
Petrograd;  peace  to  his  ashes!  This  kindly,  tact- 
ful, middle-aged  man  must  during  my  time  in  Pet- 
rograd have  stopped  at  least  eight  duels.  People 
in  trouble  went  straight  to  Count  Lovendal,  and  this 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         307 

shrewd,  kind-hearted,  experienced  man  of  the  world 
heard  them  with  infinite  patience,  and  then  always 
gave  them  sound  advice.  As  years  went  on,  Count 
Lovendal  came  to  be  a  sort  of  recognised  Court 
of  Honour,  to  whom  all  knotty  and  delicate  points 
were  referred.  He,  if  anyone,  should  have 
"  Blessed  are  the  peacemakers "  inscribed  on  his 
tomb.  At  least  four  of  the  duels  he  averted  were 
due  to  the  inability  of  Germans  to  stand  chaff. 
Kiderlin-Waechter,  for  instance,  was  for  ever  tak- 
ing offence  at  harmless  jokes,  and  threatening 
swords  and  pistols  in  answer  to  them.  He  was  a 
very  big,  gross-looking,  fair-haired  man;  with  ex- 
actly the  type  of  face  that  a  caricaturist  associates 
with  the  average  Prussian. 

His  face  was  slashed  with  a  generous  allowance 
of  the  scars  of  which  Germans  are  so  proud,  as 
testifying  to  their  prowess  in  their  student-duelHng 
days.  I  think  that  it  was  the  late  Sir  Wilfrid 
Lawson  who,  referring  to  the  beer-drinking  habits 
of  German  students  and  their  passionate  love  of 
face-slashing,  described  them  as  living  in  a  perpet- 
ual atmosphere  of  "  scars  and  swipes."  Though 
from  South  Germany,  Kiderlin  snapped  out  his 
words  with  true  "  Preussische  Grobheit "  in  speak- 
ing German.  Fortunately,  it  is  impossible  to  obtain 
this  bullying  effect  in  the  French  language.  It 
does  not  lend  itself  to  it.  I  should  be  guilty  of  ex- 
aggeration were  I  to  say  that  Kiderlin-Waechter 
was  wildly  adored  by  his  foreign  colleagues.  He  be- 
came Minister  for  Foreign  Affairs  of  the  German 


308     SOME  HANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

Empire,  but  made  the  same  mistake  as  some  of  his 
predecessors,  notably  Count  Herbert  Bismarck, 
had  done.  They  attributed  Bismarck's  phenomenal 
success  to  his  habitual  dictatorial,  bullying  man- 
ner. This  was  easily  copied;  they  forgot  the  genius 
behind  the  bully,  which  could  not  be  copied,  and 
did  not  realise  that  Bismarck's  tremendous  brain 
had  not  fallen  to  their  portion.  Kiderlin-Waechter's 
tenure  of  office  was  a  short  one;  he  died  very  sud- 
denly in  1912.     He  was  a  violent  Anglophobe. 

Baron  von  Aehrenthal  was  a  very  different  stamp 
of  man.  He  was  of  Semitic  origin,  and  in  appear- 
ance was  a  good-looking,  tall,  slim,  dark  young 
fellow  with  very  pleasing  manners.  Some  people 
indeed  thought  his  manners  too  pleasant,  and  termed 
them  subservient.  I  knew  Aehrenthal  very  well 
indeed,  and  liked  him,  but  I  never  suspected  that 
under  that  very  quiet  exterior  there  lay  the  most 
intense  personal  ambition.  He  became  Austro- 
Hungarian  Minister  for  Foreign  Affairs  in  1907, 
being  raised  to  the  rank  of  Count  next  year.  This 
quiet,  sleepy-mannered  man  began  embarking  on  a 
recklessly  bold  foreign  policy,  and,  to  the  surprise 
of  those  who  fancied  that  they  knew  him  well,  ex- 
hibited a  most  domineering  spirit.  The  old  Em- 
peror Francis  Joseph's  mental  powers  were  failing, 
and  it  was  Aehrenthal  who  persuaded  him  to  put 
an  end  to  the  understanding  with  Russia  under 
which  the  status  quo  in  the  Balkan  States  was 
guaranteed,  and  to  astonish  Europe  in  1908  by  pro- 
claiming the  annexation  of  Bosnia  and  Herzegovina 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         309 

to  the  Austrian  Empire.  This  step,  owing  to  the 
seething  discontent  it  aroused  in  Bosnia,  led  directly 
to  the  catastrophe  of  Sarajevo  on  June  28,  1914, 
and  plunged  Europe  into  the  most  terrible  war  of 
history.  Aehrenthal,  whether  intentionally  or  not, 
played  directly  into  the  hands  of  the  Pan-Germanic 
party,  and  succeeded  in  tying  his  own  country,  a 
pliant  vassal,  to  the  chariot-wheels  of  Berlin.  It 
was  Aehrenthal  who  brought  the  immemorially  old 
Hapsburg  Monarchy  crashing  to  the  ground  and  by 
his  foreign  policy  caused  the  proud  Austrian  Em- 
pire to  collapse  like  a  house  of  cards.  He  did  not 
live  to  see  the  final  results  of  his  work,  for  he  died 
in  1912. 

Colonel  Klepsch,  the  Austro-Hungarian  Military 
Attache  at  Petrograd,  another  habitue  of  the  di- 
plomatic table  d'hote,  was  a  most  remarkable  man. 
He  knew  more  of  the  real  state  of  affairs  in  Rus- 
sia, and  of  the  inner  workings  and  intentions  of  the 
Russian  Government,  than  any  other  foreigner 
in  the  country,  and  his  information  was  invariably 
correct.  Nearly  all  the  foreign  Ambassadors  con- 
sulted Colonel  Klepsch  as  to  the  probable  trend 
of  affairs  in  Russia,  and  at  times  he  called  on  them 
and  volunteered  pieces  of  information.  It  was 
well  known  that  his  source  of  intelligence  was  a 
feminine  one,  and  experience  had  proved  that  it 
was  always  to  be  relied  upon.  To  this  day  I  do 
not  know  whether  this  mysterious,  taciturn  man 
was  at  times  used  as  a  convenient  mouthpiece  by 
the   Russian   Government,   at  the   instigation   of   a 


310     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

certain  person  to  whom  he  was  devotedly  attached; 
whether  he  acted  on  instructions  from  his  own  Am- 
bassador, or  if  he  took  the  steps  he  did  on  his  own 
initiative.  This  tall,  red-haired,  silent  man,  with  his 
uncanny  knowledge  of  every  detail  of  what  was 
happening  in  the  country,  will  always  remain  an 
enigma  to  me. 

I  mentioned  earlier  in  these  reminiscences  that 
Lord  Dufferin  on  one  occasion  accomplished  the 
difficult  feat  of  turning  an  English  newspaper  cor- 
respondent out  of  his  house  with  the  most  charm- 
ing courtesy. 

After  an  interval  of  nearly  forty  years,  I  can 
without  indiscretion  say  how  this  came  about.  The 
person  in  question,  whom  we  will  call  Mr.  Q.,  was 
an  exceedingly  enterprising  journalist,  the  corre- 
spondent of  a  big  London  daily.  He  was  also 
pretty  unscrupulous  as  to  the  methods  he  employed 
in  gathering  information.  It  is  quite  obviously 
the  duty  of  a  newspaper  correspondent  to  collect 
information  for  his  paper.  It  is  equally  clearly 
the  duty  of  those  to  whom  official  secrets  are  en- 
trusted to  prevent  their  becoming  public  property; 
so  here  we  have  conflicting  interests.  At  times  it 
happens  that  an  "  incident "  arises  between  two 
Governments  apparently  trivial  in  itself,  but  ca- 
pable of  being  fanned  into  such  a  fierce  flame  by 
popular  opinion  as  to  make  it  difficult  for  either 
Government  to  recede  from  the  position  they  had 
originally  taken  up.  The  Press  screams  loudly 
on  both  sides,  and  every  Government  shrinks  from 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         311 

incurring  the  unpopularity  which  a  charge  of  be- 
traying the  national  interests  would  bring  upon  it. 
Experience  has  shown  that  in  these  cases  the  difficul- 
ties can  usually  be  smoothed  down,  provided  the 
whole  matter  be  kept  secret,  and  that  neither  the 
public  nor  the  Press  of  either  of  the  two  countries 
concerned  have  an  inkling  of  the  awkward  situa- 
tion that  has  arisen.  An  indiscreet  or  hysterical 
Press  can  blow  a  tiny  spark  into  a  roaring  confla- 
gration and  work  up  popular  feeling  to  fever- 
pitch.  It  may  surprise  people  to  learn  that  barely 
twenty  years  ago  such  a  situation  arose  between 
our  own  country  and  another  European  Power 
{not  Germany).  Those  in  charge  of  the  negotia- 
tions on  both  sides  very  wisely  determined  that  the 
matter  should  be  concealed  absolutely  from  the 
public  and  the  Press  of  both  countries,  and  not  one 
word  about  it  was  allowed  to  leak  out.  Otherwise 
the  situation  might  have  been  one  of  extreme  grav- 
ity, for  it  was  again  one  of  those  cases  where 
neither  Government  could  give  way  without  being 
accused  of  pusillanimity.  As  it  was,  the  matter  was 
settled  amicably  in  a  week,  and  to  this  day  very 
few  people  know  that  this  very  serious  difficulty 
ever  occurred. 

Nearly  forty  years  ago,  just  such  a  situation 
had  arisen  between  us  and  the  Russian  Government ; 
but  the  Ambassador  was  convinced  that  he  could 
smooth  it  away  provided  that  the  whole  thing 
were  kept  secret. 

Mr.  Q.  was  a  first-rate  journalist,  and  his  flair 


312     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

as  a  newspaperman  told  him  that  something  was 
wrong.  From  the  Russians  he  could  learn  nothing; 
they  were  as  close  as  wax;  so  Mr.  Q.  turned  his 
attention  to  the  Chancery  of  the  British  Embassy. 
His  methods  were  simple.  He  gained  admission 
to  the  Chancery  on  some  pretext  or  another,  and 
then  walking  about  the  room,  and  talking  most 
volubly,  he  cast  a  roving  eye  over  any  papers  that 
might  be  lying  about  on  the  tables.  In  all  Chan- 
ceries a  book  called  the  Register  is  kept  in  which 
every  document  received  or  sent  out  is  entered, 
with,  of  course,  its  date,  and  a  short  summary 
of  its  contents.  It  is  a  large  book,  and  reposes 
on  its  own  high  desk.  Ours  stood  in  a  window  over- 
looking the  Neva.  Mr.  Q.  was  not  troubled  with 
false  delicacy.  Under  pretence  of  admiring  the 
view  over  the  river,  he  attempted  to  throw  a  rapid 
eye  over  the  Register.  A  colleague  of  mine,  as 
a  gentle  hint,  removed  the  Register  from  under 
Mr.  Q.'s  very  nose,  and  locked  it  up  in  the  archive 
press.  Mr.  Q.,  however,  was  not  thin-skinned.  He 
came  back  again  and  again,  till  the  man  became  a 
positive  nuisance.  We  always  cleared  away  every 
paper  before  he  was  allowed  admittance.  I  was 
only  twenty-two  or  twenty-three  then,  and  I  de- 
vised a  strictly  private  scheme  of  my  own  for  Mr. 
Q.'s  discomfiture.  All  despatches  received  from 
the  Foreign  Office  in  those  days  were  kept  folded 
in  packets  of  ten,  with  a  docket  on  each,  giving 
a  summary  of  its  contents.  I  prepared  two  des- 
patches for  Mr.  Q.'s  private  eye  and,  after  much 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         313 

cogitation,  settled  that  they  should  be  about  Af- 
ghanistan, which  did  not  happen  to  be  the  particu- 
lar point  in  dispute  between  the  two  Governments 
at  that  time.  I  also  decided  on  a  rhyming  docket. 
It  struck  me  as  a  pleasing  novelty,  and  I  thought 
the  jingle  would  impress  itself  on  Mr.  Q.'s  memory, 
for  he  was  meant  to  see  this  bogus  despatch.  I 
took  eight  sheets  of  foolscap,  virgin,  spotless,  un- 
blackened,  folded  them  in  the  orthodox  fashion,  and 
docketed  them  in  a  way  I  remember  to  this  day. 
It  ran:  first  the  particular  year,  then  "Foreign 
Office  'No.  3527.  Secret  and  Confidential.  Dated 
March  3.  Received  March  11."  Then  came  the 
rhyming  docket, 

"  General  Kaufman's  rumoured  plan 

To  make  Abdurraliman  Khan 

Ruler  of  Afghanistan." 

Under  that  I  wrote  in  red  ink  in  a  different  hand, 
with  a  fine  pen, 

"  Urgent.    Instructions  already  acted  on.    See  further  instruc- 
tions re  Afghanistan  in  No.  3534. 

I  was  only  twenty-two  then,  and  my  sense  of 
responsibility  was  not  fully  developed,  or  I  should 
not  have  acted  so  flightily.  It  still  strikes  me  though 
as  an  irresistibly  attractive  baited  hook  to  offer  to 
an  inquisitive  newspaperman.  I  grieve  to  say  that 
I  also  wrote  a  "  fake  "  decypher  of  a  purely  apocry- 
phal code  telegram  purporting  to  have  come  from 
London.    This  was  also  on  the  subject  of  Afghani- 


314     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

Stan.  It  struck  me  at  the  time  as  a  perfectly  legiti- 
mate thing  to  do,  in  order  to  throw  this  Paul  Pry 
off  the  scent,  for  the  Ambassador  had  impressed  on 
us  all  the  vital  importance  of  not  disclosing  the 
real  matter  in  dispute.  I  put  these  flagrant  for- 
geries in  a  drawer  of  my  table  and  waited.  I  had 
not  to  wait  long.  My  colleagues  having  all  gone 
out  to  luncheon,  I  was  alone  in  the  Chancery  one 
day,  when  Mr.  Q.'s  card  was  brought  in  to  me.  I 
kept  him  waiting  until  I  had  cleared  every  single 
despatch  from  the  tables  and  had  locked  them  up. 
I  also  locked  up  the  Register,  but  put  an  eight- 
year-old  one,  exactly  similar  in  appearance,  in  its 
place,  opening  it  at  a  date  two  days  earlier  than 
the  actual  date,  in  order  that  Mr.  Q.  might  not 
notice  that  the  page  (and  "  to-morrow's  "  page  as 
well)  was  already  filled  up,  and  the  bogus  despatch 
and  fake  telegram  from  my  drawer  were  duly 
laid  on  the  centre  table.  At  twenty-two  I  was  a 
smooth-faced  youth,  in  appearance,  I  believe,  much 
younger  than  my  real  age.  Mr.  Q.  came  in.  He 
had  the  "  Well,  old  man  "  style,  accompanied  by  a 
thump  on  the  back,  which  I  peculiarly  detest.  He 
must  have  blessed  his  luck  in  finding  such  a  simple 
youth  in  sole  charge  of  the  Chancery.  Mr.  Q. 
pursued  his  usual  tactics.  He  talked  volubly  in  a 
loud  voice,  walking  about  the  room  meanwhile. 
The  idiotic  boy  smoked  cigarettes,  and  gaped  in- 
anely. Mr.  Q.  went  as  usual  to  the  window  where 
the  Register  lay  in  order  to  admire  the  view,  and 
the  pudding-brained  youth  noticed  nothing,  but  lit 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         315 

a  fresh  cigarette.  That  young  fool  never  saw  that 
Mr.  Paul  Pry  read  unblushingly  half  a  column  of 
the  eight-year-old  Register  (How  it  must  have 
puzzled  him!)  under  his  very  eyes.  Mr.  Q.  then 
went  to  the  centre  table,  where  he  had,  of  course, 
noticed  the  two  papers  lying,  and  proceeded  to  light 
a  cigar.  That  cigar  must  have  drawn  very  badly, 
for  Mr.  Q.  had  occasion  to  hght  it  again  and  again, 
bending  well  over  the  table  as  he  did  so.  He  kept 
the  unsuspicious  youth  engaged  in  incessant  con- 
versation meanwhile.  So  careless  and  stupid  a 
boy  ought  never  to  have  been  left  in  charge  of  im- 
portant documents.  Finally  Mr.  Q.,  having  gained 
all  the  information  for  which  he  had  been  thirsting 
so  long,  left  in  a  jubilant  frame  of  mind,  perfectly 
unconscious  that  he  had  been  subjected  to  the  slight- 
est crural  tension. 

When  the  Councillor  of  Embassy  returned,  I 
made  a  clean  breast  of  what  I  had  done,  and  showed 
him  the  bogus  despatch  and  telegram  I  had  con- 
trived. Quite  rightly,  I  received  a  very  severe 
reprimand.  I  was  warned  against  ever  acting  in 
such  an  irregular  fashion  again,  under  the  direst 
penalties.  In  extenuation,  I  pointed  out  to  the 
Councillor  that  the  inquisitive  Mr.  Q.  was  now 
convinced  that  our  difficulty  with  Russia  was  over 
Afghanistan. 

I  further  added  that  should  anyone  be  dishonour- 
able enough  to  come  into  the  Chancery  and  dehb- 
erately  read  confidential  documents  which  he  knew 
were  not  intended  for  his  eye,  I  clearly  could  not 


316     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

be  held  responsible  for  any  false  impressions  he 
might  derive  from  reading  them.  That,  I  was  told 
sharj)ly,  was  no  excuse  for  my  conduct.  After  this 
"  official  wigging,"  the  Councillor  invited  me  to  dine 
with  him  that  night,  when  we  laughed  loudly  over 
Mr.  Q.'s  discomfiture.  That  person  became  at 
length  such  a  nuisance  that  "  his  name  was  put 
on  the  gate,"  and  he  was  refused  admission  to  the 
Embassy. 

The  great  London  daily  which  Mr.  Q.  represent- 
ed at  Petrogi'ad  published  some  strong  articles  on 
the  grave  menace  to  the  Empire  which  a  change  of 
rulers  in  Afghanistan  might  bring  about;  coupled 
with  Cassandra-like  wails  over  the  purblind  Brit- 
ish statesmen  who  were  wilfully  shutting  their  eyes 
to  this  impending  danger,  as  well  as  to  baneful  Rus- 
sian machinations  on  our  Indian  frontier.  There 
were  also  some  unflattering  allusions  to  Abdurrah- 
man Khan.  I,  knowing  that  the  whole  story  had 
originated  in  my  own  brain,  could  not  restrain 
a  chuckle  whilst  perusing  these  jeremiads.  After 
reading  some  particularly  violent  screed,  the  Coun- 
cillor of  Embassy  would  shake  his  head,  at  me. 
"  This  is  more  of  your  work,  you  wretched  boy!  " 
After  an  interval  of  forty  years  this  little  episode 
can  be  recounted  without  harm. 

Talking  of  newspaper  enterprise,  many  years 
later,  when  the  Emperor  Alexander  III  died,  the 
editor  of  a  well-known  London  evening  paper,  a 
great  friend  of  mine,  told  me  in  confidence  of  a 
journalistic  "  scoop  "  he  was  meditating.     Alexan- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         317 

der  III  had  died  at  Livadia  in  the  Crimea,  and  his 
body  was  to  make  a  sort  of  triumphal  progress 
through  Russia.  The  editor  (he  is  no  longer  with 
us,  but  when  I  term  him  "  Harry  "  I  shall  be  re- 
vealing his  identity  to  the  few)  was  sending  out  a 
Frenchman  as  special  correspondent,  armed  with  a 
goodly  store  of  roubles,  and  instructions  to  get  him- 
self engaged  as  temporary  assistant  to  the  under- 
taker in  charge  of  the  Emperor's  funeral.  This 
cost,  I  believe,  a  considerable  sum,  but  the  French- 
man, having  entered  on  his  gruesome  duties,  was 
enabled  to  furnish  the  London  evening  paper  with 
the  fullest  details  of  all  the  funeral  ceremonies. 

The  reason  the  younger  diplomats  foregathered 
so  in  Petrograd  was  that,  as  I  said  before,  Pet- 
rograd  was  to  all  intents  and  purposes  extra- 
European.  Apart  from  its  charming  society,  the 
town,  qua  town,  offered  but  few  resources.  The 
younger  Continental  diplomats  felt  the  entire  ab- 
sence of  cafes,  of  music-halls,  and  of  places  of  light 
entertainment  very  acutely;  so  they  were  thrown 
on  each  other's  society.  In  Far  Eastern  posts 
such  as  Pekin  or  Tokyo,  the  diplomats  live  entire- 
ly amongst  themselves.  For  a  European,  there 
are  practically  no  resources  whatever  in  Tokyo. 
No  one  could  possibly  wish  to  frequent  a  Japanese 
theatre,  or  a  Japanese  restaurant,  when  once  the 
novelty  had  worn  off,  and  even  Geisha  entertain- 
ments are  deadly  dull  to  one  who  cannot  under- 
stand a  word  of  the  language.  Let  us  imagine  a 
party  of  Europeans  arriving  at  some   fashionable 


318     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

Japanese  restaurant  for  a  Geisha  entertainment. 
They  will,  of  course,  remove  their  shoes  before  pro- 
ceeding upstairs.  I  was  always  unfortunate  enough 
to  find  on  these  occasions  one  or  more  holes  in 
my  socks  gaping  blatantly.  In  time  one  learns  in 
Japan  to  subject  one's  socks  to  a  close  scrutiny 
in  order  to  make  sure  that  they  are  intact,  for 
everyone  must  be  prepared  to  remove  his  shoes  at 
all  hours  of  the  day.  We  will  follow  the  Europeans 
up  to  a  room  on  the  upper  floor,  tastefully  arranged 
in  Japanese  fashion,  and  spotlessly  neat  and  clean. 
The  temperature  in  this  room  in  the  winter  months 
would  be  Arctic,  with  three  or  four  "  fire-pots  "  con- 
taining a  few  specks  of  mildly-glowing  charcoal 
waging  a  futile  contest  against  the  penetrating 
cold. 

The  room  is  apparently  empty,  but  from  behind 
the  sliding-panels  giggles  and  titters  begin,  gradual- 
ly increasing  in  volume  until  the  panels  slide  back, 
and  a  number  of  self-conscious  overdressed  chil- 
dren step  into  the  room,  one  taking  her  place  be- 
side each  guest.  These  are  "Micos";  little  girls 
being  trained  as  professional  Geishas.  The  Euro- 
pean conception  of  a  Geisha  is  a  totally  wrong 
one.  They  are  simply  entertainers;  trained  sing- 
ers, dancers,  and  story-tellers.  The  guests  seat 
themselves  clumsily  and  uncomfortably  on  the  floor 
and  the  dinner  begins.  Japanese  dishes  are  meant 
to  please  the  eye,  which  is  fortunate,  for  they  cer- 
tainly do  not  appeal  to  the  palate.  I  invariably 
drew  one  of  the  big  pots  of  flowers  which  always 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         319 

decorate  these  places  close  up  to  me,  and  consigned 
to  its  kindly  keeping  all  the  delicacies  of  the  Japa- 
ness  cuisine  which  were  beyond  my  assimilative 
powers,  such  as  slices  of  raw  fish  sprinkled  with 
sugar,  and  seasoned  with  salted  ginger.  The  tire- 
some little  Micos  kept  up  an  incessant  chatter. 
Their  stories  were  doubtless  extraordinarily  humor- 
ous to  anyone  understanding  Japanese,  but  were 
apt  to  lose  their  point  for  those  ignorant  of  the 
language.  The  abortive  attempts  of  the  Europeans 
to  eat  with  chopsticks  afforded  endless  amusement 
to  these  bedizened  children;  they  shook  with  laugh- 
ter at  seeing  all  the  food  shde  away  from  these  un- 
accustomed table  implements.  Not  till  the  dinner 
was  over  did  the  Geishas  proper  make  their  ap- 
pearance. In  Japan  the  amount  of  bright  colour 
in  a  woman's  dress  varies  in  inverse  ratio  to  her 
moral  rectitude.  As  our  Geishas  were  all  habited 
in  sober  mouse-colour,  or  dull  neutral-blue,  I  can 
only  infer  that  they  were  ladies  of  the  very  highest 
respectability.  They  were  certainly  wonderfully 
attractive  little  people.  They  were  not  pretty  ac- 
cording to  our  standards,  but  there  was  a  vivacity 
and  a  sort  of  air  of  dainty  grace  about  them  that 
were  very  captivating.  Their  singing  is  frankly 
awful.  I  have  heard  four-footed  musicians  on  the 
London  tiles  produce  sweeter  sounds,  but  their 
dancing  is  graceful  to  a  degree.  Unfortunately, 
one  of  the  favourite  amusements  of  these  charming 
and  vivacious  little  people  is  to  play  "  Musical 
Chairs" — without  any  chairs!     They  made  all  the 


320     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

European  men  follow  them  round  and  round  the 
room  whilst  two  Geishas  thrummed  on  a  sort  of 
guitar.  As  soon  as  the  music  stopped  everyone  was 
expected  to  sit  down  with  a  bang  on  the  floor.  To 
these  little  Japs  five  feet  high,  the  process  was  easy, 
and  may  have  seemed  good  fun;  to  a  middleaged 
gentleman,  "  vir  pietate  gravis."  these  violent  shocks 
were  more  than  painful,  and  I  failed  to  derive  the 
smallest  amusement  from  them.  No  Japanese  dinner 
would  be  complete  without  copious  miniature  cups  of 
sake.  This  rice-spirit  is  always  drunken  hot ;  it  is  not 
disagreeable  to  the  taste,  being  like  warm  sherry  with 
a  dash  of  methylated  spirit  thrown  in,  but  the  little 
sake  bottles  and  cups  are  a  joy  to  the  eye.  This  in- 
nately artistic  people  delight  to  lavish  loving  care  in 
fashinoing  minute  objects;  many  English  drawing- 
rooms  contain  sake  bottles  in  enamel  or  porcelain 
ranged  in  cabinets  as  works  of  art.  Thein  form  would 
be  more  familiar  to  most  people  than  their  use. 
Japanese  always  seem  to  look  on  a  love  of  colour 
as  showing  rather  vulgar  tastes.  The  more  refined 
the  individual,  the  more  will  he  adhere  to  sober 
black  and  white  and  neutral  tints  in  his  house  and 
personal  belongings.  The  Emperor's  palace  in 
Kyoto  is  decorated  entirely  in  black  and  white,  with 
unpainted,  unlacquered  woodwork,  and  no  colour 
anywhere.  The  Kyoto  palace  of  the  great  Tokuga- 
wa  family,  on  the  other  hand,  a  place  of  astound- 
ing beauty,  blazes  with  gilding,  enamels,  and  lac- 
quer, as  do  all  the  tombs  and  temples  erected  by 
this  dynasty.     The  Tokugawas  usurped  power  as 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         321 

Shoguns  in  1603,  reducing  the  Mikado  to  a  mere 
figure-head  as  spiritual  Ruler,  and  the  Shoguns 
ruled  Japan  absolutely  until  1868,  when  they  were 
overthrown,  and  Shogun  and  Mikado  were  merged 
into  one  under  the  title  of  Emperor.  I  fancy  that 
the  Japanese  look  upon  the  polychrome  splendour 
of  all  the  buildings  erected  by  the  Tokugawas  as 
proof  that  they  were  very  inferior  to  the  ancient 
dynasty,  who  contented  themselves  with  plain  build- 
ings severely  decorated  in  black  and  white.  The 
lack  of  colour  in  Japan  is  very  noticeable  on  arriv- 
ing from  untidy,  picturesque  China.  The  beautiful 
neatness  and  cleanliness  of  Japan  are  very  re- 
freshing after  slovenly  China,  but  the  endless  rows 
of  little  brown,  unpainted,  tidy  houses,  looking  like 
so  many  rabbit  hutches,  are  depressing  to  a  degree. 
The  perpetual  earthquakes  are  responsible  for  the 
low  elevation  of  these  houses  and  also  for  their 
being  invariably  built  of  wood,  as  is  indeed  every- 
thing else  in  the  country.  I  was  immensely  dis- 
appointed at  the  sight  of  the  first  temples  I  visited 
in  Japan.  The  forms  were  beautiful  enough,  but 
they  were  all  of  unpainted  wood,  without  any  col- 
our whatever,  and  looked  horribly  neutral-tinted. 
All  the  famous  temples  of  Kyoto  are  of  plain,  un- 
painted, unvarnished  wood.  The  splendid  group 
of  temples  at  Nikko  are  the  last  word  in  Japanese 
art.  They  glow  with  colour;  with  scarlet  and  black 
lacquer,  gilding,  enamels,  and  bronzes,  every  de- 
tail finished  like  jewellers'  work  with  exquisite 
craftmanship,  and  they  are  amongst  the  most  beau- 


322     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

tiful  tilings  in  the  world;  but  they  were  all  erected 
by  the  Tokugawa  dynasty,  as  were  the  equally 
superb  temples  in  the  Shiba  Park  at  Tokyo.  This 
family  seemed  determined  to  leave  Japan  less  col- 
ourless than  they  found  it;  in  their  great  love 
for  scarlet  lacquer  they  must  have  been  the  first 
people  who  thought  of  painting  a  town  red. 

The  same  lack  of  colour  is  foimd  in  the  gardens. 
I  had  pictured  a  Japanese  garden  as  a  dream  of 
beauty,  so  when  I  was  shown  a  heap  of  stones 
interspersed  with  little  green  shrubs  and  dwarf 
trees,  without  one  single  flower,  I  was  naturally 
disappointed,  nor  had  I  sufficient  imagination  to 
picture  a  streak  of  whitewash  daubed  down  a  rock 
as  a  quivering  cascade  of  foaming  water.  "  Our 
gardens,  sir,"  said  my  host,  "  are  not  intended  to 
inspire  hilarit  .  .  ee,  but  rather  to  create  a  gentle 
melanchol  .  .  ee."  As  regards  myself,  his  certain- 
ly succeeded  in  its  object. 

A  friend  of  mine,  whose  gardens,  not  a  hundred 
miles  from  London,  are  justly  famous,  takes  im- 
mense pride  in  her  Japanese  garden,  as  she  fondly 
imagines  it  to  be.  At  the  time  of  King  George's 
Coronation  she  invited  the  special  Japanese  Envoys 
to  luncheon,  for  the  express  purpose  of  showing 
them  her  gardens  afterwards.  She  kept  the  Japa- 
nese garden  to  the  last  as  a  honne-houche,  half-ex- 
pecting these  children  of  the  Land  of  the  Rising 
Sun  to  burst  into  happy  tears  at  this  reminder  of 
their  distant  island  home.  The  special  Envoys 
thanked  her  with  true  Japanese  politeness,  and  loud- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         323 

ly  expressed  their  delight  at  seeing  a  real  English 
garden.  They  added  that  they  had  never  even 
imagined  anji;hing  like  this  in  Japan,  and  begged 
for  a  design  of  it,  in  order  that  they  might  create 
a  real  English  garden  in  their  native  land  on  their 
return  home. 

As  I  have  said,  no  Japanese  woman  can  wear 
bright  colours  without  sacrificing  her  moral  repu- 
tation, but  little  girls  may  wear  all  the  colours  of 
the  rainbow  until  they  are  eight  years  old  or  so. 
These  little  girls,  with  their  hair  cut  straight 
across  their  forehead,  are  very  attractive-looking 
creatures,  whereas  a  Japanese  boy,  with  his  cropped 
head,  round  face,  and  projecting  teeth,  is  the 
most  comically  hideous  little  object  imaginable. 
These  children's  appearance  is  spoilt  by  an  objec- 
tionable superstition  which  decrees  it  unlucky  to 
use  a  pocket-handkerchief  on  a  child  until  he,  or 
she,  is  nine  years  old.  The  result  is  unspeakably 
deplorable. 

The  interior  of  our  Embassy  at  Tokyo  was 
rather  a  surprise.  Owing  to  the  constant  earth- 
quakes in  Tokyo  and  Yokohama,  all  the  buildings 
have  to  be  of  wood.  The  British  Embassy  was 
built  in  London  (I  believe  by  a  very  well-kno^vn 
firm  in  Tottenham  Court  Road),  and  was  shipped 
out  to  Japan  complete  down  to  its  last  detail. 
The  architect  who  designed  it  unhappily  took  a 
glorified  suburban  villa  as  his  model.  So  the 
Tokyo  Embassy  house  is  an  enlarged  "  Belmont," 
or   "The   Cedars,"   or   "Tokyo   Towers."     Every 


324     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

familiar  detail  is  there;  the  tiled  haU,  the  glazed 
door  into  the  garden,  and  the  heavy  mahogany 
chimneypieces  and  overmantels.  In  the  library 
with  its  mahogany  book-cases,  green  morocco  chairs, 
and  green  plush  curtains,  it  was  difficult  to  reaHse 
that  one  was  not  in  Hampstead  or  Upper  Tooting. 
I  always  felt  that  I  was  quite  out  of  the  picture 
unless  I  sallied  forth  at  9  a.m.  with  a  little  black 
bag  in  my  hand,  and  returned  at  6  p.m.  with  some 
fish  in  a  bass-basket.  In  spite  of  being  common- 
place, the  house  was  undeniably  comfortable.  Every- 
thing Japanese  was  rigidly  excluded  from  it.  That 
in  far-off  lands  is  very  natural.  People  do  not  care 
to  be  reminded  perpetually  of  the  distance  they 
are  away  from  home.  In  Calcutta  the  Maidan,  the 
local  Hyde  Park,  has  nothing  Eastern  about  it. 
Except  in  the  Eden  Gardens  in  one  corner  of  it, 
where  there  is  a  splendid  tangle  of  tropical  vege- 
tation, there  is  not  one  single  palm  tree  on  the 
Maidan.  The  broad  sweeps  of  turf,  clumps  of  trees, 
and  winding  roads  make  an  excellent  imitation  of 
Hyde  Park  transferred  to  the  banks  of  the  Hoogh- 
ly,  and  this  is  intentional.  There  is  one  spot  in 
particular,  where  the  tall  Gothic  spire  of  St.  Paul's 
Cathedral  rises  out  of  a  clump  of  trees  beyond  a 
great  tank  (it  may  be  pointed  out  that  "  tank  "  in 
India  does  not  refer  to  a  clumsy,  mobile  engine  of 
destruction,  but  is  the  word  used  for  a  pool  or  pond) , 
which  might  be  in  Kensington  Gardens  but  for  the 
temperature.  The  average  Briton  likes  to  be  re- 
minded of  his  home,  and  generally  manages  to  carry 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         325 

it  about  with  him  somehow.  The  Russian  Embassy 
at  Tokyo  had  been  built  in  the  same  way  in  Paris 
and  sent  out,  and  was  a  perfect  reproduction  of  a 
French  Louis  XV  house.  The  garden  of  the  British 
Embassy  had  one  striking  feature  which  I  have 
seen  nowhere  else;  hedges  of  clipped  cameUias,  four 
feet  high.  When  these  blossomed  in  the  spring, 
they  looked  like  solid  walls  of  pink,  crimson,  or 
white  flowers,  a  really  beautiful  sight! 

Some  former  British  Minister  had  planted  the 
pubhc  roads  round  the  Embassy  with  avenues  of  the 
pink-flowering  cherry,  as  a  present  to  the  city  of 
Tokyo.  The  Japanese  affect  to  look  down  on  the 
pink  cherry,  when  compared  to  their  adored  white 
cherry-blossom,  I  suppose  because  there  is  colour 
in  it.  Certainly  the  acres  of  white  cherry-blossom 
in  the  Uyeno  Park  at  Tokyo  are  one  of  the  sights 
of  Japan.  In  no  other  country  in  the  world  would 
the  railways  run  special  trains  to  enable  the  country- 
people  to  see  the  cherries  in  full  bloom  in  this 
Uyeno  Park.  The  blossom  is  only  supposed  to  be 
at  its  best  for  three  days.  In  no  other  country 
either  would  people  flock  by  hundreds  to  a  temple, 
as  they  did  at  Kyoto,  to  look  at  a  locally-famed 
contrast  of  red  plum-blossom  against  dark-brown 
maple  leaves.  I  liked  these  Japanese  country- 
people.  The  scrupulously  neat  old  peasant  women, 
with  their  grey  hair  combed  carefully  back,  and 
their  rosy  faces,  were  quite  attractive.  Their  in- 
tense ceremonious  politeness  to  each  other  always 
amused  me.    Whole  family  parties  would  continue 


326     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

bowing  to  each  other  for  ten  minutes  on  end  at 
railway  stations,  sucking  their  breath,  and  rubbing 
their  knees.  When  they  had  finished,  someone 
would  recommence,  and  the  whole  process  would 
have  to  be  gone  through  again,  the  children  sucking 
their  breath  louder  even  than  their  elders.  Any- 
body who  has  lived  in  a  warm  climate  must  be 
familiar  with  the  curious  sound  of  thousands  of  frogs 
croaking  at  once  in  a  pond  or  marsh  at  night-time. 
The  sound  of  hundreds  of  Japanese  wooden  clogs 
clattering  against  the  tiles  of  a  railway  platform  is 
exactly  like  that.  In  the  big  Shimbashi  station  at 
Tokyo,  as  the  clogs  pattered  over  the  tiles,  by  shut- 
ting my  eyes  I  could  imagine  that  I  was  listening  to 
a  frogs'  orchestra  in  some  large  marsh. 

Excessive  politeness  brings  at  times  its  own  pen- 
alty. At  the  beginning  of  these  reminiscences  I 
have  related  how  I  went  with  a  Special  Embassy  to 
Rome  in  my  extreme  youth.  The  day  before  our 
departure  from  Rome,  King  Humbert  gave  a  fare- 
well luncheon  party  at  the  Quirinal  to  the  Special 
British  Ambassador  and  his  suite,  including  of 
course  myself.  At  this  luncheon  a  somewhat  comical 
incident  occurred. 

When  we  took  our  leave.  Queen  Margherita,  then 
still  radiantly  beautiful,  offered  her  hand  first  to  the 
Special  British  Ambassador.  He,  a  courtly  and  gal- 
lant gentleman  of  the  old  school,  at  once  dropped 
on  one  knee,  in  spite  of  his  age,  and  kissed  the 
Queen's  hand  "  in  the  grand  manner."  The  perma- 
nent  British   Ambassador,   the   late    Sir   Augustus 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         327 

Paget,  most  courteous  and  genial  of  men,  followed 
his  temporary  colleague's  example,  and  also  dropped 
on  one  knee.  The  Italian  Ministers  present  could 
not  do  less  than  follow  the  lead  of  the  foreigners,  or 
show  themselves  less  courteous  than  the  forestieri, 
so  they  too  had  perforce  to  drop  on  one  knee  whilst 
kissing  the  Queen's  hand.  A  hugely  obese  Minister, 
buttoned  into  the  tightest  of  frockcoats,  approached 
the  Queen.  With  immense  difficulty  he  lowered  him- 
self on  to  one  knee,  and  kissed  the  Royal  hand;  but 
no  power  on  earth  seemed  equal  to  raising  him  to 
his  feet  again.  The  corpulent  Minister  grew  purple 
in  the  face;  the  most  ominous  sounds  of  the  rending 
of  cloth  and  linen  re-echoed  through  the  room;  but 
still  he  could  not  manage  to  rise.  The  Queen  held 
out  her  hand  to  assist  her  husband's  adipose  adviser 
to  regain  his  feet,  but  he  was  too  dignified,  or  too 
polite,  to  accept  it.  The  rending  of  the  statesman's 
most  intimate  garments  became  more  audible  than 
ever;  the  portly  Minister  seemed  on  the  verge  of  an 
attack  of  apoplexy.  It  must  be  understood  that 
the  Queen  was  standing  alone  before  the  throne, 
with  this  unfortunate  dignitary  kneeling  before  her; 
the  remainder  of  the  guests  were  standing  in  a  semi- 
circle some  twenty  feet  away.  The  Queen's  mouth 
began  to  twitch  ominously,  until,  in  spite  of  her  self- 
control,  after  a  few  preliminary  splutters  of  involun- 
tary merriment,  she  broke  down,  and  absolutely 
shook  with  laughter.  Sir  Augustus  Paget  and  a 
Roman  Prince  came  up  and  saved  the  situation  by 
raising,    with    infinite    difficulty,    the    unfortunate 


328     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

Italian  statesman  to  his  feet.  As  he  resumed  a 
standing  position,  a  perfect  Niagara  of  oddments  of 
apparel,  of  tags  and  scraps  of  his  most  private 
under-garments,  rained  upon  the  floor,  and  we  all 
experienced  a  feeling  of  intense  relief  when  this 
capable,  if  corpulent,  Cabinet  Minister  was  enabled 
to  regain  the  background  with  all  his  clothing  out- 
wardly intact. 

And  all  this  came  about  from  an  excess  of  polite- 
ness. The  East  has  always  been  the  land  of  flowery 
compliments,  also  the  land  of  hyperbole.  I  once  saw 
the  answer  the  Viceroy  of  India  had  received  from  a 
certain  tributary  Prince,  who  had  been  reprimanded 
in  the  sharpest  fashion  by  the  Government  of  India. 
The  native  Prince  had  been  warned  in  the  bluntest 
of  language  that  unless  he  mended  his  ways  at  once 
he  would  be  forthwith  deposed,  and  another  ruler 
put  in  his  place.  A  list  of  his  recent  enormities  was 
added,  in  order  to  refresh  his  memory,  and  the  warn- 
ing as  to  the  future  was  again  emphasized.  The 
Prince's  answer,  addressed  direct  to  the  Viceroy,  be- 
gan as  foUows: 

"  Your  Excellency's  gi-acious  message  has  reached 
me.  It  was  more  precious  to  the  eyes  than  a  casket 
of  rubies;  sweeter  to  the  taste  than  a  honeycomb; 
more  delightful  to  the  ears  than  the  song  of  ten 
thousand  nightingales.  I  spread  it  out  before  me,  and 
read  it  repeatedly:  each  time  with  renewed  pleasure." 

Considering  the  nature  of  the  communication,  that 
native  Prince  must  have  been  of  a  touchingly  grate- 
ful disposition. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         329 

The  late  Duke  of  Edinburgh  was  once  presented 
with  an  address  at  Hong  Kong  from  the  Corpora- 
tion of  Chinese  Merchants,  in  which  he  was  told, 
amongst  other  things,  that  he  "  was  more  glorious 
than  a  phoenix  sitting  in  a  crimson  nest  with  four- 
teen golden  tails  streaming  behind  him."  Surely  a 
charming  flight  of  fancy  ! 

True  politeness  in  China  demands  that  you  should 
depreciate  everything  of  your  own  and  exalt  every- 
thing belonging  to  your  correspondent.  Thus, 
should  you  be  asking  a  friend  to  dinner,  you  would 
entreat  him  "  to  leave  for  one  evening  the  silver 
and  alabaster  palace  in  which  you  habitually  dwell, 
and  to  condescend  to  honour  the  tumble-down  ver- 
min-ridden hovel  in  which  I  drag  out  a  wretched 
existence.  Furthermore,  could  you  forget  for  one 
evening  the  bird's-nest  soup,  the  delicious  sea-slugs, 
and  the  plump  puppy-dogs  on  which  you  habitually 
feast,  and  deign  to  poke  your  head  into  my  swill- 
trough,  and  there  devour  such  loathsome  garbage 
as  a  starving  dog  would  reject,  I  shall  feel  unspeak- 
ably honoured."  The  answer  will  probably  come 
in  some  such  form  as  this  :  "  With  rapturous  de- 
light have  I  learnt  that,  thanks  to  your  courtesy,  I 
may  escape  from  the  pestilential  shanty  I  inhabit, 
and  pass  one  unworthy  evening  in  a  glorious  palace 
of  crystal  and  gold  in  your  company.  After  starv- 
ing for  months  on  putrid  offal,  I  shall  at  length 
banquet  on  unimagined  delicacies,  etc."  Should  it  be  a 
large  dinner-party,  it  must  tax  the  host's  ingenuity 
to   vary   the   self-depreciatory   epithets    sufficiently. 


330     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

The  mention  of  food  reminds  me  that  it  is  an 
acute  difficulty  to  the  stranger  in  Japan,  should 
he  wander  off  the  beaten  track  and  away  from 
European  hotels.  Japanese  use  neither  bread,  but- 
ter, nor  milk,  and  these  things,  as  well  as  meat, 
are  unprocurable  in  country  districts.  Europeans 
miss  bread  terribly,  and  the  Japanese  substitute  of 
cold  rice  is  frankly  horrible.  Instead  of  the  snowy 
piles  of  smoking-hot,  beautifully  cooked  rice  of  In- 
dia, rice  in  Japan  means  a  cold,  clammy,  gelatinous 
mass,  hideously  distasteful  to  a  European  interior. 
That,  eggs,  and  tea  like  a  decoction  of  hay  constitute 
the  standard  menu  of  a  Japanese  country  inn.  I 
never  saw  either  a  sheep  or  cow  in  Japan,  as  there 
is  no  pasture.  The  universal  bamboo-grass,  with 
its  sharp  edges,  pierces  the  intestines  of  any  animal 
feeding  on  it,  and  so  is  worse  than  useless  as  fodder 
for  cattle  or  sheep.  All  milk  and  butter  are  im- 
ported in  a  frozen  state  from  Australia,  but  do  not, 
of  course,  penetrate  bej^ond  Europe-fashion  hotels, 
as  the  people  of  the  country  do  not  care  for  them. 

The  exquisite  neatness  of  Japanese  farm  houses, 
with  their  black  and  white  walls,  thatched  roofs, 
and  trim  little  bamboo  fences  and  gates,  is  a  real 
joy  to  the  eye  of  one  who  has  gro^vn  accustomed 
to  the  slipshod  untidy  East,  or  even  to  the  happy- 
go-lucky  methods  of  the  American  Continent.  I 
never  remember  a  Japanese  village  unequipped 
with  either  electric  light  or  telephones.  I  really 
think  geographers  must  have  placed  the  180th  de- 
gree in  the  wrong  place,  and  that  Japs  are  really 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         331 

the  most  Western  of  Westerns,  instead  of  being 
the  most  Eastern  of  Easterns.  Pretty  and  attrac- 
tive as  the  Japanese  eomitry  is,  its  charm  was  spoilt 
for  me  by  the  ahnost  total  absence  of  bird  and  ani- 
mal life.  There  are  hardly  any  wild  flowers  either, 
except  deliciously  fragrant  wild  violets.  Being  in 
Japan,  it  is  hardly  necessary  to  say  that  these  violets, 
instead  of  being  of  the  orthodox  colour,  are  bright 
yellow.  They  would  be  in  Japan.  This  quaint 
people  who  only  hke  trees  when  they  are  contorted, 
who  love  flowerless  gardens,  whose  grass  kills  cat- 
tle, who  have  evolved  peach,  plum  and  cherry  trees 
which  flower  gloriously  but  never  bear  any  fruit, 
would  naturally  have  yellow  violets.  They  are  cer- 
tainly a  wonderfully  hardy  race.  I  was  at  beau- 
ful  Nikko  in  the  early  spring  when  they  were  build- 
ing a  dam  across  the  Nikko  river.  The  stream  has 
a  tremendous  current,  and  is  ice-cold.  Men  were 
working  at  the  dam  up  to  their  waists  in  the  icy 
river,  and  little  boys  kept  bringing  them  baskets 
of  building  stones,  up  to  their  necks  in  the  swift 
current.  Both  men  and  boys  issued  from  the  river 
as  scarlet  as  lobsters  from  the  intense  cold,  and 
yet  they  stood  about  quite  unconcernedly  in  their 
dripping  thin  cotton  clothes  in  the  keen  wind.  Had 
they  been  Europeans,  they  would  all  have  died  of 
pneumonia  in  two  days'  time.  A  race  must  have 
great  powers  of  endurance  that  live  in  houses  with 
paper  walls  without  any  heating  appliances  during 
the  sharp  cold  of  a  Japanese  winter,  and  that  find 
thin  cotton  clothing  sufficient  for  their  wants. 


332     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

The  outlines  and  pleasing  details  of  those  black 
and  white  country  dwellings  with  the  graceful  curves 
of  their  roofs  are  a  relief  to  the  eye  after  the  end- 
less miles  of  ugly  little  brown  rabbit  hutches  of  the 
towns.  At  Tokyo  the  enclosure  and  park  of  the 
Emperor's  palace  lay  just  outside  the  gates  of  our 
Embassy,  surrounded  by  a  moat  so  broad  that  it 
could  be  almost  called  a  lake.  It  was  curious  in 
the  heart  of  a  town  to  see  this  moat  covered  with 
innumerable  wild  duck.  Although  I  have  been  in 
the  Imperial  palace  at  Kyoto,  I  was  never  inside 
the  one  at  Tokyo,  so  I  cannot  give  any  details  about 
it.  The  glimpses  one  obtained  from  outside  of  its 
severe  black  and  white  outlines  recalled  a  European 
mediaeval  castle,  and  had  something  strangely  fa- 
miliar about  them.  I  was  never  fortunate  enough 
either  to  be  invited  to  an  Imperial  duck-catching 
party,  which  I  would  have  given  anything  to  witness. 
The  idea  of  catching  wild  duck  in  butterfly  nets 
would  never  occur  to  anyone  but  the  Japanese. 
The  place  where  this  quaint  amusement  was  in- 
dulged in  was  an  extensive  tract  of  flat  ground  in- 
tersected by  countless  reed-fringed  little  canals  and 
waterways,  much  on  the  lines  of  a  marsh  in  the 
Norfolk  Broad  district.  I  saw  the  Ambassador 
on  his  return  from  a  duck-catching  party.  With 
superhuman  efforts,  and  a  vast  amount  of  exercise, 
he  had  managed  to  capture  three  ducks,  and  he 
told  me  that  he  had  had  to  run  like  a  hare  to 
achieve  even  this  modest  success.  All  the  guests 
were  expected  to  appear  in  high  hats  and  frock- 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         333 

coats  on  these  occasions,  and  I  should  have  dearly 
loved  to  see  the  Ambassador  arrayed  in  frock-coat 
and  high  hat  bounding  hot-foot  over  the  marshes, 
his  butterfly  net  poised  aloft,  in  pursuit  of  Iiis  quack- 
ing quarry.  The  newspapers  informed  us  the  next 
day  that  the  Crown  Prince  had  headed  the  list  as 
usual  with  a  bag  of  twenty-seven  ducks,  and  I  al- 
ways believe  what  I  see  in  print.  Really  Europeans 
start  heavily  handicapped  at  this  peculiar  diversion. 
I  have  known  many  families  in  England  where  the 
sons  of  the  house  are  instructed  from  a  very  early 
age  in  riding,  and  in  the  art  of  handling  a  gun  and 
a  trout  rod,  but  even  in  the  most  sport-loving  Brit- 
ish families  the  science  of  catching  wild  duck  in 
butterfly  nets  forms  but  seldom  part  of  the  sporting 
curriculum  of  the  rising  generation.  Though  the 
Imperial  family  are  Shintoists,  I  expect  that  the 
Buddhist  horror  of  taking  animal  life  is  at  the  bot- 
tom of  this  idea  of  duck-catching,  for  the  ducks 
are,  I  believe,  all  set  free  again  after  their  capture. 

We  always  heard  that  the  Emperor  and  his  fam- 
ily lived  entirely  on  rice  and  fish  in  the  frugal 
Japanese  fashion,  and  that  they  never  tasted  meat. 

I  had  the  opportunity  of  seeing  a  very  fine  house 
of  sixty  rooms,  built  in  strict  Japanese  style,  and 
just  completed.  Count  Mitsu  is  one  of  the  few  very 
wealthy  men  in  Japan  ;  he  can  also  trace  his  pedi- 
gree back  for  three  thousand  years.  He  had  built 
this  house  in  Tokyo,  and  as  it  was  supposed  to  be  the 
last  word  in  purity  of  style  ("  Itchi-Ban,"  or  "  Num- 
ber   One,"    as   the   Japanese   express   it),    he   very 


334     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

kindly  invited  the  ambassador  and  myself  to  go  all 
over  it  with  him.  We  had,  of  course,  to  remove  onr 
shoes  on  entering,  and  my  pleasure  was  somewhat 
marred  by  the  discovery  of  a  large  hole  in  one  sock, 
on  which  I  fancied  the  gaze  of  the  entire  Mitsu 
family  was  riveted.  Nothing  can  equal  the  high- 
bred courtesy  and  politeness  of  Japanese  of  really 
ancient  lineage.  Countess  Mitsu,  of  a  family  as 
old  as  her  husband's,  had  a  type  of  face  which  we 
do  not  usually  associate  with  Japan,  and  is  only 
found  in  ladies  of  the  Imperial  family  and  some 
others  equally  old.  In  place  of  the  large  head,  full 
cheeks,  and  flat  features  of  the  ordinary  Japanese 
woman.  Countess  Mitsu  and  her  daughters  had  thin 
faces  with  high  aquiline  features,  giving  them  an 
extraordinarily  high-bred  and  distinguished  appear- 
ance. This  great  house  consisted  of  a  vast  number 
of  perfectly  empty  rooms,  destitute  of  one  single 
scrap  of  furniture.  There  was  fine  matting  on  the 
floor,  a  niche  with  one  kakemono  hanging  in  it,  one 
bronze  or  other  work  of  art,  and  a  vase  with  one 
single  flower,  and  nothing  else  whatever.  The  Mit- 
sus  being  a  very  high  caste  family,  there  was  no 
colour  anywhere.  The  decoration  was  confined  to 
black  and  white  and  beautifully-finished,  unpainted, 
unvarnished  woodwork,  except  for  the  exquisitely 
chased  bronze  door-grips  (door-handles  would  be 
an  incorrect  term  for  these  grips  to  open  and  close 
the  sliding  panels).  I  must  confess  that  I  never 
saw  a  more  supremely  uncomfortable-looking  dwell- 
ing in  my  life.     The  children's  nurseries  upstairs 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         335 

were  a  real  joy.  The  panels  had  been  painted  by  a 
Japanese  artist  with  everything  calculated  to  amuse 
a  child.  There  were  pictures  of  pink  and  blue 
rabbits,  purple  frogs,  scarlet  porcupines,  and  grass- 
green  guinea-pigs,  all  with  the  most  comical  ex- 
pressions imaginable  on  their  faces.  The  lamps 
were  of  fish-skin  shaped  over  thin  strips  of  bamboo 
into  the  form  of  the  living  fish,  then  highly  coloured, 
and  fitted  with  electric  globes  inside  them  ;  weird, 
luminous  marine  monsters  !  Each  child  had  a  little 
Chinese  dressing-table  of  mother-of-pearl  eighteen 
inches  high,  and  a  tub  of  real  Chinese  "  powder- 
blue  "  porcelain  as  a  bath.  The  windows  looked  on 
to  a  fascinating  dwarf  garden  ten  feet  square,  with 
real  waterfalls,  tiny  rivers  of  real  water,  miniature 
mountains  and  dwarf  trees,  all  in  perfect  propor- 
tion. It  was  like  looking  at  an  extensive  landscape 
through  the  wrong  end  of  a  telescope. 

The  polite  infants  who  inhabited  this  child's  para- 
dise received  us  with  immense  courtesy,  lying  at 
full  length  on  the  floor  on  their  little  tummies,  and 
wagging  their  httle  heads  in  salutation,  till  I  really 
thought  they  would  come  off. 

The  most  interesting  thing  in  Count  Mitsu's 
house  was  a  beautiful  little  Shinto  temple  of  bronze- 
gold  lacquer,  where  all  the  names  of  his  many  an- 
cestors were  inscribed  on  gilt  tablets.  Here  he  and 
all  his  sons  (women  take  no  part  in  ancestor  wor- 
ship) came  nightly,  and  made  a  full  confession  be- 
fore the  tablets  of  their  ancestors  of  all  they  had 
done  during  the  day  ;   craving  for  pardon   should 


336     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

they  have  acted  in  a  fashion  unworthy  of  their  fam- 
ily and  of  Japan.  The  Count  and  his  sons  then 
lighted  the  little  red  lamps  before  the  tablets  of 
their  forebears  to  show  that  they  were  not  forgotten, 
and  placed  the  exquisitely  carved  little  ivory  "  ghost- 
ship  "  two  inches  long  in  its  place,  should  any  of 
their  ancestors  wish  to  return  that  night  from  the 
Land  of  Spirits  to  their  old  home. 

The  underlying  idea  of  undying  family  affection 
is  rather  a  beautiful  one. 

That  same  evening  I  went  to  a  very  interesting 
dinner-party  at  the  house  of  Prince  Arisugawa,  a 
son-in-law  of  the  Emperor's.  Both  the  dinner  and 
the  house  were  on  European  lines,  but  the  main 
point  of  interest  was  that  it  was  a  gathering  of 
all  the  Generals  and  Admirals  who  had  taken  a 
prominent  part  in  the  Russo-Japanese  war.  I  was 
placed  between  an  Admiral  and  a  General,  but 
found  it  difficult  to  communicate  with  them,  Japa- 
nese being  conspicuously  bad  linguists.  The  Gen- 
eral could  speak  a  little  fairly  unintelligible  Ger- 
man ;  the  Admiral  could  stutter  a  very  little  Rus- 
sian. It  was  a  pity  that  the  roads  of  communica- 
tion were  so  blocked  for  us,  for  I  shall  probably 
never  again  sit  between  two  men  who  had  had  such 
thrilling  experiences.  I  cursed  the  builders  of  the 
Tower  of  Babel  for  erecting  this  linguistic  barrier 
between  us. 

I  found  that  I  was  a  full  head  taller  than  all  the 
Japanese  in  the  room.  Princess  Arisugawa  ap- 
peared later.    This  tiny,  dainty,  graceful  little  lady 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         337 

had  the  same  stronglj^  aquihne  type  of  features  as 
Countess  Mitsu,  and  the  same  high-bred  look  of 
distinction.  She  was  beautifully  dressed  in  Euro- 
pean style,  and  had  Rue  de  la  Paix  written  all  over 
her  clothes  and  her  jewels.  I  have  seldom  seen 
anyone  with  such  taking  graceful  dignity  as  this 
daughter  of  the  Imperial  house,  in  spite  of  her 
diminutive  stature. 

The  old  families  in  Japan  have  a  pretty  custom 
of  presenting  every  European  guest  with  a  little 
black-and-gold  lacquer  box,  two  inches  high,  full 
of  sweetmeats,  of  the  sort  we  called  in  my  youth 
''hundreds  and  thousands."  These  little  boxes 
bear  on  their  tops  in  gold  lacquer  the  badge  or 
crest  of  the  family,  thus  serving  as  permanent  sou- 
venirs. 

In  a  small  community  such  as  the  European 
diplomats  formed  at  Tokyo,  the  peculiarities  and 
foibles  of  the  "  chers  collegues  "  formed  naturally 
an  unending  topic  of  conversation.  There  was  one 
foreign  representative  who  was  determined  to  avoid 
bankruptcy,  could  the  most  rigorously  careful  regula- 
tion of  his  expenditure  avert  such  a  catastrophe. 
His  official  position  forced  him  to  give  occasional 
dinner-parties,  much,  I  imagine,  against  his  incli- 
nations. He  always,  in  the  winter  months,  borrowed 
all  the  available  oil-stoves  from  his  colleagues  and 
friends,  when  one  of  these  festivities  was  contem- 
plated, in  order  to  warm  his  official  residence  without 
having  to  go  to  the  expense  of  fires.  He  had  in 
some  mad  fit  of  extravagance  bought  two  dozen  of 


338     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

a  really  fine  claret  some  years  before.  The  wine  had 
long  since  been  drunk;  the  bottles  he  still  retained 
with  their  labels.  It  was  his  custom  to  buy  the 
cheapest  and  roughest  red  wine  he  could  find,  and 
then  enshrine  it  in  these  old  bottles  with  their 
mendacious  labels.  At  his  dinner-parties  these 
time-worn  bottles  were  always  ranged  down  the 
tables.  The  evidence  of  palate  and  eye  was  con- 
flicting. The  palate  (as  far  as  it  could  discrimi- 
nate through  the  awful  reek  with  which  the  oil- 
stoves  filled  the  room),  pronounced  it  sour,  imma- 
ture vin  ordinaire.  The  label  on  the  bottle  pro- 
claimed it  Chateau  Margaux  of  1874,  actually 
bottled  at  the  Chateau  itself.  Politness  dictated 
that  we  should  compliment  our  host  on  this  exquis- 
ite vintage,  which  had,  perhaps,  begun  to  feel  (as 
we  all  do)  the  effects  of  extreme  old  age.  A  cynical 
Dutch  colleague  might  possibly  hazard  a  few  re- 
marks, lamenting  the  effects  of  the  Japanese  cli- 
mate on  "  les  premiers  crus  de  Bordeaux." 

Life  at  any  post  would  be  dull  were  it  not  for 
the  little  failings  of  the  "  chers  collegues,"  which 
always  give  one  something  to  talk  of. 

The  Japanese  are  ruining  the  beauty  of  their 
country  by  their  insane  mania  for  advertising.  The 
railways  are  lined  with  advertisements;  a  beauti- 
ful hillside  is  desecrated  by  a  giant  advertisement, 
cut  in  the  turf,  and  filled  in  with  white  concrete. 
Even  the  ugly  little  streets  of  brown  packing-cases 
are  plastered  with  advertisements.  The  fact  that 
these  advertisements  are  all  in  Chinese  characters 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         339 

give  them  a  rather  pleasing  exotic  flavour  at  first; 
that  soon  wears  off,  and  then  one  is  only  too  thank- 
ful not  to  be  able  to  read  them.  They  remain  a 
hideous  disfigurement  of  a  fair  land. 

One  large  Japanese-owned  department  store  in 
Tokyo  had  a  brass  band  playing  in  front  of  it  all 
day,  producing  an  ear-spHtting  din.  The  bands- 
men were  little  Japanese  boys  dressed,  of  all  things 
in  the  world,  as  Highlanders.  No  one  who  has 
not  seen  it  can  imagine  the  intensely  grotesque  ef- 
fect of  a  httle  stumpy,  bandy-legged  Jap  boy 
in  a  red  tartan  kilt,  bare  knees,  and  a  Glengarry 
bonnet.  No  one  who  has  not  heard  them  can  con- 
ceive the  appalling  sounds  they  produced  from 
their  brass  instruments,  or  can  form  any  concep- 
tion of  the  Japanese  idea  of  "  rag-time." 

We  have  in  this  country  some  very  competent 
amateurs  who,  to  judge  from  the  picture  papers, 
have  reduced  the  gentle  art  of  self-advertisement 
to  a  science. 

I  think  these  ladies  would  be  repaid  for  the 
trouble  of  a  voyage  to  Japan  by  the  new  ideas  in 
advertisement  they  would  pick  up  from  that  enter- 
prising peojJe.  They  need  not  blow  their  own 
trumpets,  like  the  little  Jap  Highlander  bands- 
men; they  can  get  it  done  for  them  as  they  know, 
by  the  Press. 


CHAPTER  XI 

Petrograd  through  middle-aged  eyes — Russians  very  constant 
friends — Russia  an  Empire  of  shams — Over-centralisation 
in  administration — The  system  hopeless — A  complete  change 
of  scene — The  West  Indies — Trinidad — Personal  Character 
of  Nicholas  II — The  weak  point  in  an  Autocracy — The 
Empress — An  opportunity  missed — The  Great  Collapse — 
Terrible  stories — Love  of  human  beings  for  ceremonial — 
Some  personal  apologies — Conclusion. 

I  RETURNED  twicc  to  Pctrograd  in  later  years,  the 
last  occasion  being  in  1912.  A  young  man  is  gen- 
erally content  with  the  surface  of  things,  and  ac- 
cepts them  at  their  face  value,  without  attempting 
to  probe  deeper.  With  advancing  years  comes  the 
desire  to  test  beneath  the  surface.  To  the  eye, 
there  is  but  little  difference  between  electro-plate 
and  solid  silver,  though  one  deep  scratch  on  the 
burnished  expanse  of  the  former  is  sufficient  to 
reveal  the  baser  metal  underlying  it. 

Things  Russian  have  for  some  reason  always  had 
a  strange  attraction  for  me,  and  their  glamour  had 
not  departed  even  after  so  many  years.  It  was 
pleasant,  too,  to  hear  the  soft,  sibilant  Russian 
tongue  again.  My  first  return  visit  was  at  mid- 
summer, and  seeing  Peter's  City  wreathed  in  the 
tender  vivid  greenery  of  Northern  foliage,  and 
bathed  in  sunshine,  I  wondered  how  I  could  ever 

340 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         341 

have  mentally  labelled  it  with  the  epithet  "  dreary." 
Rising  from  the  clear  swift-rushing  waters  of  the 
many-channelled  Neva,  its  stately  pillared  classi- 
cal buildings  outlined  through  the  soft  golden  haze 
in  half-tones  of  faintest  cobalt  and  rose-madder, 
this  Northern  Venice  appeared  a  dream-city,  al- 
most unreal  in  its  setting  of  blue  waters  and  golden 
domes,  lightly  veiled  in  opal  mist. 

Russians  are  not  as  a  rule  long-lived,  and  the 
great  majority  of  my  old  friends  had  passed  away. 
I  could  not  help  being  affected  by  the  manner  in 
which  the  survivors  amongst  them  welcomed  me 
back.  "  Cher  ami,"  said  the  bearer  of  a  great 
Russian  name  to  me,  "  thirty-three  years  ago  we 
adopted  you  as  a  Russian.  You  were  a  mere  boy 
then,  you  are  now  getting  an  old  man,  but  as 
long  as  any  of  your  friends  of  old  days  are  alive, 
our  houses  are  always  open  to  you,  and  you  will 
always  find  a  place  for  you  at  our  tables,  without 
an  invitation.  We  Russians  do  not  change,  and 
we  never  forget  our  old  friends.  We  know  that 
you  like  us  and  our  country,  and  my  husband  and 
I  offer  you  all  we  have."  No  one  could  fail  to  be 
touched  by  such  steadfast  friendship,  so  character- 
istic of  these  warm-hearted  people. 

The  great  charm  of  Russians  with  three  or  four 
hundred  years  of  tradition  behind  them  is  their 
entire  lack  of  pretence  and  their  hatred  of  shams. 
They  are  absolutely  natural.  They  often  gave  me 
as  their  reason  for  disliking  foreigners  the  artifi- 
ciality of  non-Russians,  though  they  expressly  ex- 


342     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

empted  our  own  nationality  from  this  charge.  That 
is,  I  think,  the  reason  why  most  Enghshmen  get 
on  so  well  with  educated  Russians. 

Seeing  Petrograd  with  the  wearied  eyes  of  ex- 
perienced middle  age,  I  quite  reahsed  that  the 
imposing  palaces  that  front  the  line  of  the  quays 
and  seem  almost  to  float  on  the  Neva,  are  every 
one  of  them  built  on  piles,  driven  deep  into  the 
marshy  subsoil.  Every  single  house  in  the  city 
rests  on  the  same  artificial  base.  Montferrand 
the  Frenchman's  great  cathedral  of  St.  Isaac  has 
had  its  north  front  shored  up  by  scaffolding  for 
thirty  years.  Otherwise  it  would  have  collapsed, 
as  the  unstable  subsoil  is  unable  to  bear  so  great 
a  burden.  On  the  Highest  Authority  we  know 
that  only  a  house  built  on  the  rock  can  endure. 
This  city  of  Petrograd  was  built  on  a  quagmire,  and 
was  typical,  in  that  respect,  of  the  vast  Empire 
of  which  it  was  the  capital:  an  Empire  erected  by 
Peter  on  shifting  sand.  The  whole  fabric  of  this 
Empire  struck  my  maturer  senses  as  being  one  gi- 
gantic piece  of  "  camouflage." 

For  instance,  a  building  close  to  St.  Isaac's  bears 
on  its  stately  front  the  inscription  "  Governing 
Senate  "  (I  may  add  that  the  terse,  crisp  Russian 
for  this  is  "  Pravitelsvouyuschui  Senat").  To  an 
ordinary  individual  the  term  would  seem  to  indi- 
cate what  it  says;  he  would  be  surprised  to  learn 
that,  so  far  from  "  governing,"  the  Senate  had 
neither  legislative  nor  administrative  powers  of 
its  own.    It  was  merely  a  consultative  body  without 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         343 

any  delegate  initiative;  only  empowered  to  rec- 
ommend steps  for  carrying  into  effect  the  orders 
it  received. 

And  so  with  many  other  things.  There  were 
imposing  facades,  with  awe-inspiring  inscriptions, 
but  I  had  a  curious  feeling  that  everything  stopped 
at  the  fa9ade,  and  there  was  nothing  behind  it. 

Students  of  history  will  remember  how,  on  the 
occasion  of  Catherine  the  Great's  visit  to  the  Cri- 
mea, her  favourite,  Potemkin,  had  "  camouflage " 
villages  erected  along  the  line  of  her  progress, 
so  that  wherever  she  went  she  found  merry  peas- 
ants (specially  selected  from  the  Imperial  the- 
atres) singing  and  dancing  amidst  flower- wreathed 
cottages.  These  villages  were  then  taken  down, 
and  re-erected  some  fifty  miles  further  along  the 
Empress's  way,  with  the  same  inhabitants.  It 
was  really  a  triumph  of  "  camouflage,"  and  did 
great  credit  to  Potemkin's  inventive  faculty.  Cath- 
erine returned  North  with  most  agreeable  recollec- 
tions of  the  teeming  population  of  the  Crimea;  of 
its  delightfully  picturesque  villages,  and  of  the 
ideal  conditions  of  life  prevailing  there. 

The  whole  Russian  Empire  appeared  to  my 
middle-aged  eyes  to  be  hke  Potemkin's  toy  villages. 

My  second  later  visit  to  Petrograd  was  in  1912, 
in  midwinter,  when  I  came  to  the  unmistakable 
conclusion  that  the  epithet  "  dreary "  was  not 
misplaced.  The  vast  open  spaces  and  broad  streets 
with  their  scanty  traffic  were  unutterably  depress- 
ing during  the  short  hours  of  uncertain  daylight, 


344     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

whilst  the  whirling  snowflakes  fell  incessantly,  and 
the  low,  leaden  sky  pressed  like  a  heavy  pall  over 
this  lifeless  city  of  perpetual  twilight. 

The  particular  business  on  which  I  had  gone  to 
Petrograd  took  me  daily  to  the  various  Ministries, 
and  their  gloomy  interiors  became  very  familiar 
to  me. 

I  then  saw  that  in  these  Ministries  the  impossible 
had  been  attempted  in  the  way  of  centralisation. 
The  principle  of  the  Autocracy  had  been  carried 
into  the  administrative  domain,  and  every  trivial 
detail  affecting  the  government  of  an  Empire 
stretching  from  the  Pacific  to  the  Baltic  was  in 
theory  controlled  by  one  man,  the  Minister  of  the 
Department  concerned.  Russians  are  conspicu- 
ously lacking  in  initiative  and  in  organising  power. 
The  lack  of  initiative  is  perhaps  the  necessary 
corollary  of  an  Autocracy,  for  under  an  Autocracy 
it  would  be  unsafe  for  any  private  individual  to 
show  much  original  driving  power:  and  organisa- 
tion surely  means  successful  delegation.  A  born 
organiser  chooses  his  subordinates  with  great  care; 
having  chosen  them,  he  delegates  certain  duties  to 
them,  and  as  long  as  they  perform  these  duties  to 
his  satisfaction  he  does  not  interfere  with  them. 
The  Russian  system  was  just  the  reverse:  everything 
was  nominally  concentrated  in  the  hands  of  one  man. 
A  really  able  and  zealous  Minister  might  possibly 
have  settled  a  hundredth  part  of  the  questions 
daily  submitted  for  his  personal  decision.  It  re- 
quired  no   great   political   foresight   to   understand 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         345 

that,  were  this  administrative  machine  subjected 
to  any  unusual  strain,  it  would  collapse  into  hope- 
less confusion. 

Being  no  longer  young,  I  found  the  penetrating 
damp  cold  of  Petrograd  very  trying.  The  airless- 
ness  too  of  the  steam-heated  and  hermetically  sealed 
houses  affected  me.  I  had,  in  any  case,  intended  to 
proceed  to  the  West  Indies  as  soon  as  my  task  in 
Petrograd  was  concluded.  As  my  business  occu- 
pied a  far  longer  time  than  I  had  anticipated,  I 
determined  to  go  direct  to  London  from  Petrograd, 
stay  two  nights  there,  and  then  join  the  mail  steam- 
er for  the  West  Indies. 

Thus  it  came  about  that  I  was  drinking  my  morn- 
ing coffee  in  a  room  of  the  British  Embassy  at 
Petrograd,  looking  through  the  double  windows  at 
the  driving  snowflakes  falling  on  the  Troitsky 
Square,  at  the  frozen  hummocks  of  the  Neva,  and 
at  the  sheepskin-clothed  peasants  plodding  through 
the  fresh-fallen  snowdrifts,  whilst  the  grey  cotton- 
wool sky  seemed  to  press  down  almost  on  to  the 
roofs  of  the  houses,  and  the  golden  needle  of  the 
Fortress  Church  gleamed  dully  through  the  murky 
atmosphere.  Three  weeks  afterwards  to  a  day,  I 
was  sitting  in  the  early  morning  on  a  balcony  on 
the  upper  floor  of  Government  House,  Trinidad, 
clad  in  the  lightest  of  pyjamas,  enjoying  the  only 
approach  to  coolness  to  be  found  in  that  sultry 
island.  The  balcony  overlooked  the  famous  Botanic 
Gardens  which  so  enraptured  Charles  Kingsley,  In 
front  of  me  rose  a  gigantic  Saman  tree,  larger  than 


346     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

any  oak,  one  mass  of  tenderest  green,  and  of  tas- 
sels of  silky  pink  blossoms.  At  dawn,  the  dew 
still  lay  on  those  blossoms,  and  swarms  of  humming- 
birds, flashing  living  jewels  of  ruby,  sapphire,  and 
emerald,  were  darting  to  and  fro  taking  their  toll 
of  the  nectar.  The  nutmeg  trees  were  in  flower,  per- 
fuming the  whole  air,  and  the  fragrance  of  a  yel- 
low tree-gardenia,  an  importation  from  West  Af- 
rica, was  almost  overpowering.  The  chatter  of  the 
West  Indian  negroes,  and  of  the  East  Indian  coolies 
employed  in  the  Botanic  Gardens,  replaced  the  soft, 
hissing  Russian  language,  and  over  the  gorgeous 
tropical  tangle  of  the  gardens  the  Venezulean  moun- 
tains of  the  mainland  rose  mistily  blue  across  the 
waters  of  the  Gulf  of  Paria.  I  do  not  believe  that 
in  three  short  weeks  it  would  be  possible  to  find  a 
greater  change  in  climatic,  geographical,  or  social 
conditions.  From  a  temperature  of  5°  below  zero 
to  94°  in  the  shade;  from  the  Gulf  of  Finland  to 
the  Spanish  Main;  from  snow  and  ice  to  the  exuber- 
ant tropical  vegetation  of  one  of  the  hottest  islands 
in  the  world!  The  change,  too,  from  the  lifeless, 
snow-swept  streets  of  Petrograd,  monotonously  grey 
in  the  sad-coloured  Northern  winter  daylight,  to 
the  gaily  painted  bungalows  of  the  white  inhabi- 
tants of  the  Port-of- Spain,  standing  in  gardens  blaz- 
ing with  impossibly  brilliant  flowers  of  scarlet,  or- 
ange, and  vivid  blue,  quivering  under  the  fierce  rays 
of  the  sun,  was  sufficiently  startling.  The  only 
flowers  I  have  ever  seen  to  rival  the  garish  rain- 
bow   brilliance    of    the    gardens    of    Port-of- Spain 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         347 

were  the  painted  ones  in  the  "  Zauber-Garten  "  in 
the  second  act  of  "  Parsifal,"  as  given  at  Bayreuth. 

It  so  happened  that  when  Nicholas  II  visited 
India  in  1890  as  Heir-Apparent,  I  stayed  in  the 
same  house  with  him  for  ten  days,  and  consequently 
saw  a  great  deal  of  him.  He  was,  I  am  convinced, 
a  most  conscientious  man,  intensely  anxious  to  ful- 
fill his  duty  to  the  people  he  would  one  day  rule; 
but  he  was  inconstant  of  purpose,  and  his  intel- 
lectual equipment  was  insufficient  for  his  respon- 
sibilties.  The  fatal  flaw  in  an  Autocracy  is  that 
everything  obviously  hinges  on  the  personal  char- 
acter of  the  Autocrat.  It  would  be  absurd  to  ex- 
pect an  unbroken  series  of  rulers  of  first-class  abil- 
ity. It  is,  I  suppose,  for  this  reason  that  the  suc- 
cession to  the  Russian  throne  was,  in  theory  at 
aU  events,  not  hereditary.  The  Tsars  of  old  nomi- 
nated their  successors,  and  I  think  I  am  right  in 
saying  that  the  Emperors  still  claimed  the  privilege. 
In  fact,  to  set  any  limitations  to  the  power  of  an 
Autocrat  would  be  a  contradiction  in  terms. 

Nicholas  II  was  always  influenced  by  those  sur- 
rounding him,  and  it  cannot  be  said  that  he  chose 
his  associates  with  much  discretion.  There  was,  in 
particular,  one  fatal  influence  very  near  indeed  to 
him.  From  those  well  qualified  to  judge,  I  hear  that 
it  is  unjust  to  accuse  the  Empress  of  being  a  Ger- 
manophil,  or  of  being  in  any  way  a  traitor  to  the 
interests  of  her  adopted  country.  She  was  obsessed 
with  one  idea:  to  hand  on  the  Autocracy  intact  to 
her  idolised  little  son,  and  she  had,  in  addition,  a 


348     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

great  love  of  power.  When  the  love  of  power 
takes  possession  of  a  woman,  it  seems  to  change 
her  whole  character,  and  my  own  experience  is 
that  no  woman  will  ever  voluntarily  surrender  one 
scrap  of  that  power,  be  the  consequences  what  they 
may.  When  to  a  naturally  imperious  nature  there 
is  joined  a  neurotic,  hysterical  temperament,  the 
consequences  can  be  disastrous.  The  baneful  in- 
fluence of  the  obscene  illiterate  monk  Rasputin  over 
the  Empress  is  a  matter  of  common  knowledge,  and 
she,  poor  woman,  paid  dearly  enough  for  her  faults. 
I  always  think  that  Nicholas  II  missed  the  great 
opportunity  of  his  life  on  that  fateful  Sunday, 
January  22,  1905,  when  thousands  of  workmen, 
headed  by  Father  Gap  on  (who  subsequently  proved 
to  be  an  agent  provocateur  in  the  pay  of  the  po- 
lice), marched  to  the  Winter  Palace  and  clamoured 
for  an  interview  with  their  Emperor.  Had  Nicholas 
II  gone  out  entirely  alone  to  meet  the  deputations, 
as  I  feel  sure  his  father  and  grandfather  would  have 
done,  I  firmly  believe  that  it  would  have  changed 
the  whole  course  of  events;  but  his  courage  failed 
him.  A  timid  Autocrat  is  self-condemned.  In- 
stead of  meeting  their  Sovereign,  the  crowd  were 
met  by  machine-guns.  In  1912,  Nicholas  II  had 
only  slept  one  night  in  Petrograd  since  his  acces- 
sion, and  the  Empress  had  only  made  day  visits. 
Not  even  the  Ambassadresses  had  seen  the  Em- 
press for  six  years,  and  there  had  been  no  Court 
entertainments  at  all. 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT  349 

The  Imperial  couple  remained  in  perpetual  seclu- 
sion at  Tsarskoe  Selo. 

In  my  days,  Alexander  II  was  constantly  to  be 
seen  driving  in  the  streets  of  Petrograd  entirely 
alone  and  unattended,  without  any  escort  whatever. 
The  only  things  that  marked  out  his  sledge  were 
the  two  splendid  horses  (the  one  in  shafts,  the 
loose  "  pristashka "  galloping  alongside  in  long 
traces),  and  the  kaftan  of  his  coachman,  which 
was  green  instead  of  the  universal  blue  of  public 
and  private  carriages  alike. 

The  low  mutterings  of  the  coming  storm  were 
very  audible  in  1912.  Personally,  I  thought  the 
change  would  take  the  form  of  a  "  Palace  Revo- 
lution," so  common  in  Russian  history;  i.e.j  that 
the  existing  Sovereign  would  be  dethroned  and  an- 
other installed  in  his  place. 

I  cannot  say  how  thankful  I  am  that  so  few  of 
my  old  friends  lived  to  see  the  final  collapse,  and 
that  they  were  spared  the  agonies  of  witnessing 
the  subsequent  orgies  of  murder,  spoliation,  and 
lust  that  overwhelmed  the  unhappy  land  and  de- 
iged  it  in  blood. 

Horrible  stories  have  reached  us  of  a  kindly, 
white-headed  old  couple  being  imprisoned  for  months 
in  a  narrow  cell  of  the  Fortress,  and  then  being 
taken  out  at  dawn,  and  butchered  without  trial;  of 
a  highly  cultivated  old  lady  of  seventy-six  being 
driven  from  her  bed  by  the  mob,  and  thrust  into 
the  bitter  cold  of  a  Petrograd  street  in  January, 
in  her  night-dress,   and  there  clubbed   to  death  in 


350     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

the  snow.  God  grant  that  these  stories  may  be  un- 
true; the  evidence,  though,  is  terribly  circumstantial, 
and  from  Russia  comes  only  an  ominous  silence. 

If  I  am  asked  what  will  be  the  eventual  outcome 
in  Russia,  I  hazard  no  prophecies.  The  strong  vein 
of  fatalism  in  the  Russian  character  must  be  taken 
into  consideration,  also  the  curious  lack  of  initiative. 
They  are  a  people  who  revel  in  endless  futile 
talk,  and  love  to  get  drunk  on  words  and  phrases. 
Eighty  per  cent,  of  the  population  are  grossly 
ignorant  peasants,  living  in  isolated  communities, 
and  I  fail  to  see  how  they  can  take  any  com- 
bined action.  It  must  be  remembered  that,  with  the 
exception  of  Lenin,  the  men  who  have  grasped  the 
reins  of  power  are  not  Russians,  but  Jews,  mainly  of 
German  or  Polish  origin.  They  do  not,  therefore, 
share  the  fatal  inertness  of  the  Russian  temperament. 

I  started  with  the  idea  of  giving  some  description 
of  a  state  of  things  which  has,  perhaps,  vanished 
for  all  time  from  what  were  five  years  ago  the 
three  great  Empires  of  Eastern  Europe. 

There  is,  I  think,  inherent  in  all  human  beings 
a  love  of  ceremonial.  The  great  influence  the  Ro- 
man and  Eastern  Churches  exercise  over  their  ad- 
herents is  due,  I  venture  to  say,  in  a  great  measure 
to  their  gorgeous  ceremonial.  In  proof  of  this, 
I  would  instance  lands  where  a  severer  form  of  re- 
ligion prevails,  and  where  this  innate  love  of  cere- 
monial finds  its  rest  in  the  elaborate  ritual  of  Ma- 
sonic and  kindred  bodies,  since  it  is  denied  it  in 
ecclesiastical  matters.     The  reason  that  Buddhism, 


OF  A  BRITISH  DIPLOMAT         351 

imported  from  China  into  Japan  in  the  sixth  cen- 
tury, succeeded  so  largely  in  ousting  Shintoism, 
the  ancient  national  religion,  was  that  there  is 
neither  ritual  nor  ceremonial  in  a  Shinto  temple, 
and  the  complicated  ceremonies  of  Buddhism  sup- 
plied this  curious  craving  in  human  nature,  until 
eventually  Buddhism  and  Shintoism  entered  into  a 
sort  of  ecclesiastical  partnership  together. 

I  have  far  exceeded  the  limits  which  I  started 
by  assigning  to  myself  and,  in  extenuation,  can 
only  plead  that  old  age  is  proverbially  garrulous. 
I  am  also  fully  conscious  that  I  have  at  times  strayed 
far  from  my  subject,  but  in  excuse  I  can  urge 
that  but  few  people  have  seen,  in  five  different  con- 
tinents, as  much  of  the  surface  of  this  globe  and 
of  its  inhabitants  as  it  has  fallen  to  my  lot  to  do. 
Half -forgotten  incidents,  irrelevant  it  may  be  to 
the  subject  in  hand,  crowd  back  to  the  mind,  and 
tempt  one  far  afield.  It  is  quite  possible  that  these 
bypaths  of  reminiscence,  though  interesting  to  the 
writer,  may  prove  wearisome  to  the  reader,  so  for 
them  I  tender  my  apologies. 

I  have  endeavoured  to  transfer  to  others  pictures 
which  remain  very  clear-cut  and  vivid  in  my  own 
mind.  I  cannot  tell  whether  I  have  succeeded  in 
doing  this,  and  I  hazard  no  opinion  as  to  whether 
the  world  is  a  gainer  or  a  loser  by  the  disappear- 
ance of  the  pomp  and  circumstance,  the  glitter  and 
glamour  of  the  three  great  Courts  of  Eastern 
Europe. 

The  curtain  has  been  rung  down,  perhaps  defi- 


352     SOME  RANDOM  REMINISCENCES 

nitely,  on  the  brave  show.  The  play  is  played;  the 
scenery  set  for  the  great  spectacle  is  either  ruined 
or  else  wantonly  destroyed;  the  puppets  who  took 
part  in  the  brilliant  pageant  are  many  of  them 
(God  help  them!)  broken  beyond  power  of  repair. 
— Finita  la  commedia! 


INDEX 


INDEX 


Abdurrahman  Khan,  316 

A  deaf  diplomat,  32 

Aehrenthal,  Baron  von,  306, 
308,  309 

Agra  Palace,  India,  186 

A  journalist  out^vitted,  310 

Akbar,  186 

Albuquerque,  237 

Alexander  II,  116;  attempted 
assassination  of,  in  1880, 
125,  assassination  of,  157 
sqq. ;  sorrow  of  tlie  people 
for,  159;  funeral  of,  159 
sqq.;  King  Edward  and 
Queen  Alexandra  at,  162, 
208,  349. 

Alexander  III,  Order  of  the 
Garter  conferred  on,  162 
sqq. ;  precautions  for  safety 
of,  164,  189. 

Alexandra  Colony,  269  sqq. 

Ali  Pasha  and  the  Congress  of 
Berlin,  1878,  66. 

Alsace,  15 

Ampthill,  Lady,  27;  saves  the 
life  of  William  II,  73 

Ampthill,  Lord,  26 

Andrassy,  Count,  and  the  Con- 
gress of  Berlin,  1878,  66 


An  embarrassing  situation,  114 

An  exclusive  Court,  63 

Arabi  Pasha,  201,  204 

Argentine  girls,  beauty  of,  260 

Aristocratic  waitresses,  24-25 

Arisugawa,  Prince,  336 

Arisugawa,  Princess,  336 

Asuncion,  276  sqq. 

Augusta,  Empress,  34 

Austria,  disappearance  of  the 
Court,  13 

Austrian  aristocracy,  charac- 
teristics of,  49;  interrela- 
tionship of,  50 

Austrian  diplomat,  a  deaf,  32 

Awkward  predicament,  an,  1 37- 


138 


B 


Bahia,  240 

Barmecides'  feast,  a,  25 
Bay  of  Chaleurs,  300 
Beaconsfield,     Lord,    and    the 

Congress  of  Berlin,  1878,  66, 

67 
Bear  hunt  in  Russia,  a,  139-141 
Beauharnais,     Countess     Zena, 

179 
Beethoven,  59 
Bieloselskaya,  Princess,    179 


355 


356 


INDEX 


Bismarck,   16  sqq.,  27,  28;   on 

male  and  female  nations,  28 

Bismarck,   Count   Herbert,  30, 

Biting-fish  in  South  America, 
274 

Blessing  of  the  Neva,  the,  122 

Blowitz,  M.  de,  68,  69 

Botanic  Gardens  at  Rio  de 
Janeiro,  the,  245 

Brazil,  238 

British  Minister,  a,  in  Carnival 
time,  250  sqq. 

Broadminded  Scots  parents, 
111 

Buckingliam  Palace  and  Berlin 
Schloss   compared,  39-40 

Buenos  Ayres,  248  sqq.;  car- 
nival at,  250;  masked  balls 
in,  255;  sport  in,  264  sqq. 

Bulow,  Hans  von,  26 


Clown,  the  author's  personal 
experience  as   a,   223 

Commercial  Cort  Chamber- 
lain, a,  243 

Congress  of  1878,  the,  in 
Berlin,  66 

Connaught,  Duchess  of,  43 

Conversational  difficulties,  43- 
47,  166 

Court  beauties,  39,  179 

Courting  in  Portugal,  a  curious 
custom,  217 

"  Croissants  " — Viennese  roll, 
origin  of,  57 

Crown  Prince,  79 

Culinary  curiosities  in  Japan, 
318-319 

Curious  sporting  incidents,  145 
sq. 


D 


Calcutta,  the  Maidan  at,  324 
"  Camp,"    the,    Buenos   Ayres, 

249 
Campbell,  Colonel,  234 
Canada,  300  sqq. 
Carnival  at  Buenos  Ayres,  the, 

249 
Cathedrals,  three  famous  Mos- 
cow, 183 
Carolath-Beuthen,  Princess,  39 
Catherine  the  Great,  192;  and 

the  violet  in  Tsarskoe  Park, 

194 
Charlemagne,  50 
Cintra,  235 
Circus  in  Lisbon,  221 
Circus  performer  who  became  a 

Bishop,  225-226 
Classification    of    nationalities, 

Bismarck's,  28 


Darwin,  257 

Dawn     in     a     Finnish     forest, 

174  sq. 
"  Deaf  and  dumb  people,"  134 
Deference     paid     to     Austrian 

Archdukes,  63 
Delyanoft',     M.,     Minister     of 

Education,       127;       curious 

obsequies  of,  127-129 
Delyanofif,  Mme.,  127 
Dentist,  a  polite,  205-206 
Depreciated    currency    in    the 

Argentine,   275 
De  Reszke,  Edouard,  220 
De  Reszke,  Jean,  220 
De  Reszke,  Mile.,  220 
Diaz,  237 
Dolgorouki,  Prince  Alexander, 

180 
Dolgorouki,  Princess  Kitty,  179 
Dolgorouki,     Princess     Mary, 

179,  180 


INDEX 


357 


Dom  Fernando,  212,  213,  213, 
235 

Dom  Luiz,  212-213 

Dom  Pedro,  Emperor  of 
Brazil,  243-2-14-245-246 

Dore,  Gustave,  244-235 

Dowdeswell,  Admiral,  231 

Drunkenness  in  Russia,  141- 
142 

Due  de  Crov,  the,  a  Belgian 
and  an  Austrian  subject, 
53 

Due,  M.,  Swedish  Minister  to 
Russia,  128 

DufFerin,  Marchioness  of,  88- 
89,  129,  139,  154,  159,  160 

Dufferin,  Marquis  of.  Ambas- 
sador to  Petrograd,  88  sqq., 
128,  129,  153;  his  diplomatic 
methods,   156-157-310 


E 


Easter  Supper  in  Russia,  the, 

109 
Easy-going  Austria,  49 
Edinburgh,  Duchess  of,  125 
P:dinburgh,  Duke  of,  123 
Elector  of  Brandenburg,  52 
Emperor  Frederick,  34,  79 
Emperor  William  I,  32-33 
Empress  Marie,  208 
Empress  Elisabeth,  63-64 
Empress  Frederick,  33,  79 
England,      "Junker"      Party's 

hostility  to,  20 
Environs  of  Berlin,  70  sqq. 
European     Courts,     disappear- 
ance of,  13 
Exciting    salmon    fishing,    166- 

167 
Expensive    entertainment,    an. 
153 


Exquisite        Russian        church 

music,    92 
Extradition     Treaty     between 

Great  Britain  and  Paraguay, 

204 


F 


Ferdinand      of      Saxe-Coburg, 

Prince,  212 
Finland,  164-165  sqq. 
Footman   as   entomologist,  the, 

246-247 
Formosa,  277 
Fortress      Church,     Petrograd, 

89,  90 
Francis    II,   last   of   the    Holy 

Roman  Emperors,   50-51 
Franz  Josef  of  Austria,  52,  308 
Frederick   Charles   of   Prussia, 

Princess,  34 
Frederick     Count     of     Hohen- 

zoUern,  52 
Frederick   the    Great,    27,    SQ, 

74-75 
Frederick  William  I,  74 
French    Ambassador's    ball    at 

Moscow,  unusual  incident  at, 

190-191 


G 


Gapon,  Father,  348 
Gargantuan  dinner,  a,  187-188 
Gatchina     Palace,     208;     chil- 
dren's play-room  at,  209-210 
George  V,  186 

German  "door- politeness,"  219 
Germany,  disappearance  of  the 

Court,  13 
Germany,  music  in,  22-23 
Ghika,       Prince,       Roumanian 
Minister  to  Russia,  128 


358 


INDEX 


Giers,  ^r.  de,  Russian  Minister 

for     Foreign     Affairs,     103, 

202,  203,  204 
Gigantic  Court  Pages,  40 
Gonial ves,  241 
GortchakofF,    Prince,    and    the 

Congress  of  Berlin,  1878,  66, 

67 
Gourmet,  an  ecclesiastical,  44- 

45 
Gran  Chaco,  the,  268 
Groote  Constantia,  197 
Gulf  between  Russian  nobility 

and  peasants,  147 


H 


Harraka  Niska,  164  sqq. 

Henry  the  Navigator,  Prince, 
237 

Hilarious   funeral,  a,   127-128 

Hohenzollerns  ever  a  grasping 
race,  52 

"Holy  Roman  Emperor,"  the, 
50 ' 

Hooveny  M.  van  der,  Nether- 
lands Minister  to  Russ'ia, 
128 

Howard,  Dick,  207,  281,  285 

Humbert,  King,  326 

Hungary,  invasion  of,  by  the 
Turks  in  1683,  56 


Ice-boating  on  the  Gulf  of  Fin- 
land, 176 

India,  186 

Indoor  games,  Russians'  love 
for,  177 

Inelegant  palaces,  75 


Inquisitive  peasant,  an,  135 
"Intelligenzia,"  the,  104 
Irritating   customs    in    Vienna, 

54-55 
Ismail,  Khedive  of  Egypt,  201 
Ivan  III,  184 


Japan,  317-330,  343  sqq. 
Japanese  advertising,  338 
Japanese  politeness,  334 
Jardine,  Captain,  284  sqq. 
Jena,  16 

Jomini,  Baron,  103 
"Junker"    Party,    hostility    of, 
towards  England,  20 


K 


Karolyi,  Countess,  Austrian 
Ambassadress  in  Berlia,  38, 
6S 

Katheodory  Pasha  and  the 
Congress  of  Berlin,  1878,  66 

Kiderlin-Waechter,  Baron  von, 
306-307 

King  Edward  attends  Alex- 
ander II's  funeral,  162 

King  of  Prussia  proclaimed 
German  Emperor  at  Ver- 
sailles, 15 

Kingsley,  Charles,  345 

Klepsch,  Colonel,  309 

Koltesha,  167-168-169 

Koltesha,  shooting  at,  168  sqq. 

Koniggratz,  15 

Kremlin,  the,  182  sqq.;  the 
Great  Palace,  185 

Kyoto,  the  Emperor's  palace, 
"321 


INDEX 


359 


Ladies'     unchangeable     Court 

fashions  in  Russia,  117 
Lapp  encampment  on  the  Neva, 

112-113 
Lawson,  Sir  Wilfrid,  307 
Lazareff  and  the  great  OrlofF 

diamond,  124 
Leopold  I,  52 

"Les  Bals  des  Palmiers,"  120 
Leuchtenberg,  Duchess  of,  see 

Beauharnais 
Liebknecht,  Herr,  29 
Lisbon,  211 
Lisbon,  beauty  of,  229 
Lister,  Lord,  192 
Liszt,  26 

Lobkowitz  Palace,  59 
Lobkowitz,  Prince,  59 
Lopez,  Francisco,  277 
Lorraine,  15 
Louis  XIV,  52 
Louis  XVI,  57 
Louise    Margaret    of    Prussia, 

Princess,  43 
Louise,     Queen,     of     Prussia, 

30-31 
Lovendal,  Count,  Danish  Min- 
ister in  Petrograd,  306-307 
Luncheon  in  pyjamas,  154 
Luxembourg  Palace,  the,  36 


M 

"Making  the  Circle,"  trying 
ordeal  of  Prussian  Prin- 
cesses, 43 

Margherita,  Queen,  326 

Maria  II,  Queen,  212 

Marie  Antoinette,  57 

Mendelssohn,  31 


Midnight    drive,    an    exciting, 

150-151 
Militarism  in  Germany,  15  sqq. 
Misguided     midshipmen,     231- 

232 
Mitsu,  Count,  333 
Mitsu,  Countess,  334,  337 
Moltke,  Field-Marshal  von,  SO 
]\Iontebello,  Comte  de,  French 

Ambassador,   189-190 
Montebello,  Comtesse  de,  189 
Montferrand,  M.,  Architect  of 

St.   Isaac's,  Petrograd,  91 
Moscow,    beauty    of,    181-182 

sqq. 
Moscow  cathedrals,  three  fam- 
ous, 183 
Moscow,  Imperial  Treasury  at, 

splendour  of,  184 
Music,  Germans   as  lovers   of, 

22 
"Musical  chairs"  in  Japan,  319 


N 


Napoleon  I,  16;  coronation  of, 

50-51;     brilies     electors     of 

Bavaria,    Wiirttemberg,    and 

Saxony,  51 

"Napoleon  III,"  36-37 

Narrow  escape  from  drowning 

of  William  II,  73 
Natural     beauties     of     Brazil, 

246 
Neva,  blessing  of  the,  121 
Newspaper  enterprise,   316 
Nicholas  I,  185-194 
Nicholas  II,  158,  189,  347  sqq. 
Nihilist  friends,  104  sqq. 
Nikko  river,  Japan,  331 
Nondescript  waiters,  181 
Novel   form  of   sport,   a,   171- 
172  sq. 


360 


INDEX 


O 


Old  Schloss,  Berlin,  34-35; 
comparison  with  Bucking- 
ham  Palace,   39-40 

Opera  in  Lisbon,  221 

Organ  Mountains,  the,  245, 
248 

Oriental  traits  in  Russian  chai*- 
acter,  101 

OrlofF  diamond,  the,  124 


Paget,  Sir  Augustus,  327 

Palaeologus,  Sophia,  wife  of 
Ivan  III,   184 

Paraguay,  276  sqq. ;  Extradi- 
tion Treaty  between  Great 
Britain  and,  204 

Paraguayan  race  meeting,  a, 
281 

Paraguayan  women,  attractive, 
282 

Parana  river,  the,  277 

Patifio   Cue,  285   sqq. 

Peace  Congress  between  Rus- 
sia and  Turkey  in  Berlin, 
1878,  66  sqq. 

Peasant's  house  in  Russia,  a, 
131-132  sqq. 

Pernambuco,  240 

Peter  the  Great,  51,  95,  102- 
103  sq. 

Peterhof,  196;  its  charming 
park,  197;  a  plethora  of 
palaces  round,   198 

Petrograd,  transference  to,  76 
a   disappointing  capital,   86 
English     Embassy     at,     89 
Palace   ball,    119;    balls    at, 
peculiarities  of,  178;  famous 
Society     beauties     of,     179; 


inclement  climate  of,  193; 
revisited,  340  sqq, 

Petropolis,  diversions  at,  245- 
246,  248 

Pombal,  Marquis  de,  230 

Portugal,  two  Kings  of,  212 

Portuguese  bull-fights,  blood- 
less, 214  sqq.;  comparison  of 
with  Spanish,  216 

Portuguese  coinage,  228 

Portuguese  politeness,  220 

Potemkin,  343 

Potsdam,  71-72  sqq. 

Potsdam  Palaces,  74-75 

Prussian  militarism,  15  sqq. 

Prussian  Princesses,  a  trying 
ordeal,  43 

"Princesse  Chateau,"  95  sqq., 
180 

Pugnacious  Court  Pages,  40-41 


Q 


Quebec,  300 

Queen  Alexandra  attends  Alex- 
ander II's  funeral,  162 

Queen  Victoria,  queenly  dignity 
of,  116 

Queen  Victoria  confers  Order 
of  the  Garter  on  Alexander 
III,  162  sqq. 

Quirinal  at  Rome,  the,  14 


R 


Radziwill,  Princess  William,  39 
"Rag-time"  and  Rubinstein,  25- 

26 
Rasputin,  348 
Rauch,  31 

Red-bearded  priest,  the,  110 
Richter,  Gustav,  30 


INDEX 


361 


Ricliter,  Mme.,  31 
River  Plate,  the,  299 
"Ring,"  the,  in  Berlin,  23 
Rio  de  Janeiro,  beauty  of,  240 
Rome,  the  Quirinal,  11 
Rubinstein  and  "Rag-time,"  25- 

26 
Russia,   disappearance    of    the 

Court,  13 
Russia     and     Turkey,     Peace 

Congress  in  Berlin,  66 
Russian  frontier  police,  84 
Russian  gipsies,  149-150;  their 

fascinating  singing,  151-152 
Russian  illusions,  198-199 
Russian  Imperial  Yacht  Club, 

the,  100 
Russian    ladies'    unchangeable 

Court  fashions,  117 
Russian    language,    difficulties 

exaggerated,  94 
Russian  limitations,  102 
Russian  police,  77 
Russian  village  habits,  146 
Russians  really  Orientals,  101 


Seven  Weeks'  War,  the,  15 

Shah  Jehan,  186-196 

Shennan,  Mr.  David,  261-262 

Sigismund,  52 

Ski-ing,  168  sq. 

SkobelefF,  General,  179 

Slovenly  Russian  uniforms,  118 

Sobieski,  John,  King  of  Poland, 
routs  the  Turks,  56 

Spanish  and  Portuguese  bull- 
fights, difference  between, 
216 

Sport  in  Russia,  128-129 

Strauss,  Johann,  58;  an  exact- 
ing conductor,  59 

"Street  of  toleration,"  the,  126 

Strousberg,  Herr,  railway  mag- 
nate, 31 

Stiirmer,  M.,  destroyer  of  the 
Russian  Empire,  158 

Sullivan,  Sir  Arthur,  in  Petro- 
grad,  93 


T 


Sadowa,  15 

St.  Isaac's  church,  Petrograd, 
91 ;  midnight  Easter  Mass 
at,  105  sqq. 

Salisbury,  Lord,  and  the  Con- 
gress of  Berlin,  1878,  66-69 

Scandalized  governess,  a,  155 

Schleinitz,  Mme.  de,  25 

"Schliissel-Geld,"  an  unpopu- 
lar tax,  55 

SchouvalofF,  Count  Peter,  and 
the  Peace  Congress  in  Ber- 
lin, 1878,  66;  180 

SchouvalofF,  Countess  Betsy, 
179-180 

Secret  Police  in  Russia,  the,  99 


Talleyrand,  50 

Tel-ei-Kebir,  204 

Tetschen,  48 

Teutonic  Knights,  the,  16 

Tcwflk,  201 

Tigre,  the,  299 

Toboganning  in   Finland,   174- 

175  sq. 
Tokugawa  dynasty,  320 
Tokyo,  317  " 
Tokyo,    Uyeno    Park   at,    325; 

332 
Trinidad,  345 
Tsarskoe    Park,   curiosities   in, 

193 
Tsarskoe  Selo,  191  sqq. 
Turkey  and  Russia,  Peace  Con- 

jjress  in  Berlin,  66 


362 


INDEX 


Turks,    invasion    of    Hungary,      Viennese  women,  comeliness  of, 

by,  in  1683,  56  57 

Turks  routed  by  John  Sobieski      Villages    in    Russia,    similarity 
in  1683,  56  of,  131-132 

Vladimir,     Grand     Duke     and 
death  of  Alexander  II,   159 
U 


Ultimatum  to  Russia,  a  young 

man's,  202 
Unusual  occupants  of  a  palace, 

126 
Urbain,  the  cook,  42 


Van  der  Stell,  Governor,  197 

Vasco  de  Gama,  237 

Victoria,  Queen,  42 

Victor  Emmanuel,  14 

Vienna,  48  sqq. 

Vienna,  delightful  environs  of, 
64 

Viennese  Court  entertainments, 
62 

Viennese  orchestras,  55  sq. 

Viennese  restaurants  and  or- 
chestras, excellence  of,  55 


W 

Waddington,  M.,  and  the  Con- 
gress of  Berlin,  1878,  67 

Wagner,  the  "Ring"  in  Ber- 
lin, 23-24,  25 

Waitresses,   aristocratic,   24-25 

Water-throwing  at  Buenos 
Ayres  Carnival,  249 

Wends,  the,  16 

William  IV,  72 

Winter  Palace,  Petrograd,  the, 
114-122    sqq. 

Wolseley,  Sir  Garnet,  204 

Wolves  as  fellow  travelers, 
131 


Yellow  fever  at  Rio  de  Janeiro, 
241-242-243 


HCO 


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